Racism and Cuddling, Your thoughts

Comments

• BlueIris Mod

  March 2019

  @AJsm - There's nothing wrong with your messages. I wish I would get messages like yours. Most of the people who contact me are in a hurry to cuddle asap and are not interested in getting to know me first, which for me is a must.

  Unfortunate as it is, that's just the nature of some people. It has happened to a friend of mine on here several times. Yes, some people are racist. Some people have prejudices. I'm sure this isn't news to you. I'm sure I've been rejected because my weight is more than some people find attractive. Consider yourself lucky not to have spent any time with someone like that.
• cuddlebestie

  March 2019

  Racism does happen. Against every race....step over it. It’s her/his loss. If it was because of your race she truly is only hurting herself. Racism is hate and hate breeds hate. I think cuddling is about showing people compassion and nurturing one another. Just being kind....you do not come across creepy, like at all! I’m sorry this happened to you but keep putting good energy out! You’ll get it back?
• AnnJ

  March 2019

  Some people are strange. I personally couldn't care less what you look like as long as you are clean and dont over use body sprays. I am of the mind set everyone deserves to be treated well until their actions prove otherwise.
• AJsm

  March 2019

  This sounds encouraging @BlueIris and @cuddlebestie . As I said earlier, I know there are gems like you who are here , that just reinforces my belief in cuddling. Thanks for the support guys.
• denveromelette (deleted user)

  March 2019 edited March 2019

  It clearly is not racism, when you write you are Indian in your profile. They know you are Indian just by reading your profile.
  So some pros are not comfortable with you cuddling with them until they see a picture of you. I am surprised you don’t send a picture with your first message. If I were a pro or non-pro I wouldn’t want to converse with someone before they sent a pic.
  The headwear you are sporting and beard (maybe it is unkempt which is making the pros run for the hills) by your account are making some people uncomfortable. If you do not want that to happen you have plenty of options like trimming your beard or putting on a baseball cap.
• fazb

  March 2019

  Sikh's are one of the coolest people ive ever met. Fuck the haters man.
• AJsm

  March 2019

  Thanks for your opinion @denveromelette . As I mentioned in my post, that I am Sikh by religion, trimming and cap are not an option. But nevertheless taken your point about sending the pic in 1st message.
• AJsm

  March 2019

  Yo @fazb .. True.. Enjoy and have fun...
• pmvines

  March 2019 edited March 2019

  @AJsm i am cuious if you have considered posting pic on profile or is that not an option? And i hate to hear you have had negative experiences. It may not be racism as your race is listed, though could be due to religion and ignorance re your religion. I fear some people may see the head dress and beard and assume you are muslim. There is a belief sometimes that if you are muslim, then there are gender expectations and women are not always repected and treated favorably. Not saying that is true, but for bettet or worse, that is the stereotype.
• Lorelei

  March 2019

  @AJsm I'm terribly sorry to hear that you had an experience like that. Were you in my area, I'd be delighted to talk with you; I don't care what religion or skin color my client has--if anything, I deeply enjoy hearing about other walks of life and systems of belief. I may not partake in them or be apart of them, but I believe it enriches one's life to keep an open mind to learn about others and how they live. If we'd had a session, I would've been delighted to chat about your beliefs and ask you what they are, how they affect your life, and why you feel passionately about them enough to follow them...

  It seems your cuddler missed out on a wonderful learning experience. I almost feel a bit bad for them.
• denveromelette (deleted user)

  March 2019

  I agree with pmvines. Smart thinking!
• cuddlebestie

  March 2019

  I’ve spoke to other members who have had similar experiences with certain “pros” now I understand why some members want to be kept private in not posting a photo but I also understand the pro has to be comfortable. Now....that being said, it is my opinion that unless a pro is getting danger/creepy vibes and the cuddle rules are followed we shouldn’t be discriminating. It kind of (in my opinion) goes against what the cuddling world is about. At the end of the day though everybody has a right to say no. But just because we have that right doesn’t mean it’s ok when our reason is based off of sexuality, looks, race, religion. I mean if your a pro and it’s platonic then feeling safe and respected is what is most important in my opinion...
• denveromelette (deleted user)

  March 2019

  I disagree cuddlebestie. If someone doesn’t want to cuddle with someone else they should not be forced to take an appointment. I do think a lot of men have entitlement issues though. And when rejected- men on this forum often lash out with claims of being wronged by a woman cuddler. Or men are shocked it is hard to find a non-pro to cuddle with with them.
  Living in the state of dilution must be nice lol
• MonsterRain (deleted user)

  March 2019

  Remember nobody owes you anything. We can and should expect decency or to receive back the energy we give but even then it just doesn't have to go that way for we all have free will.

  Personally, I would rather someone honestly block and go away as rude as that may feel than to want nothing to do with me and trudge forward under some sense of obligation or if they are a Pro simply because of the fee at the end.

  So be the best you can, engage accordingly and understand sometimes it just doesn't come back that way and there isn't much we can do to change it except to never become bitter or personalize it in a way that impacts any of your future interactions with others.

  Best of luck to you.
• cuddlebestie

  March 2019

  @denveromelette I didn’t say they should. Please read what I wrote again....as far as some men feeling entitled, I’m not disagreeing with you. You’ve obviously had experience with this. In which case I would block them also....this is not something you can tell from this cuddlers original message or his photo?
  @MonsterRain I don’t think it is out of obligation at all. In my opinion it is an exchange of energy and healing. It’s actually a calming experience for both myself and my cuddle partner. I do not look at race, age, looks or religion not out of obligation but because I try very hard to not hold judgements and look at the persons needs, behavior and yes, energy. Will I be able to tell by a photo any of these things? Nope. This is why I prefer to talk a bit before an appointment. If I’m looking at the photo and basing my desire to cuddle with someone based off that I would honestly question my true intentions for a platonic cuddle. ??‍♀️ Just sayn.
• Kempist

  March 2019

  I keep reading on this forum that men here feel "entitled" and get angry when women won't cuddle with them. I think it's more frustration then feeling entitled. Something has to be missing in someone's life to have to come here to get physical affection, especially if having to pay for it. Many are probably already frustrated (after all who feels like going through life having no physical contact) and when they can't even find someone here to cuddle with the frustration increases. So I wouldn't say a man who has to come here to find someone to cuddle with, and most likely will have to pay for it, is anyway entitled. If anything they are deprived of a basic human need.
• UKGuy

  March 2019

  My take on this is that everyone is free to cuddle with whoever they want, for any reason, and no-one is owed an explanation why they make the choices they do. Personally, I would never cuddle with anyone with a nose ring, because I find it repulsive. Other people have other preferences and that is their business.
• Lorelei

  March 2019 edited March 2019

  @denveromelette @MonsterRain I think it’s important to remember that @cuddlebestie is talking about pros, and if you didn’t know this, guys? It is site policy for pros not to discriminate against anyone based on race, religion, orientation, exc. This is our job; I know cuddlebestie talked about it from kind of a moral perspective, but from a professional standpoint, if we are going to discriminate between clients, we have failed a job requirement. Therefore, we shouldn’t work here. (It should go without saying that safety concerns and gut feelings are reasons to turn down clients; we are entitled to go to what lengths we feel are necessary to protect ourselves.) There are reasons we get paid, frankly, this is one of them. Members, however, are entitled to discriminate however they like.
• Sideon

  March 2019

  It would be splendid if more forum posts, messages, and responses had @AJsm 's courtesy, politeness, and calmness.

  This thread reminds me of that viral video regarding labels from 2015. Disclaimer, I'm not a fan of the company, but their message struck a chord that year.

  Best of luck in your cuddle quests, and I hope the high quality of people that you meet can match yours!
• Candy26 (deleted user)

  March 2019

  Well some people have a type.
  I've been called overweight and someone doesn't want to cuddle cuz i have few extra pounds.
  Now she just blocked you and didn't call you names. so still it is good.
  My party could just block me instead of being rude. right?
  .
  What I recommend:
  have a profile picture so at first place someone knows if they wanna chat or not. don't get upset there are plenty of cuddlers out there.
• Kempist

  March 2019

  @Lorelei does that non discrimination policy for pros also include age, height, weight, facial features, body tattoos and piercings, personality, etc. Close physical contact with someone is much different from, say, serving someone in a restaurant where discrimination is obviously racist and illegal. I would hope the same rules would not apply for something as intimate as cuddling. People, pros or otherwise, ought to be allowed to choose whom they cuddle with period.
• cuddlebestie

  March 2019

  @Lorelei Thank you, and yes I was referring to pros. At the end of the day we all have freedom of choice but let’s not pretend some of us (pros) aren’t choosing based off of race, religion, attraction .....that’s all I am saying and yes, that does go against our agreement to the site plus it’s opposite of what cuddling should represent (in my opinion) I’m not mad though....I stressed several times that “it’s my opinion”....clearly Ajsm is a non confrontational individual who has only good intentions. This comes across in how he engages with others in conversation. He’s very pleasant and respectful. Anyways, so yeah....he has good cuddles coming no doubt! Positivity breeds positivity ?✌?
• chococuddles (deleted user)

  March 2019

  @denveromelette wrote: "If you do not want that to happen you have plenty of options like trimming your beard or putting on a baseball cap."

  Good point.

  If someone doesn't like muscular dark-skinned cuties I have plenty of options like carving the muscle from my body and using a skin-bleaching kit.

  Good to see we're on the right track.
• cuddlebestie

  March 2019

  These conversations need to happen for sure and we all aren’t going to share the same opinions but keeping it respectful is essential to educating others and promoting productive change. I’m glad this topic was brought up....because it DOES happen. @chococuddles I’m going to give denveromlete the benefit of the doubt and assume they didn’t think that one through before they posted it....while it’s obserd to think anybody is going to change their appearance for a cuddle... I understand wanting your cuddle partner to be showered clean, smelling good and respectful and ready to be snuggled! All of these things this individual already is so trimming his beard or changing his look isn’t part of that...he looks very well groomed to me ?
• denveromelette (deleted user)

  March 2019

  I think meeting people of different races and backgrounds is one of the best things about this web site. 2 of The best cuddling pros I saw was a Thai girl no longer here and a Latina girl.
  I feel this thread is a bit sad because someone made a false accusation of racism and is being commended by some.
• cuddlebestie

  March 2019

  @denveromelette how do you know it’s false? It sparked a conversation that needed to be had. As a Latina pro I can tell you that racism absolutely happens. I think it’s important to discuss and help others productively deal with it. If it’s your opinion that this pro was definitely not using her block button for reasons other than her safety preference then fine. You are entitled to your opinion as much as she is entitled to her right to to use her block button. All I’m trying to point out is what this web site is meant to be....a SAFE place for people who have experienced trauma, loneliness,depression or social anxiety to come without judgement and to be accepted. As a pro I strongly believe it’s our job to be that. Yes, your client IS entitled to that if you are paying them. Obviously I’m not speaking of anything sexual. Just a healing and nurturing embrace .....that’s why most people come here. I think that’s why this website was founded??‍♀️ Yes, it’s your right to say no to any client and even for any reason in fact but that doesn’t mean that it’s RIGHT just because it’s YOUR right as a pro. But then again, here is the flip side he dodged what likely would’ve been a very uncomfortable cuddle. So it’s all good. ? ? ? ?
• MisterTea

  March 2019

  Read the thread. It has already been litigated why it is false. Your post makes me feel “unsafe” ironically. The opposite of why this site was founded.
  There are certain individuals who make false claims because they cannot accept rejection. It must be the other person is the flawed one to not one to cuddle with me mentality.
• MisterTea

  March 2019

  Also cuddlebestie it is odd someone who looks like the average white lady is being discriminated against. I guess white people may face discrimination as well because I would never guess you were Latina.
• Lorelei

  March 2019 edited March 2019

  @snugbuddy ... Unless for some reason the pro cuddler feels unsafe due to some attribute of the client, or unless that client breaks rules, then, yes, assume that they aren’t supposed to discriminate for any reason. I’m not sure why you’d think any of that matters. I’ve cuddled adults of all ages, I don’t care if they’re tattooed, skinny, average, obese, black, white, whatever. Their facial features, height, exc, none of it changes the fact that they’re just another human being who is coming here for therapeutic touch.

  Cuddling is intimate, yes, but this is also a business. Do you think it’s right for me as a nurse to refuse to care for someone because they’re a certain age or because they have tattoos? It’s intimate work, too.

  I may not like or agree with something about my clients, but they are a fellow person and deserve my respect and best efforts, and if I can’t offer them just as good care as anyone else, I would not belong here as a pro. It May not be MY policy, but I absolutely will abide by it, and part of the reason I am a pro at all is because I happen to think it’s morally right.
• cuddlebestie

  March 2019

  @MisterTea No, it hasn’t. I read the entire thread....just because someone states their ethnicity doesn’t mean the pro made it down that far before responding. Fact. It took me at least 2 months before I even noticed it was there. Seriously though, are you denying that this type of thing happens? I’m very curious....please don’t assume I’m saying anybody should cuddle someone if they feel unsafe. That’s not what I’m saying at all....I am saying if someone’s color, race, religion or attraction is what your defining as safe then you are in more danger of your own doing than you realize.