Apologize for the length, but each paragraph begins with the person whose comment I am replying to. O:-)
@TouchSanctuary I really loved your comment, however I don't think the generalization that women can more easily find cuddle buddies in friends is necessarily fair or true and can only discourage more conversation on this very real struggle for all genders. I am a woman and I have never had a female friend who would cuddle with me. I've had one male friend who would. It's simply just not a very accepted form of interaction, in general, in our society. It may be more true that women are more likely to have friends who HUG, since men are supposed to be "tough", and maybe fist bump, high five, do the shoulder pat "hug", etc. Women MAY be more likely to passively get some touch needs met in other forms so that the touch deprivation is less noticeable. But that definitely isn't the case with all men or all women. It's hard to make generalizations... I think this is a universal problem across our society, with both genders. The bigger variable is the type of family you grew up with and the resulting personality and relationship with touch it inspired. I would attribute the reason for few female enthusiasts more to the overwhelming messages one gets (and sometimes rather gross messages) if they come on as an enthusiast. It chases people away. The few women still interested in cuddling is FAR lower in number than the number of men looking for cuddling, so the result is that each willing woman has to cuddle many more people in order for everyone to get cuddles. This just isn't possible in most people's schedules without it being paying work. I know it's way more complicated than that, and this is a very complex subject, but this is just a piece to add to the conversation.
@xelda Thanks I have actually done lots of education in relation to this work. Some has been more beneficial or helpful than others, but I (personally) find it a good indication of your commitment to the work and your clients, your humbleness of knowing you don't know everything and that there are things you could do better, and just in general keeping up with the latest. Just like any career, education is and should be an ongoing and continual process. It's been a while since I have done any education, but there is so much I am interested in if I could find access to it, and hope to get back on that course once things get comfortable again after COVID. =(
@CuddleMeLater People confuse me when they change their username, LOL. And why is "possibly" in italics? ;-) lol. You are right in that you can both care about your job and only do it for money at the same time. Myself, I do need to make enough to sustain myself, but I find it really difficult to think about the notion of STOPPING seeing my current clients entirely who want to still see me (whether money is involved or not). If I had to quit and get a corporate job, I would probably try to arrange something where they could at least help pay expenses to travel down to them periodically to catch up and get some connection time, but it wouldn't be anywhere near to the frequency I am able to do currently... I can't just ditch people if I feel I'm needed =( Money does help keep the exchange feeling equal though, since my time with my clients is about THEM. Our dynamic and the way a "session" would be would be ENTIRELY different if I were not paid. Like I said in my prior comment, "why" you would pay someone to do this is way more complicated than I'll delve into in this thread, but I guarantee that even if I quit and were no longer paid, I would continue to think about all of my clients, and I hope I could still catch up with them periodically. I have one past client that I so wish would text me and let me know he's ok. =(
@sunnysideup I have had clients upset about not even being able to get a PAID professional to respond to them. It's awful how some people treat other people, whether it's a paid opportunity or unpaid. I definitely get it. This is a very confusing profession sometimes, because I need to be paid, but I also really understand how that can be a struggle from the client's side as well. It sucks. All I can say, is that from what people have told me, that feeling isn't QUITE as bad if you find a good professional who is authentic and it doesn't feel like they're just there waiting for it to be over so they can leave. =(
@CuddleMeLater I'm not sure the actual number differences on different sites. I would say that the number appearing on this site can be misleading, because there are lots of pros who are inactive, non-responsive, aren't doing sessions, are new and likely to disappear once they realize this isn't as easy as they thought it was, etc. I would say I get more new clients from the other website I'm on or from my own personal website than here. I haven't gotten a new client from CC in a good long while (though COVID is partly to blame here).
@Riverside77 You describe something that does occur, but it's definitely of the worse type of professionals. I always encourage people to be picky and particular about which pros you use. Unfortunately, many people simply have very few or only one option. =(
@Sideon Actually, the professional cuddling tab is for discussions about professional cuddling (like this one has become). There is a sub-category under cuddle requests for professionals. The professional cuddling tab is NOT for advertising!!
@supernova22 Thanks for your comment. I have made up so many discounts to the point where I had to take a pause and remind myself that I'm not doing them any favors to underprice myself to the point where I can't do it anymore, lol. I have been doing this just because I care and not because they have been requested, lol. It definitely helps a lot when clients are respectful and appreciative of me and my time. I generally don't keep clients who continue to seem annoyed at the price or asking for better deals or discounts, etc...
@CuddleDuncan I want to add on to my entry into the thread about six posts ago . The elimination of professionals from the website eliminate your bullets points:
A, B , C, D , . That’s an elimination of four of your presented problems . Which is a majority of the seven altogether.
I originally conceived a division into separate websites which each website focused on pro cuddling or enthusiast cuddling , with the website owner Incontrol of both , which keeps his revenue stream . Certainly he can use the monies from pro cuddling to subsidize his enthusiast cuddling website . After thinking , one way to eliminate the majority of your listed problems is to eliminate two member groups altogether.( also the creation of a separate website brings some of the sites problems to the other , so there really isn’t any loss of problem)
I’m not saying wipe the pro cuddlers off the face of the earth , I wouldn’t make the suggestion have there not be two other websites they can join which gives them as much if not more exposure to pro cuddling clients . One of which only charges the pro 40 / month . That works out way cheaper then 15 percent of a pro cuddlers entire gross , ( that’s paid to CC) if they are in fact scheduling a minimum number clients annually . Let’s see , what’s cheaper 500 year ? Or 15 percent of 30 k which is a living wage in most areas . That’s 4500 in commission s. It does eliminate the revenue which the site owner has to consider , however , he managed off the git go .
Of course if your question is how to fix the community while keeping all three member groups intact this the above does not apply
Problem F
A mandatory pay requirement for men only , possibly refunded / waived after “ x” number of paid cuddle encounters. What this does is for the men who don’t want to pay and strictly search for women enthusiasts, once they realize they are unable to find cuddling relief and think the membership fee is a waste , they drop out of the site which lowers the ratio of men / women . The fee waiver , could prompt more paid cuddling , which is in favour of professional representation on the site , yes it contradicts the above suggestion to address problems abcd, but , I’m throwing out ideas
In response to the original post, lol.
a&c - criminal or potentially criminal clients and professionals. We need ID verification on this site. Even if it's voluntary, you could use that to filter clients or professionals if you are concerned.
b - creepy or inappropriate clients. I don't know how or if it's possible to eliminate creepy or inappropriate clients, lol.
d - incompetent or inadequate professionals. Categories or specific sections of the profile for "level" of professional (though this is partially met by number of "karma"), specific section of the profile to list education or qualifications for the work, just a couple ideas...
e - shortage of female professionals - I don't necessarily like dealing with this problem without also, and first, dealing with the problem of poor professionals; not just incompetent or inadequate, but bad ones, which are poor representations of what a professional cuddler should be. =(
f - shortage of female enthusiasts - if you figure out how to fix b, then this will automatically at least start getting a little better; the main deterrent (I think) for female enthusiasts building up is that massive amount of awful messages they get when first signing up (at least from my experience and from what I hear).
g - social stigma - we just need more people comfortable talking about it, not everyone will be, but each additional person who is, that makes small steps... :-/
@cuddlerforu24 That's precisely why I rarely get clients from this site, lol. I charge everyone the same rate, no matter where they find me (frankly, I feel like if I added on enough to my rate here, I wouldn't be comfortable charging that much at this point in time), so it's really tough to swallow that 15% every session. I MUCH prefer the monthly model, but that's not of interest on this site...
*Note that for that $40 each month, that website also offers a lot more to the professionals than just a website...
@ubergigglefritz - thanks, I'll update my post. Apologies!
@ubergigglefritz Your perspective on your clients is awesome. I'm not sure there are many others with the same perspective.
Regarding the numbers on different sites... you are absolutely right that the quantity of pros on this site is misleading. A large portion of the pro cuddlers on this site apparently don't actually do any cuddling. Nevertheless, I've cuddled dozens of people from this site and one from the other site. Maybe this is a regional difference; I'm not sure. I wonder if you get more clients from the other site because you can list yourself in multiple regions simultaneously?
@cuddleforu24 Yes, eliminating professionals would eliminate the problems associated with professionals. While we're at it, why not just destroy the site altogether to eliminate the other problems as well?
A mandatory pay requirement for men only
Now this is possibly a good idea. It would be extraordinarily risky though. It might kill the site. Pros wouldn't appreciate disincentivizing potential clients from joining the site. If there are fewer men here, there will be fewer pros, which is bad for everybody. Or, at least, bad for the 95% of us who are here for the pros.
@CuddleMeLater 💜 Quite possibly a regional difference. I change my location as I move around to different areas, but I don't actively reach out to people anymore, only respond to inquiries to me. I lose some people who are not willing to fill out my intake survey, lol, people not willing to give me their name, or people not willing to pay a small deposit (required for me, a small portion of my required upfront costs to go to a location), etc. A LOT of people from this site get filtered out for those reasons. Inquiries from other places have NEVER been filtered out for these reasons. On the other hand, inquiries from anywhere will sometimes get filtered out for looking for services I don't offer. 😆 That's hard or impossible to avoid...
@CuddleMeLater I said “mandatory pay right for men” ... which I continued with possibly refunded /waived after “x” number of paid encounters . ( let’s add that the refund/ waiver applies after “x” number of booking proposals , no matter if the pro does not respond , a consistent compliant on the forum ) How does that hurt someone like yourself that is here for just professionals? And tell us what your solution to problem F is ?
@cuddlerforu24 If men have to pay a fee just to join, fewer men will join. It doesn't matter if the site says, "We'll refund the fee after you have X number of paid encounters". If they have to pay upfront, fewer will join. If there are fewer men, there will be fewer pros. And that would suck.
I'm not necessarily completely dismissing this idea. In fact, I mentioned it as a possibility back on page 1. Still, I think it's very risky.
I don't have a solution to problem F. I don't think there is a solution to problem F. Or, let me put it another way: Pro cuddlers are the solution to problem F.
Think about a platform like Tinder. Tinder is a much bigger company with a lot more resources than CuddleComfort. They would love for the male:female ratio on their app to be close to 1, and for men to find it as easy to match with people on the app as women do. And they've put lots of resources into trying to make that happen. But they've failed. There are somewhere between 4x and 9x as many men as women on Tinder. And most men find it really difficult to get matches on Tinder.
It's basically a universal experience that men find it hard to start relationships (of any kind) with women. Now, it's even worse on CuddleComfort than it is on Tinder, but my point is, if Tinder couldn't solve this problem, I see no reason to believe CuddleComfort can either.
Ok good answer . Let’s add one week free trial period just to browse profiles and count the number of available target cuddlers .
In response to F: Also, if virtually ALL professionals didn't charge outlandish fees, that could reduce the negative attention female enthusiasts receive. People who would pay a professional, but can't afford the experienced expensive professionals could have an option with lower priced newer professionals. I am all for an open market and not regulating anything, I just find it odd that new professionals charge the same or more as more experienced professional. Always felt that way. When I started, I started out at $45-50/hr, almost THREE years ago (😮). That's virtually unheard of today. If people come onto this site and only have a choice of $100/hr or trying to convince an enthusiast to cuddle for free, it's no wonder the $0 option gets such a massive amount of negative attention. Even if it's a choice of free or $50/hr, it would still happen, but maybe less often than how things are today... Just a thought to continue the conversation...
Thanks so much for sharing @ubergigglefritz - I stand corrected. I think you are right that many women don't have access to platonic cuddles with same sex friends. It depends a lot on the culture, family background and many other factors. I had a friend from Chile a few years ago and I noticed she was a lot more affectionate with friends than most Australians. I have heard from some enthusiast women that finding male cuddle buddies can be quite challenging, especially since a lot of men will disappear pretty quickly once they realise dating/sex is off the table permanently. It seems to be rare to come across men who can cuddle on a regular basis without wanting a romantic and/or sexual relationship. Heck, a lot of women say even finding a non-cuddly male friend who doesn't want sex/romance is tough!!
That being said, there is evidence that women are happier being single than men are. So I think the average woman probably has better social connections than most men, though they may not always involve cuddling per se. But I agree that female friendships are more likely to at least involve hugs, which a lot of men don't do with each other at all. Women also seem more likely to have friendships that involve more frequently communication and emotional support, which provides a source of soothing and emotional regulation that many men have less access to. Perhaps men's increased need for soothing touch is because they don't receive that soothing in other ways, for example via emotionally supportive conversations with male friends.
While this article is not specifically about platonic cuddling, it provides some interesting insights into differences between men and women:
"Some of the suggestion for this comes from the fact that men’s health and wellbeing seem to benefit more from marriage. Men who are married tend to be healthier than those who aren’t, says a recent Harvard University publication. Studies indicate married men have less heart disease. However, the same doesn’t hold true for married women, who experience little difference to their single peers. Men also fare worse when they lose their partner. A 2012 American study found the death of a spouse increased men’s risk of dying by an average of 27 per cent, compared to 15 per cent for women. Separated men are also more likely than separated women to jump back into a new relationship according to a 2015 Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS) report. But an even more telling statistic: Of the roughly 13 per cent of Australians who live alone, 76 per cent of the women preferred this arrangement compared to 56 per cent of the men. What’s behind men’s greater need to be partnered? And why does it matter? ... “Relationships are critical for everyone. However, women are much more likely to have ongoing friendship networks and interest areas. This helps them redefine and redevelop their lives and prosper better when living independently of men, or as life changes."
"Some of the suggestion for this comes from the fact that men’s health and wellbeing seem to benefit more from marriage. Men who are married tend to be healthier than those who aren’t, says a recent Harvard University publication.
Studies indicate married men have less heart disease. However, the same doesn’t hold true for married women, who experience little difference to their single peers.
Men also fare worse when they lose their partner. A 2012 American study found the death of a spouse increased men’s risk of dying by an average of 27 per cent, compared to 15 per cent for women.
Separated men are also more likely than separated women to jump back into a new relationship according to a 2015 Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS) report.
But an even more telling statistic: Of the roughly 13 per cent of Australians who live alone, 76 per cent of the women preferred this arrangement compared to 56 per cent of the men.
What’s behind men’s greater need to be partnered? And why does it matter?
... “Relationships are critical for everyone. However, women are much more likely to have ongoing friendship networks and interest areas. This helps them redefine and redevelop their lives and prosper better when living independently of men, or as life changes."
Source: https://thenewdaily.com.au/life/relationships/2017/06/24/do-men-need-women-more-than-women-need-men/
I would definitely agree that women are more likely to have connections with people they can be vulnerable with (but I don't know where these women are, because I don't know them, lol). For men, the only place for that is in a relationship, and for many men, not even in that environment. The whole culture of men needing to be tough, not be emotional, etc, it's really unhealthy. =(
@ubergigglefritz: Agreed.
I think giving people an option to verify their identities is a good idea. Mind you, I was raised to be really cautious about giving identifying information out over the internet.
As far as I know, there's no website that can't be hacked. I like the extra security that requiring ID would give cuddlers on the actual site-use side of things, but I'm worried about the loss of web security; I don't need my identity stolen. So if providing ID were voluntary—well! I'd be willing to take the hit to my odds of getting cuddles in order to keep myself safe.
And then, if I gained confidence in site security as time went on, I might want to improve my chances by providing ID. Who knows?
Getting rid of creepy or inappropriate types... well, a set of screening questions before a new user can make a profile might cut down on those, anyway. Make it a fun cuddle buddy matching quiz, and—well, at the very least we could get rid of people who say they're looking for somebody to bang, right?
The idea @ubergigglefritz had about levels for pro cuddlers fills my nerdy heart with joy.
Honestly, if I were the type to give cuddles generously to all, with kindness and caring, I'd be super drawn in by the idea of leveling up. I could see that attracting all sorts of cuddly gamer girls. And the higher your level, the more you can charge!
Ways of getting rid of horrible messages... well. If the people looking for sex weren't here, that'd probably reduce the number a bit. Hmm. Maybe a standard subject for the site that's not cuddling? Something we can all default to when starting a message, something that doesn't come off as "I want to cuddle right now and have no other thoughts in my head." Like, I dunno... food. Or stories.
It wouldn't help the types who really don't have anything else in their heads, but for everyone else who doesn't want to read a profile (or write one) it could be handy—and might cut down on the number of essentially content-free messages.
As far as mandatory pay requirements go: if we're going to have one, why not impose it on those who only cuddle women? True, this would be mostly men: but there are some men here (like @Sideon) who aren't contributing to the gender imbalance by, as it were, using up the limited pool of women—and there're some women who are, essentially taking two women out of the pool every cuddle. If this is the behavior we're targeting, it makes sense to target it directly.
Side effects of either pay requirement... hmm.
I suspect that requiring men (and men only) to pay would result in a higher number of cis men pretending to be trans women, while requiring those who only cuddle women to pay would result in a greater number of lies about who people are willing to cuddle. Pick your poison.
Waiving the fee after a certain number of successful cuddles (paid or unpaid) also seems like a useful move. Prove you're one of the good ones, and bam! You're in!
@lonelybutmaybe
You baffle me. I say sex and cuddling aren't inextricably linked. You say they are, and offer a metaphor. I point out that the metaphor doesn't really work because while water is necessary to tea, cuddling isn't necessary to sex.
You return that cuddling is necessary to sex, that cuddling is part of sex.
I say that no, it's not—and even if it were, you could still have cuddling without sex, just as you can have water without tea (cucumbers without pickles, grape juice without wine, etc). To which you reply that cuddling and sex are like grape juice and wine made from grape juice, and go on a tangent about the difference between red and white grape products.
That's not what we were talking about. Or, at least... I didn't think it was. Weren't you arguing that sex and cuddling are inextricably linked?
@hugonehugall
If you're willing to hug one and all, I think that's great. I also think it makes sense not to do that—to have preferences. Having a preferred gender (i.e. set of personality traits, social roles, styles of personal expression, etc.), makes sense. Choosing based on what your partner does or doesn't have between their legs, though....
There's a difference between gender (psychological) and sex (physical). Gender impacts a cuddle big time. Sex? Ehh. Sometimes. Not always—and not nearly as much as gender.
If somebody who identifies as a woman, say, doesn't feel drawn to cuddle other people who share her style of social behavior, well! I don't see how that could harm anybody. But if she's refusing to cuddle anybody with a uterus, no matter what sort of person they are... well, that seems weird. You gotta wonder what she's thinking during a cuddle that would make something like that so important.
It seems off somehow.
@CuddleMeLater
You're right—I haven't met with any pros in person. It's a solid point. Still....
I don't think all pros are "just in it for the money." Even if they wouldn't be able to provide the service they do without the money. I mean, there's a difference between choosing a job because you have to work and this job's the least painful for you and choosing a job because you love what it does for others even if most of the money you make (after bills) goes back into the job.
Strange though it is, there are people in the world whose greatest joy is serving others. In the selfish pursuit of that joy, they'll even disadvantage themselves in order to keep serving.
It's weird, but people like this do exist. And I think some of them are pro cuddlers.
Yeah, when I look at my parents, I see that my mum and stepmum both have friends they meet up with for coffee or talk to on the phone (mostly female friends, but a few couples as well). My dad and stepdad don't really seem to have friends apart from work colleagues, sadly. I do have a close married male friend, but most of the friends he confides in are women. I don't know too many examples of men with close male friends, though I'm sure they do exist.
Please read my profile in regards to female enthusiasts
Have a read of @Blue54's profile, people, it's worth it.
There's an emerging narrative about the lack of female enthusiasts, and why men are on the site but women aren't. I think @ubergigglefritz is suggesting this, and @Blue54 's profile suggests it too.
The narrative goes something like this: women do sign up. But then they get tons of messages, many of which are inappropriate, content-free, or just dumb. They get discouraged and leave. That's why there aren't many female enthusiasts.
Suppose one day I log into CC and have 100 messages from enthusiast women. 98 of them are disgusting garbage. 2 of them seem halfway okay, written by reasonably normal women with coherent, relevant things to say. I would consider that a massive, overwhelming success, far better results than any I've had in two years.
Note also that it's simply not true that women's profiles are filled out and appealing while men's tend to be empty. When I browse the site, as far as I can tell, men and women have approximately equal ratios of empty profiles.
My point is that I don't think the fact that women have bad experiences on the site is why there aren't many women here. Because, in my opinion, men have experiences that are at least as bad if not worse, and yet the site is flooded with men. I think the reason there aren't many women here is that women don't want what the site is offering. A non-committal, platonic relationship based around cuddling with someone you met off the Internet simply doesn't appeal to many people. So the site is destined to remain a niche. But among the people it does appeal to, very few are women. No amount of trying to change men's behavior or tweaking the site or advertising is going to change that fact.
@DarrenWalker
Maybe I can elaborate on what I mean when I say they're just in it for the money. I don't necessarily mean that they have no care or concern for their clients or any other aspect of their job. I just mean the money is the motivating factor that actually leads them to do it. @ubergigglefritz might be an exception. But with everyone else, in my experience, no matter how much they talk up other aspects of their work, money is the actual motivating factor.
And that's fine. It's completely normal. I'm not saying this is bad. Just about everyone does their job because of money. It's just that some people seem to think that pros are or should be saints who are primarily motivated by this huge affection for their clients. And that just isn't realistic.
@CuddleMeLater "My point is that I don't think the fact that women have bad experiences on the site is why there aren't many women here. Because, in my opinion, men have experiences that are at least as bad if not worse, and yet the site is flooded with men."
I would disagree. It's the same phenomenon on dating sites. Women get a million crappy messages, so they get tired and frustrated. Men get no responses, even when they put forth effort, so their messages get more and more generic and higher in number, perpetuating the issue. Women get more frustrated, eventually leave. I could explain further if necessary. Each gender is tired of whatever their norm is, so anything different is considered a success. Just because a man would consider what you described a success doesn't mean a woman would. Neither is an ideal situation or what someone comes here for (no response or a bunch of inappropriate responses), so your preferred end of the spectrum is just a result of what you're accustomed to getting... 🤷♀️
@ubergigglefritz
Eh. This is a situation where I can't really empathize with the woman. Years ago I and a female friend of mine (actually an ex) both made dating profiles on a certain dating site. This is before Tinder. She got tons and tons of messages. Yes, many of them, maybe the majority, were either dumb, or generic, or overly sexual, or just from men she'd never consider dating. But there were also quite a few from men that really appealed to her, and she regularly went on dates with men from the site.
Meanwhile I had enormous difficulty getting any responses at all. I think I eventually had one date from that site, and it was with someone I didn't even find attractive.
Now she didn't exactly like the fact that she was getting a lot of garbage messages, but it also wasn't a huge problem. Delete them and move on. We were both in clear agreement that she was having a much better experience on the site than I was.
I've also seen a woman's inbox on CC. Yeah, there were some dumb messages. There were also several perfectly reasonable ones. She also seemed to find the crappy messages unfortunate but tolerable -- and even a source of amusement.
I just can't wrap my head around the idea that a high percentage of shitty messages is now this huge obstacle. Deleting messages is not a time-consuming process.
Regardless, it doesn't really matter who has it worse. The point is, I don't think it's bad experiences that differentiate men from women. Men have bad experiences and are here anyway. (Even if for some reason you don't perceive them as bad, the men themselves certainly do!) Note the posts we see on the forum from men who have been trying for years to find a cuddle buddy, have had no success, and yet are still here. I think the reason more women aren't here is not that they try the site, have a bad experience, and leave... I think it's that very few women want to give it a try in the first place.
I could explain, but I can't at the moment. 😆
And nowhere did I say that the man's experience here doesn't suck. 😞
Here is how I kind of think of it. Let's say I have to either:
I just can't conceive of how (2) is worse than (1).
Maybe it’s easy to some to just ignore the sexual messages but for some, constantly getting those types of messages can be incredibly draining. To be on a site wanting to connect and just get 100 messages asking how far my legs can spread or asking if I’ve ever experienced a nice big schlong like the pic that was attached, or if I can get on my knees and do what a woman is supposed to do... I’m sorry, but when you get enough of those, it’s really hard to see the diamond in the rough.
I honestly think I would rather have an unsuccessful lack of messages as opposed to 100s of messages treating me like I don’t matter, that my feelings are unimportant and that as a woman, I am solely here to only serve you sexually. I just report these types of messages and carry on but it’s slightly easier dealing with these messages because this is just a crappy part of my job, but if I were an enthusiast, yea, I’d give up... so some men haven’t experienced the woman’s side on being treated like some little sex slave therefore it won’t be understood most times how this feeling is incredibly degrading and would definitely be the reason to say “forget it” and move on.
@Sheena123 spot on explanation, as per usual. 😊👍
c) Criminal or near criminal 'professionals' (mostly women)
I was thinking about this again today when I had an online video session with a pro cuddler earlier today (I thought a video session would be a good start since I hadn't had any interaction with her before). This was a local pro cuddler who runs her own cuddle company - She has been in business since 2013 and says she enjoys what she does, and she said she started offering a 30-hour pro cuddler training course to address issues, one of which being conduct during cuddle sessions. And apparently, Cuddle Comfort doesn't offer any sort of training for pro cuddlers. I thought the idea of pro cuddler training was interesting and a cool idea.
@Riverside77 I understand how you might think pro cuddlers are only in it for the money, but I don't necessarily agree they don't care. Like any other job, most of us need to get paid, but ideally we find some kind of work that we enjoy doing since we'll be spending so much time doing it. I really enjoy what I do for a living; otherwise, I don't think I would be very motivated to go to work, aside from just being paid. I've heard several pro cuddlers also say they really enjoy their work, and they care about people and enjoy making other people feel better (aside from enjoying cuddling itself). I've seen at least a couple pro cuddlers who seem like genuinely caring people, and those are the types of people I'm more apt to go to for a cuddle.
@FlyingToaster Nordic Cuddle offer a dual-accredited training course for cuddle practitioners. I have cuddled with people who have done it, and it's very good.
@CuddleMeLater and @Sheena123 : I would say that grass is greener on the other side is a mantra for a reason. It is hard to say what we would really prefer unless we have been in both situations. And until that point, can't we just say that both situations are both really bad?
I understand CuddleMeLater's position, if I may put it into words. You're respectful, and your messages are thoughtful, but you rarely get a message back. Perhaps you've been messaging someone for a few days, and they show some interest in meeting up with you, only to ghost you for no apparent reason. Rinse and repeat for several years, without meeting anyone, and it is quite wearing. You're made to feel that you have nothing valuable to offer and that you aren't good enough. Maybe you've been working on self-improving and wondering if you'll ever be good enough. Then, you start to wonder if something is wrong with you, that you're broken in some way. Quite damaging to the self-esteem if you can't shrug it off.
I haven't been in your position Sheen123, but it does sound horrible. The 10% of jerk guys are ruining it for the rest of us (I actually don't know the proportion, but I assume it's like 10%? correct me if I'm wrong). Perhaps anonymity grants guys a token to be extra crass, perhaps we really should have ID required to register an account.
@ubergigglefritz Wow, I didn't even know that was a problem. Yes, as an enthusiast I prefer to meet with someone I fancy, but were a pro, I would think I would only care about two things: respect and hygiene. If those two aren't met those would be the primary reasons not to serve a client. Perhaps some pros are pickier? Or perhaps a lot are inactive? The latter seems to be the case in my area.
@CuddleMeLater says:
Maybe I can elaborate on what I mean when I say they're just in it for the money. [...] I just mean the money is the motivating factor that actually leads them to do it.
So when you say "They're only providing the service they do because they want money," what you mean is "If it weren't for the money, they wouldn't be providing this service." An apparently subtle distinction—but one that changes the meaning of your comment considerably.
You don't mean to say that they're just in it for the money. You mean to say that without the money, pro cuddling wouldn't be a good option for them.
Interesting explanation. Thanks.
@sunnysideup: Having been in both positions, I can let everybody know that the female side of things can be pretty amusing if you're in the mood for it. It's even better if you can switch to the male side of things whenever you want. Too much of either wears me down after a while.
Being as I have kind of a laid-back personality, though, I tend to prefer being ignored most of the time. Better than feeling like a porn star who's just walked into a Playboy convention... most of the time.
@sunnysideup I resonated with this. "Perhaps you've been messaging someone for a few days, and they show some interest in meeting up with you, only to ghost you for no apparent reason. Rinse and repeat for several years, without meeting anyone, and it is quite wearing. You're made to feel that you have nothing valuable to offer and that you aren't good enough. Maybe you've been working on self-improving and wondering if you'll ever be good enough. Then, you start to wonder if something is wrong with you, that you're broken in some way. Quite damaging to the self-esteem if you can't shrug it off."
I am biromantic and was messaging with a woman for a while, she seemed VERY interested and allowed herself to be vulnerable in some things she said, so I felt comfortable reciprocating. The last thing she texted me was "Oh wow! That's the nicest thing anyone said to me all day... thank you." The next day she ghosted me, lol. Absolutely zero contact since that text. Women can really be confusing and brutal, not in words, but by simple absence. I definitely agree with your reminding us that the grass is always greener on the other side. I don't think either situation is one to be envied at all. Both situations suck.
In response to your message to me - I actually don't even stop seeing a client for hygiene issues, lol. Everybody's body is different and I think most people TRY at least. Their odor doesn't change whether they deserve to feel connection or not. 🤷 But yes, it is a definite problem. As much as pros will deny it, it IS a problem with pros and discrimination in enough cases that it is bothering. People discriminate on age, weight, race, marital status, etc. In order to see someone (and continue seeing them) I really only care about whether they are respectful and actually seeking the type of services I provide (well, and they have to fill out my intake form and be willing to pay a small deposit, lol).