Depressing when cuddling was never an option

MelancholyMelancholy
in General

anyone else experience someone on here talking to you for weeks and hours of chatting only to find out they never planned or had any intention of cuddling with anyone ?
They just use the site to find someone to talk to. It would be fine if they were up front about it. Feels so unkind to keep that a secret until much later.

Comments

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    I have to agree, but it's possible that it could have been an option if they felt comfortable enough but it never got there for them. I think once it will not happen it would be nice to tell people. A lot of people like to avoid saying that I guess.

  • pmvinespmvines

    Maybe it is a question of managing your own expectations. Sometimes we assume the other person wants what we want and people join this site for socialization and support and curiosity but aren't always ready or comfy jumping in the water. I find it is best to never assume someone's intentions . Even if I meet someone I dont have any expectations cus feelings, comfort level etc are different for everyone and are always subject to chsnge

  • Mike403Mike403

    @Melancholy - Ask them... not on the initial contact(unless you're contacting a pro), but a few messages in, ask if they would be down for a cuddle sometime. Don't wait too long. It's not necessary.

  • TouchSanctuaryTouchSanctuary

    Cuddling is one of the most intimate, vulnerable activities someone can do with another person, so it's not surprising people sometimes freak out at the prospect of cuddling with a total stranger. If people aren't used to cuddling with people they don't know well, it can feel jarring, strange and uncomfortable initially. I try not to take it personally and remember that a lot of people have issues with anxiety or trauma that make situations like this a lot more difficult.

  • CrossFitNLattesCrossFitNLattes
    edited September 2020

    @Melancholy @TouchSanctuary makes a great point. I've been in text communication with a pro since before the pandemic. We started communicating in February and it's now September. It's always one excuse after another with this one. Now she's using her valid fear of contracting COVID to not meet up. I mean, @Melancholy is right to an extent. If you have no plans to cuddle or follow through on a booking, why are you on the site in the first place?

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    I find conversations with cuddlers to be unique and sometimes those conversations go long term with no mention of actually cuddling, especially considering the circumstances.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    I've just watched "Tenet" for the third time, and understood it a little better.

    One quote that sticks in my mind is an "intelligence agent" saying ( roughly ) :
    "We all like to believe we would run into the burning building, but until we feel the heat, we can never be sure".

    If we think of a scale from 0 ( will never cuddle with anyone, in any circumstances ), to 100 ( will cuddle with anyone who offers ) ; we are all somewhere between 0 and 100, and that number varies over time.

    Some people might feel initially that they wouldn't cuddle, but are willing to be persuaded ; others initially want to, but are discouraged.

    I don't know if people want to say where they are on that scale, or how they are moving on that scale. I'm sure that sometimes people will say "I'm not cuddling" when they mean "I'm not cuddling, with you" ; to avoid hurt feelings, as people do in every other form of human interaction. Moreover, if someone does change their mind from yes to no, they are very unlikely to say the true reason. "It's not you, it's me", is a common explanation.

    Many competitor rules say "The judge's decision is final" ; and in the competition for human interaction, where the judge is the person we are trying to interact with, that is particularly true.

    The alternative extreme is characterised by the woman asking her husband for a divorce, on the grounds that, "I've fallen in love, with anybody else".

  • CrossFitNLattesCrossFitNLattes
    edited September 2020

    In these current times, I am very stringent about where I cuddle and whom I cuddle with. The only person, Jennee, that I cuddled with last month had gone out to a club with friends the night prior to our session and was running late getting home. Normally I wouldn't cuddle with a person that's that cavalier with their attitude towards the virus. I realize now a month later that I could have cancelled but she didn't reveal that fact of the club until well into our session.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    @pmvines this has nothing to do with managing my expectations. my expectations for people are already fairly low to begin with!
    I'm talking about people who knowingly mislead others into thinking they are here for cuddling, but in fact had zero intentions of cuddling. how does my expectations come into play at all in that scenario? I should expect everyone is lying or misleading me? that sounds very cynical :)

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @Melancholy
    How do you know that these people aren't interested in cuddling, at all, ever ; rather than specifically being not interested in cuddling with you, at that time ?

    If it was specifically you they didn't want to cuddle with, would you honestly want them to honestly say so, and why ?

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    @geoff1000 Uhm because they said so? Like one person said she doesn't think cuddling outside of a relationship makes sense and was just curious to see what kind of people would message her. or another one said she asked her husband and he said she can't cuddle with anyone else but him.
    So I mean sure they could be totally lying I guess, is that what you think? they're lying?

  • Mike403Mike403

    @Melancholy - How are they misleading you? Their presence on this site? Nobody is obligated to cuddle with anyone. The more you understand that, the happier you will be. If you really need a cuddle, contact a pro.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @Melancholy
    They might indeed be specifically and explicitly lying to you, but you think they are generally and implicitly lying to everyone on the site by joining it under false pretences.

    Maybe instead they just changed their mind, and wanted an honourable way out.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    Or maybe they are lying to everyone hahah

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited September 2020

    @Melancholy what I was referring to is the expectation that being on the site means you are itching to cuddle an interweb stranger , regardless of whether it is implied or not . For example,.how did you feel misled ? Did they tell you they wanted to meet and then recanted? Did you assume they wanted to meet just to find they didn't? Did they simply omit not wanting to cuddle when you were assuming they did ? Again people are entitled to go at their own pace , even if that means not meeting at all . You said you are sad about it , but what did they do to you personally, and does them not wanting to cuddle really mean that you were somehow deceived ? You said you dont care if someone wants to cuddle or not but say you feel lied to. Is her purpose on the site for her own needs , or is she here to grant you and others wishes ? And is bringing it up in the forum a way of hoping the person sees it and feels bad somehow , not sure of the purpose in that if this is the case not saying it is just am being hypothetical. That is what I mean regarding expectations. I hear you when you say you feel hurt and I do empathize. I just am wondering if your expectation or assumptions of this person is something you can really fault them for . Hurt feelings doesnt mean somebody owes you an explanation

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    pmvines, I'm not sure why this is so hard to understand...
    let me try to break it down for you.
    I've changed some of the verbage so no actual person will be notified:
    Person has this on their profile:
    "I'm looking to find someone to cuddle with!"
    Person chats with you for several days and hours and thousands of messages then reveals,
    "I was just curious to see what people would message me, but the idea of cuddling outside of my relationship is not imaginable".

    See now?? then why put on your profile you're looking for someone to cuddle with when you later say its not even something you can imagine doing!?

    if you still don' t understand, then I will just leave it at that. good luck. have a good night

  • Mike403Mike403

    @Melancholy - Maybe they just don't want to cuddle you and didn't know how else to let you down easily. I had somebody tell me she didn't have a car and would feel bad with me having to drive over there. I'm not sure what that was supposed to mean, but women are mysterious creatures.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @Mike403
    There are two kinds of men : those who know they don't understand women, and those who are mistaken.

  • deefinedeefine

    Need to show booking times in our time zone.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @davebutton
    Methinks that's on the wrong thread. 😊

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