@laylanie
I agree that there should be a "librarian" role to account for this.
I can think of one such person to fill the librarian role who has already been doing the work via the FAQ page in educating us all. I've used sections of the posts there to advertise the site when I was actively doing so trying to get more enthusiasts in my area to join. I'm not sure why they haven't been suggested for moderator or something else, but then again, maybe they have and just don't want that role and would rather remain an enthusiast who helps out.
As I've suggested before, there can be improvements of our banning process to include ip blocks to prevent reoccurring offenders.
Sadly, IP blocks are already being implemented and as @SoulcuddlerZ has mentioned in other discussions, it's just become a cat and mouse game. An IP block is still insecure because they can be circumvented even at the highest level by simply moving to a new computer in another location, which must be what some of these banned users are doing to have 10-20 accounts that are only banned because someone who recognised them pointed it out...I honestly wonder if these people don't have jobs to go to, or friends to talk to...
We just need to keep doing due diligence. We are never going to fully put an end to do-no-gooders stepping into this space for their own awful reasons; the best we can do is be vigilant and encourage others to report behaviour, discussions, or users that make them uncomfortable. Regarding applications for becoming a moderator, I feel like that's another thing that will just be piled onto the current staff. They already have enough to deal with. Mark can pick whoever he feels demonstrates an understanding of this community and its rules judging by their contributions to the forums, and is capable of remaining neutral in all disputes.
As for education via suggestion of @TisDoney I agree it wouldn't hurt to have people answering these questions by having their specific resources shared on the site in a noticable place where people can go to to learn more about this movement. In fact, that's what we are aside from a community of cuddlers - a movement. We already have some of this going on with users sharing informative articles and videos that help them understand this experience in a more rounded way.
@Catloaf yeah, IP blocks are a desperate measure. I use a VPN for Wi-Fi security when I’m on a public Wi-Fi site, like a coffee shop and so forth. This site has blocked the IP address of most if not all of the VPN services, I’m assuming because bad actors use a VPN once their own IP has been banned.
@Catloaf "I'm not sure why they haven't been suggested for moderator or something else, but then again, maybe they have and just don't want that role and would rather remain an enthusiast who helps out."
Yep, Mark has asked, but I'd rather stick to an unnoffocial role for now. (Partly because of variable levels of time/energy, and partly because the role of moderator includes settling disputes with potentially angry/abusive folk, which I would honestly find pretty hard to deal with).
"As for education via suggestion of @TisDoney I agree it wouldn't hurt to have people answering these questions by having their specific resources shared on the site in a noticable place"
Definitely. For issues of boundary setting etc. it would be great to have input from multiple people and put the results in one place. It may be important enough to have its own stickied thread rather than being buried in the FAQ or the Cuddling Discussions and Resources (which is getting hard to add to) -- though I know Mark would prefer to limit the number of stickied threads so they don't completely crowd out the first forum page.
That kind of brings back to the point. I think we are putting a lot of expectation of what moderators do. If we want educators then elect a person who is known to be good at that. (And I too was thinking of @respectful when I mentioned it) but it's not fair to be teacher and moderator at once. Same with the security aspect. Moderators assist in the fact they are the first to say "that's not a part of guidelines" constantly and if the behavior continues then extreme measure must be taken. True policing would require a lot of work and a lot of people who accurately report malicious intent of other users.
If we want to treat this like an actual movement then there are usually job designations involved. Treasurer, historian, event planner, organizer etc.
Maybe I'm trying to kill a fly with a sledge hammer though, because signing up with the site, does not seem to be the original intent.
I'm grateful for the addition of @SoulcuddlerZ as a mod who has the backbone to shut down contentious, off topic and useless threads. There are entirely too many of them. Blocking has absolutely no connection to moderating. An increase in bans is tangentially related as there are more people to ban those deserving of it, which is a very time consuming process.
All that aside, this is @Mark 's forum, and he will get whoever he feels is fit and willing to moderate. It's astonishing to me the amount of entitlement so many members feel about the running of the forum which use they have for free.
@Esquire "Adults need to do some vetting on their own and should have learned how to say No."
You're joking, right? The site policy itself, that all clients must read and adhere to, already says no for us. Any excuse for the perpetrator should end there, period. That's it.
However: Everyone I've seen who's had a boundary pushing experience HAS said no or tried in some way to express that the violation of policy and their personal boundaries was not wanted, but being on this site alone makes it clear because this is a PLATONIC CUDDLING SITE, this place is NOT for sexual contact, and anyone who is "non platonic" on here is promptly banned because that's not what this is for. We DO do our own vetting, do you really think that people don't lie to us about what they're here for, or think they can get cuddlers to do more when they get us alone? There's only so much screening you can actually do on anyone, people who seem nice and cooperative can still do terrible things.
Besides, adults do not need to be told no multiple times or given repeated reminders of rules like young children and men are not idiots; they know exactly what they're doing and NOT TO DO IT, if they do it ANYWAY, it isn't the victim's fault.
I shouldn't have to say this, but if guys are going around MOLESTING WOMEN, DON'T BLAME THE WOMEN. Moreover, don't blame victims in general. Thanks. -_-
@TisDoney - last year I registered on cuddle connect site, it appears to have both female and male moderators. Sadly at that time they seemed new and had not many members in my area. Irrespective of what gender the moderators are, what I really liked about the site was their customer service. They recommended me to checkout cuddle comfort as I was desperately looking to find someone in the area.
The way I see it Mark has been very gracious to say,"why don't y'all come on down to the back 40 on my server farm and build yourselves a cuddle community?" This forum is Internet "land" - it's just dirt. People come along with their ideas of what to do on and with the dirt and their collectively shared notions build the community on the land. The land is not the community, it is merely the place of this community. It is up to the people, the community members, to bring the lumber to build the schools, to reshape the land - within Mark's guidelines and permission - to build the swimming holes and plant the gardens. And with the change of seasons plow them under, again, to prepare for the next crop of weeds.
@TisDoney, you have a beautiful vision for how you'd like to see this community develop; don't lose sight of it. I also get a sense of (I get so frustrated when the right word doesn't come to me, pardon me as I use) desperation that it hasn't developed already, and maybe it's even going in the wrong direction. Your original post leaves mt wondering: are you asking for helping hands to build this community, or loving arms to comfort and cuddle you through this (again, pardon my poor choice in words) fury?
We are all responsible for moderating the forums. Both in choosing our discussion topics and the words we use and, as @pmvines has demonstrated earlier, to call-out the behavior of others. But it is a double-edged sword - the slaying of dragons does interrupt the flow of on-topic conversation. The official moderators have to choose between cutting it out and leaving it in - neither is better or worse.
This thread, guys.
This entire thread.
@lilychamps I got on CuddleConnect two days ago. I was immediately contacted by a 32 year old woman, 1000 miles away, asked to use another social media app based on a phone number
Next, a local woman listed as 18 but really 33 contacted me. Looking for a soulmate she said. Offered me a nude and then asked for $100 to upgrade her phone.
A few hours ago, a couple registered in a single account, solicited me to join a live sex web site.
Since there were only 7 members in my area, I closed my account permanently. Problem solved.
Rexagon. Your post is friggin everything I love.
Off topic following...
Esquire. I will agree with you on one thing that CuddConn is very littered with suspect individuals. I made a comment here about the site and my experience with it, was immediately emailed by the site owners and asked for my feedback. They told me a member here tipped off my comment, and that the OP I responded to had been banned for sharing their resource video which was a lie... The account was just paused, probably for reasons unrelated to the posting of the video. I just get a bad feeling from their site and the fact that they may be watching these forums or sending in moles. Though their pro package deals looked attractive and they require no fee or cut, that was really the only thing that drew me to them.
@Blueiris said "this is @Mark 's forum, and he will get whoever he feels is fit and willing to moderate. It's astonishing to me the amount of entitlement so many members feel about the running of the forum which use they have for free."
Quoting this so I don't use my own words and get banned. ^_^
Nite nite!
Quoting this so I don't use my own words and get banned.
I highly value diversity of opinion so I consider it a blessing if the people involved happen to be from different backgrounds, cultures and perspectives. However, that either happens or it doesn't and my belief in equal opportunity doesn't decide that outcome. Either a person is well suited to be moderator or not. Race, gender or orientation plays no role in that decision.
If you look at some of the desired criteria involved, such as technical background, forum management experience and being an active enthusiast in the community, the odds are the next moderator will be male too. You might then suggest an equal outcome approach but I would not feel comfortable essentially deciding what gender, race and orientation is more important than the other. I just want to look at the person as a person and consider their merits.
It's a big assumprion to assume that a female moderator would care about the interests of women any more than a male moderator would. It's also extremely sexist thinking.
Great posts @Mark and @UKGuy. I said my 2 cents earlier so I'm done commenting in this thread.
Onboard with @Mark and @UKGuy.
My only input is that the moderators on this site do a fantastic job. I'm personally grateful for their efforts, and I know I'm not alone. I personally don't feel a push is needed for one gender or race over another for moderators, and those in the position currently are doing the best moderating of forums I've seen in a group needing moderation, so thank you.
That said, I would normally agree for more diversity so I do support your position in theory, but in this case lack of diversity hasn't hampered their abilities or results. Thank you, Moderators!
Why does it have to be female?? I prefer a genderless person
@Navyman1010: Aww, really? I'm flattered.
Actually so do I. Or other identifying at the minimum.
I think it would be better if the site hired a moderator who was not a member of the site at all but had a strong background in recognising abuse and sexual violence and supporting individuals, in a trauma-informed way, in a virtual space.
I agree like a genderless cuddle bodyguard
@Navyman1010
xD I like that.
@babestorm That almost makes it sound like you don't think there is a single woman that can be a moderator, and that is very much a gender bias on your part.
Which part of what I said gave that impression? I suspect if male enthusiasts didn't greatly out number female enthusiasts then that would change the probabilities quite significantly. Then if you had a world where the gender ratio for choosing career/hobby paths involving engineering/coding were 50/50, then the odds would further approach an equilibrium.
So nothing I've said is suggesting a woman with comparable skills is less capable of being a moderator. I hope that's clear. You could perhaps say there is a gender bias in the available pool of prospects but that is not my bias, that is the inherit skew as a result of the facts mentioned above.
where you said moderators should be chosen because of skills and not gender
That is the definition of gender neutrality, not bias.
Maybe people are not aware of how small the pool of suitable moderators is. If we were to start limiting that beyond skill and experience factors in favour of prioritising based on gender, race or orientation, then we'd have a serious problem.
I feel like our request should be considered.
I do understand your point and it will be considered. It just can't come at the expense of other criteria, that's all.
Still want a genderless person
If the moderator did not have a screen name could anyone really tell if they are male or female? Seems like that is the solution—just have the name say moderator like on other sites that have forums. Pretty simple. Just don’t screw it up by calling one of them moderatoress.
moderatoress
@FunCartel That's a mouthful! Moderette would be easier to say.
Guys! Meet our new moderator!
?