@allan2018 that just sounds weird to me, but remember it is absolutely positive to be racist against the people that look like yourself. But it doesn’t make it any less racist.
@snugbuddy Anyone can be racist no matter their race, and I don't condone racism no matter who it is done against! Or who it's done by. It's just as I know it minorities for example, Black people experience this the most! I had racism, and the like done against me, as well. From all kinds of races, even from minorities/non-Black people themselves. Some told me to "go back to so and so place" and so on. They said things that were awfully out of line, racist, and misogynistic, etc.
If someone (no matter their race) is talking rubbish about for example: how "they are not racist because they've a Black/etc. friend" then, making a skit/comedy about that, I've no issue with. Just because we are 'friends' with someone of so and so race doesn't inherently mean we don't hold racist views against certain races: including that person's race who* we call friend. The same way, just because someone might call me their 'friend' doesn't inherently mean they are not a fake friend. Or as some like to throw around: just because we had a 'Black' president, doesn't mean racism doesn't exist. Or that certain types of it is over.
Thank you @Lovelight for making this post, inspired by @hopelesscuddler, who sadly decided to leave this site. I hope that he comes back and has a more pleasant experience. Here are my perspectives. I have cuddled people of many races (Black, White, Spanish, Indian, Arab and Multi-racial). If a cuddler does not want to cuddle me because I am Black or any other reason, time to move onto the many who do. I don’t have time to worry about who is and who is not discriminatory. As a Black male, I have experienced people often making ignorant, stereotypical and or negative comments towards me. Instead of letting it get to me, I love and interact with my friends of many races/cultures, who are positive. I defy many if not all negative stereotypes about my race anyway. Thank you again for caring and opening up discussion, about this topic.
Cuddlers in the UK don't want to cuddle with a black guy, plus there are not that many cuddlers here either. How do I know this? I did an experiment by creating another account with the same info and used a photo of a friend who is a of a different nationality. Not only did I get more profile views I got responses to the messages I sent. Nobody has to force them to cuddle with anyone they don't want to but, then what am I supposed to do, buy a life sized teddy bear and cuddle it as much as I want?!??♂️?
And don't worry, I of course deleted the account. ??
@FishCuddles thank you for sharing your view.
While some people are long gone, I have hope that with time some will challenge their world views, and begin to understand why some things they do/say/etc., are unnecessary, hurtful, and racist no matter how they try to sugar-coat. I think just being able to call things for what they are is a good start in life, and in dismantling racism in all of it's forms be they overt/covert. Hopefully, this gave us all things to think more about, and consider.
@hopelesscuddler let me know if you get a buy one, get one free deal on that bear. lol. ?
Not that I know* y'all's life, and challenges: what they really feel like. Though, I hope we all continue to have the strength to get back up, and help one another to carry on. As much as we fear we'll not meet decent people, achieve whatever goals in life: we never know. So, it's important to take a break. Though, don't give up. Get back to it, and you just might score the jackpot by meeting amazing people. While life can get tough, many of us are here to support one another. So, we are not so alone. ?
So @hopelesscuddler, while i know all to well your plight, in my mind a large issue has been presented. How many experiments have you or are you running? I know the need to make valid the feelings you may have but i believe you’ve done has ruined it for the rest of us. As this thread has discussed, there is a difference in and racism. The discussion needs to be had, but everyone has to be honest in the discussion. Now we don’t know how honest your being. Was the offending account real? How many you in disguised accounts are there? I know racism is real even when people deny it, but i don’t need more variables that i don’t know about.
@BashfulLoner +1. Racial catfishing does a disservice to everyone involved.
I have noticed on escort sites they often say no black men. So even if they are hating on black men. I would feel terrible if that was me.
I have no knowledge of these two people that this forum post was originally about. That being said, I would wager that the cuddler probably responded with a "No, thanks." to a first message from the man. Then, when she was asked a follow up "Why not?" she probably gave her reason. Anyone else think that's possible? I may be the only person on CuddleComfort who does not like sushi. I've tried the best sushi from so many places (according to others) and I have never liked it. I'm not equating sushi to a race of people, I'm just saying we all have our preferences. If someone does not want to try my favorite food, I won't call them an "Anti-hamburgerite" even if I think they are missing out on something terrific. How much will I wager above? A $5 Starbucks gift card to anyone who can find out and prove if this response was to the first message from the man to the woman cuddler...
@loveandsky I would say that considering she is banned that the messages have been examined by the Cuddle Comfort forensics team.
@FunCartel I guess no Starbucks for me. :-) This is a great discussion thread. Thanks all for sharing your thoughts!
@melancholy there are several reasons some escorts (including some black escorts) say no black men in their ads.. This isn't the place to go into the reasons. It is not always because of racism or not wanting to have sex with black guys. I learned this from black guys. So it's not some clueless white guy just making things up. Many of these white escorts that put this in their ads date black guys and have black boyfriends.
There's a lot of contradictions on this site, people with profiles that stress everything is platonic yet they have a bunch of seductive half-naked photos. Then the preferences to "cuddle" with attractive people or people of a certain look. If you just want to cuddle for the feeling as you say, why are so many of you acting like you're looking for a date?
Beautifully said, Love has NO color; red, yellow, black, brown, white, we are ALL precious, it is about our character. Love and peace to ALL of you!
@loveandsky the Post this came from had a screen shot of the one and only message. It was from someone unsolicited messaging them and sayin “I’m not into Black guys.” Not not being into Black guys is not the issue at all, IMO the nature of the message showed a lack of manners and aggression unwarranted. That being said, all the platonic nature of the discussions here don’t apply. As far as escorts stating the don’t want Black men is what i would assume is status quo for their profession and only serves to entice the men who may look at the sites. I don’t believe for one minute that these escorts don’t do their business with Black men whether for a few or free. It’s just like saying “no msg” or “non-GMO” it’s to please the viewers inadequacies or racist thoughts. I don’t know that for sure, but i believe all escorts ads say that no matter the race of the escort. But who knows, it can’t be because they can’t pay, or because they are diseased or because they are violent because everyone knows that “especially in this type of transaction” these aren’t issues remotely isolated to Black men. I have known personally of a escort who advertises that she doesn’t date black men but does for a fee and for free.
@Kense I am looking for a date because I don’t like figs.
Thank you, @BashfulLoner . I am not sure why someone would send a first message to someone of a certain race and open the message by saying they are not into someone of that race - unless there was a "but" later in the message.
I'm just glad that, so far, no one has responded to any message I sent saying "I don't like older, fat guys with bad excuses for humor on their profile" As we know, some people play "hard to get". I play "Hard to like". I'm not sure I recommend my strategy... I do wish warm hugs to everyone!
@loveandsky that’s the thing, i don’t think anyone would say those things. That type of rudeness is reserved for a special type.
@loveandsky, @BashfulLoner, along with everyone else in doubt about whether the message in question was in response: a first message, second, etc., or made up.
First. As shown by the screenshot, and told by @hopelesscuddler. It IS a first message. The person in question, got banned for a reason, as well. This place doesn't tolerate such behavior, and that's a WONDERFUL thing. Just because he then came out to say, he now did an experiment: doesn’t necessarily mean that what happened before is made up. Nor do I have a reasonable reason that indicates that it’s made up. I understand the harm lies do and, abhor "crying wolf/" though, I've no reasonable reason to doubt @hopelesscuddler's experience.
The fact that they/people don't associate with someone just because of the color of their skin, doesn't make it less racist as I've given abundant reasons for why this is racist. Most of this so called "racial preference" is rooted in racism. Not just a "I am attracted to* this color/shade more than that." People of any color/race* can be attractive, as well as not so attractive: so, unless they seen every person alive of that race/racial mix/color it's not factual to say: "I am not attracted/ to race so and so." Except if they just don't find a certain color, shade attractive for them. At the end of the day, many of us aren't and shouldn't force anyone to be open to any race. Though, the fact that many are racist and hide it under "preference" doesn't make it any less racist, and unreasonable for why they wouldn't associate with others just because their race/color differs.
After I thought* through this some more, I come to the conclusion that: As for the person, in question, they were simply out of line, went out of their way to send the person something that* much of it is racist! If it were an initiated conversation, or a discussion about someone's attraction then, when they say "I am not attracted to ________." I would follow with why, to determine from their response whether it's racist. Or they simply prefer a certain color, over another. Though, this case is a beast of its own. I hope this gives us all things to reflect, and thought us a thing or two. ?
Edit: disregard the following as it's irrelevant to what you said @loveandsky sorry, for the misread. end of edit.
Now, even IF @hopelesscuddler sent a "hello" or say, if two individuals got into an argument; someone throwing in racial slurs or, whatever racist, unkind things in it, doesn’t make it less racist, unkind. Many racists/etc. will try to justify their racism/injustice this way, and in whatever way they can. To me, it's much like blaming the victim because they were walking outside, and they smiled at people, maybe even said hello. So, "they are justified to get yelled at, etc." That's absurd. The world shouldn't be eggshell, nor a place where we think a friendly message warrents racism, hostility, etc. When that happens, straight up that person is just being a whatever they are being, and it's no fault of the person that was just friendly, or said hello, and the like.
@loveandsky, et al.
As for the "this is UNBELIEVABLE, who would just send this to a complete stranger" thoughts. I can understand, it's UNBELIEVABLE. Though, it is the reality, it happens, Edit: and as much as we hate for these terrible things to be true, we need to come to terms with it. end of edit. Not here though: racism, misogyny, and the like has happened to me both out of the blue as the first thing they sent, and it has happened to me when I responded to their seemingly friendly messages. Though, they turned nasty, boundary pushers, and so, I rejected them: to which they threatened, told me to go back to so, and so place, etc.
There are also many (so far I just see most among women) who come out with similar troubles: in which men get aggressive, racist, and misogynistic, etc. towards them after a rejection, or whenever. Even on dating apps, the women have a right to respect, and they deserve to not be objectified.
This mindset of "what was she wearing" etc., which tends to come up most when women are violated in certain ways, also needs to be challenged.
It doesn’t matter what she was wearing. She’s not less deserving of a date, respect, and most of all, to give consent, and for her boundaries to be respected!
For many of us that truly want to support victims: We need to stop going along with rhetorics such as “what was she wearing” because that victim blames which in turn, gives power to predators. As well as continues giving power to the patriarchy. We live in a world where women, victims, etc. are often blamed, shamed, and doubted. It doesn’t matter what women wear, what time someone was out, etc., if any of that was the one and only reason women/people are being violated, disrespected for: we wouldn’t have from babies, to young kids being violated. The truth, it’s not about what women wear, etc., or the fact that, someone messaged someone first: bad, and horrible behaviours are 100% the fault of the person that did it.
@BashfulLoner You think I'm making this up?
@hopelesscuddler i think that you said you made up a profile in order to make a point muddies the water. If you can make up one, why can’t you make up two? Listen, i know what you are experiencing, i see it as well, i questioned it in the post when i first came on board. I know how deeply the racial bias is engrained in people, and have heard all the defense to it. I’m the type of person who thinks I’ll remove all room for doubt, and what i think you did was introduce doubt.
But believe me young brother, it ain’t going to be much better anywhere you go. Everyone holds these biases against minorities, face it you watch tv you know the images put out there. Question it, challenge it, yes but don’t manipulate it.
Its easy to condemn any type of racism but then what about ageism?"I'll only cuddle 21-35 years of age".Does that make someone any less hateful than someone who has a preference or non preference for a certain race?You're only kidding yourself if you make age a barrier instead of race and think somehow that this is superior to racism.
@hopelesscuddler
I try hard to avoid getting into any of the serious Discussions on this site because I find it often ends in tears (usually mine).
However, I feel for you man. Anyone rejecting us so rudely (especially when we have not even solicited their attention) feels horrible. And even worse when clearly based on prejudice.
However, I have to point out that you also, in one of your posts above, exhibited a prejudice about British people being less friendly that Americans - based only on the (presumably limited) number of British cuddlers you have experienced.
So I guess we all have the potential for a little bit of prejudice in us. Is all I'm saying.
(Now I am going to put on my tin helmet. Hunker back down in my trench and wait for the usual CC Forum flack to start flying!).
PS @hopelesscuddler I guess you could say that I AM into black men in that my son, Dami, is one!
Some of you are missing the point why this discussion was started in the first place. A woman I had never interacted with messaged me and said 'i'm not into black men'. I reported the account and it has been banned. She is entitled to her preference but for her to tell a stranger out of the blue was uncalled for. Did I ask her what her preference is? Nobody is talking about preferences as being racist, who has it worse or 'I'm white and I've dealt with racism'. Listen, if you are not into certain types of men that is fine just don't stop a random stranger and proclaim that because it is wrong.
I hope one of the moderators closes this discussion because talking about this is a waste of time and shows some people just don't get it.
Farewell
@hopelesscuddler Just contact @SoulcuddlerZ directly in this instance and request it be closed. He is one of the mods and very cool about such things and will just close it for you, if the plot has been lost somewhere. It often happens.
Everyone has preferences. Some preferences are racist, sexist, ageist, ableist, etc. @hopelesscuddler's right: that's not the point here. The point is how very rude it is to grab someone with a characteristic you don't like and tell them that you don't like it! Nobody. Asked.
I'm sure everyone here already knows how bad that is, yes? Don't do that to people.
And why would you want to broadcast your whatever-ist preferences, anyway? It does not make you look good. If you can't get rid of it, at least don't put it on a flagpole and wave it around!
God more diatribes about race and color. Gets boring rather quickly.
@hopelesscuddler I don't think the discussion should be closed. I think it was valuable in bringing light to the issue, and allowing everyone to give their thoughts.
Seems something upset you, feel free to share and we can go from there, as well. Some people doubt you, some have differin thoughts on the issue, etc. Though, I don't think it calls for a closing.
For those that doubt his experience. Like I shared, these things however "unbelievable" they seem, they happen and even threats, racism, etc. was made against me elsewhere in similar fashions. Him then, saying he did an experiment after: doesn't necessarily mean what happen, didn't happen. With that, we can agree to disagree. Just know that these things happen, and online you'll find many women/ who experience/d it.
Through this discussion, many of us can first agree that this person was unkind, and went out of their way to show it!
Whether this is racism, or not. We have discussed a lot that we can read through to see each other's perspectives and make up our own minds about it. Personally, through the discussion, and thinking through, I came to the understanding that for example, if someone just prefers darker, or lighter colored person: then that's not racism. (Although, I always thought of that at the back of my mind.) If they prefer because race so and so is: too submissive, violent, etc., for them: then, yes! That's racism, and putting a whole race into invalid frame. Which needs to be challenged, and overcome. As far as other physical appearance: writing off a whole race as "I am not attracted to that race." Is very much invalid, as they've not seen everyone from that race/racial mix: not all Black/etc. people look the same. Which, are some of the things in need of rethinking, and challenging.