I think everyone is overthinking this. You could put in every proactive engineered thing into the profiles and there will always be a client asking a non-pro how much they charge because they experienced an untagged pro. The only way to control this is diligence and reporting. Otherwise, it is just a question—get over yourself.
@cuddleLuvver that is highly authoritarian, and I don't support. People have the right to choose what sex they wish to cuddle with even if, they are professionals.
Your first suggestion* I also don't support. Leaving it blank doesn't necessarily mean one wants to cuddle with every sex. Same way as if they left out their relationship status, if they smoke or not, etc.
If you don´t like getting msgs asking how much you charge then join the cause and report non-pros who charge. Because if you want to make sure you don´t lose money you will obviously have to ask in advance and not every guy has seen this thread to know how to word it in a way that won´t offend you.
@MJ150 - Just curious - as an enthusiast how would I be able to report non-pros who charge? I don't look to cuddle with female non pros, so I would never know if they are violating the rules of the site by charging without being a Professional. I am usually the one on the receiving end of messages from men asking me how much I charge and/or assuming I am a pro. Not trying to be contentious or snarky. Just honestly curious.
@SJSpooner The same way you can report anyone—through their profile and the report button on the drop down menu.
@FunCartel - Thanks and I probably wasn't clear. I know how to report people. What I meant to express was, that as a female enthusiast, I have zero to little opportunity to report these people, because I don't come across their profiles as I am not in the "market" for them as it were. I don't tend to message other female enthusiasts. That is all I was trying to say.
So yes, it would seem that it needs to be people who DO engage with this population (female enthusiasts) who are going to be more proactive in reporting them and telling them that their "under the radar" ways (of not signing up as a pro but expecting payment anyway) will not be tolerated. I have never cuddled with a male non-pro who expected me to pay him. Not yet anyway!
@SJSpooner exactly. Although, I wouldn't even recommend going into that chitchat. Just report, and let it be dealt with by the moderators.
@SJSpooner I am not sure how you can be of much help but I have seen prices on non-pro accounts, so if you come across them you can do something about that. But you can see things from another perspective and realize that most of the guys who ask how much are just trying to avoid having to pay someone who´s supposed to be an ¨enthusiast¨. Or just think that everyone here charges. Either way you can´t just tell them to stop and expect them to, there will always be new members and guys who have had incidents with enthusiasts charging and just want to be told the price upfront or want to avoid non-pros who charge.
@MJ150 - Yes, I get your point and it is a valid one. I think it is pretty s****ty of enthusiasts to sign up as such and then expect payment. Paints a certain image of cuddling as an activity of an almost exclusively 'transactional' nature - generally something that men pay women for. Such a shame, in my opinion.
And although maybe I shouldn't ,I still feel a bit offended when I get the "how much" and "are you available to meet up tonight" messages. But I do have a more balanced perspective of the issue now after reading the experiences of men thinking they had found an enthusiast cuddler only to be hit up for payment. Ugh. That would leave a bad taste in my mouth and I'd be wary myself of my next encounter.
@SJSpooner The “can we cuddle now” question is rude and your frustration is justified with that one, but the how much question is most likely innocuous as our board moderator pointed out earlier.
One of the things I appreciate most about our fledgling community is the "honor" system. Kinda of reminds me of the game of golf where players penalize themselves if they find they have landed outside of the rules.
Given that the vast majority of cuddlers I've booked sessions with, or otherwise communicated with are "professional," it's not surprising that one would inquire about pricing or rates. Unfortunately, it seems many don't have the communication skills to do it in a tactful way?
This is why I'm a fan of meeting in a public place to have a conversation and feel my potential cuddle partners out. Virtual communication is grand, but a face to face conversation is tops.
Lastly, I know I'm here for empathy, kindness, and healing; so I tend to give folk the benefit of the doubt in all communication. My most positive takeaway from this post is utilizing the word enthusiast -- I'm going to add it to my profile. And I'll be ever so tactful when communicating with enthusiast cuddlers.
@herby357
"Given that the vast majority of cuddlers I've booked sessions with, or otherwise communicated with are "professional," it's not surprising that one would inquire about pricing or rates. Unfortunately, it seems many don't have the communication skills to do it in a tactful way?"
First, I don't really see the point of enquiring about pricing because for pros it should have already been written on their profile. Though, this isn't about that. It's non-pros being asked. Which has already been discussed by several members.
@SJSpooner I share your frustrations with the "can we meet/cuddle tonight."
EDIT: he also messaged me at 08:21 pm. end of edit. So, absurd. end of edit.
First of all, I am in Toronto. Someone who's profile said based in Hamilton. Messaged me, and his first message to me was: "Hi there , would you like to meet tonight ?"
I wrote back: "No, I prefer you don't message me again."
It is frustrating, and rather objectifying encountering people who don't take anytime to actually converse with someone. Though, have the audacity to ask if they wanna cuddle/ tonight. For many it also takes time to plan especially, when meeting a stranger. They also need time to make a space/time for others. So, to think they can just up, and leave is borderline absurd. A few may, though, for most, I'd say it's quite off-putting especially, under said circumstances.
@SJSpooner although this understanding shouldn't give them a pass. I'd say it's fair to give untagged "pros" a bit of the benefit of the doubt. It's possible that a few don't have malice, and also had the more or less same misunderstanding/ as these men/ asking such question. So, just something to think about. I'd rather not sweep them all into the same box.
EDIT: Also, I'd refrain from using that term "sl***y" as you've, and associating non-platonic things with them: simply for being untagged "pros." It's possible some fall into not being platonic about it, in addition to being untagged. Though, for many the case could simply be trying to fraud the system, and the people/men. Which is wrong! Though, we shouldn't sweep them under one box. end of edit.
@Lovelight - I think you and I are pretty much on the same page here on this thread. But to police my language and imply that I should refrain from using the word that I did - is not necessary. Fine, YOU may not choose to not use that kind of language. But I did and that is very much my prerogative.
And I do not think that anywhere I stated that I associate certain cuddlers with non-platonic activities. How did I give you that impression with the language that I used? Unless you think I was using the term 'slutty' and not the other word. In any case, I don't need you to weigh in on the way I choose to express myself. Thanks.
I'm sorry, it's a fair question when people who aren't pro's let you know two or three messages later or after you exchanged personal contact information they are going to charge you. It's not a slam on anybody but there are too many doing this and so it sucks for everybody. I wish I had an answer but I don't. We just don't know who we are talking to.
@SJSpooner
Right here: "Yes, I get your point and it is a valid one. I think it is pretty s****ty of enthusiasts to sign up as such and then expect payment. Paints a certain image of cuddling as an activity of an almost exclusively 'transactional' nature - generally something that men pay women for. Such a shame, in my opinion. ..."
Along with the other parts after it. That paints a picture that it doesn't need to, and I've already explained my reasoning for why I wouldn't say that.
I've no care to "police" your language. Though, I find what you said problematic which I explained why.
Edit: you say "the other word." Right! It's a misunderstanding! I thought you were using "sl--ty." So, this changes the whole message! No problem then! end of edit.
If something said paints a group in an undeserving light, then I reserve the right to say something against it. Has nothing to do with me going after how you express yourself, and I don't know what gave you the impression that I was after your expression? EDIT: Although, I get now that it was a misunderstanding, if that's not the word you were going for in the given context. end of edit. @SJSpooner
i myself had someone try to charge me without being listed as a pro. i also had one person try to charge more, despite what was in our chat. i understand why someone would ask how much is charged. it's not cool to report someone for looking out for himself.
If someone gets offended over a message containing "how much do you charge?" then I'm all for letting them leave the site. That's pathetic and just shows lack of maturity. I'm new to this website, but would expect those in charge to investigate prior to banning a person. In addition, as some have already said, this is still a new service that has a long way to go before all the kinks are worked out. That said, people should expect to receive a lot of questions.
By the way, wouldn't you prefer someone asking that question now and not later in person??? I'm pretty sure most would.
@luv2cudl2 I think you need to walk back that judgement a bit. Granted, it sounds like an innocuous question but if you are a female, a non-pro, and are deluged by a multitude of messages you can become frustrated by the same question over and over again. She is a non-pro, not a pro. It is a pretty simple thing to figure out.
Yes there are non-pros that charge and they should be turned in. But I find it hard to call her immature for expressing what we are never asked. But as I said earlier, it is not personal and she should probably move on and get over it. But I can also understand the source of her frustration as well.
I would like to see the profiles more in line with cuddle culture. When a woman puts up a picture of herself showing a lot of cleavage and then says, "I like to cuddle in bed" it seems that she is not understanding the platonic relationship idea. Is it any wonder that person gets the question, "How much do you charge?"
That happens ALL THE TIME
@FunCartel Hello??? Did you not say earlier “Otherwise, it is just a question - get over yourself.” What’s the big difference between those words and mine....
@oboe That’s a valid point but I’m confident @FunCartel will have a clever rebuttal for you. Hang tight....
forums are important so at least the bots gets weeded out
@luv2cudl2 I know that is what I said and if you read close I said “As I said earlier...” which I refer to it. You seem to get easily upset if someone disagrees with you. As a result I will say no more and say you are right if it will bring you some sense of security and happiness.
The aggression level against women is getting pretty bad—time to close this thread.
@FunCartel Color me naive, but I don't think this is an issue of gender, but of transparency, and familiarity with the platform. It feels like a lot of people are ready to take offense, when many people posting back and forth are perhaps just not including the necessary supporting information along with their input.
@everyone
If asked how much you charge, and you're not a pro, refer them to the part of the site that explains the difference between Pros and Enthusiasts, and state that you're not a pro. Or yes, if you're feeling triggered by so many people asking that, you may start blocking people who don't know yet how the platform works.
But reporting? I'd hate to see the site become like Craigslist, where Community Moderation pretty much turns a social platform into a toxic battlefront, all because some people aren't as tech/internet-savvy as others. Rather than interpreting the input here (or the questions in your inbox) as a personal sleight, I'd just taking it as a teaching opportunity.
Then again, I'm not exactly getting a lot of traffic in my own inbox, so maybe I feel like I can afford the patience and sensitivity to assume the best of people who ask me questions that I can provide answers to.
There's always copy-paste if it's happening a lot. If the same individual persists, then I can block/report as necessary.
Just seems like a lot of displeasure, tension and cynical presumption going on here, on a platform meant for warmth and comfort. There's always Reddit and Quora for the non-comfort/warmth stuff, yeah?
I never would have thought to ask such a question to an enthusiast until I was told by one that she charges. I asked her if she was going to become a pro so it wouldn’t be so misleading, she said she would. She never did.
😂