Wondering if it can get confusing to be dating some people and platonically cuddling with others. And of course the answer will be “it depends.” My therapist told me to go on a date. ?
Personally, I think it could be confusing to participate in both. I had already pulled myself out of dating when I entered the cuddling world. Since I had that break already, it was easier to separate cuddling from dating.
If the dating is not monogamous and platonic, why not cuddle others all you want? Since a therapist is involved, ask what your parameters should be and why. Be mindful of any pitfalls your therapist brings up.
Even married people cuddle here, mostly with full disclosure to the spouse AND the enthusiast. Mostly.
Keep it simple and open to start.
I went to a therapist back in 1979. He said, "Start dating, but remember, if she's blonde, don't just assume she's perfect" We all have learned scripts we can decide to unlearn.
If you wonder what the temperature of a swimming pool is, you can do at least three things:
Choose, wisely
Platonic cuddling shouldn't have much to do with your dating life if you're doing it right. But if your platonic cuddling is not so platonic in nature I can see the problem and how it might interfere.
Just my two cents and I am by no means a therapist or even a certified Dear Abby, but I have found through life experience that men compartmentalize things more than women. For example, men will say this is just cuddling, this is just sex, and this is just dating. All three are separate. Women tend to examine what all of it means and where it is going down the road more. I think a lot of this has to do with Gender history. Women have historically had much more to lose if things became complicated such as kids, limited opportunities, etc. so naturally they had to look at the bigger picture. So I can easily see where things can get confused.
Yeah it will take some self talk and brain organization if I decide to do both so I can keep things straight. Or maybe not. Who knows? Maybe I’ll find out. Good thing is I’m very introspective and constantly check in with myself and about myself with people I trust and value their opinion. Also willing to communicate very directly with others and seek clarification when needed.
@HoneyBooBoo That therapist is right about the blonde. It is the old saying that somewhere in the world a man has been sleeping with the most beautiful woman in the world and is tired of her crap.
That also works in reverse quite often.
@Worthy You didn't say whether your therapist suggested you find a cuddly buddy? A large percentage of men seeking cuddle partners are married or "in a relationship". As are many of the women professional cuddlers. Don't overthink it. And lastly, I don't mean to burst your bubble, but not everything a therapist says is necessarily good advice.
Since I am a therapist, I know not everything a therapist says is brilliant or even on target so no bubble burst. ? I started with cuddling just prior to starting back therapy so she knows. Went to therapy and found cuddling for many of the same reasons. ?
What do YOU think, can it... for you?
I barely had to consider both at the same time before. Though, firstly, I think it's important to slow down, and not take on more than you can handle. If you get involved with too many people especially, in such short times: you'll likely mix up their names, things they tell you, etc., So, you might miss out on really getting to know each person.
If you plan well, and approach that way then, it's likely to work out. Person to person, it differs. Like @FunCartel, et al. said, I can agree with to a certain extent. It will require a decent level of compartmentalization, and self-discovery.
I think part of why women in general, might not be as good at compartmentalization as men are i.g. is that: there hasn't been as much shame (that I am aware of) surrounding men dating more than one woman. In some cultures, religions, men are even allowed to marry, date, etc. more than one woman. While women, no questions asked, they are shamed. Thus, discouraging these sides of women, leading to lesser developed compartmentalization skills/abilities. Though, this can be overcome.
What else. It's possible that your feelings might get mixed as you're searching for a partner or, whatever. So, your goal to meet with others for the purpose of platonic cuddles might get clouded: as you are switching between the two sides. It'll be important to just see how you feel, think, and make changes/adjust accordingly. Even, if it means: discontinuing platonic cuddles.
My personal experience is that it isn't confusing to keep the two separate. If someone is from this site or they say that they want to be platonic, respect that and keep the relationship platonic. If they don't say anything about wanting to be platonic see if they are interested in dating.
All good thoughts. If I decide to go ahead with dating I’ll find folks on a dating site. ?
After a long and difficult marriage and divorce it’s nice to have all paths open from cuddling, dating and anything else I choose. So freeing. Plus my kids are almost grown so wahooooo! ?
@Worthy In response to your OP.
Not half as confusing as dating and platonically cuddling with THE SAME PERSON, at the same time!!!
I guess Hank gets confused when he hugs the people he dated.
Ok yes. It is confusing for me at least. Told a guy on a dating site we could get an Airbnb. Umm. No. That’s for cuddlers. Sheesh.
@Worthy hahaha oh dear that must have been quite the conversation
i've had plenty of folks who are in happy marriages still cuddling with me so I feel like there's a good sense of separation there if folks understand where their cuddling needs are coming from. Dating is not much different.
"So freeing" is the paragraph I most relate to. My relationship expectations are not marriage orientated. When I cuddle I don't expect to keep my stories or people straight. I think of it as recreational and the people involved are interchangeable. I can see where divorce recovery, being newly single, cuddling strangers and dating might require some help in sorting your head. So now I get to say "Healer heal thyself." I'm with you on the other end of the spectrum.
I actually met a cuddle partner at a dating event. We get along extremely well and felt comfortable physically with each other but there’s no romantic spark...
Viva la difference!