research for article: why do we cuddle?

Comments

• Babichev

  February 2019

  I don't understand the questions and the answers
• Fredrick_Hugs

  February 2019

  Your poll is a little vague. Maybe you should contact Jean Franzblau in Los Angeles since she's got a lot of years under her belt leading cuddle events.
• angela10

  February 2019

  Facts:
  1. A lot more male members on this site.
  2. Majority of the female members are professional cuddlers for hire.
• PaulaDahla

  February 2019

  Please feel free to read 4 of the 6 stickied topics at the top of the general forum page. You will find many answers about cuddling statics including actual numbers and some graphs in those. In general we are a pretty talkative group but you haven't been in the community long and it does make a person wonder if you just want someone else to do your research for you. Unfortunately others have tried to poll us for papers or articles before but don't seem to get much of a response. I suppose as a population we don't like being examined.

  We also have a very large population that identifies other than traditional sex. But your question is very vague as is your introduction. So is the type of class you are researching for. Please feel free to PM any of us after you've read the forums. Most of the people on this site will answer after being assured of intention behind the questions.

  Try reading Cuddling discussions and resources; Frequently Asked Questions; Cuddling Experiences; & Introductions. Even reading When not to report and how to report more effectively and the first few pages of Inappropriate Profiles will give you an excellent idea of why we cuddle and types of people you can find here.

  Like @Fredrick_Hugs mentioned Cuddle Sanctuary is a good place and has a website. Cuddle Up to Me in Portland also has a great cuddle site. Plus the owner has written a book about cuddling and is considered an expert along with Jean. There are three very good books on cuddling out there; hard to find but a persistent person can find them, after all I did. Roughly 5 pro's I know of have blogs and websites that are very helpful and informative. Again, you'll find them by reading through the forums. You could make it easier on yourself and go straight to the Discussions and Resources thread it actually has hyperlinks as does the FAQ forum. We have an excellent chronicler on this site, make use of it. There is also an excellent member interview section with both enthusiasts and professionals that's linked in the D and R thread; and there is always the search box to the right directly below the forum options.

  Thanks for doing research on this subject though, it is a young industry that will eventually be a mainstream therapy and any attention even at a high school or college level gets the idea out in front of others to consider. I do apologize but I didn't vote.
• respectful

  February 2019 edited February 2019

  @stephaniebye "what you think fuels that need"

  The Five Love Languages is a pretty helpful book about what feels like love to people (see this post too).

  If you didn't want to think of it in terms of love, you could call it "having your emotional needs met" -- feeling accepted and valued, connecting with other human beings, an outlet for expressing affection, etc.

  Here are a few cool cuddling stories that might inspire you. I also love reading karma comments, like these ones:

  "The experience was peaceful, and made me feel like the world is an okay place to be in."

  "My stress melted away. I was energized for the rest of the day, my mood was better and it just left me feeling great."

  "The entire time was a supercharged, filled with love and a sense of connection to another human."

  "I never imagined it would be possible to feel so comforted and content."

  "Being held close was a transformative experience which helped wash away a lot of my pain."

  "After our session, I felt nourished: mind, body & soul."
• CuddleStella

  February 2019

  as humans we are all social creatures and there's always that need to feel close to someone, physical intimacy even without the sexual act is very much a beneficial thing. our bodies are very responsive to touch and what better way than to have someone caress or touch you, hold you with care?
• UKGuy

  February 2019 edited February 2019

  It's pretty obvious isn't it? Just from the evidence on this site. Men overwhelmingly have unmet needs and women are sought to supply that need and can even earn money from doing so. The interesting thing would be to know why it is this way. Before I joined this site, I thought it would have been the opposite.
• bouncydoodle (deleted user)

  February 2019

  In my opinion it is the way it is due to a mix of values and culture. Men in western culture are raised to be tough and self sufficient, and having emotional needs like to be comforted and held either occasionally or on a regular basis is frowned upon unless you are in a romantic relationship, at which point a man can hide behind the woman's needs. I also think that the culture has a pretty high religious context regardless of someones faith. Why is ok to want to cuddle with a girlfriend but not your best friend that you've grown up with? Because then you are showing homosexual tendencies and that is against God. Unless you are a woman who cuddles with another woman. That's okay because arent women supposed to be the more sinful of the genders (not to mention it feeds into men's visual tendencies, but that's another rant lol)

  It also goes the other way, but I think that is not at the forefront of peoples' minds. Women are more likely to be providing the service because they are expected/historically seen to be the nurturers in a family/social dynamic. Culture as it is today also seems to suggest that admitting to loneliness makes one desperate, repulsive, and potantially the kind if crazy that no one wants to have anything to do with. Prostitution is as old as humanity itself, simply because women know intrinsically that men and women both have needs and voids that need to be met and are willing to provide space and service to accommodate, only now one trades services for money rather than in goods, services, or some other way to provide security.
• Lorelei

  February 2019

  Bouncydoodle is correct. Women are regarded--whether or not this is appropriate--as nuturing, gentle, compassionate caretakers. Biologically--though this obviously is not true of every female--women also tend to be naturally curvy; have cushioned bodies, as it were. While everyone likely has a certain preference when it comes to the body type of their cuddlee, there is a general consensus that soft bodies are pleasant to snuggle up to, so that's what a majority is likely to choose. This is compounded by the fact that women are, on average, stereotypically seen as less physically threatening than, on average, men. (Funny because, if you know about female bears and hyenas, and many other species, you'd see that that's really, REALLY not how it is across the board in nature, but oh well.) Young girls are also not discouraged from hugging, holding hands, and other platonic displays of affection with their same sex peers nearly as much as young boys.

  On the flip side of this, yes, men are often stereotypically starved of gentle affection because some cultures pressure men into rejecting platonic affection from their fellow man. I've known guys who punched each other as a means of saying hello because that was a more acceptable fond greeting to a close friend they hadn't seen in a while than a hug. Even toward women, a lot of men feel pressured to go "beyond" platonic affection and see any physical advancement as sexual or potentially sexual.

  This site is a much needed escape from that societal expectation, for men. We all enjoy cuddling, we are biologically programmed to crave touch, it is a healthy part of being human, and we should all be allowed to do so without judgment.
• ColouredCrayons

  February 2019

  For me cuddling has always been a integral part of my existence. Growing up you have the touch of your parents which conveyed a sense of safety and affection. Eventually that changed in adolescence when parents were "uncool" but at that stage you have the companionship of siblings. Cuddling was never a weird thing between sibling because long road trips always require a shoulder to nap on and watching movies together usually resulted in someone leaning on someone else. I think in that stage cuddling mostly conveyed a sense of belonging and acceptance. After leaving the family, there were roommates and romantic partners to fill in the gaps left from leaving the family unit. For me roommates have usually felt like an extension of family, so making that transition wasn't difficult. I think with romantic partners cuddling embodies all the previous relationships. When cuddling a partner I think it communicates a sense of safety, belonging, affection, acceptance and understanding. People may be communal beings, so feeling like you belong to a group and are valued is important. Although we might be communal beings, personal space is considered exclusive and intimate. Allowing someone into that personal space with a cuddle or a hug fills that subconscious need to feel valued and accepted.