Hey beautiful people! Just want your opinion on what you think about being a cuddler and in a relationship. Keep it a secret? Tell my significant other? What if they want me to stop? Let me know 😊
Are you asking in general? If so: it varies depending upon the people involved. You’ll get all sorts of answers.
Are you asking for personal advice (“should I tell my significant other?”)? If so: none of us here has access to all of the pertinent information, and so any advice we could give would likely be skewed by personal biases.
So, what are you going for?
Far from a relationship expert but I think you should tell them, first for the sake of openness and honesty but also because it'd look very bad if they found out you were meeting up with strangers for money and "I'm a professional cuddler" was your response to their questioning. Much better to get it out there first and avoid any potential misunderstandings.
If they want it to stop then that's a bridge you'll have to cross together. I don't personally think there's anything wrong with cuddling when you're in a relationship with someone but I can also understand why a partner might believe there is something wrong.
For me honesty and trust is the core of my real relationships so I have to be honest and up front with them about every session.
@Micaconamor Yeah, if it's advice you're looking for, nobody is going to really know what to do in your relationship except for...well, you.
You did ask for input though, so if you want it... my personal opinion lines up with that of @Zundar in that if you keep it a secret, you may just be prolonging the inevitable. As hard as it may be honesty usually is the best policy, for everyone's comfort and ease. But be prepared to sit your S/O down and have some info ready for them, such as links to YouTube channels and videos, websites of various well-known professionals, and be ready to educate. Let them know you're happy to answer any questions that they have with 100% honesty. Also be OK with them not being OK with it. At that point (and taking all things into consideration) you'd have to decide what you're comfortable with doing.
@Micaconamor
Don't tell him, but stop cuddling. Your personal relationship is more important. If you're in a very casual, perhaps new relationship, then tell him, there's little to lose. Maybe he's got a secret to unload too.
There are professional cuddlers on here who are in relationships. I met one (i’ve only had 1 appt so far as i’m new). I think in general people should be open and honest about stuff, and if they’re the right person for you they’ll support you after talking about why you both feel the way you do, or if the relationship matters more to you and they don’t want the behavior then change or compromise for it. In the cuddler case i met, she told her SO and he was ok with it and her reasons for it. There was that freedom for her to be herself. If you’re not supported then make a decision about what you feel is best for you and your circumstances to feel ok.
I don’t have anywhere near the information needed to answer. I will say however, if you wish this to be a long term relationship then telling them about it would likely be best.
The only advice I have is this and it is life advice:
I have found that people who ask questions about honesty and openness already know what they should do but are purely looking for someone to give them proactive absolution to do what they should not do.
One thing I can guarantee is that they would definitely want you to stop, if they don't break it off altogether. Part of being in a relationship is the special physical bond and honestly I don't believe you can have that in full if you cuddle with several other guys per week
It's no different than being on Car Comfort, or Tennis Comfort, unless of course your lover has a problem with it in which case, you may need to compromise. Keeping secrets from a lover might blow the relationship. But your cuddle partner doesn't need to know.
I think comparing cuddles to cars or tennis trivializes the intimacy involved with cuddling. Of the three—cuddling, tennis and cars, two are hobbies and one can get you into hot water if you withhold that info that you are doing it for a fee from your romantic interest. Think about it, cuddling is intimate and if you do not tell your romantic partner it appears as cheating at worst and lying at best. Not telling is hiding your activity and can be construed as betrayal.
@Micaconamor - Here is a related thread that may be useful, and this one too.
@FunCartel There's nothing trivial about any activity a person is passionate about. A person could have an intimate tie to NASA. Like I said, don't withold cuddling from your lover unless you're willing to forgo involvement.
@PeopleLikeUs I think you are missing the point. Semantically speaking, yes, you can be intimately familiar with all sorts of things. But I do not think that most significant others would have much of a a problem if you spooned a missile (though your sanity might be questioned) versus spooning another human for cash. That is a different kind of intimacy, and my point is made by the fact there are so many people that keep it from family such as parents and siblings, let alone romantic partners. Regardless how you parse it, cuddling still has somewhat of a social stigma among certain circles and people. I do not think telling people you are a NASA fanatic carries the same gravitas.
@FunCartel In response to the OP, the question as to whether to "keep it a secret" (from whom?) or to "stop" depends. Relationship expectations vary.
@PeopleLikeUs I understand that and I addressed that earlier in the thread. I was taking umbrage with lumping in cuddling with NASA, tennis, cars etc. Withholding information on those are not the same thing as you tried to make it out to be.
@FunCartel I never compared those activities within the context of withholding information from a lover.
Hmm... I'm honest to a fault. So, I don't think anything should be hidden in a relationship. If you need to hide it, then it's wrong. If your partner disapproves, then they deserve to make an informed decision about the relationship that meets their needs. Maybe it's not right for them. Just my personal reasoning.
Oh, land's sake. I can't tell you how annoyed I get when people act as though "relationship" only ever means "romantic and/or sexual relationship."
I am a cuddler.
I'm in an employee-employer relationship with bosses at both my part-time jobs. I'm in a very good parent-child relationship with not one, but two parents. I love the relationship I have with eight of my nine siblings. I'm in a landlord-tenant relationship with an interesting couple.
What do I think about being a cuddler and being in a relationship? I think your level of openness depends on the type of relationship.
Is it any of your business who your boss cuddles? If no, then it's none of her business who you cuddle. Do you need to know who your brother cuddles? If not, then he doesn't need to know who you cuddle. Would you cut your mother out of your life if you learned she was a cuddler? Would you care if your landlord was a cuddler?
Whatever the relationship, whoever you're in it with, there's an easy way to figure out whether you should A] tell them you're a cuddler, or B] keep it to yourself.
If they were a cuddler, would you have a right to know?
Thank you, everyone, for your responses. I enjoyed reading them and take everyone into account. @FunCartel I found your response entertaining (in a good way) and well appreciated. Thank you!