This has been such an insightful thread! I'm also a new pro POC cuddler, from Philadelphia! It's a bit disheartening to see that others have noted some bigotry or racism from people in the community, but it's very warming to see how wholesome the community is as a whole.
I've only cuddled with one person and she was a person of a different race. So I guess I could be accused of discriminating against my own race. My profile, however, says I'm open to any race.
I’ve had clients tell me that they’ve specifically booked me because of my body type. Pretty interesting if you ask me, but I’m not surprised in today’s society. Seems to be a thing on sites like these.
I just got home from work, which is a spa in Center City Philadelphia. I'm a white dude, and there are days when I don't even deal with other white people. I hardly notice, and frankly I consider most of my co-workers like family. But will also say that there will always be a bit of a barrier because of culture/language. Also I don't feel on edge around white people because they aren't going to bring up skin color against me if they are upset about something. This is the crux of it. I guess way back I experienced a couple incidents where racial accusations were brought up, and since then I've felt wary. That said, I probably get along best with the one African American guy I live with, more than all the other guys in the house. But if I'm looking for a cuddler, I suppose I do gravitate towards white when I'm browsing. So far, I've only had two different cuddlers. One African American pro, one white pro. All this boils down to the fact that, although I spend my life in diversity, I'm possibly a closet racist that prefers white cuddlers, with some exceptions.
Hello and welcome miss Nova. You are beautiful and I don’t think you’ll have any trouble finding cuddlers out there. Unfortunately there is discrimination based on sex, weight, race and more. I know I’ve experienced it as a plus size women. But I’ve also met some of the best, most honest, and kind hearted people on this site
I can only speak for myself, I wouldn't refuse to cuddle someone based on the color of their skin. In fact I met someone like a month or so ago from not here, she was originally from Africa, I had no issue with cuddling with her, and in fact enjoyed it very much. Then again I was also pretty touch deprived, so yeah, I enjoyed it.
If you were in the NJ area, I would have scheduled a cuddling session with you.
Discrimination is human nature sadly. People like what they like. I've been ignored by multiple pro cuddlers in my area despite having good karma and what not. I could be projecting my own insecurities but I completely understand that people naturally gravitate towards what they prefer.
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@WestsideMarc The following is my response to your now deleted comment. I won’t be deleting my own though.
There’s no place for that kind of hostility in here, and yes, you are being hostile. I come from a very racist, conservative part of Canada where stuff like what you’re saying is perfectly fine, normal conversation at the dinner table, and I used to think like you. “Why do we need to have this discussion? I know plenty of people who don’t feel affected by this/I don’t see colour”. Till I opened my eyes, my ears, shut my mouth, and started listening to the people who are affected by these issues. And there are many.
It’s not about you. Look around.
@WestsideMarc I didn't see it, but it sounds like you were right to delete your post, well done!
@Catloaf very nicely put.
@TeddyBear81 discrimination is categorically not natural human behaviour, as is amply demonstrated by children. Or the Roman Empire, who were pretty hot on social prejudice but didn't do racism. There is a profound difference between prejudice and preference: racists and their apologists attempt to obfuscate the two.
@UCpaaHVg6u0 that's a very honest admission. What you are describing is sometimes referred to as unconscious racism. Due to the history, we all have some racist attitudes buried deep in our psyche. It's better that these are brought out into the open and discussed, than left hidden.
This thread was intended to be a place where people of colour could share stories of discrimination in the cuddling world. So far, nine people have indicated that they have experienced such discrimination, yet none have felt able to post their story.
We may be a welcoming community, but not welcoming enough.
People who have stories: if you are nervous about posting - and given the thread so far, who wouldn't be - you could PM your story to somebody you trust, who can then post it anonymously on your behalf. It doesn't fix the problem, or give you complete protection, but it's a start. Just a thought.
I know some of the moderators on here quite well, and I suspect they are watching this thread like hawks with chicks to feed. This website, in both policy and practice, supports a totally inclusive cuddling community.
Welcome @NoVAgirl! 🤎 I am new to the cuddle community as well! As a black woman who lives in Minneapolis, MN this has definitely crossed my mind a few times! Glad to see this open discussion going!
This thread was intended to be a place where people of colour could share stories of discrimination in the cuddling world. So far, nine people have indicated that they have experienced such discrimination, yet none have felt able to post their story. We may be a welcoming community, but not welcoming enough.
@CuddleDuncan Agreed! This is a shame. It was a good idea to add the poll option, @NoVAgirl - I'm glad folks who didn't feel like they could speak up could at least touch on their experiences that way.
I don't consider anyone necessarily discriminated against. Everyone has their own preference as to who their comfortable with. Discrimination is not something that I feel is in this community as much as it is out in the real world. Even though I don't discriminate against race or gender, I can admit that I have a preference of Minimum age From experience and immaturity from previous cuddles. It's just a preference and experience that I've had. Best of luck to you in your cuddling journey.
Unfortunately as a black man in this country discrimination is apart of life. Especially with things for monetary gain
@ElleCuddleMi
I don't consider anyone necessarily discriminated against.
You may not have been, but eleven people have. Compared with 23 who haven't. That's nearly a third. That figure may be 'better' or 'worse' than society as a whole but it doesn't matter, it's an horrific problem for our community.
One of the reasons that people of colour are reluctant to post stories of discrimination is because of comments like that. The people who clicked Yes in the poll are the victims of a crime. When a whole bunch of people report that they were robbed, nobody replies, "I don't consider that they were necessarily robbed."
Preference is about things that are important to the matter at hand. Some folks like to cuddle with squishy people, others prefer to cuddle somebody a bit more skeletal. It's directly relevant to the cuddle, so it's a legitimate preference when it comes to cuddling.
Skin colour is irrelevant to cuddling. Taking account of it when deciding who to cuddle isn't preference - it's blatant, explicit racism.
@CuddleDuncan Agreed. Even one person being racially discriminated against, anywhere, anytime, is still damaging. Because of the nuances of human behaviour, it’s delusionally utopian to think that we could drive out all of it. But we must never deny discrimination happening from our own vantage point, just because it hasn’t happened to us.
@ElleCuddleMi Racist or bigoted people don’t just turn their racist switch off just because they enter the cuddling community. Because guess what this community is made up of people from the “ real world “ as you call it not that cuddling is some sort of land of fiction or make believe as it is. You’re right preference is a thing but until someone tells you they’d rather not share space with you because of the color of your skin or you’re vetted more closely than those of your Caucasian counterparts I’m not sure you understand where we’re coming from on this topic.
Fortunately that hasn’t been my experience on this site. I’ve had women who simple don’t respond but that happens to guys in general. Not just ones who look like me. Sadly I think I’m the one who’s doing the discriminating. I only cuddly with women I find attractive. Does this make me a monster ? I hope I don’t get banned for this.
@timetocuddle07 I’d ask everyone to avoid derailing this conversation by expanding it beyond the scope of the OP’s premise. This thread is about possible discrimination in the Cuddle community, not about all the discrimination in the world. That’s a never ending story. Please stay on topic. 🙏🏽
Seriously, the OP asked a valid question, to which she received several great replies. But now this thread is turning into a cry-fest with some posters hounding others as not being woke-enough for saying that not everything is racist. Let’s take a break and cool down.
@ElleCuddleMi I don't consider anyone necessarily discriminated against. Everyone has their own preference as to who their comfortable with. Discrimination is not something that I feel is in this community as much as it is out in the real world.
Poor Elle, you thought that by directly answering the OP’s question, and throwing in a reasonable qualifier like ‘as much as it is out in the real world’, you could avoid being scolded. But, you got ‘nother think comin’! Logic and reason are no protection against criticism on this forum. Ha!
I hope you learnt your lesson - you cannot even imply that racism is not all-pervasive, all-inclusive, and the true cause of all decisions you (not We) make.
Do better next time! /s
@Nikoli Let me answer your burning question first- Yes, you ARE a monster! How dare you discriminate against people you don’t find attractive?!! Access to your sweet, sweet, hug is a human right!
In fact, I am gathering signatures for an open letter to the site owners. It asks, no demands, that all CC members accept all cuddle requests.
You may claim that you rejected a cuddle because of some practical reason, but can you prove that racism wasn’t a factor? If we start making exceptions for things like location, distance, and sex, it will only serve as a cover for people’s racism.
Hug One, Hug All - that’s my motto! /s
This thread seems to be going off the rails a bit. I do appreciate that the white folks here are well-meaning when they call each other out, but if POC tell us we're overreacting or focusing on the wrong things, we should be responsive to that. With that out of the way, @Spock, your last few messages border on baiting - let's cool it down a bit. Thanks. Carry on, everyone!
@squeakytoy I agree completely. I will cease posting my ‘humorous’ comments.
And also while I respect there’s discrimination based on age , appearance etc etc , this post was made to address discrimination against black people like myself and other POC in cuddling so let’s not muddy the waters and save those other issues for a different day. Hopefully I didn’t overstep @squeakytoy
Just the opposite. I’ve never seen more racially inclusive people than on this site. I’ve cuddled a wide range of ethnicities, races, and religions. If anything, cuddlers here prove the lack of racial discrimination.
The only thing negative I’ve seen is ageism, and a lot of people on this site need to think about their anti-older people discrimination. The older you get the more you need cuddling, so place consider that you will be their age some day and remove the age limits.
@hugonehugall Not at all! You make a valid point. I agree. This post was created to talk about racism in this community. It would seem fair to respect the original poster by staying on that topic.
( @NoVAgirl Let me know if you're not okay with the tangential discrimination topics, and I'll throw in some mod-text.)
I have no idea if I'm a POC as a native Filipina but if I am I'll say I have not experienced discrimination here that I'm aware of. I have had a few guys of all ethnicities say one of the reasons they chose to cuddle w/me is I'm Asian but I think that's just a preference for some. I think I've cuddled all ethnicities and I've had good and bad experiences with all so it is never a factor I look at when chosing who to cuddle with.
@squeakytoy Thank you so much for the stellar moderation of this forum! 🌟 I don't mind the tangential topics coming up in this thread and I think it's cool that my original inquiry sparked what is turning out to be a neat conversation with lots of different viewpoints and similar topics from all around the cuddle world! And thank you for asking how I felt about it! Such a wonderful community so far from what I've seen ❤
@NoVAgirl Aww, it's a pleasure! And that's great, if you're not bothered by the tangential topics, I'll only step in to enforce the usual rules. I'll leave that one alone.
Carry on, folks!