I'm New

[Deleted User]GentleandClean (deleted user)
in General

Just saying hello to everyone. I hope this is real. If it is, this is right on target. So many times wanting to be held and experience closeness but not a hookup. Do you guys and gals have any advice for me? I want to experience this but right and safely.

Comments

  • sethryan44sethryan44

    First of all, welcome to the site! My advice to you would be to be as open as possible to new people and new experiences in order to expand your comfort zone. I've met some amazing people through this site and I hope you'll achieve the same!

  • CatloafCatloaf
    edited April 2019

    Hey @GentleandClean, I'm going to quote a post I saw by a female enthusiast (that's what we call a non-pro) here in the forums. She did a really good job of explaining how men can possibly be more successful in making the right connection, hope it helps you out.

    1. They approach me as if I am a human being (I have said this before on here) - My advice to men who are messaging a woman with the hopes of potentially meeting up for a cuddle is to "approach women as human beings in female form". Now, I know... I know.. that sounds incredibly snarky and sarcastic. But what I mean is this: approach us with some level of interest in knowing something about who we are, what kinds of films and books we like; what hobbies we have, how long we have lived in our town/city, or what our experience has been like on here so far. What we do for a living, etc. The same way if you were to meet any new person at work, or at a neighborhood potluck, or any social gathering. You get the idea. That goes a long way in my book.

    2. Reference something in our profiles as a good "jumping off point". I intentionally mention a few things about myself in my profile that could make for some sort of conversation starter. I can probably count on one hand the number of men who have made mention of any of that. Out of the approximately 200 messages (give or take) I received in the 16 months I have been on here.

    3. Don't ask for my "availability" in your first message or as the ONE and ONLY thing you say to me. I do understand that not everyone on here (particularly newbies) are yet sure of the difference between pro and enthusiast cuddlers. I have come to believe that a lot of men on here think that all women on here are pro (paid) cuddlers. I find that extremely off putting. Oh and please do not message me two or three times in a 24 hour period if I don't respond quickly enough for you. I work for a living and am tired when I get home some days - probably just like you! Enthusiast here... remember?

    4. Understand and in some way acknowledge that, just as you are here for a reason, so too are enthusiast women. Yes, we also seek warmth and comfort and enjoyable conversation and acceptance, stress relief, etc. You get the idea. Not all women are on here to solely serve men's cuddling needs. See it as a mutually beneficial exchange and expect that you will have to bring something to the table - in helping a woman feel respected and safe and like you would be a fun and enjoyable person to spend time with.

    5. I respond well to messages where men make it clear that they reached out to me to see if we could begin a conversation, and see if we had a good connection to eventually meet up for a cuddle. So, be patient and understand that it is all about relationship building. Yes, you may need to "put up" with some small talk and it may not "lead" to something - but it just might. It just might.

    Credit to @SJSpooner for this awesome perspective.

  • Navyman1010Navyman1010

    What the heck lol man just be a nice and respectful person

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Navyman1010 This is what I have done to great success. Going into great detail like above is way too mechanical. I converse respectfully but I let it all come organically. Does anyone know how to communicate and chat anymore without a mission statement and plan???

  • CatloafCatloaf

    @FunCartel They say that common sense isn't so common, especially these days, and the OP did ask for advice so I picked some advice which someone else gave particularly from the female perspective. It's always helpful to imagine how others could interpret an action before we take any. I don't think there's anything mechanical about what was written above, but we can agree to disagree.

  • [Deleted User]SJSpooner (deleted user)

    @Catloaf and others - I was the female non pro that chimed in with what I call my "5 cents" list that Catloaf reposted up above. And I can't recall the name of the forum thread now (earlier this month, I think), but it was in direct response to a male cuddler who specifically started a thread asking for advice on how to approach potential cuddlers on here.

    So while some may have found it overkill or too mechanical, I do know that others reached out to me privately and told me they really appreciated my post.

    Bottom line - some people will try certain approaches and have great success, some will try every single approach under the sun and probably still not make connections or find anyone to cuddle with. Many different variables at play - location, number of cuddlers in our area, our individual personalties and how they mesh or clash, our expectations about potential cuddle sessions and partners, etc. No advice or formula is going to fix or help you hack that.

  • Hu_Phlung_puHu_Phlung_pu

    Sjspooner: now that you have answered every question about messaging etiquette on this site (I am so thankful, I am so-so thankful); can you answer the remaining questions I have about life, the galaxy, and women as well spoken and to-the-point as you did before? Life, the galaxy, and women... you know, the enigmatic things of the universe!

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited April 2019

    @Catloaf I am not disagreeing with you; rather I am amazed how things that used to be so commonplace—small talk, friendliness with strangers—is such a cosmic mystery to people now. I help interview prospective employees for the company I work for (not my primary job, but the VP loves me and gives me every duty around because he trusts me) and it has become readily apparent in interviews and everyday travels how few can do this anymore. I was addressing @Navyman1010 because he identified the obvious. Be nice and be respectful. This applies to male and female. Simple.

    I would add this—people who are not naturalized and English is not their first language try harder to chat than many who it should come naturally. Sad

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    And finally, I am not surprised that many reached behind the scenes and said thanks for the advice—that is my point, so many need so much fundamental help as adults now days with basic social skills that it makes me fear for the younger generations. I am a Big Brother and my littles (I do the Aces program which are the high school kids because 1. It is hard to find male Bigs and 2. Everyone wants to do the young ones) and even the ones who are socially skilled complain that no one just sits around and talks anymore. They are all plugged in which I suppose would be fine except the schools gloss over English grammar and spelling now days. I see a future where we are a collection of individuals rather than a country or community working for a better tomorrow for everyone. Social skills are critical!!!

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited April 2019

    I apologize for getting off topic. As far as @GentleandClean’s original question, I think you need to obtain information. I am not a female (last I checked) but here are what the really good female cuddlers do regardless of enthusiast or pro. They ask questions and these are the ones they ask, and depending on the answers they may discuss pertinent boundaries and expectations:

    1. How long have you been doing this?
    2. What did you like best from the best sessions you had? (Can be reversed with worst sessions)
    3. What do you wish to get out of this session?
    4. What would you do to make the session enjoyable to me?
    5. If he is not asking what you like at this point, he is most likely looking at cuddling as a one-way street.

    Finally, check karma and if you are not absolutely positive about the person always meet in a very public place first and be prepared to walk away if your instincts tell you to.

    I know you are a male @GentleandClean, but it works both ways. Screening and safety are not gender specific and you know the old saying “The more you know...”

  • [Deleted User]SJSpooner (deleted user)

    @Hu_Phlung_pu - Hmmmm.... not sure I am the right one to ask when it comes to general life, the galaxy and even women (except yours truly)! Not that I don't ponder all the juicy existential questions from time to time, but I pretty much got nothing on those topics. Currently searching for answers myself.

    But stick around these forums long enough and some of the more prolific pontificaters here will give you more than an eyeful on such topics, I'm sure. LOL

    Glad you enjoyed my post! Thanks.

  • FeelMyPsychosisFeelMyPsychosis
    edited April 2019

    MOD: Comment removed. Banned.

  • CatloafCatloaf
    edited April 2019

    @FeelMyPsychosis I give you a good hour or so (maybe not even that) before you're nuked, so enjoy buddy.

  • FeelMyPsychosisFeelMyPsychosis
    edited April 2019

    MOD: Comment removed. Banned.

  • CatloafCatloaf
    edited April 2019

    Redacted. Troll on the loose.

  • FeelMyPsychosisFeelMyPsychosis
    edited April 2019

    MOD: Comment removed. Banned.

  • FeelMyPsychosisFeelMyPsychosis
    edited April 2019

    MOD: Comment removed. Banned.

  • [Deleted User]chococuddles (deleted user)

    Hi New.

    I'm new too!

    Also a gnu. I'm a new gnu!

    True.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Psychosis experienced a virtual disembowlment of his existence, but I am dying of curiosity about what his remarks were...in a craning the neck to look at car crash carnage kind of way.

    Say the last bit 20 times quickly.

  • HappinessHenryHappinessHenry

    Dear @GentleandClean Hello and welcome aboard. You have already done one of the hardest parts by putting yourself forward. That in itself takes a lot of guts. Well done mate!

    I will leave the rest of the "waffage" (copyright pending) to my esteemed colleagues.

  • CuddleStellaCuddleStella

    welcome to the site! i wish you have a positive experience!

  • HappinessHenryHappinessHenry

    Dear @Catloaf "Women are human beings" shock! How come I never saw anything about this on the discovery channel. (Please excuse my momentary lapse into facetiousness dear CL).

    You and the original poster are absolutely right of course. And all the points you quote are very valid and potential useful. And, like a menu, can always be chosen from.

    I also note that your critic who accuses you of over explaining then goes on to post at least three times as much advice on the subject himself?

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited April 2019

    @HappinessHenry Perhaps if you read what I said in those three I was not disagreeing with her or accusing her of over explaining.

    You know how I know you did not read my posts? Because the first two were not advice on the original post—it was more of a lament on that people need it explained to them. The third post was an apology for getting off topic and then an on-topic advice list for the original poster.

    MOD Edit: Personal attacks removed. [SoulcuddlerZ]

  • CatloafCatloaf

    Guys, let's not do personal attacks in here, and let's just steer this thread back to its original intention. We've got to stop beefing on the forums, rather take it to PM if you must...that's how threads get shut down. I previously made a suggestion to turn off commenting on this one after that God-awful Ted Bundy troll came in here and started really derailing it. The mods didn't find that necessary since it was just a troll and instead removed his comments to give this discussion a chance. Let's not derail it a second time. Much love to both of you @FunCartel and @HappinessHenry. Let's put our quips away for a bit. Maybe make an effort to not respond to each other.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited April 2019

    @Catloaf I can’t PM him. (He deleted his profile or blocked me). And much love to you @Catloaf but I can do without the condescension.

    MOD Edit: Removed personal attack. [SoulcuddlerZ]

  • HappinessHenryHappinessHenry

    My final word on this topic. I did not take my ball home because this is not a football match. Or a baseball match. Or any match at all.

    In fact not a competition. Nor a contest of any sort.

    It is a cuddling site with a Forum in which to discuss all the many beautiful facets of cuddling. And, perhaps, though this is possibly potentially contentious other related topics. But ones that are in a similarly loving spirit, or at least humorous spirit. I would hope.

    From now on I absolutely refuse to be drawn into ANY adversarial conflict or communication on this site, however apparently innocuous and humorous the initiation.

    Enough.

  • Hu_Phlung_puHu_Phlung_pu

    Geez, I am not too proud to admit I had to look up a few words used in the recent posts. I will keep google in my pocket in order to hand with the best of them.

    I hate that I missed the comments that were banned. Who doesn’t love seeing trolls go down or get handed their butts when someone intelligently drops the velvet hammer and silences their ignorance. Anyone catch the summary of the trolls and what was he getting at?

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