Contact between cuddles

WendyDWendyD
in General

How much contact (eg text, email) do people have with their cuddlers in between cuddles? I’m finding that the cuddle experience is so bonding it makes me want to really get to know the other person well and so I text a lot... then I get fearful that I’m “too much”..

Comments

  • Navyman1010Navyman1010

    For me I don't like it

  • sweettea1970sweettea1970

    I rarely initiate contact with clients I've cuddled, even regulars. However, I do respond to their texts as frequently as they care to send them. If it's a client who has not booked a session but seems to want to text non-stop, I limit my contact with them as politely as possible because I feel they might never pull the trigger (there is a "time wasters" thread somewhere about those).

  • WendyDWendyD

    Ah - thank you but I’m talking about non professional cuddles here.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited May 2019

    Personally, I am more of a reciprocater. So, more or less as much as they'll have with me. Though, I try to be active as well, and have them know they matter. So, something like for every 1-2 check-ins/contact they do/make, I do 1.

    It really depends on everyone's needs, and schedules. Like me, I am barely able to meet others during the winter. So, even if I connect well with someone we'd see each other during the warm tımes only. Which leaves a ton of times in which we most likely wouldn't meet. If someone is nice to me, and they like to talk, I am generally cool with it. Though, EVERYDAY, and not respecting the times I say, for a few days I'll be busy: is no good.

    Not here. Though, I had individuals that messaged me (I am almost sure) everyday. They wouldn't give me space by sending a message like every second of whenever we begun messaging, like: "respond me, you there, hey, etc." One day, I told one of them, "I am going out with friends now. I'll message once I come back." He was like, “no stay with me.” Needless to say, I disconnected him. Though, he still acted up for a bit.

    I think you'll be okay, though. I'd advice, if you find yourself always reaching out. Then, best to take steps back, and if they never reach out to you: their loss. The fact that you are concerned about this shows that you care about others. So, give yourself some break. Figure out what is okay for you, and try to gauge the other person's interest. Unless they outlined for you.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited May 2019

    I think what you need is more so people that are open to both cuddles, and friendships. Some are open to both, some not/not so. For those who aren't, they are more of just contact me when you need a hug type people. I'll contact you when I need. While the other types are alright to be a friend that keeps contact with you, and meet when possible.

    Unless someone is obsessive: contacting EVERYDAY, every few minutes if they don't respond, being virtually/the only one initiating, etc. You should generally be good. Especially, when the person is cool to be friends, and you find they are relatively initiating the same. What makes you feel/think you might be bothering others, though?

  • sweettea1970sweettea1970

    Oh gosh, I'm sorry Wendy...I didn't realize I was speaking out of turn! I need to pay closer attention. Looks like you got some good responses though.

  • WendyDWendyD

    Mostly my own anxiety ?
    I have four on going cuddle relationships and we text every couple of days (just checking in). Three of them always say loads, telling me about their day etc.. but one only answers briefly and to the point... I guess that’s just his style but it makes me anxious! when we are together (roughly once a month) he is very encouraging and says most definitely that I am not “too much” but then within a week of him leaving we’re back to minimal communication.. I wonder whether I ought to mimic his style of communication but that seems fake as it’s not me and I don’t want to give him the impression that I’m not keen..

  • WendyDWendyD

    sweattea - don’t apologise ?.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @wendyburfitt who is this brief guy so, I can have a brief chat with him. lol. Joking.

    I learnt that, some people are just not chatty in certain communication modes. If he seems more chatty in person, and most of all you enjoy his company: than, that’s just how he is. Especially, if he also checks in on you, and initiates to meet you. Than I’d say, you two are a match, and you are not bothering him. It doesn’t mean you’ll be a match in everything. Though, if you are relatively a match, and have mutual respect. Then you are good!

    I don’t have anxiety disorder. Though, I can understand some as I also experienced similar things. It’s important to breath in, and exhale a few times. Especially, whenever you have those thoughts. Try to then look at the fuller picture. ?

  • pmvinespmvines

    @wendyburfitt i will talk your ear off when face to face and under the right circumstances but am not much of a texter or phone person. In fact, and some of my friends on this site can attest, i will often go weeks at a time without speaking to someone at all. No harm or foul. I just is what i is so not to be taken personally.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited May 2019

    Whether you should mimic him. Or not. I can’t really say, I don’t know the whole story. Though, it’s also a personal decision.

    Let me know if I’ve an idea of what is going on:

    For example:

    Him: “Hi, how was* your day?”

    You/your natural response:

    “It was good, thanks. I went to the shop to pick up some groceries, took my dog out for a walk, and had lunch with my kids. What about you?”

    That’s just random stuff I chose. lol.

    Him: “It was good, thanks! :) ”

  • WendyDWendyD

    Yeah that’s the idea - or I will send a text and he doesn’t respond for three or four days... I usually textcagain as though nothing had happened but I wonder if I should just hold out... then my fear takes over and I worry that if I don’t text then we’ll never speak again ? - despite the fact that we have a date in the diary for the next meet up... I think this is more about my anxiety than anything else..

  • UKGuyUKGuy

    Instead of wondering what they might think, you could bring it up as a topic of conversation during your next cuddle session. Just ask them how they feel about it. Ask it as an open ended question like "How do you feel about me texting you between visits?".

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I’m extremely detached. I can have a great cuddle session where I have an amazing connection with a girl but once it’s over, I let it and the person go. I am also extremely busy in my business life so outside of work, I try to avoid interaction in general with people. Also in my case, I’m married so the only person I really have a desire to have any attachment to is my wife.

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