How much faith do you place in karma?

[Deleted User]2dogmom (deleted user)
in General

Curious how much others place their faith in the karma others leave for cuddlers. Do you "trust" non-pro karma more than pro? Do you reach out to people who've left karma for someone for more info if you are considering cuddling with them? Does someone have to have a minimum number of karmas for you to trust they are true? Or do they have to have karma within a certain time frame?

When I first joined, I looked really hard at karma, but then I realized much of the karma is left by pros for their clients. NOT DISSING pros, but I recently had a not so great cuddle experience with someone who had several 5-star karma rankings with effusive praise, all from pros. Maybe the experience is different for pros??

Also I have personally never seen anything other than 5-star karma for anyone. Anyone else see 3 or 4 star karma? Like "Respectful and followed rules but slight halitosis and snored when he fell asleep." Or are people like 5-star or banned?

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Comments

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod
    edited October 2019

    Some people leave 5 star karma because they are afraid of retaliatory bad ratings, especially if they are a pro. While the ratings have to be taken with a bit of skepticism, what ratings do show is who that person cuddled with. You can then contact people on the list if you want to do further research. Even though the ratings can't be completely relied on, it also shows that person has been around for a while, which for some is more comforting than an empty profile with no friends and no ratings.

  • [Deleted User]Wesk (deleted user)
    edited October 2019

    I don't pay any attention to the Karmas. I base my solely on instincts and availability Personality and rather I can talk to my cuddlier comfortably is huge Before coming onto this site, I always believed the word Karma meant the opposite then it does here. I have given Karmas to the Professionals that I see but only out of respect to them because the way I understand their livelihood might depend upon it.

    All I can say is vet, vet, vet.

  • [Deleted User]Zundar (deleted user)

    Doesn't really mean much, better to judge people based on the contents of their profile and how they handle themselves when messaging. Trusting the judgement of strangers isn't always going to be the best approach especially when you're after something so personal - you're trusting your own judgement by judging them yourself based on what you want and recognise as being good/bad.

  • CaliCuddlingGuyCaliCuddlingGuy
    edited October 2019

    Not much faith since 99.9% of the Karma I see is all 5 Stars.

    Another site, unrelated to cuddling, gives people five days to leave feedback. I don't see your feedback, you don't see my feedback, and on the fifth day both feedback are posted. If one person doesn't leave feedback after five days, they do not have the opportunity to go back and add. This method resulted in lots of 0-4 ratings.

    Side Note: My 5-Star Rating is well deserved. Just saying.

  • pmvinespmvines

    I haven't exchanged karma with all of the folks who I have met from here. Many I will ask if they would like it, and some I will give it to without asking, where others specifically say they don't care for the karma thing for whatever reason. I have met a few folks who just think it is a silly popularity thing, and somewhat akin to folks just adding a notch to their belts. I do agree that a lot of the time people give it to folks who don't necessarily deserve a 5 star rating, however they are given one because of fear of retaliation or just simply because the person was being nice and didn't want to tell others what they really think. One user was banned from here recently for being reported for sexually assaultive behavior. The same user he did this to also had given him positive karma due to him pestering her to, and she was genuinely nervous about what this person might do since he knew her personal info.

  • DonLonGDonLonG
    edited October 2019

    I also found it weird there are so many 5-star
    Not seeing any other rating is kinda bizarre
    If everyone has the same, it's not a very good prediction
    We need people here with more conviction
    But they come and go, they come and go

    Karma here is kinda like a chameleon
    5-star or no, 5-star or no
    Cuddling would be easier if Karma had a colored theme
    Red, gold, and green, red, gold, and green

  • [Deleted User]2dogmom (deleted user)

    @DonLonG 😂😂 still my fave here. You deserve 5-stars for that reply. 🙌🏻

    I agree as you and @CaliCuddlingGuy noted that it’s 5-star or none which, yes, makes it irrelevant. And yes @pmvines about retaliation. I don’t want to go leave someone a 2 or 3 star karma bec they may know personal info about me and/or post a bad karma for me in turn.

  • DonLonGDonLonG

    Thought I'd add a little Culture to this club.

  • [Deleted User]RTL1970 (deleted user)

    @2dogmom:
    It seems you’re skeptical about the number of stars associated with the karmic review rather than the actual review itself. I never pay any mind at all to the number of stars when reading a description - albeit a 1-sided account - of an experience someone had with someone else who might’ve caught my interest. In fact, I think the star rating system should be eliminated altogether, as I don’t see it as carrying nearly as much weight as the words that accompany it. I trust the Karma feature. It’s the star ratings that I think are useless, even though I gave a well-deserved maximum the one time I’ve used it.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Just like no one ever lies on Yelp.

  • [Deleted User]2dogmom (deleted user)

    @RTL1970 that wasn’t my intent. My OP questions were broader. Your comments about the star system are valid IMO. Comments only might allow people to be more forthright.

    @FunCartel I accused no one of lying. And I find most of the seeming mistruths on sites like Yelp are negative.

  • cuddlerforu24cuddlerforu24
    edited October 2019

    Singing praises , fives stars , makes you “ attractive “ to your target cuddler . A cuddler who reads these positive feedbacks , will probably assume that they will be described the same .
    Mention breath, snoring , and the latest I read in another thread ...” she spent fifteen minutes of the hour I paid for talking “, you may as well forget anyone wanting to cuddle with you , they will think you will find a fault and mention that .

    If someone is unsafe that’s different

  • mb0mb0

    Yeah due to the nature of leaving karma here, less than 5-star karmas are unfortunately rare.

    This is the main way I use karma: if a pro has been on the site for a long time and has little or no karma, that makes me slightly suspicious. Combined with other factors it may lead to me not messaging such a pro.

    But I don't think you can apply the same criterion to non-pros, since non-pro women are naturally going to cuddle a lot fewer people than pros.

    You can also read the actual reviews rather than just looking at the ratings and get an idea what you're in for. While these aren't 100% reliable, it does seem to be that cuddlers who have a few particularly effusive and wordy reviews really are generally pretty great... while with cuddlers who have only generic 1-2 sentence reviews, it's more of a crapshoot: maybe they're great, maybe not.

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    A cuddler and myself both wrote positive reviews after and we both noticed an uptick in messages.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited October 2019

    @2dogmom I was referring to the thread in general, not your observations. In any cross section of society there are liars. Why would this site be any different...or Yelp....or IMDB....or Amazon? Fake reviews come with the cyberspace experience.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    The people with zero karma like to say its worthless and the people with lots of karma said its valuable. I say the truth is probably somewhere in the middle of those extremes.
    Its useful in that it lets you know someone was seen in person by others on the site and lived to tell about it. It doesn't necessarily mean they are great cuddlers etc.

  • Lev136Lev136

    I;ve seen some bad reviews and avoid those people. I basically trust it , especially if the cuddlier has been on for a long time and doesn't have many good or bad reviews.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Karma gave me no faith in karma. This much I learned in Nepal.

  • jb5jb5

    Karma is useless. My first cuddle with a 5 star cuddler was awesome. The second time, with the same person sucked. He was rude by messaging and lining up a new cuddle person while together and lied saying it was an old friend (even went far enough to explain in detail that he told her he was busy and had to focus on the cuddle). He needed help with gas money so I gave him 40.00 to fill his tank. He complained he was sad because he wanted to watch a favorite show, so I paid for a Sling membership (as we were friends at the time for a couple months - I don't even need that app and never watch those shows) and now out 50.00 plus the 40.00 for gas. The icing on the cake was kissing me after knowing I wasn't comfortable with him rubbing noses with me as it was a trigger for past trauma. Not that the kiss was bad lol. Just completely ruined my trust of him and his claim of completely platonic cuddling. Be wary of i like warm hugs. He is not honest but sure knows all the right things to say! Lesson learned and I will not be using any karma feedback going forward.

  • CuddleStellaCuddleStella

    Karma is tricky because a lot of folks who are less than 5 stars often may be banned or removed from the site. Cuddlers who I would have left less than 5 star ratings would be the kind who block me before I even get a chance to and they’re often banned for no shows or inappropriate behavior.

    As a pro, I get a lot of good feedback outside of the karma rating system but not every cuddler seeks to leave karma. They’ll be on the site for making cuddle arrangements and that’s pretty much it.

  • SideonSideon

    I am interested in the karma comments/feedback, which says a whole lot more than 1-5 stars.

  • MrCuddlenityMrCuddlenity

    Karma is not a big thing but if you see a cuddler with many positive karmas (reviews) to read it is usually true about a good person to book with. Don't skip those with little or no karma at all. I still read their profile info. They are meeting people still

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited October 2019

    I think a lot of it lies in how the karma is written and who has left it. There are a few people that when they give a rubber stamp on someone that the results of the Cuddle will be great. And you find out about your instincts when someone you thought a bit off when they left karma is permanently banned. Find people who seem to be simpatico with what you look for in a
    cuddler and trust their reviews. It works.

    In short, karma requires a bit of effort and work to benefit you, but I find it is a tool when used properly helps give you a higher degree of accuracy in finding a cuddle match.

  • Missy87Missy87

    I think karma is not always a good measure of how the person is. I've seen one person who had tons of positive karma. We're talking 25+ and he was a creep who kept groping at my chest. I wondered how so many people had called this person respectful. It could be that people don't want to leave negative karma for fear of retaliation. I go by my instincts and I am more likely to report someone for bad behavior than I am to leave bad karma unless I see that they have left me bad karma.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Missy87 Here is a question I want to ask you since you broached the question of bad karma. Let’s say you had a session, I stayed within boundaries, but I found the session to just be so-so and felt the person was going through the motions. Let’s say it was you and I left three stars out of five. In the karma I say that while you did nothing wrong I found your session to be boring and rote. Would you leave me bad karma for saying that and giving 3 stars? Just curious, not trying to argue. I am asking because I am reluctant to do that because of retaliation.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    I would never solely rely on karma reviews but I find it incredibly helpful in the sense that longer thought out reviews point to what matters about a person. Someone already mentioned that if it’s a generic 1 sentence review, it can seem sketchy sometimes. The ones I love are the reviews that point out little things that stood out to that cuddler.

    For example: one of my reviews points out about me singing and my musical preferences. That’s a specific thing to point out that could show what a cuddle could be like with me. Maybe you don’t like my taste in music and that turns you away from me or maybe it intrigues you to discuss bands and whatnot and know that you will have an amazing cuddle with a great conversation. It could go either way, but to each is their own. Little specific things like that show that that person genuinely enjoyed a cuddle and something enjoyable stood out. That’s what I like about karma.

  • littermatelittermate

    I saw a 1-star karma for a guy who reached out to me. I don't think the woman who reviewed him was a pro. She said he messaged inappropriately like it was a dating service. It was his only karma so I didn't respond.

    I'm new and only arranged one cuddle so far. I read his 4 karmas and what he left on theirs. His communication was stellar and he was even more precious in person. Great first experience.

    I am grateful for you all pointing out the pro investment and the fear of retaliation. Sobers me a bit after feeling so triumphant about risking to cuddle with a stranger and having a spectacular experience. Yikes!

    Not to add too much of a new topic here but are there guidelines about what a good cuddle is? I imagine it varies by person. I realized that in my lifetime most of my male partners have been so focused on sex that I've never had the opportunity to focus on and develop my cuddling skills. I would hate to be just starting out and gett someone ratng me as lame because I'm finding my way.

    As a woman I'm really curious about how many creepy gropers are out there. I am highly perceptive via communication patterns but I am sobered.

    Thanks. I appreciate this community. At least the wholesome part of it!

  • DonLonGDonLonG

    @littermate

    As a woman I'm really curious about how many creepy gropers are out there

    I can understand you being cautious. I have had a couple of bad and possibly traumatic experiences myself. In fact, the last person I attempted to cuddle with seemed normal. She isn't a member of the community, so I fully set her expectations. We talked about my asexual orientation and made sure she understood what platonic means. We were just going to watch a movie and hold each other.

    She was stroking my chest, which was nice. But while she was exploring over my shirt, she discovered my nipples.

    I don't know if it's true for other men, but for me, that is not an erogenous zone. So when she asked if I liked it, I was able to honestly tell her it didn't do anything for me. It would be the same as if she was drawing letters on my back.

    Her response was, "Well that's because no one has handled them properly before". Then she clamped down on them. Instant panic!

    I grabbed her hands to get her to release and told her to let go, but she squeezed harder and twisted. I told her that it hurt, I didn't like it and begged her to stop. I became even more horrified when she then threw a leg over me, straddled my lap and said, "Stop being such a girl, I'm not going to hurt your lady bits!" I had to wrestle her off me in order to leave.

    My nipples were still sore the next day. I abandoned a wireless keyboard and movie player attached to her TV in my haste to get out of there. I'm not sure that I want to go back and collect them.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)
    edited October 2019

    Yeah, @DonLonG, I'm not sure I'd want to go back either. Do you have some female friends you can take with you?

  • DonLonGDonLonG
    edited October 2019

    @DarrenWalker That's a great suggestion, but it's not being afraid of her physically, although she is pretty buff for a woman. We might be in the same weight class. It's the crying, I can't stand seeing women cry, I get manipulated very easily in that situation because I want to try to help to get them to stop.

    I didn't hurt her physically, but emotionally and she just broke into tears. I watched my mom cry every day for 6 months when my dad suddenly left her for another woman after 19 years of marriage. I was 18, and had to take care of her alone, but didn't know what to do.

    To this day I can't see another woman cry without feeling the regret of not being able to help my mom with her depression. She lost 50 lbs. from not eating, she never left her room. I felt completely powerless to console her.

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