This is literally fraud, she lied to you and took your money. You can actually sue.
Deleted
I'm curious, we're you hoping for more than a platonic cuddle? Aside from preferences like skinny vs. Chubby, or other things that actually contribute to the comfort of the cuddle, Whenever these rants come up, I question what you were really looking for in your cuddles session. If you are looking for comforting human touch, you might try getting past your fear of what you don't understand and don't relate to. It's a very freeing way to live. Otherwise, it seems like you're probably looking for a hot body to grind against and were disappointed to find the person you met not to your sexual taste.
Be upfront PERIOD, dont trick anyone, I got trick person put up a pic of a cis-woman but showed up as a tran, not cool i DEF could tell the difference, I asked why he lied he said "they said didnt think I would cuddle with a trans" not cool not cool dont trick ppl
just to be clear because somebody is gonna get offended lol i have no problems with trans or lgbtETC, i just rather cuddle with cis-girls and thats my preference
-dont judge me for my opinion-
DaForce it is called cat fishing and it is dishonest regardless. You used the skinny vs chubby as if that is different and it is not. Lying about yourself in any capacity is dishonest.
@DaForceofNature I'm not sure that's an entirely fair characterization here are a list of things that if lied about or left out I'd be quite upset, especially for a PAID cuddle:
Smoker Wearing perfume Wrong physical gender Hosting = park across the street Failed to disclose some medical/physical issue - broken arm in a cast, etc...
None of those things are about "wanting to grind" it's about having an expectation and being intentionally misled and I'm paying for a service/experience that is different that advertised or discussed. WORSE... I was intentionally misled for their monetary gain (AKA Fraud)
I have had many clients tell me they've been catfished on the site. This to me feels no different, I don't want to use the word 'misrepresentation' because she is a woman but it seems she wasn't transparent. Anytime someone is paying for a service they should have the right to 'take it or leave it.' She should have been upfront before the session and given you that opportunity. It's no different than if you don't like tattoos or piercings, you wouldn't pay a pro that's covered in them to come cuddle for hours. We are all allowed to have personal preference. I don't think it's unreasonable that you get refunded for the last hour and half btw.
@HugsAndAttitude i agree with you lol @DaForceofNature I dont know what the heck your talking about lol
What you don't understand is that the brains of trans people MATCH the gender they identify as, even though the body doesn't. That's where your fraud/catfishing argument falls apart for me. I'm not saying she couldn't have been more open about her situation, but theres other factors you have no idea about that might prevent her wanting to add that label upfront. As @hogboblin stated, it's much easier for you to state that you prefer not to cuddle trans people, then it is for the very few trans people to constantly have to out themselves so you can avoid them.
If you are trans (pre or post op) and offering a close, intimate service for MONEY... you should be comfortable being open and 100% transparent if not completely "out" from the beginning or perhaps professional cuddling isn't for you?
I would cuddle a trans person, man or woman, and well as a biological man or woman - as long as I liked the vibe I got from that person and thought they were a good fit for me. So this isn't about anything else on my end except honesty, transparency and getting what you pay for (in a pro experience case).
Secondarily, I'm not naive and people here shouldn't be either - I would cautipn/warn a trans person that showing up to or hosting a cuddle with someone with serious phobias/discriminatory issues that finds out their cuddle is trans in the middle of a session could lead to a potentially dangerous encounter. Why create that possible scenario?
I think the original post reads as if she paid you for your time and you ran... That's not what happened tho, correct?
If I understand... You were paying for a service. You chose to walk away as you felt misled.
If I sold my time as a non-smoker, then arrived smoking, you would ask for a refund. That's fair!
Trans, Buddhist, hairy, one leg longer than the other... Whatever! It's not about "justifying existence" , it's being honest about what a prospective customer can expect when paying for your service.
However, if we assume she was born male, we are ignoring the fact that people have hormonal imbalances, ie. Overproduction of testosterone or an oestrogen deficiency. This will tend to shape out childhood behavioural patterns.
If she is trans, I feel you acted very respectfully. Hats off to you. If she is simply not matching with your idea of femininity... Boo! Boo hiss boo!
@DaForceofNature
You're redefining "catfishing " to line up with your politics.
What if I wanted a plus size woman, but an anorexic (who sees and identifies as being overweight) showed up? Am I allowed to be upset, disappointed? Was my time wasted,?
Let's add my sister and wife are anorexic and I love them dearly. I drive them both to their psychiatrists.
Daforceofnature I'm sorry but no its not the same thing. A heavy woman. And thin woman are still women to me. But if someone has a penis then I will call that person she if they ask but I won't cuddle with them because that creeps me out Sorry but if men wanted to cuddle men this site wouldn't have mostly women professionals would it? I do not want to feel another guys private parts while cuddling and I think most straight men agree with me on that. Now as for trans women who had surgery. I could be open to that probably.
I’ve brought this topic up in the past and people always try to shoot me down because of it. Transgenders should be upfront and honest on a site like this. Also just an FYI, there are 4 transgender male to female pros that I know are confirmed transgender in the LA area. I won’t mention names because that’s breaking privacy rules. All 4 do not list themselves as trans in their profile.
I think the reason this is a contested subject is because sometimes folks intertwine not wanting to cuddle a trans person with being trans phobic. Though some folks are genuinely trans phobic, the majority of the time when I see a thread like this it does not seem to be done out of malice or contempt for trans people. It is them stating a personal preference, and feeling as though their level of comfort and their trust was breached. Like with the posts re men not wanting to cuddle with men, it is easy sometimes to fall into the opinion that if you dont want to cuddle with every living soul, then you must not be here for the right reasons. I admire people who are able to cuddle anyone and everyone. I wish i were more like that. However, i am not, and i dont feel my world is any worse for it. I don't see it so much as being upset that you are not cuddling someone you otherwise would be sexually attracted to. There are actually quite a few men who have NSA sexual encounters with men and then go home to their wives and kids. For me, I have mostly had women as my best friends and confidants. I feel it is easier to be emotionally connected and vulnerable, and just generally get along better with women. So for me, it is more of an organic feeling to cuddle with women. This does not mean it is because I would otherwise want to be having sex with them. Sex is easy. Cuddling can actually be a lot more intimate and connective than sex. So it is not something I want to do with someone who I would not otherwise feel comfortable having that with. I am not sure if that falls more on the nature or nurture end of the spectrum, but I is what I is. So for the same reason i dont fault a man for not wanting to cuddle another man and thereby also not believing this to make the person homophobic, i don't fault someone for not feeling comfortable with cuddling a trans person, and thereby do not believe this makes them transphobic. I have actually cuddled a couple of trans people myself. I did not see them as anything other than women, as that is what they had been living as for years. I also knew they were trans. I do understand not everyone feels comfortable with that. I would just hope that it is due to their personal discomfort, and not because of a prejudice they have. If it is due to them being prejudice, that is wrong, and is a different story. It is not and should not ever be about devaluing a person for being trans or LGBT, or not honoring their humanity. Like with anything else re cuddling, it is all about consent. Including consent of who you cuddle with.
Sidenote--As i write this, my son and his transgender female to male best friend are headed out the door to the pride parade. They are going to be on a float sponsored by Magic City Acceptance Center!
@pmvines Perfectly said. I am not trans phobic, but just because they identify “in their head” like DaForceofNature stated does not give one the right to lie by omission. I identify as a genius but I would be lying if I put down unparalleled genius and I arrived for you to discover that I can only play Scrabble at two tiles a turn at best. Does that make you dull phobic for not liking that? No, but it does expose me as a liar.
In any sort of social contract it is best that each party leave deception at the door regardless of the reason.
@pmvines I agree, perfectly said! It’s about personal comfort levels and preferences. Also I appreciate your positive shout out to those like me that cuddle everyone! In addition to sharing your personal experiences. I see it like this, the other person has a right to decide who to cuddle and not to cuddle (fir whatever reason).Honesty is important, so all parties involved should be honest especially on make it or break it type issues.
I also do wholeheartedly agree with @DaForceofNature in that many men just want a pretty young girl to grind against. I know a high percentage of women on here have experienced being on the receiving end of this. A lot of paid cuddlers don't report or talk about these things due to not wanting to rock the boat with their potential client base, and for fear of retaliation. . Catch 22. However, that is another story for another thread topic...
@HugsAndAttitude @FishCuddles Thank you very much!
@DaForceofNature Even if it’s true that transpersons have the brain of the gender, or in this case more accurately biological sex, that they identify as, the fraud argument still holds. A person with the brain of one sex and the body of the other is not equivalent to a person with brain and body of matching sex.
I’m pretty sure I’ve never cuddled a trans-woman, only cis-women; unless, one was such an expert at hiding it that they tricked me. Not sure if I would, since I don’t cuddle men; and a trans-woman is a person with a male body, perhaps with some acquired female characteristics. Cuddling a trans-woman is never quite the same thing as cuddling a cis-woman. It’s not just what is or isn’t between their legs. It’s far more than that. It’s the bone structure. It’s the muscle mass. It’s the voice. It’s everything. Maybe I would be open to a transwoman who transitioned very well, and has a feminine voice.
@Morpheus Thanks for the heads up. Incredible. That’s only acceptable if they reveal their actual gender (trans-woman) privately to any potential client, before meeting in person, and before any financial transaction has taken place.
~
Oh @knightandday give us a break, no one is hating on trans were just saying dont lie to us and be upfront thats all
-dont hate me for my opinion-
@knightandday
What happened to your rant?
@Navyman1010
One of "his" points is that we've all been close to a trans gender and never knew.
The other point is that feelings override facts.
Finally, because there is violence against trans people, they are victims in this thread and get a pass on honesty.
We had a case in the courts locally . It involved a murder but it started with a deception in the street sex trade. There is no excuse for either the murder or the deception
”What you don't understand is that the brains of trans people MATCH the gender they identify as, even though the body doesn't. That's where your fraud/catfishing argument falls apart for me.”
What you don't understand for starters, is that most, if not all people are not cuddling with people's brain. They are cuddling with their bodies.
"The body doesn't match the gender they identify with." A large part of the issue, is right there! Most people who want to cuddle with women, want to cuddle with someone who's body DOES match the "gender" actually I am near sure it's the "sex" they claim to be. A big part of cuddling is... physical. People have a right to cuddle with someone who matches honestly, and fully someone of the sex which they seek. Misleading them is a big no especially, for a pro to do. Not only does a pro lying have the potential to inflict emotional/mental distress, etc., Though, also one loses their money, which, in many cases was hard earned. Perhaps even sacrificed so that they can get their cuddle needs met.
Like I said, most men/women (anomalies aside) don't have breas/d. It's on the person with said anomally to be upfront about it. We can as a society, and as individuals help, as well as seek help with things like this. Though, we need to be honest, and stop excusing dishonesty.
With your other part: I’ll also write more about this point in another comment.
”I'm not saying she couldn't have been more open about her situation, but theres other factors you have no idea about that might prevent her wanting to add that label upfront.
As @hogboblin stated, it's much easier for you to state that you prefer not to cuddle trans people, then it is for the very few trans people to constantly have to out themselves so you can avoid them.”
That's assuming that it's "safe/r" to withhold crucial information. Or mislead. Then, getting up close with others only to end up them potentially/quite likely feeling/witnessing 'your' breas. or errec/d. Along with in some cases, simply being able to recognize/sense the person is trans: which, I'll say is not 100% success. Though, it isn't 0% success, either. Again, people have a right to not be misled into such.
Misleading someone then meeting/cuddling with them, is very dangerous, and there have been cases where trans people misled others in other types of social contexts: only to end up dead. Or whatnot. I don't think they deserved to endure that! Though, that's one of the dangers/issues these lies, misleading, and mentality of "anyone I want better want me" or they are a "transphobic/etc. not here for the right reasons" can lead.
Question to any trans people, or supporters: If you/ are so afraid to come out before meeting others/an individual. What makes you think it'd be a good idea to meet, AND get so close with them? Especially, after having misled them.
@Lovelight
Boom. Mic drop
The other points I wanted to write about:
Plus, you already said, "their brain matches the gender they claim to be." So, by that "logic" it seems they are "cis-women." In which case, you or others with this thought process may not find it an issue: trans women/ who still go past someone saying "I don't want to cuddle with trans people." Or whatever acceptable way you think it should be worded.
Men like the OP are already being attacked, talked down to, etc., after sharing their experience of being misled. They get questioned "if they really just wanted to cuddle." Think rubbish behaviors like these would stop after someone puts such disclaimer/? Some might even get attacked/labeled as commiting/being "hate speech/transphobic/etc." for expressing that very idea you, and others think they should on their profile. I hope, and I think many of you mean well with saying things like that. Though, it’s not the solution.
People in most cases, men also don’t deserve to basically be scammed out of their money. Which also many have worked hard to earn. In some case even, money they sacrificed in order to have their need for cuddles, and some companionship met. Edit: I missed that I already wrote this point though, I’ll leave it, anyway. end of edit.
@Lovelight very well done. Thank you.
I don’t have this in my profile but I’ll expose myself now so that everyone is clear. I am a man born a male but i have a tail, don’t want to mislead anyone or freak them out in anyway. It’s just not something i usually share right away, but upon cuddling i would fore warn because it be horrible to shock someone with this. I’d likely not tell anyone before i planned on touching them. But it’s nice and soft and helps keep bugs at bay and it can be warming sometimes.
@BashfulLoner that's good to know! I am on the fence about it. Though, at least I can consider the 'truth' of things. That's a decent way to come out by the way. ?