Forum. For Whom?

HappinessHenryHappinessHenry
in General

The Oxford English Dictionary definition of Forum: A medium for expressing or debating ideas or views on a particular issue.

Now, I have twice been suspended or my discussion closed. First because my topic was too facetious and second because it was too controversial?

As I live in Australia I know nothing about The Broncos. And, also as I live on Australia AND can't drink I can't debate the relative merits of Corrs and Miller Lite. And, as I have not had a cuddle with a stranger yet, I can't reflect on this, as yet at least.

I posted a factual introduction but no one read that.

Now, I could throw in the towel and give up on this site but, as I currently suffer from severe anxiety and depression, as a result of possibly terminal heart and prostate disease, I am determined to hang in there.

Any advice or support, however, would be much appreciated...at this point.

One cuddle love
Henry.

Comments

  • respectfulrespectful
    edited April 2019

    Hi Henry! Fellow Australian here. I did read your post in the Introductions thread, but people rarely comment on those.

    I see the forum as a place for people who value platonic cuddling to meet and discuss it. Other random topics come up too. I can recommend looking through the Cuddling Discussions and Resources thread to get a feel for it, if you haven't already.

    Opinions are welcome, but some posts can come across as attacking foundational concepts of the site (and have come up on the forums a ridiculous number of times before, with no useful outcome).

    To use an extreme example, if someone came along and said "cuddling should only happen between people in a relationship, not between strangers", that's not really welcome -- not because controversy isn't allowed, but because it's just a negative opinion about something people here highly value, and it doesn't convince anybody.

    It's cool that you've dived straight into the forums though. Some advice, since you asked:

    -- there are plenty of people who understand anxiety and depression here, so this is a potentially supportive place for you. Not sure what the best way to talk about it is, but you're likely to have a compassionate response.

    -- I can recommend cuddling a professional at least once, just to see what everyone is talking about. It could also get you some Karma feedback, which can reassure future potential cuddlers that you respect people's boundaries etc. (You might also discover how genuine and caring they can be).

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    Forums are just places where people gather and interact—and even in the Roman forums, sometimes people got ostracized. One of the things that comes with freedom of speech is the freedom to see what the consequences of your words are. (I love that particular freedom... most of the time!)

    This forum's a pretty friendly one: there's usually more lighthearted chatter than debate. Usually. Fine line sometimes, but still.

    If you can't think of anything to talk about, maybe talk movies? Lots of people like to cuddle while watching moving pictures. Music's good, too. And if you think you've found the absolute best kind of blankets (or pillows, giant teddy bears, comfy socks, whatever) for cuddling in the world, by all means let us know!

    Default subjects of conversation can be handy every once in a while.

  • hogboblinhogboblin
    edited April 2019

    Your previous post devalued the work done by professional cuddlers to an extreme extent, while also suggesting a nightmare scenario where women are robbed of their autonomy.

    Not too surprising that it got shut down.

  • MarkMark Mod
    edited April 2019

    @HappinessHenry Please don't see your topic being closed as a punitive action - I don't think it was.

    The mods often have to find a difficult balance with moderating the forum. We want this place to be supportive, particularly as it's common for people to join this website while feeling somewhat fragile. At the same time, we also want to encourage open discussion regardless of the potential offence caused.

    And as mentioned above, there's no rule against controversial discussion here. I think it's quite healthy for a community to have their ideas and foundations challenged, and that of course includes professional cuddling. However, controversial discussion can often escalate in ways that can rub against the rules and principles here. For what it's worth, I would have personally been ok with that topic being left open but I understand the rationale for closing it and think that's ok too.

  • CatloafCatloaf
    edited April 2019

    Placing baseless accusations on the OP such as them being unsafe may be more counterproductive than helpful. I can understand his frustrations and even miseducations about the work we do and how it benefits. Regarding his previous post, I'm willing to admit that there were times when my service was not right for someone and they may have left more depressed than when I got to them. That's their journey to take, and I often find that it's a common after-effect for those who are using cuddle sessions to attempt to fill a blackness and get away from being alone with themselves. You cannot fill a blackness with others and expect it to heal or feel better at the least, unless you have already begun doing the work to fill it up with love for yourself.

    I didn't comment on that post so I just had to get it out here.

    Anyway, I think Henry that your determination to stick around proves that you are ready or in the process of doing that work. You came here to find fellow humans to commiserate with and you're frustrated that it's not as easy as you probably thought. You put that down to the fact that professional cuddling has capitalised on a need and seems like an over-commodification, and that's the easy thing to do. I hope your view on this evolves. I do wish you well and am sorry you're going through a host of health problems which have ill effects on your mental health. There are folks here who understand what you're going through. It will just take some time to find them. Some members have been here years and haven't found anyone they were compatible enough to cuddle with. That doesn't mean they need to give up, and having that mindset is the first step.

    I used to be on this forum with a very embittered view of how it was being run. That was the person in me who craved control deep down. Once you let that need for control go, you're on your way to being part of this community and engaging in some very thought-provoking discussions. Being here has in fact added to my life a little bit. Maybe it could do the same for you if you let it.

  • CatloafCatloaf

    @babestorm

    A red flag is a red flag, and while there may have been some indications of bad thinking in his original posting, I think that he is more miseducated than trying to be downright abusive and toxic. At least, that's how he comes off to me. My hope is that after he spends more time here, he can see how his choice of wording and communication of ideas has effects on the perception of those around him.

    Someone who is truly unsafe, in my opinion, would not even bother having the after-thought to follow up with a thread asking for advice on how he can hang in there and do better. That's just my opinion/perception though. You're entirely entitled to your own, of course.

  • PaulaDahlaPaulaDahla

    Well said Marie and Darren. Many newbies come here full of hopes and great expectations. Only to have an awakening courtesy of the anonminity of these forums and the tendency to behave badly on here. Many commentors may be guilty of being too judgemental or critical also. I for one feel like there are real bullies on here at times. Some may accuse me of being one also, I'm learning as well.

    Henry is being tempered currently, he's learning and as stated previously is trying to learn from his words and the community's. Social skills, anxieties, and fears make life hard for many. What keeps us human and worthy of cuddles is our willingness to learn and grow.

    Thanks @Mark for reminding the community at large why these forums are here and the real intention of this site.

    Kudos.

  • MarkMark Mod
    edited April 2019

    I really hope someone isn't considered as being unsafe (a potent word) because they simply have no respect for professional cuddling as an industry. It's totally ok to object to professional cuddling and still be a member of this community.

  • HappinessHenryHappinessHenry

    Thank you so much @Mark @PaulaDahla for your even handed and intelligent analyses of my communicational interactions.

    And particularly to @catloaf who was kindly willing to give me the benefit of the doubt, despite my ill advised overtures. Finally to @babestorm and @hobgoblin I can only think to say that a) I guess you can't please all the people all of the time. And b) The only red flag I am consciously flying is "The Peoples' Flag all red with (the peoples') blood" in the name of international democracy and against all forms of exploitation.

    But still one cuddle love to all. Even - or perhaps even especially - you guys.
    Henry

    PS No more controversial, or even overly serious, posts for a while, I promise.

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