_The “culture” changes, but the instincts do not.
I wish it were otherwise, but it is not possible in our current “culture” to have an open, and honest, discussion about intimacy, sex, gender, roles, power, and desires.
Especially not on the forums of a website that isn’t certain if it’s a dating site, a hook up site, a place for pen pals, a place for professional therapists, or an online massage parlor...
Perhaps one day, but today is not that day._
Couldn't have said it better
I find it funny how some guys find nothing offensive to approach a female straight up for a "cuddle" LOL...boys will be boys ??
@SweetJennifer
If this was anything else, Facebook, Sigforum, 4gea golf or the USA Today, I would agree it's offensive to ask to cuddle, however, ALL our members are here TO cuddle, so it's different, maybe even to be expected. Ladies, lighten up. Just take a pass if you're not feeling in the mood.
@CardiacKid
“...ALL our members are here TO cuddle...”
That’s a pretty bold claim to make.
@hogboblin That's the theory, but you're right, some are here as observers, some to troll, some to hear themselves talk, others think it's therapy for lonely hearts.
Going in, doesn't every single person realize they may be contacted?
Some people, sadly, are only here to bash the emotionally needy, the physically desperate, and the socially challenged.
It isn’t surprising when conflict, anxiety and hurt feelings occur when “professionals” and “amateurs” intermingle and compete in the same place.
Unless it’s a charity golf event, “Pro-Ams” don’t really work well.
@CharlesTwisted
I'm looking for my 3rd wife. I'm asexual, apolitical, and in poor health. Shouldn't have a problem reeling in #3. Might even have an extra set of ladies golf clubs.
@SweetJennifer It´s funny how no one expressed that standpoint.
Of course, given that this is a social site about cuddling, one should expect to be contacted regarding cuddling. That only makes sense.
But, it seems in bad taste to jump directly into asking for cuddles. It’s also incredibly lazy, selfish, and obnoxious. Imagine a child yelling “GIVE ME WHAT I WANT RIGHT NOW.”
Addendum: I didn’t know it was you, Sir! You have a lot of profiles on this site, it appears.
When I first joined up, I figured everyone was, like me, eager to get together with any random stranger and watch a movie. I didn't really think about it too much, I'm afraid—so I sent a few of those "Hey, I like your profile: if you like mine, let's cuddle!" messages. Took me a while to figure out that the getting-to-know-you phase is still important, even here.
I can't tell if this thread is pure sarcasm or legit.
If legit, then we're going from "no one responds to me" threads to the "someone said something to me and they didn't say it the exact same way that I expect and am entitled to be talked to" responses.
I joined this site to cuddle. It's in the name of it. That being said, I do introduce myself generally and make basic get to know you type of conversation before asking to cuddle. Many times I am turned down simply because I am male. But, I generally want to know the person on a surface before I ask to cuddle.
I have had people message me and ask if I am available to cuddle within the next couple of hours and I think it makes sense that they might think we are all pros. I would think there would be some understanding that stranger danger exists and everyone would want to at least talk on the phone or text a bit to get a better idea of who each of us really is. I think the "do you want to cuddle tonight" from a stranger lacks some kind of .... Conscienceness (is that a word?) that women might not feel safe meeting a stranger to cuddle without some kind of conversation, especially if their (the requester's) profile is completely blank. I usually ignore these requests from strangers or just reply that I'm not available.
Cuddling is only good if both folks have a connection or at least some sort of foundational respect and liking for each other.
Not all of us Males do that. And not all of us are like that.
Interestingly, and expectedly, virtually every professional I have contacted has very little interest in “getting to know each other”.
As one put it, “If we do that, then what will we talk about once you book a session with me?”
Of course, no one likes job interviews or auditions, so that isn’t too surprising.
@CharlesTwisted I totally disagree. That may be your experience, but most pros I have interacted with have been happy to exchange a few messages, usually through text, as long as I book through the site. You are painting with a mighty big brush.
Now if you are expecting them to respond in War and Peace form, I think you will be disappointed as they have lives, families and deal with several time wasters, abusers, creeps, and molesters that you do not have to deal with. But they have always answered my questions. Empathetic communication between parties is the key.
You get what you give. Sometimes a little common sense and using your words goes a long way
I’m personally on the fence about this. On one hand I really appreciate not bringing up personal details but instead just letting it be a physical interaction of sorts where each person is there for each other in a pure cuddly way. No strings attached, no major expectations, just filling that void which brought some/most of us to this site.
But on the other hand, a lot of the men I’ve cuddled with have wanted that personal connection and sharing of details, so as a pro I provide that for them but still in a way that protects myself.
I think it ultimately comes down to knowing yourself and what you are personally comfortable with. Also from a pros perspective understanding that you are needing to provide an individualized service based on what that person needs at the time.
Ya'll need to stahp arguing and just cuddle, already. Seriously.
By the way, men aren't the only ones capable of being "straightforward" or "treating others like objects", by the way. I would know. It's part of the reason I came to this site- to find comfortable, no strings, friendship and cuddles.
But, that's none of my business /sips_tea
Cuddle on.
@Lovelight regarding your edit about men whose interests not matching writing anyway. It has been my experience in most online places where people try to meet that men don’t much read the post before they respond. Post that you won’t meet blue eyed people, and you won’t hear from blue eyed women. But guys with blue eyes will respond in the same proportion they appear in the population, I swear.
@SweetJennifer i'm glad you didn't go pro.
It's awkward to ask someone to cuddle. If you try to start a convo by saying only Hi. How are you? Then I'd suppose some people might think that sounds too much like you are trying to get to know them like you are looking for a date.
@mdx71 my thoughts exactly.
I just need someone to lay next to and keep me company while I'm resting. I can take care of other needs in other ways, I guess I thought this site would actually have people who wanted to share personal space without sex.
As always in these forum threads the conversation breaks down because of language. People seem to get upset because of the words others choose rather than the intent, then get defensive of there own use of language.
But at any rate back to the OP, i believe sometimes it’s hard to gauge some men’s intent to get acquainted with people. Speaking for myself i find it difficult to really know a person, or barely know a person through forum exchanges and messages. Part of it is due to the misinterpretation or perspective of each person. Sometimes it’s the time it takes for exchange. The other reason is so much communication is visual. I find, speaking for myself, when trying to get acquainted enough to be comfortable to cuddle it takes some proximity.
May i suggest that often times people just want to get in proximity in order to find the comfortability. I’m sure there are plenty of exceptions but for the most part i think we just want to cut to the chase and get some stuff out of the way and progress the discussion.
I may be wrong, but that’s why i may seem hasty, if i ever do sound hasty.
@Sideon
I find it distasteful that you try to paint me as “entitled” when that’s not what I am.
Also, I nor this have* nothing* to do with the “nobody messages me” threads.
Second, it’s not entitlement to wonder why some people do this, nor give our thoughts on how it makes us feel. Or what we think about it. It’s also not entitlement to wonder why people who don’t match our profile/what we are looking for: ask to meet us.
This is off putting to women like myself. It makes us feel objectified, and just in general it’s not pleasant to us. Voicing that isn’t entitlement, either. It gives many men the opportunity to also reflect, learn from various thoughts on this, as well as to try and meet us halfway. After all, cuddling should be about comfort, and if many/ of your/ potential cuddle partners aren’t comfortable with your/ approach it’s important to try, and help them be comfortable.
Thank you everyone for your thoughts on this. Hope to read and respond more once I can.
@Lovelight Just ignore the self-appointed dictators of the board that label people entitled or trolls on a whim.
@Lovelight What does this have to do with objectification, how does someone going straight to the point without trying to get to know you have to do with objects?
@Lovelight - I'm not painting anything, I'm pointing out that you expect a specific method and manner from guys who message you, that you think they should have read your profile to match for likeness, and that they shouldn't come out and be direct. Good luck with that.
@FunCartel - Oh. You're back. If I were dictator - you wouldn't be.