Cuddle with a Trans

Teddy_Bear_HugsTeddy_Bear_Hugs
in General

I had a weird experience today, from a different site i scheduled session with a person who claimed to be a woman. But after meeting in person it did not take much long to realize she was a trans gender. It was a pre paid 2 hour session but I wasn’t comfortable so spent around 30 minutes just talking and ended the session.

Should i have told upfront that I do not appreciate her not mentioning about it? I don’t know i did not want to hurt her... she must have gone through a lot.

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Comments

  • guy4cuddlesguy4cuddles
    edited June 2019

    I had a similar experience with a lady that hadn't fully transitioned. It would have been good to know up front that she would need to "change positions" because of her natural reactions. If she would have told me upfront I would not have scheduled, and I would have missed out on a great cuddle experience. So, I'm a bit torn on your question.

    We can identify with whatever sex/orientation/gender we feel. So bottom line, if she says she's a woman, then she's a woman.

    Catch me on a drunk Friday night, I might self identify as a white, female, 5'2" tall, weighing 115 lbs, with blue eyes and blonde hair.

    DISCLAIMER: I'm from the deep south and sometimes my words don't come across with the intended purpose. I am not here to get anyone to agree with how I feel about the question or defend my post. Much love to the LGBTTQQIAAP community.

  • hogboblinhogboblin
    edited June 2019

    “I didn’t want to hurt her.” So, you made things super weird and abandoned the session early without saying anything? Sounds like you were far more concerned with how you felt.

    Maybe, on whatever sites you’re using to find cuddle partners, you should clearly state that you’re not interested in cuddling trans people? It wouldn’t take much effort at all, and it would likely prevent some hurt feelings and awkwardness.

    Or just tell the potential cuddle partner before you meet up, if you’ve got the courage for that.

  • Teddy_Bear_HugsTeddy_Bear_Hugs

    Well to your question, yes my profile does say that I am interested in cuddling women. And of course I will be careful in future when I schedule a session i might be more specific.

    And to the second part, not to hurt. If i am paying someone and leave early then it is more a favor than hurting them thts my opinion.if it was with a non pro then its a different question.

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs
    edited June 2019

    The way you chose to navigate this unexpected circumstance was just fine, especially if you walked away from the unused balance (I'm curious about that part). You can bow out of any potential cuddle for any reason and you don't owe an explanation.

    In your OP, may I suggest slightly different language from "she was a trans gender" to "she was a trans woman"?

    Anyway, I think you managed the situation well. I'm also wondering what the gender choices are on this other cuddle site? CC has done an incredible job at offering a detailed list of gender variations.

    I think you were considerate.

  • Navyman1010Navyman1010

    Wow that happened to me too

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited June 2019

    Just because someone "identifies" as man, then tomorrow woman, etc. doesn't magically make them that sex. Nor does it change their body that instant. Putting on make up, a dress, growing long hair, etc., doesn't change the fact, either. You'll still have a male body, along with most likely male voice: until you go through transition. Then your voice may begin to sound more manly, your body may begin to change, as well. That's the purpose of transition, anyway. To match your body/etc., to the opposite sex.

    People are free to identify. Though, they need to be upfront about it, that they are self-identifying. If they aren't a cis* man/woman. Or at least haven't done a full transition. Then, they need to understand that most or at least some people don't accept that, and they have a right to not accept. Misleading them is not a good way to go about it! Once I exchange a bit of a message with others, I tell them more about my disability, and if either things just can't be worked out. Or they choose not to continue. That is perfectly fine with me.

    It doesn't make me without a physical* disability by identifying as "able-bodied." It doesn't make me "Asian" by identifying as such, unless I am Asian.

    For example, I am into the male body, and voice, etc. Depending on their stage, trans men may not have had a full transition. If a trans man contacted me, and is honest about things, I would consider cuddling. Or at least be willing to spend time with him, if I am enjoying speaking with him. If he lies, or withholds important information such as that, then... that's terrible on his side. I get that it takes a lot to open up about certain things, though, it's important that we do. Especially, if the site offers "trans woman" as an option.

  • [Deleted User]Ridha (deleted user)

    @Lovelight Tread carefully there, you're asking for people to justify their existence.

    [That's the purpose of transition, anyway. To match your body/etc., to the opposite sex.] Transition is a treatment for people that suffer from depression, anxiety because of differences between what they see in the mirror and how they perceive themselves to be.

    Also [It doesn't make me without a physical disability by identifying as "able-bodied." It doesn't make me "Asian" by identifying as such, unless I am Asian.] is a false equivalence that has been used by anti-trans people for years please refrain from doing it. Our scientific definitions don't account for everything. if i understood correctly what you define as man, correct me if i'm mistaken, are people that present secondary sex characteristics of "typical" males. I'm sure you can find in your circle women with deep voices and manly features would you consider them men?

    Gender and sex aren't binary but bimodal. There's some dominant characteristics for men and women but there's so much overlap that you can't simply put people into boxes. https://iibawards-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/projects/images/000/002/345/large.png?1505506757

    if you want to learn more on the subject i invite you to watch "Contra points" videos on the subject on youtube.

  • CardiacKidCardiacKid

    @Ridha, a person with anorexia nervosa sees something that isn't, should the treatment be liposuction?

    Unfortunately, the depression and anxiety you point out, doesn't abate, ten years after transition it is sharply worse and sadly is illustrated in a large increase in the suicide rate.

  • CardiacKidCardiacKid
    edited June 2019

    @hogboblin, your post comes off as very judgemental of our OP. Why is he not allowed his feelings, especially when he is openly owning them. You make several assumptions and use them to say he lacks courage. Perhaps the next time you feel snarky, don't reach for a keyboard.

  • CardiacKidCardiacKid

    @Lovelight

    If you are born biologically Male, but "transition", you never become female. You become a feminized man. Same holds true for a person born female. She can only become a masculinized woman.

    This may come as a shock to those who readily accept the science of climate change but not the science of simple biology, or the science of psychiatry. Body dysphoria is settled science, to borrow a phrase.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @Ridha that's a response to people claiming things like "Catch me on a drunk Friday night, I might self identify as a white, female, 5'2" tall, weighing 115 lbs, with blue eyes and blonde hair." Though, simply identifying as something doesn't make you that thing, either. You actually have to be that thing.

    Yes, some women have deep voices. Some look ambiguous, and whatnot. It takes a lot more than just these factors for one to be a man. Or a woman.

    Someone saying they are a woman when they've a d between their legs then, finding out they end up with a an erec. Is a surprising cuddle experience to say the least.

    Similarly a biological woman identifying as a "man" though, having done no such alterations to her chest, voice, etc. (if her voice isn't already manly). Then, finding that out as we meet, isn't ideal either.

    For dating there is even more to it. End of the day, we need to be honest about what we actually are, and not mislead people.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited June 2019

    @Ridha also when I say "transition" in the context of transgenderism, I mean, "sex reassignment surgery."

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited June 2019

    @CardiacKid I agree it was unnecessary for op to be attacked like that. He has a right to not cuddle with a transgender person. I think staying with her for 30 minutes was actually gentlemanly of him, and polite! That's what I do, as well. Unless there is an utter issue that makes me want to get out of there instantly. I give others more or less 30 minutes to talk with them. After all in most cases they travelled a bit or so of a distance. Leaving them in a minute or two is to me not polite. Though, even in such case the person has a right to. I had it even happen to me once. It did make me feel a bit not so happy. Though, I carried on.

  • CardiacKidCardiacKid

    @Teddy_Bear_Hugs

    "Gird your loins if you would confront this matter. Hell hath no fury like a vested interest masquerading as a moral principle."

  • hogboblinhogboblin
    edited June 2019

    @CardiacKid

    “Why is he not allowed his feelings...”

    Yes, because I forbade him from feeling whatever it is he felt. Through the power of the internet I bent him to my will.

    Ha. Haha.

    Your ridiculous, condescending screeds aren’t particularly new or interesting. Please try harder next time.

  • CardiacKidCardiacKid

    @hogboblin , perfect non-response. Your nolo contendre plea is accepted.

    Ha ha

  • hogboblinhogboblin

    @CardiacKid

    I could argue against you, but it really would be rather pointless. Your position is one of faith, essentially. By that I mean it can’t be argued against. You’d simply regurgitate something from Fox, or /pol/ if you’re internet savvy.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    You should get your money back.
    She knows that if she lists trans woman on her profile many clients will avoid her.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    I know I've said this before (and often), but yeah—sex and gender are two very different things.

    Sex is physical: male, female, intersex. It has to do with the shape of your body. And since this is a cuddling site, the shape of your body matters. What may be on the chest, what may be between the legs... it's good to know that stuff about your cuddle buddy. More comfortable.

    Gender is psychological: man, woman, nonbinary. It has to do with who you are as a person. Less important for the physical aspect of cuddling, but still good to know.

    More social not to hide either, really. Especially if you're charging.

  • CardiacKidCardiacKid

    @DarrenWalker
    A refreshing comment

  • [Deleted User]Ridha (deleted user)
    edited June 2019

    @CardiacKid [a person with anorexia nervosa sees something that isn't, should the treatment be liposuction?] No because it leads to more harm to the person. Transistion comes as an option to reduce harm and suffering and increase happiness whereas liposuction (if it is even applicable) would only make it worse. Surgery is never the first option for trans people and you have to go through many psychiatrists to assess the need for that.

    The increase in suicide rate is related more to the inacceptance and social exclusion than their view of themselves after transition. (will try to provide the study when i can: Nuttbrock L, et al; J Sex Res. 2010;47:12–23)

    @Lovelight I hear you, but saying [Though, simply identifying as something doesn't make you that thing, either. You actually have to be that thing] isn't cutting it because as i said our definitions of what makes a man a man etc... aren't natural laws and theories but merely generalization you'll always find somebody who will not meet one or multiple conditions and that's why it's important to respect the perception of someone about themselves.

    you said having a penis makes you a man and i disagree you can have XX testicular disorder, enlarged clitoris,... that make things not so crystal clear.

    I'm not asking you to go cuddle everyone you see as you have the right to have preferences but your preferences can't be "i don't cuddle trans people", which you didn't say and i applaud you for that. I'm merely trying to correct important beliefs you hold.

  • HugsAndAttitudeHugsAndAttitude

    By not being truthful with the client about her status is essentially the same dishonesty as a client saying they agree to the CC agreement and then groping and trying to kiss the whole session. Both parties need to be up front or trust can never be established.

  • CardiacKidCardiacKid
    edited June 2019

    @Ridha

    There is harm to sex change. No surgery is 100% safe, but, more importantly, suicide, as studied in a very pro trans-genderism Western European country, went up 10x. Sounds like a case for harm.

  • CardiacKidCardiacKid

    What percentage of self identified trans people have surgery? Anyone know?

    Why has the percentage of trans identifying people gone from 2% to well past double digits in the last 30 years?

    Nature or nurture? Political science or biological science?

    Talk amongst yourselves.

  • [Deleted User]Ridha (deleted user)

    @CardiacKid
    Nirvana Fallacy. there's no ideal solution (sadly). The suicide getting higher doesn't mean the transition is the problem. Correlation doesn't imply causation. To confirm what you are implying you need to take a group of transgenders and refuse them surgery and another to let them transistion then find that the group that transitioned had a higher suicide rate. This will never pass an ethics comitee for so many reasons (some of them are the reasons we don't do double blind placebo studies anymore.)
    It has been hypothesised (not enough data to back it up yet) that the increase is caused by the social exclusion and it seems the European Forum for Good Clinical Practice agrees with that or else they would have shut down any and all transition facilities.

    So the change has to come from society and not from the transgenders. People please be more accepting :smile:

    for your question:
    [Why has the percentage of trans identifying people gone from 2% to well past double digits in the last 30 years?] Because it became less of stigma (even though i doubt the double digits value) but we need to work harder for society to become more accepting.

    for your other questions you can refer to scientist they already answered them

  • HugsAndAttitudeHugsAndAttitude

    Uh suicide has nothing to do with the initial question of the thread which is should the pro have revealed the proverbial sausage in the room?

    These forums go sideways so quickly.

  • CardiacKidCardiacKid

    @SoulcuddlerZ

    Time to conclude this while we are all smiling, but off tangent?

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited June 2019

    @Ridha these are anomalies. I respect people in whatever way (speaking in this context) they are. Though, we also need to understand that not everyone is okay with what/how we are. We need to understand the things that not only set as apart from most people. Though, also make it so that many reject us. Therefore, we need to be honest about it. People have the right to not cuddle with someone with so, and so condition/disorder. Body type/features, etc.

    I am not yet, familiar with "XX testicular disorder" unless it's got a different name. So, no comment.

    I know a bit about Intersex, some about transgenderism*, etc. Most women don't have a d. Most men don't have bres. In the case that someone does then, it's important to be honest about it: mentioning whatever is causing that. In the case they are trans, intersexed, etc. state that.

    If I agree to meet/cuddle with people who say they are a man. Though, they show up with the body, features of a woman, womanly voice, etc. which the latter to me is the "icing on the cake." It doesn't match the body of a biological man. They are a biological woman, who with the click of a button ticked off "man". Having done nothing to alter their body to match the opposite sex.

    Then, that's an anomaly: which, I along with many don't expect. So, it's on the person with whatever anonmally to be honest about said anonmally. Then, let others decide for themselves whether to proceed. Or not.

    @DarrenWalker well said!

  • UKGuyUKGuy
    edited June 2019

    You can't specify you want to cuddle only women any more, you have to specify you want to cuddle only people that were born a woman and still are a woman. And no matter how you put it, you're sure to offend somebody.

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle
    edited June 2019

    Yes, absolutely tell her upfront, to deter her from taking advantage of other people in the same way; she will likely do the same repeatedly. It’s extremely rude and I would say fraudulent to misrepresent who you are if you’re charging someone for time. Her troubles are not your problem nor anyone else’s. No one should be conned into wasting what, $100, $200 like that. That’s crazy, when we’re talking about that amount of money.

    @guy4cuddles, That’s almost like saying if a white person says he’s a black person, he’s a black person.
    No matter if she is fully transitioned or not, a trans woman and a woman are two different things.

    @hogboblin, I would say it’s only fair that the onus is on the person charging the fee to accurately represent who they are. Unfortunately, it’s necessary to guard against dishonest people who defraud others.

    @melancholy is absolutely right.

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