Getting to know one another

[Deleted User]GentleMan58 (deleted user)
edited June 2019 in General

I have been on this site less than a week and have a question. When initializing a chat with a professional cuddler, I am interested in exchanging messages, asking questions and getting to know the person I may pay to cuddle with. How much pre-cuddle chatting is reasonable on the site? I don't want to impose on their time. But I would like to know more about them and hope they feel the same.

Comments

  • pmvinespmvines

    I would imagine it varies from person to person. Just keep in mind that you are likely one of many folks messaging them, so they may not have the time or focus to chit chat a whole bunch. Doesn't mean necessarily that they are disinterested, which I often times see it construed as.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesTwisted (deleted user)

    When the other person stops responding, that’s a good indication.

    A lot of the “professionals” here are actually amateurs who have no idea how to build rapport, manage expectations, explain their services, or properly negotiate and close an appointment.

    Not terribly surprising, nor damning, in an “industry” that is as new, and as firmly in about seven different grey areas, as this one.

  • UKGuyUKGuy
    edited June 2019

    Unfortunately, all the dire warnings that now appear when you communicate with a pro give the impression that you better book a session and why are you messaging otherwise. At least that's how it comes over to me. It definitely seems to suggest that the only valid communication with a pro is to book a session.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    @Ukguy is exactly correct.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    I absolutely love chatting and answering any questions a fellow cuddler has. I have some that I’ve been chatting with for a month and I don’t feel the need to pressure them to book. If all I can do is help them understand how the process goes and then they want to talk about movies or how work is going, I’m all for it! If they end up wanting to have an amazing cuddle session with me, awesome all the same. Just glad to make friends ??

  • [Deleted User]GentleMan58 (deleted user)

    Thanks to all for your insights. I am interested in booking a session(s). I am looking for a long-term cuddling situation. But it will require money and travel and I don't take either of those lightly. So I am going to try to learn as much as I can BEFORE the booking. I hope the professionals understand, I guess.

  • PleasantlyPunkPleasantlyPunk

    @GentleMan58 I’ve found that it really does vary. I love getting to know my cuddles, building a friendly rapport with them. Personally I think it helps build a bit of trust and comfort which makes for a much better cuddle experience. I realize, though, that some choose not to talk like I do.

    I guess my advice is to figure out what your preference is and find someone who shares that. Good luck and good cuddles to you!

  • [Deleted User]CharlesTwisted (deleted user)

    @jjknightpro

    But, not really.

    It’s creating the seeming of an emotional connection, and perhaps even learning to safely and politely navigate and disengage from a client’s emotional connection, but at the end of day for a professional it is simply a gig.

    Of course, it takes all kinds as they say, so I’m sure some professionals have an emotional connection to clients, but I kind of hope not.

  • HugsAndAttitudeHugsAndAttitude

    I do not think we can make blanket statements about emotional connections. To say “no not really” to a pro’s claim that it is an emotional connection is just wrong because no one is omnipotent, therefore no one knows exactly how anyone else really feels. I think there are pros that are greedy, some that do it by necessity, some that can’t believe they get paid to do something they are really good at, and some that really care. It all comes down to the individual inside the pro’s body.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesTwisted (deleted user)

    I apologize, I’m certain that there are individuals all along a bell curve of emotional connection.

    I’m not, in any way, condemning nor condoning any individuals.

    But I personally would have trouble trusting a professional that felt emotionally connected to me.

    Especially in a therapist/care giver role.

  • CardiacKidCardiacKid

    @CharlesTwisted

    I think if you stop thinking of Pro cuddlers as caregivers or therapists, you will be more accepting of the emotional connection. Emotions are complex and we have more than one.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesTwisted (deleted user)

    @CardiacKid

    Sure, but then, what exactly am I paying them for?

    If you have to pay them to be there, they aren’t your friend.

    No more than the waiter, valet, or doctor is my friend.

    Can we have polite, cordial, and even pleasant interactions?

    Of course.

    But none of that means we are friends, or “owe” one another any sort of emotional connection beyond what I think of as basic respect, acceptance, and courtesy.

    As a professional musician, other musicians, and dancers, are way up there on my list of favorite people to interact with.

    I’ve been paid to play with and for hundreds of them over the last two decades.

    But, we are professional colleagues, and with the exception of community or charity work, none of us would be there for free.

    My band is a completely different thing, among my greatest friends, and the only time money comes up is when we are talking about who is hiring us at what terms for our next gig.

    Admittedly, it’s very likely my doing something I love, and get paid for, and had to learn and earn hard won boundaries to deal with professionally, shapes my perception.

  • [Deleted User]GentleMan58 (deleted user)

    My problem is I am a writer by profession. The work I do is solitary by its inherent nature. I live and work in my mind. I tend to see relationships in every human interaction that I have, perhaps because I am starved for them. I thank everyone who has participated in this discussion. I appreciate the discourse and the honesty. I also appreciate those who saw my initial question and have reached out to me here.

  • ShyGhyShyGhy

    @GentleMan58
    You can't but love or friendship at any level..
    You can't make a bond without using all your senses...
    Nothing here can replace the natural spontaneous attraction to another.

    One thing that comes to mind is that you and I also want to give as much as receive and how do you give to someone that clearly wants your money. The lack of sincerity exits even if it is meant to be sincere, you will always question it...
    Also we look for attentiveness on a equal basis. I cant imaging it in this venue.

    I imagine for some it's like a tire with a slow leak. it goes low over time and you have to keep paying someone to add air. At times you will be sitting on a flat and there is no air readily available.

    In my short time exploring this I have realized I could actually just say to hi to stranger I have a good feeling about (not a picture).. Ask them if they have time in their life for friend. What a concept.
    It's a yes or no question. You get an Immediate response..It is either The beginning or The End. Rejection exists here as well so don't let that stop you outside of here. Don't be offended and carry on...

    Good luck tire shopping...

  • wrenchwrench

    I'm nearly always too shy to message someone because I feel that I am being a bother/flirt/distraction/creep and i hold back from talking. (I'm getting that feeling as i type this) but I agree that if a "pro" wants you to pay to talk to them and won't answer questions then you shouldn't bother with them.

    A lot if the other comments here have been really helpful for myself as well and I'm glad other people have similar ideas

  • SashamcgeeSashamcgee

    I personally need to have a semblance of a connection with a client to allow an appt to be booked. If we can't correspond over the internet how will we be able to cuddle for an hour plus.

    But it's important to remember we're people... we have lives... time is valuable and not always unlimited.

    Happy cuddles ? don't overthink it!

  • EchointhedarkEchointhedark

    @Sashamcgee that was beautifully said. @CharlesTwisted I completely understand your comparisons to the server or doctor or any other profession. I started on this site as a professional assuming it was the only way to have true interactions with people honestly looking for cuddles. Since I stopped being a pro, I've had such better interactions with like minded individuals who have become some of the best friends I've ever made. So @GentleMan58 is there any reason you don't look outside the professional cuddlers and find a long term friend? I've had one over a year now, it remains platonic and I couldn't be happier.

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