I just want to say that I can empathise with people who feel frustrated at/with pro cuddlers. I see that it comes from a place of deep loneliness and frustration. It really sucks when you can't find anyone to cuddle for free, and you feel like the only way to get that support is to pay someone. I hear that and I think those feelings are totally understandable. I can see how it could feel like a real blow to one's self esteem.
That said, removing pros from the website (or banning the industry of pro cuddling in general) would not solve this problem, sadly. Most women can get cuddles from their female friends and it would just result in a greater number of people being isolated with no other options (unless men chose to cuddle each other). If many women already have this need met from their female friends or family members, then there is very little motivation to go online and find male strangers to cuddle with. If someone wants to do charitable work, they would probably choose to volunteer at an aged care facility or help out at the local pound, instead of putting their safety at risk by cuddling with strangers.
Unfortunately this situation is always going to be unbalanced, as long as men prefer to only cuddle women. Women can meet each other's needs so well that they just don't need men as much. And women who do want a man in their lives will usually just find a boyfriend, because most women aren't that interested in casual, no strings attached relationships (even if it's not sexual in nature).
@SweetCamiXO - Agreed. If they want unlimited cuddles, they should get a dog.
@Sheena123 @ubergigglefritz @TouchSanctuary @Evie and any other awesome pro I missed who have contributed to this thread in such respectful, compassionate and on-point ways. Thank you! The negativity and inappropriateness I've experienced as a female enthusiast in the very short time I've been here has been challenging, but nothing compared to the viciousness I've seen directed at pros.
I've perused several pro profiles and wished you were in my area
I'd like to add another suggestion:
Other sites do have more education or certification for pros. I think that that's a great idea already mentioned here.
I think that some sort of "Cuddle Academy" for enthusiasts might be beneficial as well. I went to a cuddle party once, and the first hour was devoted to education and role plays around things like boundaries, consent and negotiating a cuddle scene. It was super helpful, because we were all awkward and new at figuring out how to cuddle with strangers. By the end of the party, we are all in a huge cuddle puddle, laughing and no longer felt like strangers.
So, an education section that covers important topics, maybe even include quizzes to make it interactive. Once completed (either completely, or various modules), your profile could get a badge that shows other enthusiasts which modules you've completed.
The notion that you can't find a non pro on the site due to the fact that there are pros on the site is ridiculous. And women 99.9 percent of the time have no interest nor need to pay to cuddle so there of course would be no women willing to pay a membership fee to be on the site
Since I’ve been here I’ve primarily used pro cuddlers with no regrets for 2 reasons . 1) The lack of available enthusiasts in my immediate area ( by immediate area I mean 50-100 mile radius ) 2) Much more time & work goes into for the lack of a better term “ courting “ process with female enthusiasts that I quite frankly don’t have the time or energy for. That doesn’t mean over time that I haven’t become friendly with a couple pros on the site including one who has become probably my favorite person here in general. Their inbox has always been open to me off and on site and we’ve gotten to know each other fairly well over the past year. But I don’t abuse that privilege and try to be mindful that when it’s time for her to make money it’s time for her to make money. After all it’s called money for a reason 💰 and if you can make it doing something you enjoy good for you I applaud the hustle. Besides those that hate their job and only do it for paycheck reveal themselves pretty quickly .... pro cuddlers included. @DarrenWalker I understand to you gender doesn’t matter and isn’t really a preference for you and that’s fine. But for others that’s clearly not the case and that’s ok. No one should ever just settling for cuddling anyone just cause it would be easier and give them more options which is sort of what you imply when you say men should be open to cuddling men even if it’s platonic. You’re comfortable cuddling who you want to cuddle for a reason. And if that reason is based on gender ( unless you’re a pro on this site ) that is your absolute right.
@xelda I’m going to need you to start posting comments that can be read in under 7.8 mins please and thank you
@hugonehugall 💖💖💖💖
@SweetCamiXO
So if you wanted to cuddle with 20 women in one year, CC should take your little $60 fee and split it amongst those 20 women??
Although I also think @Riverside77 's idea was very bad, your description is not at all what he was proposing. He was suggesting getting rid of pros entirely.
There are far too many men who feel ENTITLED to a woman’s time and body and that is absolutely insane.
Is it really that crazy to think that a man and a woman may both want to spend time with each other, and neither needs to be compensated? Is that really an entitled thing for a man to think?
@cuddlerforu24
But if this were an enthusiast only site , it fixes some problems ...
Yeah. The biggest problem it would fix is that the site currently has all these pesky users. Getting rid of pros would definitely fix that problem!
@ubergigglefritz Yes, we've talked. I sent you a text so you know who I am.
I am familiar with your thoughts on cuddling. You are possibly a very rare exception to what I was saying. I know you care about your clients.
But note that enjoying and caring about your job is not inconsistent with the idea that you're in it for the money. I enjoy and care about my job. But the reason I do it is money. If they stopped paying me, I would be gone in a heartbeat.
To @DarrenWalker (and maybe others), I think (correct me if I'm wrong) that you don't have experience with pros outside of the forums. As I've said many times, the pros on the forums are very different from most pros on the site. If you've only interacted with pros on the forum, you have a very different view of pro cuddlers than someone who has met lots of random pros on the site. (Note that this is not to say that other pros are bad people or don't care about their clients or don't enjoy cuddling at all. I'm just saying the ones on the forum are not a representative sample.)
@TouchSanctuary Not sure how this thread evolved into the morality of being a pro cuddler, looks like some controversy brewing. However I very much like your response TouchSanctuary. When you said " It really sucks when you can't find anyone to cuddle for free, and you feel like the only way to get that support is to pay someone. ", it was nice to hear a pro female cuddler acknowledge this as a plight many guys are facing on this website, and it does feel a bit demeaning, depending on how you look at it.
However, it's not the fault of female pros at all. Female pros going away won't fix anything, take a look at online dating statistics for example. In fact, removing female pros will only make it worse as then there won't even exist an option for pay for that nice experience. And I do very much appreciate pros, they've all been nothing but wonderful in my encounters with them. While that's that's not what I'm looking for at the moment I'm aware many others benefit from the help of pros, and that I may again require the services of a pro in the future.
Back on topic, @xelda and others have suggested more training or certification for pros. This seems like a perfectly reasonable idea but I think it is risky. There already exist sites and organizations that do that, and as far as I can tell they’re all almost dead - very few pros even in major cities.
@SweetCamiXO I’m going to be as respectful as I can as I reply to your comment. Read without any aggressive tone, as I have sensed in your soapbox comment above.
(Calmly and respectfully saying) That you confirm how I feel about the majority of (I’m not going to call them pros) paid cuddlers on this site. Men don’t want a body to cuddle to. Some men are hurting, hurting bad. A lot of men want a friend at the end of the day. Yes, a lot men are emotional. I wish people would get out of their heads for just a second and realize cuddling is not like going to a masseuse. It’s intimate, and money has not place with intimacy. Money is an intimacy blocker. If I was hurting and lonely and paid my cuddler at the end of a session, I would continue to hurt because I would realize the only reason she was their was to get paid. She doesn’t REALLY care, as she was watching the time tick by on the phone in anticipation of leaving. This behavior is NOT professional in my opinion. Cuddling is intamacy that comes from a place of compassion not the wallet. If someone wants me to cover expenses like travel, dinner if they haven’t eaten, I wouldn’t have a problem with that.
Here’s where I’m making sense.
MONEY AND COMPASSION (on this site) DO NOT GO TOGETHER. The only situation I can think of where money and compassion go together is an ANONYMOUS donation to someone or a cause. some people donate selfishly, saying “look what I did!”
Maybe one day I’ll find my match on this site.
@Riverside77 - Will you stop with the "pros don't really care about their clients" nonsense? That is putting all of them in one category and making them look bad which isn't helping your case. It's a job at the same level a therapist is which I'm sure also gets paid for their time. A pro cuddler however is putting themselves at greater risk since they likely don't have an office where they see clients. They are going over to a strangers home to be intimate with him.
Good to get back on topic.
Would possibly having identity verification upon registration required for all users? That way, if either a pro or enthusiast is acting inappropriately, they can be permabanned?
@Riverside77 - By the way, the pro I was seeing is not seeing me right now due to the pandemic, but we still keep in touch that she isn't charging me for. If she was only interested in the money, she probably wouldn't want to talk outside of the cuddle session.
The true problem makers are not part of this discussion and will not be by choice unless they want to fulfill their purpose. The discussion is between good pros and possibly genuine cuddlers - and the problem does not lie here. I mainly agree with most pros opinions, personally, I have been into cuddling for 20 years, it was always an uphill task to explain someone what I’m looking for. This site solves that, and many more. Further, a few pros I met they were amazing, infact for the care they gave me and the time at which they gave me - I’m grateful. However, there is another fraction of pros where a problem lies that could be corrected. On the other hand there is a perpetual behavioral problem with a large percentage of males and a small percentage of females. Third is the world’s oldest profession which needs consistent attention. Generally, I agree with @CuddleDuncan to try and mainstream cuddling so that many more pros and enthusiasts are part of it. It may help reduce prices once the economics sets in improving experience and more enthusiasts may join too. Further I think pros themselves are the best to suggest improvements for other pros...
@Riverside77 have you ever seen a pro cuddler? Although I have some sympathy for your feelings here, it’s generally not like what you describe.
It’s not exactly the ideal relationship - yes, at the end of the day, she showed up because you paid her to. That does kind of suck. But that doesn’t necessarily mean there’s no real care, affection, or enjoyment on her part. Maybe give it a try.
Consider this a gentle nudge to get back on the OP's topic, please. Re-read @CuddleDuncan 's post.
As far as mechanics and forum posts, we have three main channels: General, Cuddle Requests, and Professional Cuddling. General is for all-that-is-cuddling and also the colorful off-topic topics. Cuddle Requests are for requests in specific cities, states, countries, etc. Professional Cuddling is for discussions regarding professional cuddling, NOT advertising.
Cuddle on.
I’m just glad to know that there are plenty here who understand how a pro cuddler works. There will always be negative Nancys coming in trying to make us out as something evil or uncaring, but most of you understand. I can speak for myself and quite a few other pro cuddlers. We truly understand the better situation would be if the site was absolutely filled with female enthusiasts so every lonely person could possibly receive some attention and eventual cuddles. I can’t control that it’s like that, but just because what I do is transactional, does not take away me caring for you.
I would be willing to take some extra courses or something if it helps people see this as a legit profession. I also like the idea of everyone signing up using their id. It doesn’t have to be public but I get so many guys signing in, pushing boundaries, getting banned and then coming back in under a different name using a different IP address or however it’s called. (I’m not computer literate lol). I think if it was mandatory to sign up with an ID, it could deter the boundary pushers. Maybe 🤔
@Riverside77 you are upset because you want to be healed from hurting and want somebody to willfully rid you of that . That is a lot of expectations to place on an internet stranger. I see a lot of men coming on here upset with their home situation etc and get mad when they can't find a woman to fix them and then lash out about how nobody cares, no one responds, pros are this and that , and why oh why wont somebody come fix me because my my wife wont give me attention at home . I say it before and I continue to say it . This is male entitlement feeling like they are owed something and when they don't get it they blame and lash out . @Sideon I accept your gentle nudge and am moving on now
And I still have not received a reply to my e-mail from myself. I am entitled to hear from myself. I guess I don’t care. I am such a d@%k. I am hurt because I did not reply back to myself.
A gentle slap on my face to get back on topic.
What I need to know is when it comes to wings is drums or flats ?
At the beginning for me it was somewhat easier to find an enthusiast to cuddle with and I had some good experiences. But as time passed and the site became more and more pro driven I rolled with the changes and saw this as an opportunity to meet some wonderful people who just happened to charge for their time and I’ve had many wonderful cuddle sessions with pro cuddlers. So the way I see it you just have to adapt and see the positive in the situation at hand. Also just because there are a lot of pro cuddlers on the site it doesn’t mean is just as easy as sending a message and cuddle (although in my experience it has been at times) there’s still some work to be done, mainly communication to make sure you’re compatible with the pro you’re choosing as this will make for a better session in the end. I still send messages to enthusiasts and I have been able to open some lines of communication that I’m hopeful will pan out once the pandemic is over. @Sheena123 I don’t think you need any courses, you’re a great cuddler with the Karma to prove it and I know first hand that you care and i also know there are many excellent and caring pro cuddlers on this site so the problem is not there, I think pros provide a great way to fulfill touch needs and anybody shining a negative light on that is just plain wrong.
@cuddleversed My experience exactly. You learn real quick the variance in experiences if you do not ask questions. As a result, I do not get those men that say “can you cuddle now” in their first message. Let’s put it out there—for every three good pro cuddlers there is one very poor pro. Usually it stems from low-energy laziness. But if you converse with a pro before booking you will discover if you are a match. It doesn’t take that much time.
Feel free to delete this if I'm veering into debate off original topic, but in defense of cuddlers who get paid, I have a therapist and meditation teacher whom I pay more an hour than I charge! The therapist has legit school, but the mediatation teacher doesn't and he is so genuinely magical with skills they don't teach in school, and for me personally he is the perfect teacher and some people really do just have a healing touch and spirit and don't need a fancy piece of paper they paid for to seem more legit in what they can offer. These two people genuinely LOVE and CARE about me even though I pay them! My therapist has known me since I was 11, and she told me before "I know this isn't professional to say but I love you. I LOVE YOU." I feel their care and I know it's true. They are happy to help but i pay them because they are helping me and I am using their service. Just because they genuinely enjoy me as a client and care about me doesn't mean I should stop paying them. I am happy to pay for quality service that is therapeutic to me. I don't understand why women who choose to make this a career get treated any different or are expected to do discounts as if it's a less serious or more casual profession or because the cuddler is enjoying it she shouldn't be getting paid. Would you walk into a grov\cery store and ask for a discount? NO! So don't tell women what they're worth if you wouldn't question the worth of a box of cereal either. The goal is to have a job you enjoy getting paid to do! Shouldn't we be happy for people? I totally have empathy and understanding of the frustration of having to pay for affection just like TouchSanctuary said. Hey I wish my therapist and meditation teacher would just hang out with me for free of course! But I'd never expect that because I respect their time and profession! I am a woman who pays for the time and attention from both a man and a woman. But I also ask for money for my time and attenetion because I have healing to offer too. I can be a comfort for someone else, like those two individuals are for me
Men are lonely and looking for cuddlers also feel frustrated trying to find one ... on the other hand pro cuddlers say they are met with a lot of behavioral negativity. I would tend to imagine if men are looking for a genuine cuddle they would be nice to the person providing what they are looking for. What am I missing??? Why does this happen? Men are ‘saying’ they are looking for cuddles but they are not?? That cannot be the majority, or is it? Can someone explain...
Some very interesting posts in this thread, thank you everybody.
As Sideon said, let's focus on the original question. The cuddling community's core problems are given in the first post on the thread. What can we do about them?
@HUGGGGGG - They don't believe a cuddle is genuine if it's transactional. They want it for free.
@Mike403 thank you, I think when I pay a pro, I’m partially paying also the price for the majority of men who make things horrible for women...once a good connection is formed it is but natural for positive humans to just platonically hug..
Solutions ...