@Andderss I know exactly how you feel. I've been very clear with everyone, they're grown men, they absolutely know what they're doing is wrong, and it's obvious without you saying it that this site is NOT MEANT FOR THAT, but they do it anyway, even though we already agreed beforehand nothing sexual will happen during the session.
People lie. People test limits. And it isn't your fault, or the fault of any other pro who is just doing their job. I'm also a nurse, and patients have tried to do things to me / with me, too, simply because I am there and the job I do does require a certain amount of intimacy (I've had to see a lot of patients naked, did NOT mean I wanted to, but it was part of my job; that ABSOLUTELY doesn't mean I wanted a clinical, professional situation to become something lewd.)
Like most people, I don't want to be hit on when I'm just trying to do my job. This is a job. Everyone needs to respect that, especially grown adults.
(I'm also a little tired of saying "it should be common sense, but don't molest people" but it still happens.)
@Lorelei THANK YOU!!! Say it again for the people in the back. I got asked why I don’t just leave the site. Why do I have to be the one to leave if I’m the one abiding by all the rules and regulations and here to help? I’m not the one grabbing junks and asking for pics. And honestly, mad respect to you for being a nurse and professional Cuddler. I would be at capacity with people haha.
I must admit, as a new user of the site, I thought there would mostly be like minded people, but all I seem to read is creepiness, so I dont know. I am very tempted to not use the site any more. Because it seems to come from both sides, men/women, pros/nonpros, etc. Ugh, why does this have to be so difficult? Meh...
Maybe the site is not for you, Mickey. You judge others and likely wouldn’t want someone judging you harshly.
I think that is really unfair to Mickey. Nothing Mickey said, just here above, is judgemental. Just a summary of the facts of what people are speaking of on the board.
I fear that those that would push limits, or outright ignore them, are exactly what will make it impossible for me to find a cuddling partner.
The fear is real and completely rational. I can say I’m safe, I establish and respect boundaries, and I am looking for platonic touch. But with the glut of jackasses, you’d have every right to not believe me.
After reading a few comments and i have to say as client of 2 pros i see regular. Im so sorry that these people are geting push and hands. I have when people mess it for the rest of kind and respectful people.
I always make sure i communicate and make sure i understand there boundaries be for hireing them
@Andderss You’re welcome... and I’ll admit, while I try to be quite sweet and soft-spoken most days, you are seeing a little bit of the lion side here, I have my limits of patience for willful ignorance; however, being honest, all I’ve said here is just common sense.
No, you shouldn’t have to leave the site for doing EXACTLY what you’re meant to do. This site cannot afford its upkeep without pros, it needs us to do our job—properly, legally—otherwise it ceases to be cuddlecomfort.
Anyone who defends the guys who have MOLESTED women in these scenarios should be embarrassed and ashamed of themselves. They’re insulting everyone involved, and the intelligence of everyone on the forums, too: women are not grand shepherdesses that need to lead men every step of the way and are somehow guilty for them “innocently” tumbling off a cliff into boobs. :P (I’m looking at you, all the guys who ever claim your hand “slipped” only after it was pointed out or pushed away.)
Men are not slobbering animals who cannot control or be responsible for their own actions just because they have different body parts. They are just as capable of comprehension and self-control as women.
I’ll say it again; Men are not dumb, they are not dogs, and women are not pieces of meat, they are not objects. We’re all people, we all need to act like it and treat others the same, with respect, it’s that simple.
Though frankly, I feel rather bad comparing molesters to animals in the first place, even a dog understands the word “NO.”
@Mickey21 If you’d like a pro to prove to you that there are good people here, that this is a site worth maintaining, worth striving for the best, then, well, it’s a bit of a drive from me to you, but I drove further before and I’d give it my very best shot.
But with or without a session, as someone who has had those bad experiences... I’ll give you the best vote of confidence I can, I’m still here.
I still believe in what I do here. I still believe in what other pros do here. I still believe that cuddling is a badly needed form of therapy that all people should have access to because of how thoroughly beneficial it is.
Cuddling is good for your mental, emotional, and physical health. It decreases your blood pressure, which is good for your heart and reduces your risk of a stroke, (more than 80 million Americans suffer from high blood pressure and all of the risks that come with it) it decreases your production of the stress hormone cortisol (an excess of which causes anxiety—40 million Americans—and is a big contributor to obesity—160 million Americans—) it helps even with severe clinical depression—16 million Americans—and controlling that depression can go so far as preventing suicide—which is good because in 2017 alone, the CDC reported around 47,000 deaths...
I realize some of these statistics are bleak on their own, but I don’t want anyone to give up on this; this place has an amazing capacity for bringing people together and providing beautiful, healing experiences, we just need to look out for one another and do our best to be good participants in a joint effort to make the world a better place. For all of us.
@LionheartOutlaw Thank you for doing your part, I’m sure your pros are grateful for your respect. This site needs its responsible, wonderful clients just as much as it needs its professional, compassionate pros.
@BronShenBron thank you. Yes, I was only speaking to all that I read, not trying to judge anyone. Much appreciated. I am hopeful I will find some human contact that I can rely on to not be creepy and be helpful to my mental state. I just feel lonely sometimes and wanted to have some platonic relief to that outlet.
@Lorelei I'd be okay with that, I read your profile and I think we could arrange something. I'll give it a try. I have little to lose.
@Lorelei I disagree with any observances that cuddling is beneficial for physical health , and lowering BP . I check my BP daily , and once even before and after a pro session . ( I think it went up a titch) Cuddling may be good for you mental health , but it is a very sedentary activity .
Folks , if you want to lower your BP it’s diet and excersise. Take the stairs instead of an elevator .
Didn’t we have a discussion a few weeks ago , that a pro cuddler was 30# more than her profile picture . That should demonstrate the importance of some excersise after cuddling .
@cuddlerforu24 You are absolutely correct. I love to cuddle and chill but I do not for a minute believe I am doing it for physical health reasons. Does it contribute a tiny portion to overall physical health? Probably but I will not make a wholesale claim as such. Bottom line is there are no easy shortcuts around diet and exercise no matter who pushes the snake oil.
Hi, Im new here. I've booked a session but havent had one yet. Im not super surprised to see that there are creepers. It must be pretty scary for women to get into this, or some men too. Im not too worried about being abused, and I know Im not in it for the wrong reasons. I've read for hours and hours now about it, and feel like its what I need, and am happy about it.
Honestly, I think it is what you make of it. To each person, it is something else. For me, it would have a real impact. I spent 20 years being by the side of my wife day in an day out. I'm not a needy person, but I am a contact person (she isnt so much), and after 7 going on 8 months apart from my family, my wife noticed a real decline in my mental state to the point that she suggested it to me.
I didn't even know it was a thing until she pointed it out to me and I literally said "what the hell, I can give it a try". She is 9000 miles away from me right now, but it might as well be a million. We talk all day, have calls, and video chats every day, but I just cant shake the anxiousness I feel because I am pretty alone in a country I have been away for 10 years, but now feels so foreign to me. We have to wait for immigration, so from even now (and every additional day until we get an approval TO APPLY for her paperwork, it is at least 1 year away till I will see her again (thank you Trump), and I just don't think my sanity will make that without some lasting impact. Add to that, I have to secure work (which I am contracting right now), learn a new job (in training for 18 weeks) and must perform to my best ability to make myself a worthy employee once complete (final exams determine an actual job offer). So yeah, is my blood pressure a bit raised due to all that I am being asked to deal with? Yeah, and I do feel that this interaction could help change that for the better.
I'm not saying that it has obvious long term health benefits for everyone, but for me, it makes a lot of sense for my particular circumstance and I am willing to try to do something about it if it can make me feel somewhat more at ease with all that I am being asked to carry on my shoulders. Just trying not to get wrapped up in any of what looks like can be additional drama as well. But gonna give it a try.
@cuddlerforu24 I see. Well, I'm terribly sorry to hear that you have not personally observed physical benefits of cuddling making a change in your health. However, with all due respect, this wasn't really an opinion on my part, or a personal observation, it was a point of fact based on the years of research of medical experts.
Ignoring that I personally have high blood pressure and have seen it lowered by cuddling, putting us at a stalemate in that area, it should really be said: There is a reason that medical studies, such as the several studies that have been done on the benefits of physical contact and platonic intimacy, are not done on a single person.
We are all different, it's true! What works for some people, even the vast majority of people, may not work for some individuals. But that does not mean that the benefits they already had for the majority should be ignored because of those cases. It is the same reason that mankind did not immediately reject peanut butter as a universally poisonous food when the first human went into anaphylactic shock from eating it; likewise with allergies to medications, or even to sunlight itself--a rare, but tragic medical condition.
Speaking as a nurse, who has worked with several doctors over the course of nearly a decade, I'd like to point out that yes, it should go without saying that a proper and individually tailored diet and regular exercise are both very important in managing your health in general--regardless of what kind of conditions you may or may not have! If you're taking such steps for your health, that's wonderful! Good job! However, I'd also like to point out that that has nothing to do with what I said.
Cortisol, the stress hormone, is a contributor to obesity. Cortisol is also a contributor to high blood pressure. Oyxtocin, a hormone released during activities such as a cuddling, reduces cortisol. That is science. Not 'snake oil' as @FunCartel put it.
I find it a bit bizarre, though, that there was an almost defensive response to me pointing out that this has health benefits, as if I was also somehow denying other methods of maintaining your health. I'm at a bit of a loss there. Nothing I said was suggesting any kind of "short-cut." In fact, if you re-read my post, where did I say that cuddling could make you lose weight? I didn't. I said cuddling decreases your body's natural production of a stress hormone that can contribute to you gaining weight, which is a fact. I'm sorry if you don't like that fact, but you can read about it yourself if you don't wish to take my word for it or that of the doctors I work with.
"Didn’t we have a discussion a few weeks ago , that a pro cuddler was 30# more than her profile picture . That should demonstrate the importance of some excersise after cuddling ."
Oh dear. Ah. xD Ignoring that this seems wildly offensive to use someone who isn't even in this discussion that you don't know as an example of poor health in an argument from a dispute about photos that were several years old... well, regarding that:
1 - Lack of proof. NO ONE knew who that OP was talking about at that time. No one else saw the actual pictures and the difference in appearance in person. Therefore, we have no idea if the OP was accurate about his GUESS at what her weight was because she did not confirm it, and further more, as we have no idea whether or not her weight was within a healthy range. This tells us nothing about her as a physical example of health.
2 - Because you don't know who she is, you have no idea what her history with cuddling is. It was suggested at one point that she hadn't been doing this job for very long; while I could theoretically confirm this, it would be inappropriate.
3 - Cuddling as a pro cuddler and cuddling as a client are very different experiences. Aside from being friends with multiple people on both sides, I have also personally been both, the former can actually add MORE stress and often does; fellow pros vent to one another, but being a client is lovely.
4 - We don't know what factors contribute to her current weight, assuming (and this is a big assumption on our parts here) that she is unhealthy in some way because of her size. You do not know whether or not she exercises or diets. You do not know if cortisol has played a factor in her weight gain. Neither of us do. Nor should we, that's personal information.
Again, it really is inadvisable to use a single person as an example in order to disprove a medical benefit, and it's unfortunately compounded by the fact that we have no concrete information.
If I went based off that logic, I could look at the multitudes of unhealthy / overweight / out of shape people who currently are on diets or going to the gym (and this might be their first day! who knows?) and conclude "Oh, well, this person is on a diet but they are not currently skinny, diets must be useless." "This person is at the gym, but has no six pack, I guess no one can get those here." "This person is sick, even though their doctor told them to exercise to improve their health, guess the doctor lied." But it doesn't work that way.
@Lorelei, you're brilliant. I'm so glad we have you on this forum.
@Lorelei I never disputed that oxytocin was released. I was disputing the claim about lowering blood pressure. You said it lowers high blood pressure. Even the New England Journal of Medicine has said “May” reduce because it depends on the underlying causes of an individual’s high blood pressure. The presence of Oxytocin does not guarantee a drop in blood pressure. For example, I was born with only one kidney that works and it does not take out much in the way of sodium. I have had high blood pressure since I was born and have been on diuretics since childhood. I could cuddle until the cows come home and my BP would still be high. On the other hand, I can work out for an hour or do five miles and my BP plummets. Despite all this I still wound up having open heart surgery. No I do not drink much at all (maybe three drinks a year) and I have never smoked. I do not have diabetes. I watch what I eat because I am limited in what I can eat. As my cardiologist said—what ails me and cause my high BP is beyond the scope of oxytocin.
So, what I am saying is you cannot, nor do most medical journals, make the blanket statement as you did that it lowers BP. They couch it in terms of “can” and “may” because it is not a one size fits all BP reducer. Over claiming a benefit by making a declarative statement is snake oil because it does not work for all and can be dangerously misleading for those it does not apply to. That is science too—putting science in a proper perspective.
@FunCartel: Impressive. Even I don't expect people to scientifically qualify their every statement in a forum setting (and we all know how obsessive-compulsive I get over precision).
Cuddling triggers the production of oxytocin. Oxytocin reduces cortisol. Cortisol is a stress hormone that contributes to high blood pressure. Just reducing cortisol might not give you that perfect, low blood pressure you so desire, but it sure looks like a step in the right direction, don't you think?
@DarrenWalker That is where the FDA and other governmental agencies would disagree. Blanket statements, especially those where lives can be at stake, without assurities close to 100% that the statement is true in all circumstances has brought down large companies before.
Your last question is not much of a question because of course it IS a step in the right direction...everyone would agree. Yes we all know Cortisol is one cause of high BP but there are other factors involved as well that cause multiple exceptions to the rule—enough that you cannot make an unconditional claim as fact in all cases.
@FunCartel: Pretty sure the FDA isn't going to swoop down on forum posters who type "cuddling decreases your blood pressure" instead of "cuddling stimulates the production of oxytocin, which decreases cortisol, lowering blood pressure in cases where other underlying causes of high blood pressure are not so great as to counteract the benefits of lower cortisol levels."
I mean, if you want every post in the forum to read like a scientific abstract....
@DarrenWalker LOL, I like your style. Swoop indeed. It is a silly point though FunCartel, she made a statement that even you qualify as "may" and yet speak as if she has no basis of truth. So it didnt help you, big whoop, there was one time I drank a coffee and I didnt wake up more. I guess caffeine has no effect on me... Come on, lighten up a bit. It is just conversation for conversation sake. No offense intended of course.
@Mickey21 You missed the point as well but I am not going to pursue this any further because it is obvious others in here are more than happy to distort posts they disagree with. I understand why mick is taking a break from the forums. I will follow suit and leave it to the handful whose lives revolve around it.
@DarrenWalker No I do not expect every post to read like a scientific abstract, but I do not expect you to be snarky when I point out something that I disagree with that I know I am very correct on. Nor did I say the FDA was coming. And your exaggeration of what she should have wrote is equally derisive. You know that, because it was a simple point—you should write “may” in front of claims because you are not a doctor and some could pursue cuddling in lieu of needed treatment. You may perceive that I am splitting hairs, but one could easily say the same of several of your posts on different threads. You would be better served to stick to a discussion rather than exercise snarkiness.
@Lorelei I too have been working with doctors i have been under surveillance of a large cardiology group , for about ten years . They are state of the art , several locations,and I’m sure they are tuned in to the latest treatments . I see them annually for heart checkups , and discuss lifestyle for better heart health . Never have they mention touch therapy or cuddling as a treatment option for lowering my HBP . It would even be in their best interest or even a gimmick , to fill their empty beds in their sleep labs , with pro cuddlers , and heart patients , for blood pressure lowering cuddling activities. I would love to hear them prescribe touch therapy as a treatment . That could Eliminate or reduce my medicine , and side effects .Once I have that , pro cuddling would be a bona fide medical expense I can write off , including transportation costs and lodging . I’ll need that in writing , hard copy on letterhead, not internet ink.
@cuddlerforu24 I asked my cardiologists about cuddling as a therapy. Two of them said it can’t hurt and is probably good for your mental well-being, but when asked about lowering BP one said that while true about the release of oxytocin, it would fall under a preventative treatment and that it has little to no affect at all on people like myself and others where it is like wearing a windbreaker in a Cat 5 hurricane. Interesting note I was told by a cardiologist—they continue to do studies on touch therapy and some show real promise, but they are finding that cuddling has a more significant affect on males as opposed to females. And when we are talking about post-menopausal females the gap is even more profound. They do not know why but they are certain it is chemical in nature.
@FunCartel: [grin] Dude, if you don't expect me to be snarky, you don't know me very well.
I get that you're seeing this cuddling thing as a business—which for some people it is—and so when a pro cuddler is less than 100% precise about what, exactly, cuddling does for people, you see it as false advertising. But look. Cuddling isn't a governmentally-regulated thing. It's just a fun thing, which some people pay for, that has some good medical side effects for people who aren't as physically messed up as you.
Relax. Sure, it probably won't help your blood pressure any... but it can't hurt.
Edit: A metaphor.
A friend is driving me someplace. We're zipping down the road, there's music playing, and he's trying to talk to me, but it's difficult for me to make out what he's saying. So he turns the radio down.
...What good does he think that's going to do? It's about as effective as wearing a windbreaker in a category five hurricane, because we still have the engine running, the wind whipping past the windows, and the tires audibly registering every variation in the asphalt—not to mention how noisy all the other vehicles on the road are. Sure, turning the radio down cuts the noise a little, but the difference is so small that I can't even hear it.
For me and others like me, all noises are registered at pretty much the same level. Being able to clearly hear whatever we're focusing on would be great, but our sensory processing systems are too messed up for just turning down the radio to work.
So should I get ticked when I go online and someone says, "Turning down the radio helps people hear you better"?
@Lorelei isn't trying to trick gullible fools into dropping their medication and relying entirely on the service she provides. She isn't marketing cuddling as a medical treatment. She's just saying it has good side effects for lots of people. Like eating fish.
You've noticed I'm the Grand High Nit-Picker, so you should take notice when even I start rolling my eyes at someone, right?
@DarrenWalker Ok, so sometimes you do not know you are being snarky because you have autism (what you told me in a message) and other times you are very self-aware and admit you are snarky (see above). You think you are clever but you are not. You just want to stir the pot. No I do not know you very well but it works both ways—you do not know me very well and that is your problem-you want people to understand you without you understanding anyone else. I am seeing why you are still at home.
I do not need a breakdown of what she said dude because I can read. She restated in a second post that it lowers BP. I am saying there are many exceptions to the rule. You are certainly not the Grand Arbiter of what the intent was of everyone else. I have no problem with what she said for the most part except that she stated a couple of things unequivocally which is inaccurate. I really do not care to hear anything else you have to say on the matter because it will only be distorted.
I apologize to the rest of the board and this will be my last post on this matter. If he wants the last post let him have it. I am sure it will be snarky.
@FunCartel: Can a person really be snarky without realizing they're doing it? Pretty sure it has to be purposeful, or else it's not snark. Sometimes I'm rude without realizing it—but whenever I'm snarky, it's on purpose.
I'm about as mentally agile as Tarzan is physically agile, but mere cleverness doesn't guarantee the social propriety of the goals it's used to attain, now does it? Mind you, my current goal is getting the Fun Mafia to admit that people on an internet forum don't have to qualify general statements for the sake of people who apparently make important life decisions without verifying claims. "Some could pursue cuddling in lieu of needed treatment," indeed. And I'm sure it would all be @Lorelei's fault for saying cuddling lowers blood pressure. Good thing you're here to let people know there are exceptions, or folks might die!
Not really sure what you're implying with the "still at home" thing. I have two jobs and a basement apartment. I do visit my family on Sundays, but....
And why is it that people say things like "that's my last word!" when it's obviously not?