Professional Cuddlers and Personal Boundaries?

Hey everyone! How's it going? I try to be as accommodating as possible, but lately I have been getting a lot of requests in my inbox for services that are... a bit sexual? I believe it goes against contract, and I'm strictly here for cuddling. Requests such as naked cuddling, sex, heavy petting, making out, nude massages etc. I send the client agreement form and politely decline. I've even had cancellations upon finding out I'd be clothed the entire time lol. My refusal for such services makes me question what others may offer. What limits do you guys have with your clients? Do you lose clients when declining such requests? What boundaries are a grey area while cuddling (EX: cuddling in undies/pj's) ? Thanks!

-CuddleBunny

docgatorb

Are you directing this only to other professionals or to all members? In general, consent is required by both parties and it doesn't matter what others do. Professionals, however, agree to not use parameters such as age and race to make this decision. Will you lose some customers by refusing requests that appear sexual? Well probably, but are you seeking such customers? There are other sites that cater to that business. Understand that we live in a touch deprived culture and that the only touch that some people know is what they got from their mother growing up and sex. Don't question your boundaries based solely on what people ask or what seems to pay. Yes, there is a grey area, but you have to be comfortable with whatever that involves. One guideline, if asked, you probably think yes, maybe, or no. If you think yes, say yes. If you think no, say no. If you think maybe, say no. You can always change your mind on the maybe later.

 Thanks for your input! It's greatly appreciated. I have declined all requests that have made me feel uneasy, not worth it for me. I do not discriminate about who I cuddle, I love meeting new people and experiencing their energy. I was curious what boundaries other professionals were adhering to. Considering the messages I receive it sounds like some members are confused as well in what to expect from a cuddle. I like to wear clothes, but if someone wants to cuddle in boxers (undies) and a tank top, that still allowed in contract? It's pretty vague so I could understand how people might get confused. 

CarlosHunt

What the hell does "clothed the entire time" mean?  I've had many different cuddle experiences, with ladies from several different sites, and i always ask up front what the cuddler will wear and what i can wear.  The vast majority, mostly pros, will agree to cuddle in either PJ, shorts, yoga pants and tank tops or t shirts.  I usually cuddle in either gym shorts or boxers and a t shirt.  Most ladies don't have a problem with that.  My worst cuddle experience was with a woman who cuddled in jeans - that was early on in my cuddle life, and ever since then I always probe ahead of time.

I think the problem that CuddleBunny88 is experiencing stems from the heavy promotion of sex in America (Viagra and internet porn) and the fact that prostitution is illegal.  I'm sure that prostitutes are using this and other "alternative" sites to find clients and/or that those suffering from porn addition are looking anywhere they can to get the real thing.  Both the prostitute and the addict are trying not to get caught and will not be direct about their intentions.  It's also possible that some professional cuddlers are giving sexual favors to get more clients and/or make more money.  Its a simple supply and demand economic equation.  As a professional you should be upfront and direct about all the details of your business.  Ask for referrals from your best clients.

Carlos, I was referring not getting naked for clients? No need to be rude. I've had cancellations upon finding out I wouldn't be cuddling nude, or I wouldn't agree to a nude rub down. That's what I meant when I said "clothed the entire time" I wear cuddle appropriate clothes that's a given... I've also been asked if I'm going to cuddle in a bra/ thong/ boxers (undies) which I believe might be against contract so I was asking others what they consider to be the grey area. It's disheartening that I keep getting sexual requests so it makes me question what others offer and what clients are expecting.

CarlosHunt

CuddleBunny  - It makes no difference to me what two consenting adults do behind closed doors.  I don't pre-judge anyone.  I do think communication up front is the key so neither party will be or put off in any way.

Having said that the next time AMERICA is discovered and colonized, I hope it's by a more liberal minded culture, like the Tahitians for example, rather than Puritans.  I think we have all been brainwashed to believe that having sexual feelings toward the opposite sex is wrong ...

snuggleangel

Sex isn't wrong. It's a beautiful thing but to a professional cuddler things like sex, sexual acts, nudity is all unacceptable. Besides the fact that it is illegal, It's just not in the job description.
For the record, I don't think prostitution -if regulated properly- is a bad thing but it is Not my job. Cuddlers are not prostitutes. Cuddling is about touch and relaxation not sex. There's been times that I got turned on during a snuggle session. I politely excused myself for a min and pulled myself together. It's not professional to act on urges while at work. I've also lost clients bc they asked me to be nude or topless. These are not clients I'm interested in having so on to the next one. 

I'm so glad I'm not the only person who feels this way! This last month I've had a lot of clients ask for particular things in a session that would make it sexual. 
I've been declining and losing customers.
I had one person who tried paying me a few hundred dollars extra if I would take my clothes off thinking money was the issue here?
Additionally, I've had mostly younger clients with no intention of booking a session trying to strike up a conversation and "hang out" for free? I'm sorry but this isn't a dating site.
I've been feeling pretty discouraged lately honestly.
It doesn't help some professionals on here do perform these requests for extra money (I know this because I've had clients say they see other cuddlers on here who do get naked or offer sexual services) which makes it harder for professionals who do follow the rules to get sessions now. Not to mention certain clients expect all of us to cuddle as a cover to something else.

I've seen several pro cuddlers and I've specified what I want from them and what I expect them to wear. If they have an issue with it, I find another cuddler. I've never asked a cuddler to be sexual or naked but I've had pro cuddlers try to get sexual. I've had several cuddlers stay longer than their paid time. I think things are going to vary from cudddler to cuddler and customer to customer. Chemistry is going to vary. I think you just have to specify what your limits are when offering your service. There are several pro cuddlers though that offer the things you don't and a lot of clients will think that all pro cuddlers do the same. I personally don't want my cuddle sessions to be sexual, that's not what I'm here for but the way society is and the way many men think, you're in a line of work where you're going to get these requests. I would just ignore those requests and as I said, let your limits be known clearly.

I hope explicit communication of boundaries will never lead to clashing expectations between cuddler and client, and the resulting awful discomfort for both parties. I completely respect practitioners with varied healing modalities. I respect clothing. I respect nude-positivity. Nudity and sex aren't always tied. But we must always respect the boundaries and choices of every individual, professional or client. For example, clothes are absolutely required during my sessions - that is my boundary.

That all being said, cuddling is not sexual. This website outlines that in a professional and client contracts. So, I request that the administrator flag all members who explicitly request for sexual services from professional cuddlers. In addition, we should add text that reminds clients that cuddling services are strictly non-sexual in the dialog box that appears every time people message professional cuddlers on here.

I support your attempts to self police cuddling professionalism on this site @Kuddlebunny. As I have noted in the past, there are some that are trying to mold this site in a different direction than that of its original purpose. You and your fellow cuddling professionals are the only ones that can prevent your chosen profession from deteriorating into something resembling happy ending massage.

I've been cuddling pros for a couple years now. I'm new to this site and was shocked when I kept getting quotes of $120 and up an hour for cuddling. I soon realized it's because many of these pros here are offering additional services. I consider myself a cuddle purist and I'm disappointed with this site. I feel the original poster was focused on clients asking for "more" but I feel the bigger problem are the providers that offer "more" and give a bad name and present bad expectation to the legit cuddlers. If people want to offer or are seeking sexual services, they should go to an escort site, if clients are looking for a girlfriend, they should go to a dating site and if they want a friend, they should go join a social group. There are far more prostitutes, girls that want boyfriends and girls that will be your platonic friend in the world than there are professional cuddlers so why seek out a professional cuddler for anything else than cuddling? I don't get it.

frankparker9

I had the great fortunate of cuddling with a professional with many years of experience for my first cuddling session.

Strong boundaries benefit the client and are part of the service, in my opinion.  A man who is inexperienced with platonic affectionate touch may find carressing a woman's back or arm to be exciting or naughty, experiencing a rush of positive and negative emotions.  The context that both people are clothed and will remain clothed, and no sex is currently happening or will happen, provides bounds within which there is a whole world of feel-good touch to explore.

Of course, inidividuals are free to offer whatever services they like, but there is such a thing as cuddle culture and it has certain norms and well-known rules that make it what it is, and I'm glad of that.  A first-time client needs to be indoctrinated into this culture if they aren't familiar with it, and if they can't separate sex and touch and don't seem interested in trying, they are probably not going to do well.

From the point of view of cuddle culture, naked cuddling has been done, but it is probably not for a beginner in a one-on-one setting.  I see no reason to relax any tenet of cuddling for a first-time client!