Changing view of touch among generations

edited April 2019 in General

I will admit that this article is a few days old and the scandal that inspired it is even older in terms of current events but it's still a very good article on cuddling, human touch and the changing times. I am a half century this year, my parents served and supported World War 2, my grandfather served in WW1. My family touched, they communicated taking time to both listen and think before taking action. My children are in their 20's now but were touched and cuddled very regularly. We primitive camped and spent much of our summers out in the middle of a wilderness somewhere without connectivity, spending time in the same tent, talking, and being close enough to touch. Among their peers touch seems to be disappearing, my daughter with preschoolers often mentions to me that the other side of the family doesn't take the time for face to face time with my grandsons. In fact she often admits that she gives the boys tech products more often than she'd like. Like the article alludes to, I see many families out and about giving toddlers something with a screen to tune in to for the distraction factor.

I don't think Joe Biden means anything with his touch or his habit of supposed hair sniffing. He was a young man during the early 70's, everyone touched everyone. He's 6 feet tall and a diplomat, so being taller than many makes a chin over head a normal thing, unusual but not meant to convey anything sinister. Diplomat's always escort or offer an arm or a hand to guide or give deference. He's 76, he grew up with touch being a common thing. It really is sad to see how we as a society are losing that very vital needed acceptance of touch. But with each generation the touch averse are becoming more vocal and influencing touch parameters in a negative way. Plus there are a couple good links to other touch-is-vital reads in there.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/04/on-touch/586588/

It is sad to think that men in a care center environment get less touch then the women but I believe it's probably true. I hope everyone knew they were being exposed to that cold virus. But more importantly, the initiation of touch or cuddling is becoming the sole responsibility of women seems to be an unnecessary burden for already outnumbered women. How does a man hope to get any touch at all with the changing views of touch in today's society?

  1. Are we losing touch with each younger generation?25 votes
    1. no
      20.00%
    2. yes
      48.00%
    3. same amount but the boundaries are changing for the worse
      32.00%

Comments

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    Hmm. Well, I can't speak for the world as a whole. Pretty much all I can say is "we're not losing it in the younger generations of my family"—which, given the size of my family, seems hopeful.

    Have I mentioned I'm the oldest of ten? And that three of my sibs are married? I've got three niblings already, and two more on the way. I don't plan on letting any of them grow up with the idea that affectionate touch is somehow a bad thing. With any luck, they'll spread that down (and out) through the generations!

    Sniffing strangers is still right out, though.

  • [Deleted User]Ridha (deleted user)

    While what you're trying to argue is decent ( We are losing touch in our daily life even with friends and family) and i would tend to agree with the first paragraph, I really don't see how you can defend Joe Biden.

    We shouldn't let random people touch other random people, be it children or grown ups, unless all parties, including parents, are OK with it.
    Joe Biden is clearly not reading social cues that well and should be educated on the matter.

    For the part about the burden of touch being on women, until everybody is educated enough on the matter of consent, I prefer less cuddles for everybody if it can prevent cases of sexual harrasment/assault.

  • You can’t defend Biden or any other man that falls back on that is the way I was raised. By that logic my Grandfather would have lots of excuses. He was born in the late 19th century (yes he is dead) in Mississippi and witnessed the worst things one race could do to another over skin color. He could have said later in life that was the way he was raised but he did not. We are all wired to evolve in our lifetime and we either choose to or not, therefore Biden is culpable. As I heard one woman say, “I wonder how come he never did that to Michelle Obama?” Because in the end, it is always about power over those who are less powerful.

  • edited April 2019

    Touch is a dirty word now. When I joined this site and asked for advice on my profile, I was told not to use the word 'touch' as it was a red flag. On a cuddling site!
    If you had a set of flash cards and told people to say the first thing that came into their mind when they saw what was on the card and one card said "He touched me", I'm willing to bet most people would say something negative like 'sexual harassment' or 'inappropriate'. Very few people would say anything positive. Touch has become something to be questioned and be suspicious of.

  • [Deleted User]Wesk (deleted user)
    edited April 2019

    Sadly this generation knows very little about consensual touch and platonic relationships. Unfortunately sex sell.

    @PaulaDahla thank you for your family your service and satisfied to the United States of America

  • @Wesk Which generation do you speak of? There are several generations on this site.

  • Quick update, so far the yes's are winning with an even split between the no and changing for the worse.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesTwisted (deleted user)
    edited April 2019

    When I was in my teens/twenties I would initiate hugs amongst friends, both male and female.

    Simple smile, open my arms slightly, and if they stepped in, a nice, long embrace lasting at least half a minute, unless it was a big line greeting or something.

    By my thirties things were shifting, and my adjustment was to stop initiating. Handshakes upon meeting someone, “bro” hugs when saying goodbye, that sort of thing.

    But long embraces were gone.

    Now in my late forties I simply don’t hug anyone in any way, unless they are a very old friend.

    I do my very best to not even shake hands, but have switched to a very gentle knuckle bump.

    Now, I’ll admit that I’m in a performance profession (I am a percussionist for various performers, dancers, and musicians) so my integrity and reputation as an ENTIRELY safe space is crucial.

    For me, it is far better to be seen as a little “standoffish”, but polite, than for there to be even a whisper of anything inappropriate.

  • edited April 2019

    At 5 I stopped touching others in kindergarten after one too many trips to the corner. I stopped touching myself at 12 to preserve my sight.

  • [Deleted User]Wesk (deleted user)
    edited April 2019

    Today's generation in general. I am new to this site. I sincerely apologize for getting into your guys business. I mean no harm. I just want to live in peace

  • edited April 2019

    @wesk I do not know about that. Teenage pregnancies are way down. I am not of the younger generation but your claim is not borne out in the numbers. Besides, 20 years ago people like Weinstein and Lauer could letch with impunity. The times are changing for the better if you ask me...I think that has to do with the younger generation and mine.

  • [Deleted User]Wesk (deleted user)
    edited April 2019

    But disabled people are looked down upon or forced to stay in behind closed doors The times are changing for the better? Please give me a break. Take the binder off and open your eyes for Christ's sake. Today's generation doesn't have a clue how to problem solve real-life problems or how to befriend someone in need because they been handed everything. Teachers are being advised to pass students rather they have earned a passing grade or not.

  • Well that's interesting, the poll is now changed slightly. Still majority yes but changing boundaries has passed no.

    So people tend to think it the same amount just different.

    I am of the opinion that there is less touch myself. @CharlesTwisted great example. As someone not in the performance industry I would've thought that'd be the last bastion of platonic touch.
    But it does seem like the idea of the proverbial casting couch is everywhere, including music so I can see why you take that stand.

  • @Wesk I am not that far off in age from you and I do not have blinders on. I travel all over this country and overseas and I see bad things and good. I think you are painting with a very broad brush and are generalizing the younger generation like the generation before you looked at your generation and thought what would become of the world with your generation. It has been like this forever yet the world chugs along as before.

    Do I sometimes think thoughts like yours? Sure. I am human. But I look at the good that they are doing as well. The younger generation is not perfect because no generation is. And if you think this new generation looks down on the disabled then I would ask you to go back to younger days before the Americans With Disabilities Act was passed in the early 90s. Progress is always slow and appears slower when you look at everything with blinders on by only picking out the negatives. The new generation is no worse—it’s just different.

  • [Deleted User]Wesk (deleted user)

    @FunCartel. You ask for me to expand on my post, so I did, time to move on.

  • edited April 2019

    @Wesk Do you ever yell at the kids to get out off your stinking lawn? I do agree that folks growing up in the internet age where human interaction is easily avoided and virtually everything you can think of is readily available does tend to create a void of empathy. Regular harsh doses of reality are def a must. I wouldnt write off and generalize a generation. I have come across and have known folks much younger than me whose spirit, ambition, compassion, intelligence, and heart far outweighs and surpasses anything i have ever been or ever will be. And human condition and human nature still are mostly the same. I have seen many younger folks who are in desperate need of touch, acceptance, validation, and connection, not necessarily in spite of, but because of, the world in which they have grown up in. I also notice how there seems to be more of an openness to voicing needs and expressing what they want. There seems to tend to be less of a stereotyped role of sexuality and gender, and more of a willingness for platonic intimacy than you would think.

  • edited April 2019

    @pmvines You are spot on.

  • @pmvines, The article states that indeed there is more vocalization of touch preferences, notice how it states that the people who are touch averse or just flat out grumpy are doing the vocalizing?
    From the looks of the article those who want or enjoy touch have become silent for fear of being criticized for that need.

    I agree many younger folks are in desperate need of touch in fact they are so lacking or unfamiliar with the concept of positive touch they almost seem to not understand that touch is what's lacking because all they seem to know, see, or hear about is only sexual touch. I have opportunity to be around and interact with many late teens and early twenties. Swear to God, it seems like the word comfort is foreign and misunderstood to that one small section of our generations.

    So voicing it isn't a positive as far as I see, what's coming out is fear and loathing. Not to mention longing for it but not knowing how to label it.

  • I guess you haven’t seen all the videos on YouTube of Biden groping underage girls, grabbing their chests, and pushing them into his crotch

  • I haven't even seen those. From the looks of your picture since I haven't bothered to visit your page I'm guessing youre pretty young @vibert. Advice from someone who didn't grow up with internet...Don't Believe Everything On the Web!

    Besides the post is about changing levels of touch not Biden. did you read the article??

  • The videos are from cspan so yes I believe what I see. I did read the article, and since Biden was used as an example it is relevant in this thread. There’s no time touching like that is appropriate no matter what generation you are from

  • @vibert Accurate and on point.

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