Would you cuddle the homeless?

TisDoneyTisDoney
in General

I was just thinking about ways to spread hope and love in places that are struggling. To give people an emotional leg up. Cheesy I know... but these are real things I contemplate.

Then I thought, what about the homeless? If anyone needs cuddles it's them. I know the power a cuddle can have in a person's life.

My next thoughts were of hygiene since I'm a recovering germaphobe. It's sad that that would be my detouring excuse.

Then more happened... Can I trust them? Am I safe? Blah blah blah.

How sad that the people struggling the most are severely discriminated against. All they need is support and to feel worthy, to feel seen and important.

What if a cuddle was all they needed to finally embrace post traumatic growth in their lives? I'm sure there was some defining moment that lead them there, but they don't have to stay there, beaten down by their own guilt and shame.

I think my plan would include sitting with them on the street. Feeding them. Talking for a while. I'd test their responsiveness to respecting my boundaries (not sure what that looks like in action just yet).

I think I'm going to try it when I happen to have a place I'm hosting at. Let them take a shower. Make them feel human again. The dream would be to also provide a care package to give them as well.

Anyways, guess I just wondered what other peoples' opinions on the matter was. Would you? What precautions would you suggest? Any organizations I could partner with?

Comments

  • Navyman1010Navyman1010

    I would

  • hogboblinhogboblin
    edited May 2019

    I deal with homeless people on a regular basis. Typically, they also have issues with narcotics—meth and crack are especially popular here in Fargo. Alchoholism is rampant, too. A fair amount of them also seem at least slightly insane.

    While all homeless people in my area aren’t addicts, I vehemently dislike those who I do interact with enough to put me off from cuddling any of them.

    Then again, I wouldn’t cuddle most random people.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    Ngh. This is one of those questions.

    It's like asking "Would you cuddle the Japanese?" or "Would you cuddle the aged?" or "Would you cuddle the able-bodied?" The answer can only ever be "it depends."

    Who I'm willing to cuddle depends on the individual, not on the social category they happen to be in. Whoever they are, wherever they live, however long they've lived, wherever they were born, what matters is whether they're close enough for a cuddle, don't try to touch stuff they shouldn't, know how to take "no" for an answer, and don't have some kind of physical characteristic (like an ineradicable smell or something) that my sensory equipment can't handle.

    All homeless (Japanese, elderly, able-bodied, male, etc.) people are not alike. Some of them are even quite clean—no need to take detours or even to be deterred on that account, @TisDoney... at least in those cases.

    [sigh] Well. I'm not going to either avoid or seek out anyone on the basis of their social category.

    I'd say you should take the same precautions when cuddling with someone without a home that you would when cuddling with someone who has a roof they pay for over their head every night. If you think you need to take extraordinary precautions in order to cuddle with somebody, don't cuddle with that person. There are other, safer, people in the world... and yes, even on the street. Cuddle with them.

    And may I suggest you don't approach it from a position of superiority? "Here, let me make you feel like a human being again, you poor beaten-down thing" doesn't tend to go over well with anyone who has even a shred of self-respect.

    They've survived without you. They'll survive after you've gone.

  • WorthyWorthy

    Not me. I’m a social worker . Have worked with many homeless folks. Most of them suffering from severe mental illness which can cause them to be paranoid, angry and unpredictable at times.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Worthy Absolutely correct. To avoid politics I will just say that under certain terms years ago mental health initiatives and support were severely cut from the Federal budget and devastated what programs there were for mental health. Thousands of mental health patients were turned out into the streets. Until we face the fact that this is an organic problem requiring on-going permanent attention and money, the problem will continue to proliferate.

  • HappinessHenryHappinessHenry

    Dear DW @DarrenWalker I totally agree. It's a bit like saying "Would You Cuddler Hitler". It would so totally depend on which Hitler you were talking about!

  • [Deleted User]CharlesTwisted (deleted user)

    @TisDoney

    Pragmatically, be sure you check local laws, state laws, and even terms of your lease.

    It is painful, but there are a stunning number of regulations, statutes, and terms that prohibit taking care of fellow humans, including sheltering them, and feeding them.

    I don’t let that idiocy stop me, but I’m aware of it so I know how to minimize my risk.

    Also, look up organizations that provide services to impacted communities.

    I volunteer at an organization called Showers of Hope, which provide showers/haircuts/clothing exchanges, and so on.

    I’m sure that someone willing to give something as simple as hand, neck, or shoulder massages would be welcomed, and those events will not only provide you plenty of people to connect with and comfort, but also a far safer environment than one on ones in a private location.

  • TisDoneyTisDoney

    @DarrenWalker I would honestly approach it from the perspective that I am curious about their lives. Cause that's what it boils down to. I am curious about how they handle day to day, how they got there, ways they stay safe, other knowledge and perspectives I've never considered.

    Technically I have become homeless by choice, but I have a strategy and resources they probably don't.

    In a lot of ways, I am also curious if cuddling might raise their IQ. Our IQ drops when stressed right? What happens if you temp remove that stress or help them feel some of the suppressed emotions they have been covering up. What if you help them adopt a positive affirmation like loving yourself because you are the only one who can love yourself to the capacity you crave. Idk.

    Guess I also just don't want to get head lice... after writing this I had dreams of spiders in my hair. Eek.

  • MissAdventurousMissAdventurous

    There are a million better ways to protect yourself and help the homeless. Do not compromise your well being and safety for anything. Go join a volunteer program or something that actually does help with the betterment of the unfortunate.

    Human beings all deserve understanding. However, you need to understand that they may not be willing or capable of being emotionally or mentally, well.

    You are not a therapist.

    You are not a rehab center for the unfortunate.

    You don't even have a constant home to cuddle people with. Even if you chose to do that, you are setting yourself up for serious issues.

    Do not assume someone will take your kindness and have the capacity or want to return to you anything but.

    Seriously. This whole post screams bad news waiting to happen. So Im just gonna leave this article here. I emphasize - go join a safe, local volunteer group if you feel compelled to help, which I do support.

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homelessness_and_mental_health

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    That’s a responsible question, and i doubt I’d cuddle what i picture as a homeless person but not all homeless look alike and have the same circumstance. Just because you don’t have an address doesn’t mean you can’t keep yourself healthy and clean. Also just because you are clean doesn’t mean you aren’t dangerous. So it’s basically the cover of the book i can judge that question on, and the book I’m picturing i see is not one I’d read.

    *but i once found a very old dirty unkept copy of Moby Dick at an estate sale for a quarter, i picked it up and brought it home. Still haven’t read it but i plan too. I actually think it’s one of the earliest editions so it’s probably worth a lot.

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    Yes.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @MissAdventurous The most common sense post on this thread. Thank you.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    @MissAdventurous i agree with what your saying in the regards of how most of us think of homeless. But like i mentioned homeless is not always a addict, sleeping in a gutter or alley type person. Sometimes they are crashing from couch to couch.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited May 2019

    I agree with everyone that posted so far. I agree with you @TisDoney to a certain extent.

    One of my partners was a former homeless. I'd say still near homeless, he was just getting back on his feet it seemed when we met. I got to know him and he seemed nice then, we took a liking to each other. We didn't search for each other we just happen to meet. We had our reasons for disconnecting.

    Though, a person's financial status is not a deterrent on whether I'll be their friend, and be supportive of them or, not. I can not take on myself to financially take care of them. Though, to just be friendly, and if we ever develop a friendship be there for them: I am cool with! I also don't mind helping them out ocassionally with food, or money when I can and they seem nice. Or they are neutral to me.

    I don't recall much now. Though, I once in particular gave a dollar or so, to a homeless guy. I didn't knew/care a homeless lady was around the corner meaning it wouldn't impact my willingness to help him. It was a first come, first serve thing. I barely had anything myself then. So, when I went past her: she made a comment like why I gave him. He also told me she was distancing him from "her area". It was just odd, and may have even discouraged me from giving her anything. Not sure if it's relevant. Though, I guess that's just something to keep in mind in general. I think: jealousy.

    Like others said: best to get to know the person, and if you happen to find that they put you at ease then, I wouldn't mind considering cuddling with them.

    You are also not bad for wanting to be cautious. Or even extra cautious. Like others said, many deal with addiction, and mental health troubles: doesn't mean those with homes don't. Though, dealing with that and being homeless, most likely relationship-less be it family, friends, etc., does add to it even more. So, it may be best to volunteer at a homeless shelter.

    Depending on where - it's laws: some homeless people are not allowed homes, near certain places, etc. due to their criminality. Some are aggressive panhandlers, con-artists, etc. As the latter are even those with homes. So, something to be aware of in general. Just approach in ways that decrease any risks or, discomfort to you. Don't walk into anything you are not comfortable with in the name of "helping/saving the people" by under-estimating your comfort/safety.

    Also, some homeless people DO have partners, and do get these needs of theirs met. Go with things because you are passionate about that, and the individual(s) Involved. Not from a place of pity, or so because that'll just lead to issues. Not to mention many homeless people for example are already skeptical about someone pitying/etc., them. As well as paranoid, uncomfortable, etc., while you are here thinking about your* safety. Try to think about them thinking about THEIR safety, concerns, as well.

    To me the stakes are too high to randomly wonder, and cuddle 'the homeless' people. It may help to get to know people individually: become friends for even 3 months. Edit: Or however long it takes for you to feel comfortable with the person. end of edit. Then, depending on how you feel, they seem to feel: then work around to figuring out if they are interested. If I happen to meet people that are kind who happen to be homeless: I wouldn't say no to a friendship, etc. So, long as they have no/heavy dependence especially, financially on me.

  • ToshibazenToshibazen

    Ive read each and every post to this discussion, all of them have great points, suggestions and warnings! I have 2 children ages 4 and 2 now. 18 years ago life threw me a curve in which I struck out miserably! I lost everything and became homeless for about 3 months. My immediate family had their own lives to tend to. I'm a product of a single parent , my mom was not able to assist me in my misfortune and my father was never in the picture . Church people were too judge mental to assist , I found shelter at the Star of Hope mens shelter. I longed for affection, acceptance, conversation, having someone like you would have helped tremendously! But that's me, My heart was broken but my mind and judgement was intact and eager to get out of my situation, that's the difference between a lot of Homeless people I believe.
    I was "Homeless" I was "One of them" but I refused and abhorred that place in my life, I needed and did get out! So, would I cuddle or Hug a "Homeless" person as many have said here, it depends! For you.... I visited your profile and you are a very sweet and Kind soul, but you may be too gullible and naïve to attempt such a feat as cuddling a in this case "Homeless".
    Visit them, feed them, clothe them, wave, smile, give them a McDonalds happy meal, Play an instrument? Play for them, sing to and with them, many homeless people have skills and degrees that would put some of these trolls on this thread to shame. Use your heart to give but use others experiences and suggestions to both Give and protect yourself! Its all too easy to use terms to describe an environment or social movement or category , in the end when your dealing with a Human you will inevitably make a choice, that choice is yours and yours alone to make. Here in Houston we have "Homeless" that "Pose" as Homeless but walk away into Mercedes, lexus Suvs and etc. etc . They're just beggars for money. Then they're those that gather beneath the under passes and signs asking for money with phrases to get to your heart strings.
    Would "I" cuddle a homeless again It depends. Help as you see fit! In the end you're going to do what your heart yearns for! Give from the heart in the spirit of selflessness and no matter what you give you will be rewarded! I used to stand at the corner selling daily newspapers (When I was homeless). The $20 dollars that some random person gave me for one paper, was not to buy my paper that was an act of kindness that fed me for a week! I have been there, I know first hand. For this thread and all those that you'd consider hugging, cuddling and just sitting down to talk to , I say thank you @TisDoney Please Just be careful !!!
    People like you light up this evil, trolling world, keep being an inspiration!
    Toshibazen

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited May 2019

    @Toshibazen very well said! Sorry, you had to deal with judgemental church goers, or anyone judgemental. I can understand. I hope you are in a better place now.

    Like I also said about the little experience I had with the homeless man, and woman. I actually used to see the woman around more and did ocassionally give her change: whenever I could. I just one day happen to run into the man first so I gave a dollar or so to which when I went by her she said something I don't recall much: though, didn't make me feel happy/at ease.

    Another similar note I'd say is to also be careful, and calculating about helping others especially, the homeless. You never know who's around the corner and will get jealous, aggressive about it. Which could endanger either us or, those we are helping. In shelters I am sure they have their cons, as well. Though, they are generally safer and more managed. If you volunteer you can even help to improve someone of the things you notice is flawed. It's just important as much as we would love to help* others, to take a step back and know we can't save everyone/everything. Thus, just do the best we can for ourselves, and for others.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited May 2019

    @Toshibazen Good for you for getting out of that lifestyle but I think you need to quit being judgemental yourself by dropping the term trolls for people whom you disagree with or do not like. If you are on these forums long enough you will see that trolls do not last long and are banned. You are obviously better than that—show it.

  • ToshibazenToshibazen

    @FunCartel you voice your opinions freely on Discussion threads NOT created by you that are often with some accurate and valid points laced with demeaning verbiage such as your most recent comment. Your comment is partially correct. I do disagree and dislike some comments BUT those aren't the "Trolls" the trolls are self absorbed and that bothers me to see that on what should be decent mature topics of discussion, free of those that exhibit sociopathic and Chauvinistic behavior, I could care less to be "right" all the time but I do want to be civil, TROLLS here are not civil and taint the purity of any topic they feel Is not in their "Perfect" ideals . Some of us are just way too "Intellectual" to avoid hurting peoples feelings, on purpose, Trolls are bullies! Where I come from Bullies are looked down upon. "Good for you for getting out of that lifestyle "BUT"......You cant even compliment a fellow without stripping it right back! Someone told me that everything that proceeds the word "BUT" is rendered void. So how is another man who does not tolerate bullying, sit back and remain quiet at that ? Dnt talk to me the way you wouldn't talk to your brother or dad. (I suspect you will say something like, I do talk to my dad this way.) I'm just asking to be more courteous , if you cant then just dnt make comments that require me to defend my honor, maybe you have none? I said maybe so dnt have a cow, lol

  • LovelightLovelight

    @FunCartel yes, I was questioning this "... some of these trolls on this thread to shame." bit then, thought they were referring in general as is said by @Toshibazen's last bit. Though, that isn't what they said. I saw no troll on this thread just people offering valuable advice.

  • ToshibazenToshibazen

    @Lovelight Thank you young lady ! I am in a completely different place now! I am a proud home owner, own a Toyota tundra, a 1962 Chevrolet pick up truck (Restoration project) a 2014 Suzuki Hayabusa, Am Married to a great wife, have two beautiful children and a 100lb Argentinia Dogo LOL And I am now a Stay at Home Daddy, Loving being home with the babies!!!

  • pmvinespmvines

    @Toshibazen Your gripe if I am hearing you correctly seems to be about how someone responds on a thread on the forum that you make. You must realize that just because you make a thread, doesn't mean you are able to decide how people respond and whose posts are valid. You cant control that. I think a lot of people who create a thread see it as their creation and feel they should be able to have say with how it rolls along. You make the thread, however you do not moderate the thread. I advise you to try to not get upset and defensive, and then go on the offensive, when you see someone post something you do not agree with. If you pose a question, you cannot blame folks for responding to it.

  • ToshibazenToshibazen

    @Lovelight No not this thread, it is 2 of my other threads I created. Mine personally, the trolls will not "Troll" on female threads or comments. I have seen females say similar things to what I have said in different threads and not one of the trolls made a comment to her , lol and they wouldn't dare ! :) I'm just saying.

  • ToshibazenToshibazen

    @pmvines Thank you!

  • LovelightLovelight

    @Toshibazen alright, I am glad you are well. ?

  • ToshibazenToshibazen

    @Lovelight Thank you kindly! So am I haha Best part is , I get to do my best to give my children the things I have never had and to do my best to never have them homeless :) These kids are amazing :)

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Toshibazen I say the word but and that bothers you? You call people on threads trolls yet I am insensitive? You call yourself an intellectual in your rant and yet you cannot see your own hypocrisy. There would never be any but from me if you were not name calling. And this is not the only thread you called people trolls. Name calling is trolling, so look in the mirror.

Sign In or Register to comment.