A BRIEFS CUDDLING HISTORY OF THE WORLD (Now You Know I Don’t Get Out Enough) by Henry Shires
Of course if existence had abided by the strict rules of formal Cuddling there would have been no history. Because No Big Bang. Or little bang. Or any other banging, for that matter.
And the dinosaurs died out because of no other reason other than that T Rex was unable to cuddle all his other dinosaur pals on account of his tiny, prehensile upper arms.
And Eve was basically driven out of the garden of Eden by the As(p), who was basically The First Moderator, because she infringed the first cuddling rules by pushing Adam’s boundaries in the first ever proto cuddle by putting one of her hands on his “fig leaf” area. Plus Adam also had some major chronic chest pain to contend with after God had to remove one of his ribs to make Eve from!
It has been obscured entirely from the history books that the Vikings would almost always go for a group cuddle after completing sufficient raping and pillaging. While if Julius Caesar had kept Cassius closer to his man breast, he might never have been stabbed by Cassius in his “Ides of March”.
And, if Hitler had been more “into Black men” and had given Jessie Owens a good man cuddle WW2 might never have happened.
And did you know that “Al Qaeda” ORIGINALLY meant “All cuddle!”. Oh boy, how far off track did those guys go!!!