Are there others on here who identify as Polyamorous

warm_embracewarm_embrace
in General

One of the identifiers on Cuddle Comfort profiles is “Relationship Status”. But the choices are limited to; single, married, in a relationship, and widowed. None of those choices identify my relationship status. Am I the only polyamorous person here?

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Comments

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    No, I'm sure you're not the only poly here. Good question. Maybe we'll see now that you brought it up. There should be a choice for poly too.

  • MelanieLMelanieL

    No, you are definitely not the only poly on the site. I agree that there should be a choice for it as well.

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    Very good points! From my experiences this site is very diverse (countries, cultures, world views, sexual orientation, relationship status (including poly and other factors too).

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    My understanding is that polyamorous is a characteristic of a person, like straight / bisexual / gay, which is therefore independent of relationship status. A polyamorous person could therefore be single, married, in a relationship, or widowed ; just as a straight / bisexual / gay person can be.

    The only difference perhaps is that a polyamorous person who is married or in a relationship, could be seeking an additional person for another relationship ; whereas a mono-amorous person would not. The mono-amorous person might of course be seeking a replacement for their current partner, but the site doesn't ask members to admit that.

    If my understanding is right "amorous number", with options of 0, 1, or several ; should be an additional identifier. I think that would also meet the needs of our asexual members.

    It could be confusing if a person is polyamorous, and bisexual, and in a relationship ; because people might want to know the gender of the person they are seeking for the additional relationship. They might for instance be in a relationship with a person of one gender, and specifically seeking an additional relationship with a person of the other gender.

    Of course, if CC is platonic, then orientation and relationship status shouldn't be a factor. The waitress in my local café doesn't say.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Gotta love people who explain to people that are something how they are not that.

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace

    @geoff1000 thanks for your very thoughtful response. I’m not sure I agree with all of your comments about polyamory, orientation and gender. However, I agree that one’s relationship status or orientation isn’t really a factor with platonic cuddling. However, those questions are on the profile prompts and they don’t offer polyamory as an option.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    I'm saying that my understanding of polyamorous, means it isn't a relationship status, it is a characteristic of a person that they seek multiple concurrent relationships. They may at the time have none, one, or several relationships ; and if several, that number might be sufficient for them, or not. In the same way, a person identifies as straight / gay / bisexual orientation ; even if they aren't practicing, or have never practiced.

    A person who is single, is assumed to be "seeking" a relationship, unless they define themselves as someone who isn't. A person who is married or in a relationship, is assumed to be not "seeking" a ( further ) relationship. That is reasonably straightforward.

    A polyamorous person who is in several relationships might be looking for further relationships, or not.

    So to fully clarify their status, a polyamorous person who is in a relationship or married ; would have to state if they were looking for a further relationship, or not. They might even be required to say how many they are currently in, including how many are marriages.

    I'm not sure the CC site, intended for platonic arrangements, really needs all that complexity, in criteria fields. Perhaps "see details below" would be best.

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace

    @geoff1000, I think you’re making it way too complicated. All I’m saying is that the categories “married, in a relationship, single, or widowed” don’t apply to me. I’m “none of the above”. I could answer that I’m “in a relationship”, but that’s not accurate and doesn’t in any way describe whether or not I’m looking for other partners. I could also answer that I’m single, because I choose to not have a “nesting partner”. That also doesn’t in anyway imply that I’m looking for a partner.

    People in the monogamous culture have a difficult time wrapping their heads around the idea of polyamory. They think is all about sex, it isn’t. In my case it’s about committed long term reciprocal loving relationships.

    To not include it among the options tends to make poly people feel invalidated and unwelcome.

  • [Deleted User]Mennahugs (deleted user)

    @warm_embrace I totally agree with you! That's like if CC only offered gay or straight as a sexual preference and didn't include bi-sexual. People who are bi-sexual don't identify as straight or gay, just like polygamous won't identify as straight or in relationship.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @warm_embrace
    This sounds like a chicken and egg problem.
    Is a person polyamorous because they seek several relationships at the same time, or because they are in several relationships at the same time ?

    The point I'm trying to make, is that polyamorous isn't a relationship status, it is a relationship aspiration, which may or may not be realised. A person does not become and then "un-become" polyamorous, as their number of relationships varies ; any more than a person's orientation changes, if they stop having a relationship with a particular gender.

    I agree that polyamorous isn't an option on the CC relationship criteria list, but neither is "not seeking a relationship" ; and some people might feel "single" implies that they are.

    My suggestion would be to have a separate identifier of polyamorous, along with an identifier of "not wanting a relationship" ( whatever the proper term is ) ; then the relationship identifierrs of "single" and "in a relationship" would be more meaningful.

  • SideonSideon

    @warm_embrace - I've been enjoying your comments and contributions. @Mark - is this something that would be requested in the "suggestions and improvements" thread?

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    They have several non-binary terms under gender or “I’m a…” (And they give you up to 5 different options), Pansexual under Orientation, Everyone under Cuddles with, but under Status it’s either single or not. Under Status is where Polyamorous belongs. @warm_embrace You're right.

  • MissAdventurousMissAdventurous

    I'm poly 🥳
    You are not alone friend.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @MissAdventurous
    I need to get a bigger phone.
    I read your profile, and instead of Biofield Therapy, I initially read Blofeld Therapy ; and envisaged you using a fluffy white cat in some way.

  • sillysassysillysassy

    Ahhhhhhhhh @FunCartel how I have missed you. :) Darn Stinking Rona!!!

    @warm_embrace Maybe it would be fun to have a thread about what Poly IS because I think there are a lot of different perspectives surrounding the topic and I for one find it fascinating. There are quite a few people on here and I would love to hear more about it from someone who is actually "practicing" it as opposed to someone who's just researched it. Maybe that would be you!!! :)

    @MissAdventurous you cutie pie!!!! I have missed you as well. So many misses!!! xoxoxoxoox

  • pmvinespmvines

    Can we have a category for polysubstsnce users?

  • SweetCamiXOSweetCamiXO

    I’m poly 😊
    I appreciate the thread, @warm_embrace It’s always nice to meet and chat with other poly people who can understand and relate to you in ways others can’t :)

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    I don't know if I am poly or not. I might find out one day, but probably not anytime soon.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    Someone told me that I was a bigamist. I don't know what that is, but my wives assure me that I'm not one.

  • cuddlybear998cuddlybear998

    Why do we have to put a name on every little stupid thing? You are what you are and that's it.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @cuddlybear998
    I like names for things, because it makes them easier to deal with : cellphone, banana, rainbow, democracy. We use the name, and people know what we are talking about.

    The problem I have, is when names get used, and there isn't really a definition of them ; so it just increases the confusion.

    Some people like to feel a "label" applies to them, while others with the same characteristic don't like to feel labelled. Other times, a name acquires a pejorative connotation, and suddenly everyone using, it is an "-ist" of one form or other. It is a minefield sown in quicksand.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @cuddlybear998 ~ Having a name for ways we identify helps us find our tribemates.

    @warm_embrace ~ I don't know that I'm Poly or not as it's never been a lived reality for me ~ and I've never felt invited to ask those I know who are to share the working details of their relationships with me.

    But I do feel it's unhealthy to expect one person to be able to fulfill all our wants and desires, and I've never appreciated being in the position of having that sort of expectation put upon myself by an SO.

    We fluctuate so much as we move through life, I just don't know how people maintain lifelong exclusive relationships, with just one other person, that are also fulfilling.

    To me, this would be the ideal...
    Living in a dwelling with ample personal space while coexisting with creative, smart, funny beings who I love, and love me, that also enjoy snuggling with me. I would consider them as my SOs/partners, and they all (however many end up in this scenario) really only have carnal motivations towards each other.

    Within this group of SOs are people who enjoy shopping, cooking, gardening, home repair & maintenance, cleaning, managing the bills/taxes and other day to day dealings I'm not a fan of. I would get to enjoy running random errands, maintaining all the kids' schedules and transportation needs, organizing outings doing laundry and adding touches of whimsy everywhere.

    If that were to be anything like a Poly reality ~ then count me in! But I think I may actually be craving more of a commune type living situation that includes being intimately squishy...?

    I honestly don't know if my understanding of either is completely skewed or not, but based on what I've described I feel like I'd fall within the middle/overlapping portion of the Venn diagram.

    All that said, if someone who is Poly would like to point me to some easy to digest information or, even better, share what being Poly means to them, and/or where I've missed the mark ~ I'd appreciate it.

  • MrPaulMrPaul

    I think more important than relationship status is intention. Anyone on this website should, in theory, be here with the intention to engage in platonic cuddling.

    Should relationship status be asked at all? I think it should be left up to individuals to ask when they contact each other, if they personally consider this important.

  • bekah_cuddlesbekah_cuddles

    @warm_embrace
    You are not alone. I consider myself ambiamorous and ethically non-monogamous.

    @geoff1000
    Polyamorous can be both an identity and a relationship status.

    As an identity, it means you are open to the idea of having multiple partners, whether you currently have them or not, and whether you're currently seeking them out or not.

    As a relationship status, it's a way of saying that you currently may be in multiple relationships. "In a relationship" may not be entirely accurate if you are in multiple relationships. "In a relationship" may lead people to believe that you are off-limits, which may or may not be true. You could be polysaturated or looking for another partner. Some poly folks may feel inclined to list themselves as "single" even if they're in other relationship(s), so that people will feel more inclined to reach out. Listing yourself as "polyamorous" at least gives the opportunity for conversation rather than jumping to conclusions.

    Regardless, professional relationships on here should remain exactly that, which is probably why my relationship status can't be seen on my profile, even though I personally chose "in a relationship", since I am a professional cuddler. I am not interested in forming anything other than professional relationships on here.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @bekah_cuddles
    I'm interested in your point :
    "In a relationship" may lead people to believe you are off-limits.

    If people want to state that they are polyamorous, so that they can state they are "in a relationship", without at the same time saying they are off-limits ; seems to be "acts preparatory to breaching CC rules". The site is supposed to be platonic, not for dating. "Polyamorous" should be as relevant to the site as "plays the bagpipes" or "has an uncle called Bob".

    Perhaps polyamorous people should be required to say if they are currently in enough concurrent "arrangements", or if they are looking for more. Or should we assume that there are never enough ?

  • Riverside77Riverside77

    I think all relationship statuses are moot. I think all marital status choices currently hurt your chances of being cuddled except for single and widowed.

    I’m married and need this type of care from another. I don’t see why someone needs to know I’m married. The same as no one needs to know if I’m polyamorous. I can see how labeling yourself as such (married, separated, in a relationship, etc) would make people feel uncomfortable with cuddling you (no offense cause I’m intrigued by the fact that my wife may be open to that someday) but I feel it’s as irrelevant as saying I pick my nose.

    Really all it comes down to is if you are a good fit for this site and follow the rules. I feel marital status should be taken off the site.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    My feeling is that a potential cuddler probably wants to know if there is a risk of someone turning up unexpectedly, and saying, "Get your hands off my wife/husband/partner/significant other etc." Many countries have laws which reduce the severity of homicide convictions, if done in the heat of discovering infidelity. Hollywood churns out many movies based on that story.

    However, someone in that situation, recognising the risk to their cuddle chances, could easily lie ; as some site members do about age, and other verifiable factors.

    "Married" could include estranged ; and a person can be both widowed, and "in a relationship".

    "In a relationship" is a wide spectrum ; and one party may feel they are in a relationship, while the other does not.

    I don't think there's a perfect answer, and using the way a person self-identifies, probably doesn't help.

  • Riverside77Riverside77

    @geoff1000 exactly my point. Labeling yourself as married raises a red flag in so many peoples minds. The same that it would labeling yourself as polyamorous. People may think, is this person going to solicit me to be their next “wife?”

    This site seems to be built for singles. And married people, and people in relationships, or people who are involved polyamorous relationships all can use a service like this for one reason or another (and they shouldn’t have to justify why), but can and will hurt their chances of getting what they need.... hugs and affection.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    People who are not in any kind of relationship, may be seen as "better", because they are likely to : invest more in the arrangement, be more available, and be more willing to contribute "companionship" than just physical cuddling.

    Those in a relationship ( unless polyamorous ) may be less expected to try to convert cuddling into a relationship ; though that is no guarantee. Someone who has a house or a car, may nevertheless be looking to trade up, or down-size ; or increase their holding. Bigamy is probably much less prevalent, simply because most people struggle to find even one spouse.

  • TouchSanctuaryTouchSanctuary

    From my point of view, whether someone is married or single, monogamous or polyamorous has no bearing on whether I will work with them as a client. However, I can understand this is more important for enthusiasts, because without the professional boundaries of paid cuddle therapy, a lot of monogamous people would view it as a form of infidelity.

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