Late Bloomers and permanent holes in the heart

saxmansaxman
in General

Has anyone been a later bloomer where they are experiencing learning about life late in life? Has anyone ever pleaded for help only to be controlled by others just because THEY THOUGHT they knew best? Has anyone spent their life begging for love because the only "love" you received was abuse from a parent of the opposite sex? (i.e. men whom have had their mothers sexually abuse them) Has anyone, especially men experienced a double standard in being mocked for who you are, but have seen women be accepted for the same issue you are going thru? Has anyone discovered that counseling, and seeing a psychologist is nothing more than paying someone to listen to you and are told "I don't know how to help you," and the "professional" refused to refund your money? Has anyone ever caused a psychologist to RUN out of the room just because you are at your wits end and dont mince words and tell it like it is and let others know that you are the person everyones mother has warned them about? Have any men (especially) been told that they are "too nice" by women then have "The rules" changed once they have accepted the "nice" factor to "I have a (jealous) boyfriend, and that caused you to become a hermit, and eventually have to use a a service like this because you have gotten tired of being pushed away no matter what you do?

Comments

  • sasquatch231sasquatch231

    @saxman
    What the hell are you talking about?

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @saxman
    I'm sure there are many people in those situations.

    They are very fortunate to have pro-cuddlers ; who will snuggle up to them for a modest fee, and care only about how they behave, not what is going on in their head.

    There are also many people in worse situations, and it sometimes helps our perspective to think about them ; or better still, to actively help them. As Abraham Lincoln supposedly said, "No man stands so tall, as when he stoops to help a child". If one is wondering where to find "Self-esteem", the clue is in the word.

  • saxmansaxman

    Yes I know that there are people in the world going thru worse. However, I could have told someone who told me just that when I was going thru what I just wrote, "Yes I know. I know of someone whom never knew his mom or sister. They were killed in a car accident when he was an infant with the ambulance almost driving off without HIM...TWICE! This little boy was then sexually abused by his step-mother, sh** in an outhouse while his "mom" used a real toilet, had the belt used between his legs while being spanked, so -called "religion" refused to listen to his pleas for help, had TWO strokes all because him being shown love my a woman after what his "mom" did to him, and had his Grandmother taken advantage of on her deathbed, and he could not do anything about it. Had social services called on him ON A LIE. Those same people burglarized his house with the cops refusing to do anything about it.

    If I were to tell others that whom tell me that "there are worse things that can happen, those people would say, "See! Be thankful," but they would not wake up should I tell them, "All of what you just heard, HAPPENED TO ME!" :)

    It has been said, "No man is an Island." However, context must be applied for for one whom had been forced to be a loaner IS an Island! No one knows it because those people never have the courage to venture out into the world until they are in the or mid 40s. Hence, myself!

    It is like how Hollywood only portrays that the only men of quality have a full head of hair and a 6 pack, and the only good women out there look like a toothpick with big boobs and blonde hair. That is a manipulation! There are plenty of "nerd" and pot bellied men and "Medusa" looking women women have a heart of gold, while the former that I just mentioned MAY have an arrogant attitude.

    All this, many times build down to women eventually saying, "Why can't I find a nice guy," after they have gone for the good looking men, only for men like me to EVENTUALLY say, "I've been in front of your the entire time! the problem was that you told me, "You're too nice. I see you like a brother, I just want to be friends," only for "The rules" to change to, ":I can't be (just) friends with you (brother) I have a boyfriend!" - Does a lady REALLY want to sic her boyfriend on her (overprotective) brother?! :)

    Once men like me eventually put a stop to the insanity, we withdraw from all of these GAMES and ask questions like I did in my original post! the human brain does not fully develop until the age of 26. "But" for men like me, our brains fully mature when we are in our 40s, for something in life changes for everyone in this timeframe, and men like me, who have never been heard in life eventually are able to say to others just what all of our pattens said to us when we were young, "Just wait until you get to be my age," and leave it at that, and are then able to walk away from all of the B.S.!

    AND A LOT of men like me have to use a service like this in order to work thru emotional issues on our own, for the alternative would be to go to a prostitute and that brings up a lot of other issues - One may not end up catching an S.T.D. but having to tell your future wife what they have done, would bring up a different kind of shame, humiliation and make his future wife feel cheated on from the start!

    Even this very (emotional) service is technically a for of prostitution, BUT when it comes down to it, even a "John" is looking for something emotional by thinking he can find it thru paying for sex.

    I was taught when I was younger that self - esteem meant that it means to be selfish...until I started using critical thinking, to "test ALL things," and discovered that S.E. fits into this saying by Jesus:

    Love God with all your heart, souls mind and strength. Love your neighbor as you (FIRST) love yourself!" - I hated myself for four decades until I took a step back and decided to use some CRITICAL THINKING! :) And even though I was taught when I was younger that what Whitney Houston sang was being selfish, it IS the truth:

    Learning to LOVE YOURSELF is the GREATEST love of all! - And once again, I tried to explain this to the one whom taught this "Selfishness" and he began to get it, but refused to let the entire group I was in at the time know my perspective, and that showed me that society is being CONTROLLED and I had to make the decision to say, "I am now COMFORTABLE in being a loaner. The law of attraction will EVENTUALLY kick in! I now KNOW where I am headed in life. I will keep my eyes on the promise lies ahead, keep working towards that, and kick out anyone and everyone in my life who gives me problems, for no matter what I do, there is ALWAYS going to be someone whom disagrees with me! I may be FIFTY before I finally have a "real" woman in my life, but at least I made it, and did what ever if took to get their! (and B.T.W. I have already found her, I am just on the road to getting myself straightened out so that God can bring her back into my life, and this service is just one of the avenues I must take in all of life turns!) :)

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @saxman
    Posting that pro-cuddling "is a for(m) of prostitution", isn't very helpful, if you are trying to meet up with one. It might even get you banned. I have a healthy respect for that profession, but some people consider it insulting.

    If you want my advice, I'd suggest closing the door on your past ; bad memories only hurt, if you dwell on them. A man who has escaped from prison, but keeps reliving his time there, needn't have bothered.

    I'd also suggest making friends with different sorts of people ( men, older women ) instead of putting all your effort only on potential life partners. Every skill is best learned, in an environment where there is a lesser consequence of failure.

  • saxmansaxman

    People will then need use critical thinking to see the context of what I am trying to point out instead of assuming something. I have cloded the door on my past, as my past post indicates when reading it closely. I am just speaking up for those whom are having a hard tome doing so. it took me decades to get to where I am at, and that came after a suicide attempt. I should not even be here to talk about this, but I am and I know that I now have a responsibility to speak out for those whom are in the same position I was in, for I am a survivor. I have made friends with me, but everyone of them used me, and the ONE whom I thought was a true friend for 20 years, he betrayed me and told me that he had been lying to me the entire time I knew him. So just for me is now earned. I DO NOT give that to just anyone anymore. Everyone had to prove themselves. I look for quality, not quantity. AND I am friendly with ALL women, even the younger ones because I know that I am supposed to treat ALL of them as SISTERS, not a prospect! Unless I was a redneck, I would NEVER kiss my SISTER or do anything else with her! - Thats common sense, but even art that, with the men that I have known, tailing to an older woman would not work either because they would tach me how to act upon having an Oedipus complex! I HAD that experience before. And like I sad, I know who my life parters will be. I sated that in my last post. What I have learned in my almost 50 years on this world that that the greatest accomplishment in ones life MUST be done alone, for there is always going to me someone whom disagrees with you and will say to you, "I wont be your WIDDLE FWIEND is you dont do what I...think is best for you," I've learned that I dont have time for most people and now focus on where I know where I am headed, but it is still my responsibility to speak up for those whom are on the verge of suicide...for I almost did it myself for the reason that are said in my original post. :)

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @saxman
    I think a lot of people have historical issues ; but bringing them up, including on a forum like this, often isn't a good idea.

  • saxmansaxman

    Thank you for your opinion. Please look at what I said "between the lines." Often times one must give a backstory to be enable to get to the main issue.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)
    edited June 2020

    @saxman I commend your bravery in speaking up about a serious mental health issue. I felt compelled to respond to you even as I do my level best to remain silent in this forum.
    I may not agree with using this site as a platform for highlighting such a serious yet stigmatized and often controversial issue. But I certainly understand your context and premise. Having read all of your posts this is what I've concluded: ( feel free to correct me if I got it all wrong)

    You're a late bloomer who has felt misunderstood and perhaps abused. You're seeking understanding and acceptance around differences in personality and growth processes. And a certain degree of human respect for human difference and life experience.

    You have felt pushed away and unfairly treated by those you trusted the most. By those whose attention and respect you valued.

    But you have also spent time processing your own feelings and needs and have managed to close the door on a difficult past.

    And you're using your experiences to shed light on the subject of how those with mental health issues are treated by the community, the mental health professionals providing care and those who have close contact with them. As a survivor you are using platforms such as this to highlight as well as encourage understanding and acceptance of those who are or appear different : late bloomers, people struggling with difficult life experiences, people struggling with unresolved conflict, people who definitely need the long term help of mental health professionals. Many of whom are often illequipped themselves to deal with some of the challenging cases they are presented with.

    And in these times with all the hot trending talk about embracing human diversity it is important that these concerns are at least acknowledged as a part of the current conversation. All lives in this instance do matter.

    It is a very tricky matter to raise this kind of discussion on a site such as this. Not everyone appreciates using this platform to engage such a heavy conversation. And sadly, the intense scrutiny of character and personal well being that often follows the raising of such subject matter diminishes the essence of the subject itself as a valid concern.

    But it is a necessary one to have. Especially since at one point or another everyone will have encountered someone going through these internal struggles. And as you said it's important to speak up for those who have a hard time putting such struggles behind them. "Speak up" does not mean "solving" anything or changing even the way a thing
    Is viewed. It simply means " acknowledging" the existence of a thing. By "acknowledging" that something exist, it makes it "seen" or "heard" by or "seeable" or "hearable" to others. Whether they choose to or not is something entirely different.

    And as you have also said it took you "decades" to come to where you are at now. Mental well being is a life long process. There's no cure all. There are many therapies available now that weren't many years ago that have been quite effective in helping individuals to manage their own pain. Many I know you are aware of yourself.

    It certainly helps to engage further understanding of how differently each unique individual is affected and to be ever aware of our own personal biases and assumptions towards people who are affected by these internal struggles. Diversity and inclusivity on any platform in any context starts with each of us.

    Cuddling by it's own nature is an emotional and physically intimate activity. While it is often treated in a very transactional manner it often stirs up a lot of mental and unprocessed feelings and sensations. It never hurts to at least acknowledge how this shows up for someone who may or may not be a potential cuddle partner in person or virtually. This applies to every single person who chooses to cuddle another: pro, non pro or otherwise.

    Whether or not we acknowledge it, what goes on in ones head does affect how one acts towards another. Action and thought are very much mutually inclusive of one another. We're not being asked to be therapists by acknowledging a piece of another's humanity. We're simply being asked to be compassionate. That does not cost us a thing!

    .

  • saxmansaxman

    The only correction would be that mental heath. "professional" could be put out of business visually overnight if we just LOVE one another and not allow ourself to be the properly of others. Those like me are equipped, but others refuse to listen. For asking for help to BE the "sister" that is needed, one already knows what help is needed.

    I thin that this focus should be used, for I just got done with having a THREE HOUR couple session with a lady to talk about a lot of what is in this thread. Why should I have had to PAY a lady just to listen to me, when real life "sisters" should be doing this to begin with. I am not made of money and the "therapy" I need is expensive. Should I not be able to go to a church, for example and find that same help for free instead of being pushed away all because I am the "ugly duckling?"

    It took me decades to get to where I am because I realized that I was under a generational curse, and not professional would understand that. And, I caused the last therapist to RUN out of the room just because I talked about going thru the Oedipus complex as a late bloomer. If she can not take the heat, then get out of the kitchen, and what in the world is she then doing working in that industry if she can not handle issues, not to mention that this outfit was bilking my insurance!

    I have just had to turn to this service to ask a lady whom is willing to listen and not think that I am like "all other guys" and work thru even issues I have in my life, even the sexual issues of "what do I do if I get turned on. How do YOU feel about that and lets work thru it. Just becuse that happens, I know I dont have to act upon it." "How can you see that me bing a man, it is OK for me to cry when I was been told that a man dose not show his emotions, when I obviously do and am NOT ashamed of it." "Why do I have to PAY for this just because no one else will listen and it puts me in a place of having to do this so that I font go insane...literally." The list goes on.

    I have just come to a place in life where I have had to say, "I am going to help myself, no matter what it takes, and not tell anyone about it, for it is no ones business to begin with since they refuse to accept me as it is." (this "fourm" is different)

    Everything else you mentioned is spot on!

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @saxman
    You seem to have an ongoing complaint, that people, particularly women, should give up their time to be with you for free. They have no obligation to do that. We in "The West" take for granted a lot of benefits that others around the world only dream of.

    I'd suggest giving up some of your time, to help others for free. It doesn't have to involve deep emotional interaction with them, and it might even be better without that. Soup kitchens for the homeless might be good.

    Try having therapy with men instead, they are likely to be less physically concerned by any feelings a 6 foot man has towards women.

    I certainly recommend engaging in much lighter conversation ; when someone asks "How are you ?" the standard response is "I'm fine. Are you OK ?" There is a lot to be gained from physical proximity or even physical contact with people, and conversation at a trivial level ; most people you meet aren't ready for a heavy explanation. I once enjoyed the company of a young lady on an aircraft, who to this day, is sure that I was scared of flying. If I had told her that my physical attraction to her was making me nervous, she would have asked to move seats.

  • saxmansaxman

    Whatever Geoff. Thank you for your opinion cutie. ; ;) :p <3

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