How to get to know someone

ChefKateChefKate
in General

PSA
How to Get to Know Someone: https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-get-to-know-someone

My favorite takeaway from that article is _Give it time
It can take more than 100 hours over a period of 3 months for a friendship to develop.

Of course, simply spending time with someone doesn’t mean you’ll form a long lasting friendship, but your chances for friendship tend to increase when you spend more time with someone._

In case you don't feel comfortable figuring out what to ask, check out these Questions to Ask Over Text: https://conversationstartersworld.com/questions-ask-guy-girl-over-text/

Just some suggestions to help anyone communicate with a new person via text. If you have an actual interest in the person, not what their genetalia can do for you, then there's an exponentially larger chance that you'll be able to meet in person.

Comments

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    I really like the healthline article! Thanks for sharing it :)

  • waynewvwaynewv

    I think for this site, open up a chat way before you ask for a cuddle, get to know each other 1st. I have found that if you ask for a quick same day cuddle, it seems to put up red flags. Another way I found kind of by accident is to read all the topics that pop up on the home page. You can learn a lot about a person by reading there input/replays. I notice the ones that are so negative about anything posted, some want to bring in religion regardless of the topic. Some like to bring in politics regardless of the topic. When I meet up for a cuddle, I don't want any NEGATIVITY there. I have met a few out in public 1st., like ice cream, dinner-etc. I think that works very well. After over 40 yrs. of being in 2 different businesses dealing with the public and being in car/truck/motorcycle clubs I have learned to never get on the topic of religion or politics. I have to agree 100% with many others here that have said, always go by your gut feelings.

  • ChefKateChefKate

    Thanks for the suggestion, @waynewv

    I've come across several threads recently where the concept of getting to know someone seems foreign or impossible, usually to the op. But I know that it's something I need, and many other females need, in order to get to the cuddles.

    I've also come across guys who have asked me everything from if I have a large belly with a deep bellybutton and if I'd ever done a named cuddle with it, to what I'm wearing, and even if I've ever done a specific yoga pose involving non-platonic positions.

    I'm really hoping, and I know others on this site are too, that some of the above named faux pas are due to social awkwardness.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan

    @ChefKate sadly they are not, or at least very rarely. Socially awkward people tend not to ask questions at all. If they do, the could be about anything and are therefore unlikely to be dubious requests for the session.

    I'm not saying the people asking these things do not suffer from social awkwardness: in many cases I'm sure they do. But that's not what is behind the asking of such questions.

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    @ChefKate thank you! Those articles are great! There are times when I get the feeling things are going well the person I’m chatting with but I forgot how to relate to someone over text and kind of run out of things to say/ask.

    Thank you - I feel like you’ve helped make my “getting-to-know-you”s feel more comfortable.

  • BoomerSpoonerBoomerSpooner

    It really is not that difficult to set up sessions. I am to the point in certain cities where I know enough people that I like that I message ahead of time and just say I will be in town on such and such date would you care to cuddle. I am talking pros and enthusiasts alike. I cover a lot the first time I reach out to someone new that the chat is minimal and an appointment is set. I am sometimes perplexed at the difficulty some express on this topic. This is of course from a male and I understand that women have a different set of obstacles to overcome, BUT if I am having a lot of success it must be because I am offering a lot of info up front. I am definitely past the 100 mark of different cuddle partners. Just be frank and blunt about yourself and what you want and like. Ask questions as well. Most people like when you are open and free with information.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @FunCartel ~ Holy buckets!! Over 100?! Go you!!

    @ChefKate ~ Hope your "belly button prober" was at least as fun to banter with as mine was. Sadly he got banned, but I had lots of fun with the back and forth where I got to be creatively assertive in how I declined each of his advances - ah... good times.

    And YES!!! to all those ideas around rapport building! It really does go a long way!!! So does one's attitude in the forums... BIG time!!!

  • BoomerSpoonerBoomerSpooner

    I find that the forums are not a great gauge to what a cuddler is like. There was someone on this forum about 24 months ago that invited disdain on the forums. She actually messaged me several times wanting to cuddle when I was up her way. I was reluctant because she seemed mean on the forums (we ALL can come across that way at times). Long story short, she was the sweetest person you could ever meet and we cuddled probably ten times. Likewise, I met someone in the forums that left the impression they were full of sunshine. One of the worst cuddle experiences ever.

    The written word is limited as to how much insight it can provide on a specific person and you can compound that with a forum setting where opinions are offered up. The picture can become distorted. I have found more people I would not cuddle with on the forums than I have ones that I would. That’s me. I understand others might feel differently and that just proves my point about the forum and using the “attitudes” you find here. Private messages and conversations tell you so much more than forum posts ever could in my experience.

  • pmvinespmvines

    Here here @FunCartel I am actually a delight when I'm not vomiting forth words on the interwebs

  • BoomerSpoonerBoomerSpooner

    @pmvines Aren’t we all? Lol

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    You're a better person than I @FunCartel ~ I can't imagine conversing with a whiny, "Nobody will cuddle me", or the "I have misogynistic tendancies" types.

    But those who are consistent in their views, humor, etc and that I gravitate towards because of their forum involvement... I write to them. Even if thousands of miles away... Even when not to cuddle (though twice that's happened ~ lol)... But meeting up with someone I don't like/get...?Nope.

  • BoomerSpoonerBoomerSpooner

    @quixotic_life No I am not a better person than you. You just see things differently from me that’s all. But it would be boring if we were all alike right? I was just relating my experiences. Have I cuddled someone based on the forums before? Yes. But I have learned that comes WAYYYY down the list of qualifying someone. I do agree, however, about those who whine about not getting cuddles...and I do feel for them, I just can’t fix them if they need fixing at all. Finger waggers are the types I won’t cuddle from the forums. Not my taste. Why would I want to cuddle someone on a perpetual soapbox?

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @FunCartel ~ Ah... yes... the waggers of fingers... I believe I may have been guilty of that a time or two here... 🙄 (but not perpetually so), and I suspect most of us have from time to time. But I agree... Those who do so regularly aren't my type either.

    Lol ~ Was just imagining a cuddle with someone who brought their condescension into the mix... Yikes! Yep - Pass!!!

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    Lol ~ Was just imagining a cuddle with someone who brought their condescension into the mix... Yikes! Yep - Pass!!!

    Oh man, that's bad enough on a date. But with someone you're cuddling? Hellllll nooooo

  • [Deleted User]Mmart (deleted user)

    Yeah, i don't like condescension either. Its been so cold here lately that I wake up in the morning and its all over my windows.

  • pmvinespmvines

    I wanna wag my finger while I cuddle.soinds classy

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    Wag your finger with one hand, and raise your pinky on the other one as you cuddle. That will be twice as classy.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @squeakytoy I bet that's how mick Jagger cuddles

  • BoomerSpoonerBoomerSpooner

    @squeakytoy Like a condescending Dr Evil.

  • ChefKateChefKate

    @FunCartel but does the condescending dr evil come with a wittle kitty cat?

  • BoomerSpoonerBoomerSpooner

    @ChefKate I believe his was a hairless one.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    @pmvines , @FunCartel Thanks guys, now I'm picturing Mick Jagger cuddling Dr. Evil and it's real weird.

  • ChefKateChefKate

    @squeakytoy FRICKIN LASER BEAMS

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