clients catching feelings?

edited April 2021 in Professional Cuddling

What should one do if their client caught feelings for them?

Comments

  • [Deleted User]Mmart (deleted user)

    Really?? Just deal with it as professional as possible.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)
    edited April 2021

    Would advise the professional to let them down as gently and kindly as possible, then not book further sessions with that client. This would be the same advice given to any other professional in any other field, ie, counsellor, doctor, therapist.

    That's not healthy for either party and can't end well.

  • It could be transference you can try to talk about it, take a break and help the client move past those emotions, but more often than not when they catch feelings it won’t be a healthy client- practitioner relationship and the client will probably leave sessions feeling unfulfilled

  • Communication. Lots and lots of communication.

    Possibly helpful to have a non-cuddling session or two to talk it through. Hugs at the start and end, but no actual cuddling. Make sure the client understands something about transference, and the confusion to regular emotions that close physical contact can bring: in other words, you can't actually fall in love with your cuddle professional because you don't actually know them. But you can believe you have.

    If you and the client can't get past it, then ultimately you will have to stop sessions. If it comes to that, manage the process carefully. Endings are important.

  • My psychologist told me to make sure not to see same cuddler. Because if I do, I'll catch feelings.

  • It is indeed advisable not to see too much of any one cuddler, for the prevention of this very situation.

  • Did you catch feelings back? It happens...and that is much more complicated. I just posted on a similar topic not long ago.

  • I know it can happen and does. Being a social worker it's happened to me with clients.

    I think part of the trick is for the client to understand the nature of the professional cuddler client relationship. If a client expects to have a romantic relationship with a cuddler then they will be disappointed. If this does happen the cuddler needs to remind the client of why they are there.

    You also need to understand that cuddlers have their own friendships, etc.

  • [Deleted User]BenAaron (deleted user)

    I really liked the idea of not seeing same cuddle professional for long time. I have just started getting some attachment with my cuddle buddy . This post helped me getting back to self and think through again
    Thanks

  • edited April 2021

    This is one reason I actually dont recommend cuddling for certain personaily types and people who have certain mental health diagnoses

  • If they can't handle it and ignore those feelings then you should have them see another pro cuddler instead because those feelings will just keep getting stronger.

  • edited April 2021

    Do your best to gentleness make sure the client understands the professional\client relationship and then move on. Clients need the experience to different professional's cuddlers but the supply is low in many areas

  • There can never be too much love. It's not the feelings that are right or wrong but the person's response to those feelings, and of course your response as well. We're all so different. So it's really your call. In the healthiest of situations you'd probably never know they had caught feelings. So my question to you is, how did you find this out? Is this person developing expectations beyond cuddling?

  • The attachment issue is interesting to me. I’ve been on both sides of a client/ provider interaction-attachments can originate from either side. Because a provider shows empathy and understanding, many clients mis-interpret it. Whether a doctor, lawyer, nurse, counselor or cuddler, it happens.

    As a client, I tell myself, and the cuddler that my goal is purely therapeutic and my intentions are honest. Not only does it reassure the cuddler (hopefully), it also reminds me what the interaction is supposed to be about.

  • edited April 2021

    @JKit There is a helpful blog entry at Cuddle Sanctuary by Fei Wyatt (from the client's point of view though):

    Help! I’ve Fallen in Love With My Professional Cuddler

  • Sometimes it requires transitioning out of the services. I had suggested cuddlers to seek out new cuddlers for sessions as I could no longer provide them sessions if they felt compelled to cuddle with me under another reason other than cuddling for the sake of cuddling.

  • I wonder if anyone has successfully had a long-term, regular cuddler.

  • edited April 2021

    @Maverick07 , yes a lot of us have that.. It is one reason why some of us have been here years. I will keep saying it... there are lots of wonderful people on here. Really really there are :) I feel blessed this site exist !

  • @OhioMike I actually meant a successful cuddling relationship without mixing feelings, just "business" i.e. a platonic relationship. I too found a cuddler and everything is great, but keeping it strictly platonic on a long term comes to my mind every now and then.

  • @Maverick07 , ok got you. Lets see.....the mixed feelings discussion is posted many many times on the forums. It is all about being on same page with the feelings. I am confident that this site provides the tools and environment for people to be successful long term cuddlers in a platonic relationship.

  • It's like any relationship between two people. If both sides don't agree with what the scope of the relationship, the relationship should end.

    If the client has feelings and the other side does not, then the relationship should end. It's pretty simple imo.

  • Thanks you guys for the replies!

    I’ve had clients develop crushes on me and become my repeat cuddle buddies. I keep it platonic and sometimes even distancing myself a bit to create more space to not encourage any feelings. Communication is always key so I’d make sure to communicate my boundaries and gently let them down.

  • However, recently one of my clients began to get very attached. Since the beginning, due to his profession, he was quite affection starved and felt very comfortable with me as he’d open up about things. I perceived this as normal as I would openly listen and learned that we had a similar past because of our backgrounds so we’d understand each other and relate.
    As time went by, I realized I’m the only person he talks to besides his required workplace.
    It was really sad to know because he really is an awesome human that deserves love.

  • We’ve cuddled quite frequently with it being about at least 1-2 times a week. He was always respectful and made me feel at ease as I couldn’t sense any bad intentions. However, what I didn’t expect was that he’d fall in love with me.
    The past weekend, I had a session with him and while we cuddled, he asked if I would ever see myself marrying him. It definitely caught me out of surprise and I just couldn’t say anything. So I once again expressed that we have a professional/client and that it’s just not possible. He just sat up and didn’t even look at me as he asked to leave. I felt so bad but what else can I do? I just hate hurting someone else and that’s what I did in a situation that I didn’t anticipate.
    Despite myself telling him that I’m not available and I have a partner, this happened. I keep wondering how this came to be, because he kept it inside the whole time.

  • [Deleted User]Melissa_Cuddles (deleted user)

    What if it's the cuddler pro getting feelings of love and attachment?

  • It’s called countertransference. The way to avoid it or manage it should it occur is to focus on the professional nature of the relationship and for the pro to be aware of their own unresolved issues.

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