Age

littermatelittermate
in General

Perhaps there is already a thread like this. If so, somebody point me. In the meantime, I'm interested in how people relate to age. So this thread is for anything about age and cuddling and this site.

Here are my thoughts on one aspect of it:

I want to say that I feel disappointed when I see peeps post a younger age than they are. I know, some of us look younger, and I know, some of us have had hard living, but when the posted age is really different than the age the person looks, I feel sad. Like, claim those wisdom years peeps! I kinda can tell when peeps are older than me and when they post that they are younger, I'm like, hey, how come the deception? What else might you be false about?

I know some peeps think that people will just pass you by if you have a ripe old age. But I will more likely pass someone by if they look way older than they list because it feels shady. Or like they aren't happy about themselves.

I'm super awesomely wonderfully snuggly cool and those that pass me by because of my accurate age are missing out.

Here are more thoughts on another aspect of it:

If you message me and your age range doesn't include my age, I'm also disappointed in a different way. It sorta seems like you're saying, "I want to cuddle with you, I don't want to cuddle with you." I also feel disappointed when peeps put their age range way down below their own - like they are 60 but they only want to cuddle those under 45. I get it -- peeps can do whatever they want and we all have preferences and yadda yadda - these are just MY feelings about it all. You can have whatever feelings you want.

OK, post away, interested people.

And hello everyone! I've been mostly away for a while and am easing back in. Nice to be back. And now I'm back in Colorado from the Bay Area. Nice to be back here too.

<3 <3 <3

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Comments

  • Mike403Mike403

    @littermate , With this being a platonic site, age doesn't matter to me one bit. I'm here because I need a hug, not anything more than that. Some people prefer to only cuddle those they are physically attracted to and I get that, but I will never automatically write somebody off just because of their age or how they look.

    Sometimes I wonder how many people are using this site hoping that something will happen besides just cuddling.

  • pmvinespmvines

    My posted age is 45 . My actual age is 29 . I just don't want to be the 29 yr old with white in their beard who feels sore and slow for half the day

  • [Deleted User]creedhands (deleted user)

    Good to have you back @littermate I know a female here who lists a few years below her actual age for safety. She feels that if guys see that she is older, she may be taken advantage of. Also because she doesn't like too much of her personal info on for all to see.

    I would guess that there are a lot of older guys who post a younger age because most women don't want to cuddle older guys. Which is sad because with age comes experience. And you are more likely to find older guys have been brought up with strict manners and appropriate social etiquette (speaking from experience as one who has interviewed, hired and worked beside hundreds of different people).

  • [Deleted User]Mennahugs (deleted user)

    I honestly feel like age shouldn't matter! Cuddling suppose to be no discrimination, it's about the connection you feel with that person. I'm 24 years young, but I had one guy tell me I look young and that I lied to him about my age. Like WHAT!
    So maybe lie about their age to avoid discrimination. 🤔

  • ILikeWarmHugsILikeWarmHugs

    Age doesn’t bother me too much. I’d prefer 21 and older but this is platonic so it doesn’t bother me if I met someone slightly younger. But everyone has a right to their own preferences and that, of course, should always be respected.

  • Lisa2476Lisa2476

    Welcome back @littermate 💚💜💙

    I think most of us agree age doesn't matter when it comes to a nice cuddle but I do agree with @Mike403 because a lot of people do try to use this as a "soft in" to date someone. I agree with one aspect of what you said very strongly @littermate , if they lie about something like that WHAT else could they be lying about?

    I was actually planning on hosting a cuddle last week, then just a few days before i asked about covid in their area and they said they had already had it!

    Now you may not be able to pass it on after you've had it but it just seems underhanded to not even mention it. Needless to say I did not see that person.

    Stay safe everyone ✌💪👋

  • Lev136Lev136

    @littermate

    I’m one of the older cuddlers and have cuddled with those of different ages. Compatibility matters more. If the two are not compatible with each other the session isn’t going to work.

    Same with looks and other factors.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @Lisa2476 , I thought about buying a hazmat suit. I'm a bit touch-starved due to the virus. :(

  • RainbowZebraSamRainbowZebraSam

    I think whether age is an issue depends a lot on whether someone is a pro or an enthusiast cuddler. I can see how enthusiasts would often prefer to cuddle someone roughly around the same age. It hasn't been an issue for me but I respect people have different preferences. There can definitely be power dynamics that come into play when one is older and the other is younger which can become problematic.

  • pmvinespmvines

    I've cuddled with people 20 plus yrs younger and 20 plus yrs older . I just like to cuddle with cool folks , doesnt matter the age just matters if we can have some kind of connection and are on the same page about what we are doing and why we are there

  • MrPaulMrPaul
    edited August 2020

    Well said @pmvines! I find age to be no factor for me either. I value maturity, which often comes with age but is actually independent of it. That being said, I’ve mostly spent time with partners within 10 years of my own age, but I’m open to any.

    I agree with you @littermate. If someone is deceptive about their age you already have one red flag.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @MrPaul some of the most immature people I have met are my age and older lol

  • SideonSideon

    Ageism is a thing, unfortunately. No, I don't like it but it happens, and I'm the recipient, not the ageist. I'm the aged one, minus flowing white beard of wisdom. ;) Note age and maturity are not directly related. These "youngsters" have some life lessons ahead of them, and I wish them grace in their journey.

    Age is relative and doesn't mean anything to me as long as someone is an adult and we are mutually respectful.

    Good to see your post, @littermate !

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    Welcome back @littermate!!!! I have cuddles people ages 19 to 80s, so age does not matter to me. What matters are cuddlers that a positive, accepting, respectful and like to have fun experiences. Everyone has a right to thier preferences but I have thought about those who are 60 but want to only cuddle with much younger people before too. The sad thing is that people closer to thier age, may be able to relate better to thier life experiences (but they miss out). Cuddling is not only about the physical, common experiences are one factor that can make the experience of cuddling, more fun. I agree @littermate you seem so fun that others who ignore you because of age are missing out. Sometimes people ignore their own age preferences, if the connection is right. I have cuddled some people before that preferred youngest listed age was younger than mine (34) but still cuddled me anyway. So maybe they usually are not looking for someone your age but are messaging to cuddle because you are the exception!❤️🤗

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    Huh... I guess I just see ages as a preference, not a hard line, and you just never know.

    In some ways I'm stuck in adolescence, so the average between my actual lived age, the age people assume I am, the age I feel within and the age I act, puts me right in most people's preferred range sweet-spot. But if they're hung up on actual numbers, we wouldn't have been compatible anyway ~ An open and flexible mindset is pretty much required.

    The reverse doesn't bother me at all. I mean you either present as emotionally mature enough to be of interest to me or you don't. I've messaged others pointing out I wasn't in their cuddle range but still liked their comments, profile, etc. so... 🤷‍♀️
    But I'm also content with just meeting new people and making long distance friendships - It doesn't have to lead to cuddling.

    Honestly, until now I hadn't thought about how someone might feel if their age was outside my preferred range, so I've removed it for now. Even though, after I've reached out to someone and they've clicked on my profile, I'm pretty sure my age would be the least of their concerns when deciding to "nope" out (provided they even make it that far).

    As far as people lying about their age... it doesn't really bother me. I think there are a number of reasons one might be dishonest about it so what it really boils down to is their reasoning. Are they just catfishing? Or is there something going on I can have some empathy for? Or am I mistaken and that is their age...?

    One thing I do find off-putting though is when I see people in their 40's or beyond who have selected 18-25 as a preference. It just doesn't sit right. 🤔

  • Mike403Mike403

    @quixotic_life , Age might matter on a dating site where you're might be looking for something long term or to get married. Here, you're just looking to meet up for a cuddle with no strings attached. As long as you feel safe with them and they make you feel good, nothing else should matter. People who have an age preference could be passing up some quality people just because of their age. I left mine blank for that reason.

    There are very mature 18 year-olds and there are 50 year-olds who throws a fit in a store when asked to put on a mask.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @Mike403 ~ Exactly.

  • littermatelittermate

    Thanks guys. Particularly touching to be welcomed back, thanks. Very sweet.

    All comments very interesting, thank you. And I am delighted with the total lack of shade in this thread. Wowzer, what a kind community.

    @pmvines I'm doing your math and you just gotta stop cuddling those 9-year-olds. :p
    This that you wrote is how I feel also: "I just like to cuddle with cool folks , doesnt matter the age just matters if we can have some kind of connection and are on the same page about what we are doing and why we are there."

    Love to you all! <3

  • tallteddytallteddy

    The way I set up max and min age restrictions doesn't affect people in my area that much. There's only one that falls outside of it in the last year. Initially I was going for +10 and -10 years to my current age, but I increased it to 15, and realising that there's such a low difference between 20, where the minimum age got stuck, and the age that people are allowed to join, I decided to set the bottom limit to 18. It feels a bit desperate, now that I think about it.

  • littermatelittermate

    Desperate or welcoming depending on your point of view @tallteddy.

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug

    In many fields the person can choose not to answer. The fact of having or not having kids is not something you wish to disclose? Leave it blank. I wish that was true for age as well. As it is, the site requires you to enter an actual date of birth. To me that’s TMI. If a prospective employer can’t ask me my age, I’d like to be able to keep that information private - without being forced to lie to obscure my identity.

    I think about the employment aspect specifically because I have run into professional colleagues on this site, while I had resumes circulating. It would work much better for me if we had the option to display age in a range, 20+, 25+, 30+ 35+ etc.

    @Mark ?

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    How about just reporting year of birth, so there aren't occasional steps into the next bracket which could indicate the day and month ?

    I was born in the same year as Brad Pitt, although I don't think he ever mentions that fact in conversation.

  • UCpaaHVg6u0UCpaaHVg6u0

    I'm 57 and if I want a pro to be 30 something years younger than me, that's between me and the pro. Why should that be anybody else's concern?

  • Mike403Mike403

    @UCpaaHVg6u0 It isn't. Everyone has their own preferences. This is just a discussion about it. I agree that people shouldn't lie about their age though.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @HoldenCaulfield ~ It seems like there would be some form of Cuddle Enthusiast Nepotism if the following is true,

    "I have run into professional colleagues on this site, while I had resumes circulating."

    It's hardly a reason to disqualify you (as they'd be outing themselves too) unless you've let undesirable personality traits to be seen in the forums, or have accumulated negative karma. But I also think it's assuming a lot of colleagues that they would take the time and effort necessary to deduce your identity.

    Oooh ~ Unless you're all detectives or spies...

    Wait, do you throw around a lot of Salinger quotes? Because that might provide more of an identity clue than your age! 😉

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @UCpaaHVg6u0
    Cuddling a pro 30 years younger than you, only became possible when you turned 48 ; ah, the benefits of getting older. 😀

    I might be more concerned by those who state an upper age limit, which is close to or even way above their own age ; but then only reach out to / actively respond to, those in the lower part of their range.

    We all have our preferences. Some are unstated, and some are subconscious. The danger of political correctness and choice-shaming ( whenever that occurs ), is that potential partners can be misled. Having a narrow choice, means having fewer options, and hence less grounds for complaint ; like someone only watching certain movies at the cinema ( genre, cast etc. ) can't say "there's nothing on".

  • littermatelittermate

    @UCpaaHVg6u0

    If you read the original post it says "I get it -- peeps can do whatever they want and we all have preferences and yadda yadda - these are just MY feelings about it all. You can have whatever feelings you want."

    My feelings aren't a criticism of what you choose to do. They are just my FEELINGS. Not a condemnation of you. Woohoo that 57 year old man can snuggle a woman 30 years his junior. How awesomely wonderful!!

  • Mike403Mike403
    edited August 2020

    There was a post awhile back from somebody wondering why a straight man wouldn't want to have a platonic cuddle with another man. Even though everything arranged on this site is strictly platonic, I do not feel comfortable getting that close to another dude. I do not discriminate based on age or looks though.

  • [Deleted User]ImajenMoon (deleted user)
    edited August 2020

    Even before I put the posting restrictions into my profile, I had begun to wonder if age hadn't become a real factor in my experience here. I think there are a number of unspoken issues at play, which is fine, but it's nice to see that others wonder about this, too.

    Both of my AMAZING Cuddle Mentors were either 60 or above--which made more sense to me, since our values matched flawlessly! lol I guess I can't complain, though, because I prefer to experience cuddling with someone OVER the age of 45, and that--- in itself--could also be seen as a type of "ageism." One precious young gentleman messaged me and he looked like my nephew!!! HELP!! lol

    I DO think age is a factor in some people's choice, along with any number of other preferences. I guess I was hoping that once the flow of cuddling actually started, it wouldn't seem to get blocked up so soon! lol

    Maybe my posing as a reindeer really IS turn off! heehee!

    Imajen

  • littermatelittermate

    @ImajenMoon I'm the same - a little squeamish when someone is closer to my child's age than mine, but if we hit it off I'm open. So maybe there are young peeps seeing my minimum at 40 and feeling discriminated against.

    I've learned some things about myself on here and one of them is this: if someone expresses themselves so that I can feel them, it builds trust for me, whatever age they are. And especially if they are playful - like you! (I figure if someone doesn't jive with your reindeer costume it's prolly a decent screening tool. Those with no sense of humor need not apply! Same if someone misses the irony/humor in my photo and thinks it's a come hither thing...)

    I'm also aware that I love the relating that goes with the cuddling and so it's not just pressing flesh for me, any warm body will do -- it's actually also the contact with someone who is fun for me to exchange with, and that can happen with any aged person and has something to do with sense of humor (big for me).

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