Thoughts from a Former Enthusiast Now Pro

[Deleted User]SuperSnuggler2 (deleted user)
edited October 2020 in General

As noted on my profile, and many of you know, I was on CC as an enthusiast for about 8 months (Aug 2019-Feb 2020) and then deleted my account for personal reasons. I rejoined about a month ago as a pro and have been reflecting on how the experiences have been different.

For perspective, as an enthusiast, I cuddled with 7 men (some more than once) and, as a pro, I've cuddled with 3 men so far. One thing that is interesting is all the men I've cuddled with as a pro have deferred to my "experience" as a pro. Specifically, when I've asked them what cuddle positions they like etc. they say "I don't know. You're the pro, you tell me."

Part two of my musings.., I had one pro cuddle client who became emotional during our time together. It was not necessarily a surprise to me because I cried like a baby several times when I cuddled as an enthusiast. That safe place, that lack of judgment you feel with certain cuddle partners... it can be very emotional. But when it happened to me as a pro, I felt it had a different levity... that I was responsible for BEING responsible and not judging or shaming this person. I think I handled it well, but it made me think how many pro cuddlers encounter similar situations and what they do.

To summarize a bit... being a pro bears some level of responsibility to the client to be both direct and sensitive, to have the ability to be in control while not judging. And not to judge other pros, but I wonder how many understand this aspect of being a pro and handle it well when it happens.

All that said, I am the type of person who takes my commitments seriously and maybe I am being too serious about being a pro. I just feel there are SO. MANY. broken people in the world who are not receiving the openness, touch and intimacy they need from their significant other, or anyone, and so I want to be mindful that I am not causing further hurt to them in any way.

Now I think I need a drink. LOL Feel free to respond to my deep musings... :)

Comments

  • littermatelittermate

    From someone who has been holding space for people's hearts and souls for over 30 years, I don't think you're taking it too seriously. By holding a body in your arms you are also holding a heart and a soul. Bravo to you. I'm so glad you're out there. And may I say, just by staying present and warm while people cry or shake or whatever they do, and letting them know it's fine, they are welcome, you will stay with them, and not getting any fancier than that, you are offering a huge gift to them. Yay you. <3

  • MarkMark Mod
    edited October 2020

    An interesting perspective that I've not read before. Thanks for posting!

    I hope you'll let us know of any other areas of contrast that you come across in the future.

  • [Deleted User]SuperSnuggler2 (deleted user)
    edited October 2020

    @littermate Thank you for the kind words. Going through everything I've gone through this year has heightened my senses around vulnerability, kindness, staying present, etc. I also am well aware that I am holding a heart and soul attached to a person who probably has some level of hurt that has happened to them to make them seek the services of a pro cuddler.

    @Mark what I was trying to say in a not so great way is IMO people assign a different level of... authority? knowledge?... to pros even though we know there is no training or test or anything to really qualify you to be one. In some ways that expectation is daunting. But I guess not for all. One client told me his pro showed up and promptly fell asleep for two hours. He said he paid her to take an expensive nap and the experience made him think negatively toward pros. Luckily, I showed him what a pro should do... lol :)

  • MrPaulMrPaul

    It’s nice to see you here again. I think you are doing it right by taking the responsibility of being a pro seriously. It makes sense.

  • [Deleted User]SuperSnuggler2 (deleted user)

    @MrPaul thank you on all the counts! 😊

  • wrenchwrench

    @SuperSnuggler2 I think there are too many people who think thier desire for compainionship means they need sex and they have the right to be rude or demand others to be sexual.

  • SSRequiescenceSSRequiescence
    edited January 17

    Edited for privacy.

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @SuperSnuggler2 Your awesome 😎!!! I am happy that you care deeply for others and make sure that your clients feel supported. I am a natural empath too and can relate. Keep being who you are and doing great work!

  • [Deleted User]creedhands (deleted user)

    I'm glad, @SuperSnuggler2, that you are taking it so seriously. As one who needs this physical attention, I don't think the pros who schedule and cancel so flippantly understand the emotional toll it takes. It's one thing to be rejected by enthusiasts, but to experience that cancellation from someone whose job it is to offer comfort and healing can be especially damaging. It's kind of like "I can't even pay someone to pretend to care about me. Ouch."

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    @creedhands just remember! If you get a good pro, they won’t pretend. They will genuinely care. I have zero patience for pros who don’t see how important this job is to someone’s mental health. I know we aren’t therapists. We are no where near, however, it’s exactly how you said. It’s so emotionally destructive to try to get that care and attention from a pro and they are flippant and choosy and cancel without good reason. I’m honestly tired of hearing people say :

    “this isn’t their full time job”
    “they can do whatever they want”
    “they don’t owe you anything”.

    What horrible excuses! I wish it were harder to become a pro cuddler so these quick signed up pros can understand that this isn’t something to be flippant about... people who are broken, alone, defeated and need someone to show they care don’t have it in them to deal with more rejection.

    Let me clarify! If a pro has a good reason to cancel like a safety issue or a real emergency, I’m not on them! And for those that do have full time jobs, I understand! But if you can’t answer messages or cancel frequently, I can excuse that if you have that on your profile! If you don’t have some type of warning like that on your profile and just choose when it’s convenient for you, that’s irresponsible.

    To be a pro, you need to care and understand. Not just pick and choose when you want money....

  • [Deleted User]creedhands (deleted user)

    @Sheena123 I totally agree that it should be harder to become a pro. I tried starting a thread on that subject, but the geoff monster barfed and... nobody really wants to participate in threads once he gets involved. It's too bad (to my understanding), this site has no requirements to become pro.

    This is NOT to say that all pros are like this. I have met a couple wonderful pros here. And, yes, some of them cancel for legitimate reasons. But it is my experience that pros are much more likely to cancel than enthusiasts. (And I'm not perfect either- I have had to cancel for work reasons a couple times as well, but I try to do everything I can to not cancel.)

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    Im curious how you handle cuddling with the men you saw before you turned pro. Do you see them as clients now ?
    I had a cuddle enthusiast I saw a few times turn pro but I didn't want to become a client after she turned pro.
    Its just not the same feeling when the time is paid for by one party when it used to be a mutual thing.

  • TouchSanctuaryTouchSanctuary

    I have a close male friend I still cuddle with for free, even after going pro. Our friendship is more than just being cuddle buddies though, as we knew each other for a year before we ever did any platonic cuddling. If we ever stopped cuddling, the friendship would continue regardless. It's very different to most cuddle buddy connections where people cuddle for a few weeks or months then stop talking to each other. The enthusiast women I've spoken to say that most men won't continue being friends or cuddling for more than a few weeks/months if it doesn't turn into a romantic/sexual relationship.

  • mtpmtp

    I'd have thought there would be more of us who seek cuddling itself, rather than trying to use cuddling as a stepping stone to something else. Ugh. Way to make the rest of us look bad, guys (directed at the men referred to by the enthusiast women in @TouchSanctuary 's post)...

    I cuddled with two pros a few years ago. With each of them, even though we did not know each other beforehand, after several sessions we started going to dances and even weekend-long festivals together too--as friends, not cuddler/client. That suggests to me they enjoyed my company regardless of money, and that their compassion and affection was genuine. (I chose to view our paid sessions as helping to cover the costs of renting and maintaining the dedicated cuddle spaces we used, a bit of a rationalization perhaps, but not entirely inaccurate either.)

    Similarly, my massage therapist baked me a cake for my birthday, and spent quite a bit of time chatting with me (and sending me pictures of her cat) when I needed stress relief but couldn't see her in person due to the pandemic. I could tell she cared about my well-being, not just my wallet.

    Maybe my experiences weren't typical--I certainly wouldn't expect most pros to blur the line between their personal and professional lives--but I can't imagine going into either profession if healing and caring for people weren't a primary motivator.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    @mtp you’re so right ☺️ There are a few cuddlers that I spend time with outside of a cuddle. One I go to karaoke with when I’m in Florida. Another here in Canada I go to play pool with after a session. Some I meet for coffee just to chat it up. On my way down to Florida, I may meet up with a cuddler just to have an ice cappuccino. Heaven forbid you be professional but caring at the same time lol

  • TouchSanctuaryTouchSanctuary

    I'd have thought there would be more of us who seek cuddling itself, rather than trying to use cuddling as a stepping stone to something else. Ugh. Way to make the rest of us look bad, guys (directed at the men referred to by the enthusiast women in @TouchSanctuary 's post)...

    To be fair, I suspect a lot of men get into platonic cuddling with the best of intentions, and just find it emotionally difficult to remain detached as time goes on. I can't really blame them as cuddling does stimulate oxytocin in the brain, which tends to bond people to one another. And I think a lot of straight/bi men can't really manage a deep bond with a woman without catching romantic feelings.

    From my point of view, this is one reason why pro cuddling can actually be advantageous, as the boundaries are clearer. This means the cuddling can actually last longer and be more sustainable. That's not to say guys won't catch feelings or want sex, but part of my training as a pro cuddler is about putting those boundaries in place and learning to manage transference when it occurs.

  • SideonSideon

    When @SuperSnuggler2 said "people assign a different level of... authority? knowledge?...," I'd add that it may include a sense of gravitas, or conversely, a sense of je ne sais quoi.

    What a journey you've had!

  • [Deleted User]SuperSnuggler2 (deleted user)
    edited October 2020

    @wrench I honestly feel I have MORE control over inappropriate advances being a pro. It's like men are less likely to push that agenda if you are a pro.

    @Scarxlett yes girl! Do you know your enneagram btw? Just curious...

    @FishCuddles :) :) :)

    @creedhands and @Sheena123 yes, yes, yes. I remember that feeling as an enthusiast so I don't want to cause that feeling for someone else.

    @Melancholy and @TouchSanctuary I've only maintained friendships with two of the men I cuddled as an enthusiast. One is actually coming to visit me in a few weeks. And, no, I absolutely would not charge them. I'm actually more concerned about becoming friends with a client and then feeling bad about charging... :( which brings me to the comments by...

    @mtp and @Sheena123 it's nice to hear you've been able to maintain a client relationship while also growing into a friendship. I have come to realize that setting expectations in life is critical so I think if that starts to happen for me, I'd want to have an open conversation with the client about it before we head down the friendship path.

    @TouchSanctuary yes! See above. The boundaries are clear in a pro relationship that they are a client and you are providing a platonic service. It's does seem easier so far to control those issues as a pro.

    @Sideon love you. We need to catch up. ,<3

  • deefinedeefine
    edited October 2020

    I can't fathom someone going to a cuddler, enthusiast or pro, and not knowing or not wanting to say what positions they like... I guess they feel ashamed of their tastes or something.

    I had tears one time but it was because I let myself be more vulnerable than normal because of how she was, just uniquely nurturing and compassionate and accepting, and I hadn't felt it to that level nor did I understand some old stuff was just buried... I haven't fully explored that but it's tough doing that anyway.

    It's easy to see things differently as/with a pro, but maybe the starkest line is the enthusiast could be seen as having more needs than the pro.... but regardless, talking about interests and whys and whats definitely helps distinguish and clarify as long as communication is clear and barriers of fear don't prevent that.

  • [Deleted User]Lucas_ (deleted user)

    Cute thoughts, but let’s not overthink this. Sometimes all a guy wants is the physical closeness of a cute woman. I have no less regard for a pro who does this as a side hustle than one who fancies herself an emotional supporter. It’s actually a breath of fresh air to be with a pro who’s honest about her motives. If you’re charging for this service, then by definition you’re in it for the money. And there’s nothing wrong with that 😊.

  • UKGuyUKGuy
    edited October 2020

    "If you’re charging for this service, then by definition you’re in it for the money."
    I don't think that's necessarily true, it could be that they also enjoy the work or the work fulfills them.
    Nurses and teachers charge for their services but I doubt many are 'in it for the money'.

  • wrenchwrench

    @SuperSnuggler2 that makes a lot of sense. Thank you

  • Cuddle_sadies5Cuddle_sadies5

    Wow. Interesting thread!

    Soooo I have to say I had different views coming into the CC community as an enthusiasts. I feel like as a pro Ive gotten alot more denied request to cuddle😰 but as an enthusiasts I had experienced "cuddlers who want non platonic services.....😏hence why i applied to be a pro. I guess being a pro has it pros and cons. But even before deciding to apply for "pro, I had to grasp the entire picture and responsibilities behind being a pro cuddler...including taking on the emotional aspect of it.(Im an empath and blessfully i can relate emotionally well with people)

    Nonetheless ive made some great cuddle connections here with people who didnt care if i was an enthusiast or pro.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    @SuperSnuggler2 that's really great.
    I am glad you wouldn't charge your previous cuddle buddies.
    I once posted that I felt sad because a cuddle buddy I had turned pro and suddenly wanted to charge me to cuddle again. I felt awful. But all i got from people here was ridicule. It seems some of these forum regulars can't fathom why someone would be sad when a cuddle buddy suddenly wants to charge them for cuddling with them.
    I am glad you get it. Seems so obvious to me.

  • TouchSanctuaryTouchSanctuary
    edited October 2020

    I once posted that I felt sad because a cuddle buddy I had turned pro and suddenly wanted to charge me to cuddle again. I felt awful. But all i got from people here was ridicule. It seems some of these forum regulars can't fathom why someone would be sad when a cuddle buddy suddenly wants to charge them for cuddling with them.
    I am glad you get it. Seems so obvious to me.

    Sorry to hear that @Melancholy - sounds very disappointing! :( I'm not sure if this is any comfort, but most enthusiasts have told me that cuddle buddy connections only last a few weeks or months at most anyway. It's normal for cuddle buddy connections to end suddenly and unexpectedly, as most see it as a very casual type of relationship. It's quite rare to find people who want more of a long-term, committed cuddle friendship - and can actually handle it without getting romantically attached.

  • [Deleted User]SuperSnuggler2 (deleted user)

    @davebutton yes, exactly. My tears, and I feel this cuddle's emotional moment, was because the person I was cuddling truly made me feel like it was a safe space. It's a great feeling for sure. And also yes, setting expectations is CRUCIAL.

    @UKGuy wow. Well, true and great but it may deserve some overthinking when you are putting yourself in a position to possibly fuck with people's emotions. But, hey, that's just me.

    @wrench no problem!

    @Cuddle_sadies5 thanks for sharing!

    @Melancholy that just is sorta shitty IMO. Sorry that happened to you.

    @TouchSanctuary right on all counts in my limited experience.

  • [Deleted User]SoftPetals (deleted user)

    I love you mamas!! @SuperSnuggler2 ! I was wondering where you went! I'm glad you're back! Giving that support is needed and quite mandatory as a pro.

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