Desperation is not attractive!

dfwfitchickdfwfitchick
in General

I found this site by accident, and I absolutely love the concept of platonic cuddling to fulfill the needs that many people are lacking in their lives. With that said, I am still conflicted if these type of intimate, nonsexual relationships are possible for me. I am a text book definition of an empath....very intuitive, sensitive to even the slightest change in my environment , and a nurturer. I can detect the slightest change in a person's mood, and I tend to absorb the energy around me. I can get very easily overwhelmed & exausted by negative energy, and I have to be very mindful of who I allow into my 'space.'

I work as a personal trainer, and I'm heavily involved in dog rescue, so I'm constantly 'fixing the broken'. It's my calling. My purpose for joining was to give my energy to those who need it, but I was also hoping for once, that some of the physical and emotional attention that are lacking in my personal life would be met.

Within 2 minutes of profile approval, my inbox was FULL, and maybe 1 or 2 individuals were gentlemen, who were considerate enough to introduce themselves, and showed genuine interest in wanting to get to know me. All the others while not blatantly breaking cc rules, were inconsiderate to put it vaguely. I got the impression multiple times that someone would much rather pay me ( I now am considering the pro option bc of this) then waste 1 or 2 emails to ask me basic questions and share their needs. The number of individuals that on the first email, asked if we could meet today was alarming. Now my confidence that I can find platonic cuddling on here is gone, and I honestly do not know if even if I decided to try the pro option, if the physical and mental drain would even be worth it....it completely defeats the purpose of the spirit of this site, and what I had hoped to get from it. Please , someone tell me that this us not typical behavior of the members here. I had really high hopes ☹

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Comments

  • dfwfitchickdfwfitchick
    edited August 2019

    P.S. I would be very interested in finding other women cuddle friends, or even couple cuddle buddies. I think I would have a more positive experience, but I did not find many ladies in my area who have interest.....has anyone had positive experiences with a cuddle date that was a couple?

  • dfwfitchickdfwfitchick

    This is what I sent to several of the gentlemen who sent offputing messages:

    This is why I am hesitant

    1. No profile info or pic: If you can not put the effort forth to take a few moments to share some basic info, how would I know we are compatible?

    2. No friends

    3. No karma: basically, you have no one to validate who you are, or if you would be safe to meet.

    4. Suggesting to meet on the first measage without a proper introduction, sharing any personal information, or asking me any questions. Again, how are we to know that we are compatible??

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Many of the ladies put in their profile that they will not accommodate any same day appointments. That could help alleviate one issue somewhat.

  • mb0mb0
    edited August 2019

    Probably some of the men who messaged you are just buffoons.

    But there's another problem: there are so few non-pro women on the site that the large majority of men here have only cuddled pros. It's hard to learn what non-pro women would actually like to hear when nothing you say to them ever gets a response. If you'd messaged 20 people and none of them replied, you'd probably either give up entirely or stop putting time and effort into your messages too.

    "I got the impression multiple times that someone would much rather pay me ( I now am considering the pro option bc of this) then waste 1 or 2 emails to ask me basic questions and share their needs."

    Problem is, it's not 1 or 2 emails. It's dozens of them, because women rarely respond, so as a man you have to keep composing intro messages over and over.

    I do want to get to know the women I cuddle with. I like to have real conversations and find out who they are. But taking the time to compose a thoughtful message, carefully reading her profile and asking relevant questions (assuming she's even bothered to put anything in her profile, that is), in hopes that just maybe she will deem me worthy to have a conversation with and maybe eventually even cuddle... no, I'm done with that. Complete waste of time. I'll just pay someone to come over, and then we'll get to know each other. At least I know I'll get some company, conversation, and touch, even if we're not a perfect cuddle match.

  • SpooniesBackSpooniesBack

    I noticed you have no friends or karma. Just saying.

  • Joe_1Joe_1

    Cuddling is a close experience. Not a transaction. Let’s all keep that in mind. We can build closeness by showing interest in the mind of another human.

  • [Deleted User]mdx71 (deleted user)

    Interesting..I wondering what a person is supposed to say when emailing someone so as to come off as just a regular person and actually get a reply. It's awkward really and I understand it from the female point of view...I understand women not wanting to be overwhelmed with email and also not wanting anyone to confuse this with a dating site, but at a certain point it's a little hypocritical. I've had email from women that came off as rude or slutty.

  • RaindropSweetieRaindropSweetie

    @mdx71 Slutty? How so?

    @dfwfitchick New member inboxes fill up pretty fast. It is typical.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited August 2019

    @dfwfitchick i do sympathize with you and have heard the same experiences from many women on here . You lost me a little with the reasoning that this negative experience has somehow driven you to apply to be a pro? Either way , glad to have you and welcome aboard

  • CaliCuddlingGuyCaliCuddlingGuy

    @dfwfitchick ... well darn, I'm more that 50 pounds overweight so you won't cuddle with me. Is the 50 pound overweight limit because you want to bench press me? Will that requirement go away if you become a professional? Inquiring minds want to know. It's time for Fat People To Rebel Against Cuddle Discrimination.

  • dfwfitchickdfwfitchick

    @CaliCuddlingGuy we are ALL entitled to our preferences. I just happen to work in the fitness industry, so to me, those that share similar interests and lifestyle are who I prefer to seek a connection with.

  • [Deleted User]MacaronCuddles (deleted user)

    2: Do they have to have friends?
    3: Unless they hired a pro it’s not easy to find regular cuddlers. You have to start somewhere with Karma. Maybe they don’t have it yet.
    4: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with meeting in the first day. I was once messaged here and met with her less than an hour.

  • dfwfitchickdfwfitchick

    At this point, I don't think becoming a pro is probably going to be the best option for me either. I not only want a genuine connection,I NEED IT. It's the whole purpose I joined this community.. The money simply is not worth enduring an experience that is mentally and physically draining. Ant for those who inquired, NO my willingness to visit someone would not change if the option of compensation became available. No amount of money can rationalize putting myself into a situation where I know I will be uncomfortable, anxious, and I know that I will be able to connect to other person. I would rather be honest than unfair. I'm hoping the novelty of being the new chick will wear off quickly, and the more I contribute through the forums, that people will find other qualities that they find appealing other than the physical.

    I'm thinking that maybe I should only visit pros, so I can assure that the encounter will be just that, professional, with the main focus turned to my needs. That may be the best course of action for me to build up trust in not only the process, but also with myself and my ability to relax, trust, be in the moment, and enjoy.

    I would love to heard from other pros in the dfw area that would be willing to visit with me ...😊

  • dfwfitchickdfwfitchick

    Thank you @Joe_1 . I'm glad that you 'get it.' I very much enjoyed our conversation through our the day. If not for your words of encouragement, and positive outlook, I probably would have already deleted my profile. Thank you for being a gentleman, and for allowing me to the opportunity to express my feelings/frustrations. You rock 😊

  • dfwfitchickdfwfitchick

    @mb0 That's very unfortunate to hear that the men on this site feel they need to offer every lady they contact monetary incentive or be direct to the point that it is viewed aggressive, just to get a response.
    I responded to every single person who contacted me, even the complete asshats, to at least tell them that unfortunately we would not be a good fit. It's the polite thing to do. I'm sorry that the ladies have not been receptive. Not sure if it is due to no interest, or that guys are contacting dormant accounts. Definitely ways to fix this by deleting profiles when they are inactive for a certain period of days, or having the option of filters for the type of people that are allowed to send you messages.
    Example : If a female member only wants to be contact by members in the United states, that are above the age of 25....she should be able to filter her contact settings to reflect those parameters. I'm very specific on my bio of my cuddle parameters, but as we know, guys get bored after the first 2 sentences.

    Guys, just because you have sent out 30 messages introducing yourself with no luck, DOES NOT mean that on your 31st attempt you should get lazy and throw all common courtesy out the window. If you truly want an authentic cuddle experience, with mutual enjoyment, then do your part. You wouldn't expect to walk up to a complete stranger, skip introducing yourself , and tell her you want to meet her tonight at 7pm for dinner. You would get a strange look, and probably get yelled at for your rude, aggressive behavior. The same rules of basic decency and manners apply, even for a platonic cuddle experience. Be polite, introduce yourself, tell me a little about you , don't be crude, inappropriate, aggressive , or offensive. Someone who puts thought and effort into that initial contact message is a direct reflection of the amount of thought and effort they will invest into their time with you. It's a step you simply can not skip, no matter how many times you have typed it and it's gone no where

  • mb0mb0

    @dfwfitchick

    "Not sure if it is due to no interest, or that guys are contacting dormant accounts."

    FWIW, dormant accounts are not really an issue as it's really easy to filter searches to only find people who have been online recently, and it shows on your profile when was the last time you were on.

    "You wouldn't expect to walk up to a complete stranger, skip introducing yourself , and tell her you want to meet her tonight at 7pm for dinner."

    Probably not, but I also wouldn't keep going to the same bar that was consistently packed with men and politely introducing myself to the few women there if they always refused to speak to me. I would change something.

    I haven't seen the messages you received. I'm sure some of them were really bad. But a first message of "Hey, do you want to meet soon to cuddle" on a cuddle site doesn't seem rude or aggressive to me... just misguided. Keep in mind that this person is probably used to dealing with pros, who really do want people to be direct and schedule meetups right away, and who in fact may get pissed if people talk too much without scheduling a session.

    Anyway, I appreciate that you replied to all your messages.

  • funnycuddlesfunnycuddles
    edited August 2019

    @dfwfitchick Is it better to not have any information in a profile or to have lies on your profile? Such as someone turning 40 in a few days but listing their age as 33?

    If someone doesn't want to cuddle with someone who isn't physically fit (50 pounds or more) but the overweight person lies about their weight, that's deceitful.

    Likewise, if I only want to cuddle with people 33 or younger, but the other person is a few days from being 40, but lists their age as 33 that's also deceitful and their age should be corrected to not waste people's time that only want 33 or younger cuddle partners.

    EDITED TO REMOVE PERSONAL INFORMATION

  • RaindropSweetieRaindropSweetie

    If you are looking to meet your needs, then it is best to hire a pro or not be a pro. Being a pro is about meeting the needs of other people. That's what they are paying for. If you pay a pro, then meeting your own needs is what you are paying for.

  • RaindropSweetieRaindropSweetie

    @funnycuddles O.O

  • dfwfitchickdfwfitchick

    @RaindropSweetie I'm fully aware of the difference between a pro and an enthusiast. I initially did not sign up to be a pro, but after 85% of the messages I received were men requesting a paid experience, I thought I made a mistake and was supposed to sign up as a pro if I was female.

  • dfwfitchickdfwfitchick

    @funnycuddles are you a stalker? Do I need to worry about you lurking outside my home or place I work? You seemed to go out of your way to try and hunt down my personal info. Congrats, you officially have become creepier than any guy that has contacted me.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesTwisted (deleted user)

    I often wonder how many accounts are false flag accounts...

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited August 2019

    @dfwfitchick it is your prerogative to cuddle who you choose absolutely will not argue that point . However if you are applying for pro status as your profile states , you are expected to not discriminate on things like weight .

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)
    edited August 2019

    @dfwfitchick: At a guess I'd say it's your username—how many sites do you use it on, and how many other people have the same one? Too unique a name can be a curse.... Doesn't take a stalker to turn lots of stuff up these days, just a touch of curiosity and three seconds on Google.

  • CaliCuddlingGuyCaliCuddlingGuy
    edited August 2019

    @dfwfitchick @funnycuddles.
    It's a red flag when there are lies in the information provided. Call me a stalker or creepy too. When someone talks integrity, choice and preference but takes that option away from others by misrepresenting info on their profile it should be called out.

  • Joe_1Joe_1

    This is the first discussion thread that I have followed. Lots of opinions and barbs, it seems. Maybe some misunderstandings?

    Doesn’t the problem of misunderstanding each other’s intents highlight the point that @dfwfitchick is making? We would do well to start by trying to understand someone else’s intents before stating so clearly our own. Let’s call that getting to know someone.

  • SashamcgeeSashamcgee

    Fat people need cuddles too 😭😭 some might say we're better suited for cuddles ... like fluffy teddy bears 😀

    Anywhosers as @pmvines stated you're not to discriminate in any manner if you're a pro. So discriminating based on age and weight are no no's. I'm assuming you won't get approved with your profile as is.

    Good luck on your journey though.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited August 2019

    @Sashamcgee and @pmvines brought up very good points. You cannot discriminate as a pro. While I fall well within your parameters to Cuddle the other question I would have is how are you going to determine who is 50 lbs overweight? If it is linked to your career as a personal trainer you should know that 50 lbs overweight for a guy 5’8” could be 210 lbs and for a guy 6’5” it could be 300 pounds. So the 50 over seems very random and more a target of what you are attracted to. Both are no-no’s as a pro.

  • RaindropSweetieRaindropSweetie
    edited August 2019

    @dfwfitchick You can message a mod to have your pro status pending removed and go back to enthusiast. There's @reurbo @Mark and there's Soulcuddlerz, but he's busy this week.

    I agree that your age should be accurately represented... This site has a huge basis in trust. Even transgender people cannot list their mental gender if their body does not match. Age should be represented as accurately as possible.

    As for overweight, it's hard to tell until someone is morbidly obese. People can be 50lbs of muscle overweight. Just saying.

  • DaForceofNatureDaForceofNature

    As your title suggests, desperation is not attractive. But neither is your exclusion of a certain population, if you are planning to become a Pro. Exclude whoever you want as an enthusiast, that's your prerogative.
    It sounds like you should seek a Pro so that you can have your touch needs met rather than trying to screen out those who don't meet your standards.

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