The following is my current journey, and thought process surrounding the mentioned issue.
Someone (non-pro) I've been planning with in advance to meet has suddenly stopped speaking to me.
I asked them for time confirmation: 5 days before meeting.
No response. Then, the morning before the day of meeting I followed up to let them know:
"Would've been ideal to hear back from you yesterday. Is that time good for you, or not?" Edit: refering to the time I previously suggested. end of edit.
Side note: Normally, if no confirmation 2 days ahead, I’d cancel. 3 days ahead can also generally be great for me! Though, because they don’t know this about me, yet. I tried to compromise with them/give leeway.
No response. The night before we were supposed to meet I sent this:
"I still haven't heard a time confirmation from you. I wanted to talk, and try to video call with you, as well. You are not speaking to me for some reason. I am changing my plans for tomorrow. So, we are not meeting. I need to plan, and confirm things ahead of time."
The old/young me, when these kinds of things happen would get emotional/ over it. Not so much voice it. Though, it'd impact my mood. I'd think it's me they hate, something wrong with me, etc. Though, I think more so, I’d worry about them. Wondering if they are okay. Or something happen to them, etc. This then brought emotional toll on me.
I kept at the thought process of: do they think of me? Then I thought: If they care they’ll make the effort to show it. I shouldn’t have to do it all myself, and worry so much. Having not a clue if they feel the same about me. Nor is there really a reason we should worry so much about each other: when we can instead work together. I thought, if there ought to be concern/ then let it at least be mutual. Then I thought, I don't want that on another. So I'll most likely go with the latter. ?
Still I worry a bit, I am saddened a bit. It'll take time to overcome it.
Some “ifs” coming through:
Generally speaking, I’ve become less concerned about thinking if: I am unattractive to them. Or, said/ something wrong to push them away. Etc. If the former is the case, then oh well. It is what it is.
If there were things they said they were okay with about me. Then rethought to find out they are not okay with. Thus, causing them to back away. Then, they are free to tell me.
If I may have done something wrong. Or there is something I could do better. That also, it’s on them to let me know.
I'll make a conscious effort to:
Remember that building relationships, making plans, etc., are a partnership/team effort.
Moving forward, I’ll let these “ifs” just go by, as opposed to losing energy over trying to figure them out: all on my own. Anything could be the case, and it’s not all for me to figure out on my own. Whether this individual contacts me now. Or not. I hope they are okay, and I wish them well. Unless they have a hella of a good reason for their stoping contact with me. I've no interest to speak with them. I do however, wish them well, and that they do better if need be.
I made the most out of my day, and it was pleasant. Hope you have, as well. If not, I hope you do. ?
I think its very cruel to ghost someone....the person doing it shows a lack of character.
Why was the OP account deactivated ?
Omg, the ghosting is so NOT about you! They're the one with the problem. You have done nothing wrong! Please stop beating yourself up about it. You don't really know why this person stopped talking to you (and you might never know) so why go to an assumption that makes you feel bad? Maybe they are depressed and isolating, maybe they dropped their phone in the toilet and don't have access to a computer, maybe they have last minute company, maybe they are having an emergency appendectomy, maybe they ate too much and aren't feeling particularly good about themselves. You just don't know. I totally understand how you feel and why you feel the way you do. My first go to would be it's something about me too, but I am so much happier in my life having learned to take a different perspective. Shit happens and people have busy lives. It's not you.
@MJ150 "Not friendly" ghosts?
Clearly not the Casper variety.
@melancholy I agree if they did that deliberately. It's terrible of them to do.
@MarthaSpeaks
I agree, I pretty much stopped think it's about me. Now I think it's a lot more about them. Though, even about them I try not to get myself get caught up with. Slowly, though surely I'll overcome it. Thank you! ?
@MJ150 I deactivate when I need to, and come back when I can.
@HappinessHenry I don't think Casper would ghost, I think Casper is sweet.
I have so many girls ghost on me it´s ridiculous, and there is never a logical explanation.
@MJ150 yes, it's terrible.
@Lovelight Glad you did your job by following up 5 days, 3 days, and cancelling before more time is wasted by someone else's inconsiderate behaviors. It's a blessing in disguise. Trusting but verifying is soo important . It takes two people being present to cuddle, obviously that person wasnt present or committed enough.
I would like to believe that , as @MarthaSpeaks points out, that if you are ghosted it's them, not you . As long as you are still the same person you started out as, there should be no reason to think it is due to something they don't like about you . And it is the land of the interweb where folks can distance themselves from the feelings of others quite easily . I will say it can still sting though, and if you already have esteem and emotional issues it can affect you in a negative way . I myself have been ghosted a couple times , though I like to think of it more as a mutual falling out because I wasn't exactly chasing after them either . Plans were made , they fell through , and then no real follow up after. It happens , nothing to be resentful or hurt over . I have prob ghosted folks myself , though not intentional . I just don't really talk much to begin with so if there is a ton of communication at first , then I fall into my normal state of interaction , it may seem like I'm ghosting but I'm not. I'm a sprinter , not a distance runner, when it comes to interactions I suppose. I have only intentionally done that twice on here that I can think of, and it was because the person became what I saw as rather unstable, or severe personailty issues , and I felt uncomfortable interacting with them.
As a pro, I don’t ghost. If they’re inappropriate, I report them.
In my profile I ask for a photo and first name if someone is going to message me. Then I offer a free video chat or if they’re close an in person meeting. If we keep going back and forth with messages and missed or late chats or cancelled appointments, then I’m not going to waste anymore time and I tell them they need to go another route, wish them the best of luck and to take care. If they don’t get it, then yes I will block them or decline booking offers. As I just had to do with someone. He missed our first video chat altogether. The second one was very short (I usually block out 1/2-1hr) but it only lasted 5-10 minutes....but I agreed to meet. Then he last minute cancelled 2 appointments. We as pros have to give CC payment information they keep on file to collect their 15% after a booking, but we have no financial recourse if the client cancels last minute. As a cuddled meeting with another cuddled, there is no need yo ghost. It’s immature and at the first sign of it, I would’ve just told them I don’t think this is working out. Goodbye. Don’t waste your time worrying. A lot of people on here are not serious or new and get scared. Some like to just be trolls. If she didn’t want to hear from you, she could’ve just blocked you, but she didn’t. I think she liked the attention and the chase. Now it seems you know better. If someone starts to ghost or be flaky, say goodbye and block them. Good luck out there.
@Lovelight You just ghosted all of CC. When you get back, I'm here for you. I have high self-esteem so it's okay. You can ghost me all you want. No worries. My support is unwavering and secure.
Considering how awkward this can feel, even into the first session, it's no surprise that this happens. A pro cuddle is not like having someone fix your car or do your taxes. That doesn't make anyone's time or feelings irrelevant. It's just an inconvenience that comes with what we're doing.
I've been ghosted by one non-pro who initiated contact, and we'd decided we would choose a day in the following week. Poof - gone. I didn't think too much about it.
I have literally been ghosted about 100 times and its not about people just stop talking to me, its about making actual plans for them to just disappear afterwards.
Dear All
I just wondered. Just wondered mind - not saying! Whether once the world invents a label for something, it can sometimes make things worse?
The world and their husband are always accusing each other of "trolling", for instance. When in reality this catch-all label includes a huge variety of different behaviours, scenarios and motivations.
Maybe, just maybe, if we took each individual case of so called "Ghosting" on its own (de)merits we might have more success in resolving - or at least understanding - the problems.
Your thoughts?
MOD Edit: Removed last sentence as potentially provocative [SoulcuddlerZ]
Some people think you are ghosting them if you don't return a text within 5 minutes.
@UKGuy Precisely. Thank you. I rest my case!
I’ve been ghosted so many times that I pretty much see the signs before it happens. I been on this site since I was 18 I think. I don’t have high self esteem at all but when the time comes to meet people I try to fake like I do. I understand that sometimes guys lose interest. That fine but some guys who started messaging me in the first place will stop as soon as they see my picture. Every time they do this it like a huge slap in the face while they would feel nothing at all. Cuddling has nothing to do with sex or the sexual nature realm. I’m not ugly I’m average. I’m not skinny I’m thick but not plus size. So I don’t know why guys have these insane beauty standards for us girls. I obviously don’t make the cut. I’m not strange, Creepy and my hygiene is 100%. I have manners and keep things positive. I make sure to smile and act like I’m happy kinda like a job interview but not so aggressively nice and agreeable. At the end of the day I put my best foot forward and if guy can’t appreciate it then it something wrong with him. I make sure I tell myself that everytime I get ghosted over and over until I start to feel better.
@Ameris All good points but your profile pic—you do look like a snow covered tennis court. I prefer a grass tennis court dappled by sunlight.
Seriously though, do not let the b*%#+%&s grind you down. Those that ghost over appearance are not worth your time to begin with.
Thank you @FunCartel
@Ameris Do you charge ?
No I don’t. Why?
Ghosting can be one of 3 things in my experience. EDIT: maybe 4 actually.
Two people getting super carried away with each other, and one has a reality check. Starts to question it. Whether it is what they really want.
One person straight up just meets someone else. Someone already “fresher”. Someone new.
One person is more intense or different to what they were when the conversation started.
Someone wasn’t honest about what they wanted. They really just wanted a bit of attention but when the reality of meeting approaches, either realises or acknowledges they don’t want that.
I’ve experienced all 3 of these, and in the past have been a ghoster. Now I try not to. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, but I will always try to let the other person know what’s going on, where my head is at etc.
Communication is so important to the process; the history and understanding is limited to what is shared, understanding what someone means is vital. Cuddling is the easy part.