Safety?

brohamptonbrohampton
in General

hey so i'm neither client nor cuddler, but am in a relationship with a cuddler.

i'm aware many of the existing discussions cover this sort of topic about balancing a relationship with this kinda thing, and we're both very comfortable with it. i trust them entirely and have absolutely no fear anything will go "too far."

with that out of the way; i still feel very anxious when they do leave for an appointment, as i worry for their safety. strangers on the internet are getting weirder and weirder and i'm sure everyone is abundantly aware of the dangers involved.

what can we do to feel more comfortable with this and what additional steps can we take to be vigilant?

currently, we always stay in contact immediately before and after appointments, and during, we do location sharing.

i really hope i don't come across as crazy or controlling; as this is literally the only time we ever think to do location sharing or very strict scheduling - i just really, really don't want anything to happen to them, and i sure they don't want to get hurt, either. i do feel guilty, like i don't trust their screening process or intuition enough. am i being overbearing or paranoid?

Comments

  • [Deleted User]CharlesTwisted (deleted user)

    One thing I would suggest is to make sure that anyone meeting a new person, be it a client for a pro or a fellow enthusiast, let’s that new person know EXACTLY what kinds of safety measures are in place.

    Simple ones are:

    1) Third Party scheduled check in.
    2) Exchange of, at minimum, phone numbers/emails/social media information.
    3) Public first meeting, to “get a sense of one another”

    Any new client or enthusiast put off by such basic safety ideas is waving a huge red flag...

  • CatloafCatloaf
    edited June 2019

    @CharlesTwisted has got it right 100.

    i really hope i don't come across as crazy or controlling

    In my opinion you don't. You're concerned about your loved one's safety and that's far from controlling. 'Controlling' would be more like telling your partner that the outside world is dangerous, so they're not allowed out of your sight or to go anywhere alone or without permission. Showing concern and wanting to know what you can do to diminish your fear versus domineering somebody because you are concerned are ballparks away from each other.

    I pretty much do everything that Charles describes above. You might already do the following, but it's also smart to have a time your partner needs to call you by to make sure they got out okay. If your partner ever decides to host and you're comfortable with it, only host clients when you or someone else is in the house. You might get some people who aren't okay with that and find it weird or awkward, but then they simply aren't seeing the safety aspect of it - probably not people your partner should take as clients.

    Something my husband also did for me when he'd drive me to appointments is he'd wait outside for about 15 minutes or so if he had time. Because there have been instances where the boundaries were pushed very quickly...or in one case back when my screening wasn't airtight, he drove me to Tim Horton's to meet with this person and they ended up being somebody who was blacklisted and was using fake photos, disguising their voice over the telephone using some sort of app. Sometimes you need to get away right away, so if you ever drive them to clients, you could also do that for them.

  • MaxCuddleMaxCuddle
    edited June 2019

    I don't usually get requested for a public meet because of my Karma. I have no problem with phone/text beforehand to get comfortable. I usually encourage my cuddler- usually a Pro, to contact her third party as much as she needs to, that things are ok.

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