Why do you cuddle platonically?

[Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)
in General

There are any number of reasons people cuddle. And even more so platonically. Watching a heavy spray of rain in traffic the following questions came to me:

  1. Do you seek platonic cuddle connections to manage the anxiety you often feel from the pressures associated with life and work?
  2. Are platonic cuddle connections another outlet through which to explore and/or express needs and desires a primary relationship is unable to fill or meet consistently?

It would be interesting to see how others in the community answer the above as they each reflect in their own cuddle journeys.

I personally upon reflection of my own cuddle travels have often caught myself seeking and/or using some cuddle connections to manage my own internal anxieties related to a high physically and emotionally demanding job and community volunteering activities.
And when I do I meditate on it and pull back.
That's an unfair amount of burden and pressure to put on someone's back. I have even shared these same thoughts with some cuddle buddies who agree to have me with draw from cuddling for awhile. And pulling back often helps to give me the reflective perspective I need to appropriately manage my emotions.

And also having that kind of conversation with cuddle buddies have also opened the door to some very meaningful discussions on how to effectively manage and address one's psychosocial needs. That has nothing to do with cuddling.

So why do we cuddle platonically?

Comments

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    I've heard it said that two people should be like a piece of Stonehenge, each able to stand upright on their own, but better for standing together. The trick is to be in that place where there is some benefit, but not too much need. Perhaps too many people leave it too late, like looking after one's health after 50 years of bad living.

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug
    edited March 2020

    I’ve learned to appreciate touch the way a cochlear implant recipient might learn to appreciate sound.

    That is... late, and imprecisely... but with a particular hunger to make up for what I’d been missing.

  • WKplatonicWKplatonic
    edited March 2020

    I cuddle to escape to get away. Cuddle platonically takes the need to perform out of the equalization, we can just be, At the end of the cuddling session, we are free to go our separate ways. My cuddling partner and I have shared a platonic spiritual, intimate, session still, has that shared space in our memories.

    Great Form discussion, Bles! I enjoy reading your thoughts and writings in the forms.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)
    edited March 2020

    @geoff1000 I think I hear you say cuddle partners should be interdependent and balance each other. I can see underneath your thoughtful comments that you value interaction that embraces both persons benefitting while filling some need without burdening one or the other. Cuddling I believe should also embrace that idea. Two people bringing their own unique qualities while sharing and gaining from each other without needing or demanding too much from each other . Thanks for that perspective.

    @HoldenCaulfield I hear you say you feel misunderstood and uncomfortable expressing yourself in the written word. That clear communication with others is very important to you. You feel unable to communicate clearly. And are concerned that you're not able to connect with the clarity you value so much. And that you are looking for patience, tolerance and understanding by others towards you in these forums around how you use words to express yourself.

    Touch is an experience you're learning to adapt to and eager to explore for it's enhancement value. In much the same way that a cochlear implant does for one's hearing.

    Did I get that right?
    It's okay to feel uncomfortable and self-conscious. It's never easy allowing oneself to be so vulnerable in a public forum.

    Thanks for sharing your experience.

    @WKCuddles I understand your perspective of positive and meaningful distraction via a cuddle session. That platonic cuddling takes the pressure away from the need to perform as opposed to a prelude to sexual intercourse. The interest is shared and the effort to cuddle platonically is co-creative between two people. So it becomes an escape into that intimate process in which neither party feels pressed. It's freeing because both persons are empowering and uplifting the other by giving and sharing their time and ideas. There's no expectation of anything else but the cuddle. When it's done there's no feeling of obligation to meet again. Yet the spiritual and emotional connection remains alive in the positive memories each person holds of the experience. And if I might add to your beautiful thoughts, that the memories can also remain alive in a connection that continues to live long past the cuddle. A connection that might result in a phone call every now and then or an SMS message to say hey what's up.
    Awesome! Thank you too for that perspective.

    Thank you all so much for your beautiful and honest thoughts. Please keep them coming. That's part of what it means to contribute to a community that's practicing an activity that is relatively new, generally misunderstood and unaccepted in the wider society. For each person to reflect constructively and thoughtfully on what this cuddling activity means to him or her. And share it thought fully, respectfully, and honestly with the community. So we can each gain more and deeper insight into why we're each here in the first place. When we get frustrated and lose interest in the site or in messaging and meeting others we can always have a base to say well this is why I cuddled. Is this why I still want to cuddle? Does this premise still hold true for me? If not, what has changed?
    Social media is no joke when it comes to interaction with others. Some of us are better at it than others. Some of us have to learn through trial and error and create our own best practices. How about we do it as a community. Sharing with and learning from each other even as we disagree.

    Carry on the discussion.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @HoldenCaulfield
    I find written communication much easier, think of Professor Stephen Hawking, who could only type very slowly, but was able to communicate some very complicated concepts.

    The piece of advice I've given myself, is to imagine that the recipient is trying to misinterpret my words, so I have to avoid any ambiguity. Another is to make sure the communication opens with the sentiment and information being given, to give the right first impression.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    In journalism they tell you to write for an eighth grade audience. In practice they need to deduct about four grades.

  • MrKinderMrKinder

    I cuddle because it's special.
    People hook up with random people pretty often - many do. But no one cuddles with a stranger. That's different. It means more. And when 2 strangers agree to cuddle - yeah, it's special. It's kind of a big deal. You start at CLOSE and figure it out from there. You figure out how to lay right - right for you and for them. You whisper and joke and laugh. You might say or hear something surprising, something unplanned, something especially honest. Those are nice cuddles. Little moments that are otherwise reserved for the trusted ones in our lives.

    It's a chance to trust and be trusted. It's fantastic.

  • respectfulrespectful

    @DT80 "It's a chance to trust and be trusted"

    That's a great way of saying it.

    Platonic cuddling also gives me a way to give and receive affection I wouldn't otherwise have a chance to. I missed that for quite a long time!

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    Every decent ski resort has a solid boundary between the beginner's slopes and the black runs, so people can play at the level they want, without having to do something they don't.

  • CuddleStellaCuddleStella

    great responses everybody! i hope everybody can see that cuddling has it benefits that are worth gaining despite feeling "a need to" -- it is great that many use cuddling for soothing and comforting purposes, but i would encourage seeking regular cuddle sessions with whomever for the sake of engaging in a relaxing activity even when you dont feel particularly in need or at the end. we often delay self care and self love until our body is near depleted of capacity to keep going without it... until our glass is near empty. i hope all get the chance to fulfill yourselves regularly!

  • pmvinespmvines

    Because it is nice and a good way to meet new people

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    I think the question / answer should include the alternatives which aren't being chosen :
    No cuddling of any sort
    Non-platonic cuddling

    If I go on a long journey, I walk to the rail station then use a train. I don't walk all the way because it is too far, and I don't just use the train because it doesn't stop outside my front door. These are forced choices.

    If I take the bus, I might walk a couple of stops ; to get exercise, and save a little money. This is an unforced choice.

  • littermatelittermate

    I like it.

  • tallteddytallteddy

    Why not?

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    It's safer than juggling chainsaws while riding a unicycle blindfold along a tightrope over the Grand Canyon.

  • [Deleted User]ImajenMoon (deleted user)

    I hope this isn't considered "necro-posting," but for me, I guess I miss the casual comfort of physical nearness and safety one feels with another when in such close proximity. You felt sufficiently comfortable with me to allow me into your space...and I felt that with you, too. Suddenly the world no longer seems so large, or so cold. Great question!

  • [Deleted User]IvanTokodol (deleted user)

    When I first cuddled with a pro, I sought somebody who first and foremost would feel safe. Years ago I had compulsively sought prostitutes. I managed to become abstinent from that activity long term, but felt depressed and less engaged with life. I heard about cuddling and agonized for a few months, then dove in. The second pro turned out to be perfect as a regular. I needed the platonic aspect in order to maintain stasis and not activate the cascade of feelings that leads to self destruction. The boost in libido prompted me to wake up in other areas of my life. This is an ongoing experiment. Also, while I had considered initially going to a specific group of men who cuddle to deal with past trauma, I admit that I opted for a young woman pro who looked attractive. When we started meeting regularly we seemed to always have a lot to talk about and a friendship has developed. I find that cuddling is so satisfying without the remorse and guilt. I know that I’m not contributing to the exploitation of a person. I know that I’m making my own choices and not regretting them. This isn’t something that I try to sexualize. The friendship is reinforcing the good feelings coming from the cuddling. So far this has been better than I expected and perhaps healing and useful. I’m considering how important it is that the pro be attractive and young and female, and I’m sure that matters but it is possible that I could expand my openness and broaden my choices. I recall when I began training in professional massage, at first it was an obstacle to massage men. Today I’m only focused on what the individual needs and I don’t focus on anything else. I apologize for the long ramble and hope nobody got too skeeved about my past.

  • pookahpookah

    @IvanTokodol thanks for your honesty.

Sign In or Register to comment.