Cuddling the unspoken - Has anyone watched the Touch game in this video?

cuddlygirlhugscuddlygirlhugs
in General

While I am surprised or shocked about few things being said in this cuddling the unspoken video, their short Touch game was a worth watch for me. Is this how one should truly approach when it comes to touch or cuddles? What’s your way?
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqUPp9q4J553ULa80oc-WbYyr2x000nrb

Comments

  • cranefritzcranefritz

    Honestly, many of the things said and done in that video feel borderline if not totally sexual. I'm surprised a website who claims it's about platonic cuddling would use those examples as "best practices". But I like the ideas about open communication and expressing your preferences as well as asking for consent.

  • RexagonRexagon

    I was pretty naive about cuddling, coming to CuddleComfort; long hugs, standing at that, was the picture of cuddling in my mind. Some of their examples stretched my mind to consider possibilities for when I've developed cuddle relationships. And I accept that others' "pictures" of cuddling may be more developed than mine, as relationships are refined and defined between the cuddle participants - often before they meet.

    Maybe because I'm a noob, I think these kinds of games are a good way to draw out ideas and identify "where each person is" in a (hopefully) safe, playful manner. I liked that she said, "I don't want to be touched right now." It's a reminder that "No" is a perfectly good cuddle position. A good time to say, "Thank you for taking care of yourself."

    Other games:
    Stand 10-15 feet apart, person A stays put, person B asks permission to come closer (one step, five baby steps, or whatever). A chooses to give as much or little permission (yes or no) as they want until someone says, that's close enough - in-other-words, this is my boundary. Then they start over, and A uses hand signals to say come or wait. Then they start over, using facial expressions (B can look inquisitive, A nods, or however you make your rules).

    Stand, facing each other. Cup your hands, fingers up in one hand, down in the other, then hook hands with the other person - you're holding hands, but you're not clasped together.

    For groups:
    Half the people close their eyes, the other people wander around and face a closed-eye person, then ask if they can hug. With consent, they hug, release, give thanks, move on.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    @cuddlygirlhugs What things were a surprise or a shock?

    I do an exercise similar to this game to work with clients who are learning how to voice their wants and needs, in addition to practicing their yes's and no's.

    @cranefritz What problems did you have? There were a few requests in the Betty Martin example video of the game which I didn't think were appropriate (and the guy not wearing a shirt), but otherwise I didn't find many problems with the videos =)

  • cuddlygirlhugscuddlygirlhugs

    @ubergigglefritz , I guess surprised that there are educational videos on this. I was little shocked to see 1-2 aspects in the 3 minute game but after going through Betty other videos realized the game core message is consent based touch and applies to not just platonic buddies but partners too. So that’s all.

  • UKGuyUKGuy
    edited March 2019

    Some people will be shocked by anything. That's why they have to put things like "this video may be disturbing to some viewers" or "this video contains graphic content" as a warning for those people.

  • cuddlygirlhugscuddlygirlhugs

    @ukguy, I ain’t one of those people or wait maybe :)

  • [Deleted User]daylightsdream (deleted user)

    "Should?" No. One way of going about things? Yes. Once trust is built, I'd be open to doing the ask game with someone. I agree with cranefritz that some of what's represented seems borderline sexual. That last bit said, I should add that I'm a born American that was raised learning relatively stereotypical American socialization skills and still operate out of a lot of them and have taken some of them on as personal boundaries. Having a stranger touch my decolletage? Maybe my clavicle would be okay but that's a stretch and definitely not until I've known my cuddle partner for quite a while. Stroke my inner thighs? That's all "no" for me in a platonic cuddle/platonic setting. Spank me? Not now that I'm no longer 6 and doing the spanking tunnel 'cause it's my b-day. Spank a partner? Seems too close to kink to me. Put my fingers close to my parter's genitals 'cause they asked? No. Those examples are in a session that's not paid for. In the US, I'd never ask a pro cuddler to do these things. In foreign climes I might ask for the decolletage touch because personal boundaries are different in different places but I'd not go outside the norms of those places either nor ignore my personal feelings. Intent is key. If while in another country I feel my foreign pro cuddler couldn't handle touching my decolletage without getting turned on then I wouldn't ask. I love belly rubs because I find them very soothing and it's a therapeutic massage technique (helps with digestion and can be alternately calming or invigorating depending on the touch used) taught in some legitimate massage schools in the US. I've only ever asked one massage therapist for it and I made certain to ask first if they were comfortable with it because not everyone is even though it's a technique that they may (I only say "may" because I don't know if each and every massage school in the country teaches it) have been taught in massage school.

    As you say, OP, I think the basic message is the point: consensual touch. I think the ask game is interesting and may not work for everyone. What one finds sexual or not is a running discussion/question in a different forum. I, personally, would not point to this vid as absolutely acceptable if I was training a pro cuddler in the US. If while training a pro that pro decides to include helping someone learn to ask for what they want and need as part of one's pro cuddle services then I'd tell the pro to encourage the ask but maintain your pro boundaries and to err on the side of commonly understood as "platonic" in the conservative areas of the US.

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