Feeling isolated, lonely and ghosted

adorable48

Feeling ghosted by people I thought I had a months long rapport with, who I thought felt at least like they thought they had a good rapport with me, and maybe a budding friendship. Now I’m feeling ghosted, confused, and wondering why someone won’t even take my money for a virtual meeting. And wondering whether something’s wrong, or wrong with me? Wishing someone would take my money in return for a virtual session. Just feeling lonely and confused.

@adorable48 Hold your head high, buddy. People = Shit.

littermate

Aww, love you guys. Wondering if some pros who are reliable will weigh in about virtual meetings. I'm SURE @adorable48 that you'll find a pro who's reliable on here, but maybe not local to you, for a virtual cuddle. I've had such great convos with you on here, I'm sure you'll find some company. From all of the messaging you and I have done I have detected NOTHING wrong with you. You're a dear. People have all kinds of weird quirks and reasons. I've been ghosted too and as we all know, there's NOTHING weird about me. Bwaaaahahahaha.

Nice @Handsomewheels. People can be poopy for sure.

@adorable48
Most likely there is nothing wrong at all, its the nature of this online beast. Please don't take things personally when you are ignored or ghosted. Almost everyone on this site and other sites have experienced this, probably multiple times.
You are not being singled out.

adorable48

@littermate Thing is, it’s not just online issues. I mean it is, but I’ve established in person relationships with people who will no longer respond to me and I don’t know if new phone snd lost contacts is the issue, but then I wonder if that’s it why I haven’t been contacted in other ways

Catloaf

@adorable48 I feel like I could type up a long response to you about what it could be. Truth is it could be anything, and I’m so sorry you’re going through isolation and loneliness. But I’ll leave this here for your consideration.

ChefKate

@adorable48 I don't know if this will help or not, but sometimes I just can't take any stimulation. I get to the point that talking to my therapist and the people i live with, because I have to, is the only human connection I can handle for weeks at a time. Usually it's when I'm working out some stuff in my head, or that I'm so exhausted in many ways that survival needs are barely being met and take up any energy I scrounge up.

What really helps me get through these times are messages from the people who I used to be able to socialize with...xbox friends, Facebook contacts, texting buddies, etc. And all those messages usually say is hi, hope you're ok, let me know if I can help, look forward to seeing/hearing from you again soon, I'll be here, take care of yourself. Just knowing that I'm not forgotten, that I haven't screwed up the friendship, that I'm not being judged and won't have to explain...that is literally a pathway back to the outside world for me. It takes off so much anxiety and worry that I can start healing and getting better.

So while it sucks that you feel the way you do, and you have every right to feel that way, it might also do you some good to reach out to those people. Let them know you are feeling lost or lonely. That you miss something specific about them or something you shared. That you hope all is well and look forward to talking again. Worst case scenario is they won't get back to you. But at least you should feel a bit better (at some point) knowing that you did what you could to be a good friend and human being. You never know what someone is going through, AND how it's affecting them. A lot of people forget that last part.

Hugs!

ChefKate

Oh, and if you don't have a fuzzy pet, preferably one that purrs, you might want to look at getting one. They aren't human, don't tell them that, but they can be a bit of a substitute for cuddles, especially right now.

Mine are the reason I can get up out of bed when the depression is overwhelming. They require feeding and other care. One will pee on me if she doesn't get it after a few hours of pestering me, lol. The other just purrs louder in my general direction and then stands on my kidneys.

adorable48

@ChefKate i have reached out to them, and nothing. That’s the point.

quincyq03

Unfortunately, this seems to be the norm these days. It’s nothing you’re doing wrong. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to let go after you’ve invested so much time and energy, but that’s better than waiting and stressing over it. I don’t think it’s usually intensional on their end, but believe me, I know how much it hurts when people leave without warning.

ChefKate

@adorable48 I think I may not have made my point. They may not be in a place where they can respond for multiple reasons. All you can do is be the best human you can be. And it sucks and hurts and isn't fair. You're not alone. We hear you.

Amortentia

I'd like to think I'm a reliable pro whether in person or virtual.

However, I'll try to help with figuring why that person is ghosting you. Maybe they are busy with studies or their other job. I know this week I was personally trying to limit sessions since it was a busy week for me. Next week I'll try to fill it up again. Some people also may be sick and doesn't want others to catch whatever they have. There's also people who need a break from humans because too much human interaction tires them out since they're more introverted than social. Just my guess. But if you'd like a virtual meeting then let me know. Just don't worry too much about what's happening. It may not be what you think it is at all.

MrPaul

I wish I had an answer. I don’t understand it either. It’s not you.

sunnysideup

There are only a select few people in the world that genuinely care about me, same is probably true for the vast majority of people. I am aware that some don’t even have family or good friends they can rely on, the situation would be even harder on those.

Most reliable way for me to feel better is to not have any expectations out of people, except a small few that I know really well. The rest of the people in the world will only spend their time with me only when it is convenient for them, not vice versa. Gotta convince people that they will get something out of spending time with you. It is what it is.

I still don’t get the whole ghosting thing, though. It happens to me all the time, I just expect it at this point. I Don’t ghost anyone, unless I think the other person is acting like a jerk. I sometimes forget to respond to people. Maybe my inbox isn’t as flooded as the more popular people, and I don’t understand. Maybe they haven’t signed on in a while. A lot of people just suck and treat people like commodities.

Now that the rant is over, my practical advice if you’d like to schedule a virtual session sooner rather than later :

Expand your search radius, , search in multiple areas, and search by most recently online. That way, it’s only a matter of time before you find someone available for a virtual session.

@littermate People take people for granted all the time. It's the nature of the beast, but I feel you're being too kind when you say poopy, lol. They are shit, I call it like it is.

kleen

I had a feeling similar to this hit me hard this week. I’m a special education teacher, and have been teaching virtually/in person all year. In school we all have to be 6 feet apart with plexiglass, and masks; and an overall feeling of separation this year. My love language is personal touch- my kids know if they need a hug or just to hold my hand for awhile it’s theirs. I didn’t realize until this year how much I love that side of my work too- helping anyone feel comforted. One of my favorite kiddos- grabbed my had during a fire drill yesterday. This particular kiddo is non-verbal and I could just see the stress melt away from him just from having the confidence in holding my hand. Definitely made me just take a minute and realize how important that can be.

I've been ghosted more times than I can count at this point, including by immediate family, and people I counted as close friends. I've stopped investing time in people because it's too hard to have to deal with that, especially when I'm not sure what I did to make them stop talking to me.

pmvines

I am guilty of this too . I truly just have a hard time keeping touch and maintaining connections. Not anything personal. There have been the occasional person who I cut contact with due to personal conflict, however mostly I just get to where I dont ha e the mental energy or capacity to keep in touch . It comes and goes , not like.that all the time obviously, but there might be spurts of lots.of contact followed by spurts of me backing off.a.little.and just being with myself, spacing out ,meditating, what have you .

@pmvines
I think you just described me. I have a tendency to be all in for awhile and then all out for awhile. Not drama related at all. More like, its recess time.

@pmvines This describes me as well! I'm normally quite introverted, but the pandemic has supercharged that. I like people, but I still find that I lose energy really quickly these days through interacting with them. I always appreciate it when people are fine with sporadic contact. And when people fade on me, I tend to assume it's for the same reason.

littermate

OK @Handsomewheels.

CuddleDuncan

@adorable48 ghosting is about the ghoster, not the ghostee.

The virtue of virtual sessions is that you professional can be anywhere. There are some professionals on the forum who offer virtual sessions (I think), try asking one of them. In any event, keep trying.

From my own researches only about one in three initial approaches to a professional result in a session, assuming the client is fully committed to making it happen. In other words, keep trying: as long as you are not inadvertently raising red flags, you are certain to succeed in the end.

pmvines

I cant speak for others , I just know for me when I'm stressed, have a lot on my plate, tired , or just generally feeling more introverted I find it hard to keep relationships going . I'm better with things like online forum cus I can just come and go and it's passive interaction. In person though I might be real chatty and then just kinda trail off a bit and then find an opportunity for down time and space . I'm a social sprinter, not a marathon runner

LILY333

@adorable48 i messaged you about a virtual session 🤗

For me personally if I don't reply to someone or I'm not as active with someone as I was before it's because I'm going through something in my own personal life or I'm just really emotionally exhausted and I need a break. There's one person I've met on here that I can say is a actual friend and they understand that I either get really busy, there's a lot going on in my life, or I'm just overwhelmed and need a break. It's not you at all trust me @adorable48 we're people and we get tired and our lives just get in the way and just like those we cuddle, we need a refresher to take care of ourselves every now and then because this is both draining but EXTREMELY rewarding to see people we cuddle happy and help them perform self care☺️. I understand how you feel abandoned 100% but, you'll find a new virtual cuddle buddy soon enough☺️ I hope you do and I hope you feel better ❤️

biancalovecraft

I'll do a virtual with you sometime @adorable48
Everyone feels lonely to some degree right now.

I'm so happy this thread led to 3 virtual cuddling offers for @adorable48 I hope one or more of them go through.

littermate

Yay for the peeps who are offering adorable @adorable48 virtual sessions! Just say yes to people who stay in contact!

MelanieL

@adorable48 I would be more than happy to have a virtual session with you. Hugs!

Wow! I want to deeply thank every person who has participated on this thread so far! It is far more than heartwarming, to see so many caring people rallying around another human being, who is understandably feeling deeply hurt by his many bad experiences with other people. You all, each in your own unique way, gave a variety of great ideas, along with your abundance of empathy and compassion. What you've done here is beautiful. It's pure human kindness. It's authentic brotherhood and sisterhood towards a "stranger." You obviously are filled with love. My words here are so weak, compared to the strength you have given to me. Thank you so much.

ShaneSchrute

@fdavidm2 what I kind soul you are as well! I read through this and I love seeing all the caring, kindness and love. All y’all are so lovely.