I'm very intentional about recognizing and actively feeling my emotions but I'm on a bit of an overload.
I'm not sure how much you've followed my forums, know about the adventure I'm on, or even how much you know about me... but you'll get to know me quite well in the next few paragraphs cause I need a space to talk.
I chose to be fully nomadic New Years Eve. I built a trailer with my one of my partners Shank (we are polyamorous), and we left our apartment behind and have been traveling the US for a couple months now, it may be years before we settle down.
Well after celebrating my birthday 3 days ago, we left for Colorado from New Orleans. On the road again, just two days ago, our trailer broke the axle in Texas... it's not even worth the cost of repairing... fuck.
Yesterday we rented a Uhaul trailer to carry our belongings to Colorado and eventually back to Oregon this week where our storage unit is, along with some other required business we need to take care of there in the next two weeks.
Then, last night we almost were tboned by a semi truck... like we were both convinced in that moment that we were both about to die, or at least me since it was my side. The car slid to a stop just in time. Holy shit.
Today, I officially ended things with the gf I had left behind when I started my roadtrip. She and I had been iffy ever since some drama unraveled in my life several months ago after a sexual assault that happened to me. During my panic attacks I found myself spiraling and my actions lead to being broken up with by both partners. Things kind of resolved but not really with her. Too much complication there to explain.
I'm hoping my post traumatic growth kicks in like it's been doing over the last two crazy ass years. I'm glad I've learned self love and found happiness... but holy hell there's been a furious unraveling of events in the last 3 days. Kind of losing my shit.
Who knew leaving stability could be so chaotic...
On some positive notes... I have started writing my book. Well... there's many ideas for books I have, so technically I've started two. In addition, I think I've come up with a plan to be self motivated and focused on my many goals I plan to accomplish over the next two years... which include growing my websites and writing quality books... along with my travels and art career. I figure if I treat each project like a college course, I can be doing 16 credits worth of stuff to bring my life to where I want it to be by using scheduling and routine.
I'm glad I'm at this point already of success but this week is derailing my mental health. Thank you for allowing this space for my emotional cleansing.