I have a question.

And this will be multi-part I'm sure as I'm only exploring the idea of cuddling as a therapy.

I'm basing this on experience. All of my cuddles have never been platonic even though my two closest friends are women I've never cuddled with and we're talking twenty of very close friendship. After hearing about professional cudding a few weeks ago by happenstance, I got curious. I'm starting to think there's a huge disconnect of what cuddling instamtely is compared to cuddling for a profession, because pillow talk you pay for isn't the same. I've haven't hired a cuddler yet, I'm still on the fence, but I think about all the pillow talk that I had that was real that led to conversations later and I start thinking about pillow talk I may pay for and comparing the two and I'm not so sure I get the connection that being professionally cuddled is therapy, because I don't think it can even compare with all the rules, so forth. I'm trying to understand the therapy part knowing once a payment is made is, it makes the experience nothing more than a transaction and and victim marketing.

So my question to the people being cuddled; Why did you seek out cuddling? Have you ever a with the session of this experience of not being the same as someone you were in love with and have regret spending the money and have you ever gone back to professional cuddling with disregard to the regret?

Professional cuddlers: And this isn't an attack, but have you ever felt like your were taking advantage of a situation to build a career and have developed a persona that doesn't allow connection the same way two people cuddling that were in love has and you're just filling a void to someone in need knowing you're not providing, even though it's promoted, the same experience of cuddling of being in love and have you ever though about the consequences of recreating such an intimate moment?

I kind of already have an idea of how both answers , but I haven't thought so much about the variables of how somebody gets into wanting to be cuddled and someone that wants to be cuddled, platonically, of course.

Im sure I’ve posted this before, but as this thread is specifically about experiences, I ask anyone that has read this already to please be patient, and forgive the repeat…

I have had an experience with a professional cuddler, and for me it was terrible.

To be clear, my bad experience with professional cuddling had very little to do with the cuddler, and was almost entirely about the transactional nature of the exchange.

I was very aware that I wasn’t being cuddled, the money was. That is, I was quite aware that if the money wasn’t involved then the professional wouldn’t have been there.

Which, of course, made me very aware of my lack of personal worth, and made the entire experience feel mechanical.

It certainly got into my head and ruined any natural emotional rewards I normally experience when holding, or being held by, another human being.

Even the normal chemical things, like dopamine and serotonin, didn’t happen, because I was so defensive and self-controlled.

In my mind the professional was there to take, not give, and I had to be very careful and guarded.

Again, very little of that had to do with the professional.

The only thing they did “wrong”, which I don’t blame them for, was to be aware of my defensiveness and try to break that defensive behavior down.

Which, of course, is a bit like asking someone to lower their hands while you throw punches at them.

Speaking only for myself, I learned a very valuable lesson, which is that I need emotional and intimate exchanges to be equal, and not transactional.

I am certainly not trying to disparage those who do comfort people professionally, nor those who use their services.

But I am sure that there are others who have experienced what I have, and it might help them to know they are not alone in that experience.

cuddles_ndream

It feels a bit dejavu lol but I first seeked out cuddling in hopes for an instant feeling of being cared for, I was very down at that moment in my life 🌌 … wanted to feel like I was the only thing that mattered (regardless if it was just for an hour or even real)

I never regretted seeking out a pro, I was actually trying to avoid it as much as possible for the same reasons you’ve mentioned (it won’t be real, they’re just in it for the obvious reasons) but what ive learned is that this isn’t factual, the fact is you will come across those who genuinely do care, & you will feel their light right away… as well as those that are in it for the outcome … & there will be some whose cuddling are better than someone you love lol & others who don’t compare.

Everyone is different and unique … it is impossible to put all pros in the same box, as well as all enthusiasts in the same box …everyone’s motivation / intentions / & heart is different.

Sheena123

There are a lot of pros that join solely for the money without having a care for their cuddler, but myself along with other pros genuinely do this because we love doing it. Of course I wouldn’t do this for free but the fact that I have a job making money doing something I love to do doesn’t make it a cold transaction between myself and my cuddler. When I’m holding someone that has hired me, I instantly feel my nurturing side jump out and I squeeze them tight and let them know I’m there for them. I don’t think I’m taking them for all their worth. I also joined this specific site because it was purely platonic without the worry of dating or sexual urges or having every cuddler looking for their soulmate. If that’s what someone is here for, they should be leaving. So I certainly wouldn’t feel like I’m taking advantage of a situation when my cuddler knows full well hats happening. They get held and shown affection and I get to keep a job that makes me happy every day I wake up.

Hollydollhugs

When you have Cuddled with the pros that take this very seriously and genuinely care about the well being of each person they are meeting with, you will see the difference.

jon5821

For me, I have such low self-esteem and fear rejection so much that the transactional nature is the best part. Basically, it's great not having to worry about whether I am attractive or have an engaging personality. As long as I pay and respect the boundaries, I'll be cuddled. Takes the pressure off, i don't have to "peform" and so the session is mostly all about my needs. I can understand how a lot of people can't get past the idea that they are paying for it though. As to whether professionals genuinely care, I would think some do but most probably don't. Same deal with mental health therapists.

bekah_cuddles

@Saysoh You focus a lot on this "pillow talk," but many cuddlers here enjoy embracing each other in silence and simply enjoy the physical presence of another human being. I can understand how someone who has never had platonic cuddles may feel that you need to be in love with someone to enjoy the physical connection, but that is simply not the case for everyone. Many folks need that physical closeness that cuddling provides, but may not want or be looking for romance.

As a pro, I can confidently say that I have not felt like I was taking advantage of anyone and I have not developed a persona that "doesn't allow connection." Implying that the only connections that matter are romantic ones discredits all the other kind of connections out there. It's like trying to say that teachers don't care about their students and are only there for the money. People need to make a living and kudos to them if they find a way to do that while also doing something they enjoy that helps others in the process.

CuddleDuncan

There is a lot to unpack here and it's going to take me more than one post. Let's start with some straightforward points.

Firstly, it's a good and very fair question, well made. The short answer is that I find top-quality professional cuddling closer to psychotherapy than anything else. It's certainly much more like psychotherapy than it is like, say, massage. I'll come back to this another time if I can.

The second point is the one about taking advantage. This does not apply to cuddling at all. Well, rather, it does, but in the same way that it does to a doctor, or a barber, or a psychotherapist, or a physiotherapist, or anything else. All take advantage of somebody else's need, in order to procure money. But in this context money is just the medium of exchange: those people need, perhaps at several removes, whatever service it is that you provide to society in your job. (And if you are not well enough to work, then that's ok because we are a cooperative species.)

Thirdly, I made a partially successful attempt to categorise that various types of professional cuddler that are common. You might find this helpful:

https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/10740/some-thoughts-on-the-different-types-of-professional-cuddler/#latest

I've been lucky, I have never regretted paying for a cuddle session. Only once was a bad experience in the end: it wasn't that bad and I'm glad to have had the experience. I have enormous admiration and respect for the best of the professionals I have met, and consider myself fortunate to have been able to benefit from their care.

MoMoCuddles

Here's my perspective as a new, Pro Cuddler: I am a licensed therapist (LCSW) and my ultimate goal as a therapist is to help people feel better. I provide a different perspective as well as tools to assist them in changing what they want to change in order to experience relief from whatever it is that they don't like in their lives. I'm also very well-versed in trauma response and recovery (I do EMDR) and when doing that type of work, I generally utilize tapping because I can connect better with someone in that way (through touch). I'm a very intuitive empath so I usually experience other's emotions, sometimes even before they understand what they are feeling themselves. 2020 messed with a lot of people, badly. People were isolated and alone, or were locked down within already toxic relationships. People who crave physical touch have been starving...

When I first heard about the concept of Professional Cuddling, I was kind of dumbfounded. Seriously? People will pay for me to cuddle them?! But I look at it in the same way that I look at my therapy practice; I am providing tools and an environment for someone who is seeking that out. I am providing physical touch for someone who needs it and cannot (or doesn't want to) get it elsewhere. I'm with @Sheena123, I get paid to do something that I love, helping other people.

CuddleWho

The majority of the time -- say 80% -- my interactions with pro cuddlers are more or less the same as cuddling someone who's not a pro cuddler. If you're a decent and likable person who doesn't creep women out, then chances are good a pro cuddler will like you and enjoy being around you, and in that sense it won't be fake.

The other 20% include people who clearly just aren't actually into cuddling, or people who feel the need to put on a fake persona rather than just being themselves, or something along those lines.

being professionally cuddled is therapy

Pro cuddling is not therapy. At all, in any way. I could imagine a qualified therapist guiding a patient into seeing pro cuddlers as part of therapy. But pro cuddlers themselves are, by and large, just random women with no therapeutic qualifications and no sense of professional ethics.

Overall, I understand your concerns, but really I just recommend trying it out. Assuming you're a reasonably mentally healthy person, the worst case scenario is you spend two hours around someone you don't connect with and you're out $200.

desi_babe

I'm slightly confused by your use of the term

victim-marketing

What exactly are people seeking out pros the victims of?

TheFunCartel

@desi_babe I saw that too. If one is a victim then they need a whole lot more help than a cuddle.

I can speak from my own experience as a new pro cuddler that I truly appreciate and care for everyone that I cuddle with from a genuine perspective. When two people are willing to meet each other with the mindset for the next hour or so they are caring for each other and holding each other close in a safe way, magic and connections can happen! It will not feel the same as a romantic cuddle, but it is it’s own type of connection that sparks synergy. I wouldn’t let the mental hurdle of payment detract you: it’s not because a hairdresser, a nurse, an entertainer, or a nanny are paid that they do not enjoy their task and respect their client. Pro cuddlers are like anyone else providing a service! Some are better than others, some care more than others, but we never question they should be compensated for doing something useful!

TheFunCartel

@thesweetsnuggle 👍👍👍

cookiecrumb

Anthony Hopkins is a good actor. But he is neither a cannibal nor does he suffer dementia. But the question to ask is, while he's acting, does he make you believe it?

cuddles_ndream

That’s a really nice perspective @cookiecrumb … does it even really matter if they genuinely share the same feelings?,or is the outcome of the desired effects more important … what if there’s someone who is not really into the art of it, but is such a professional that they make you feel exactly how you were seeking & maybe even more, & what if there’s someone whose totally into it & really wants to share with you those feelings but are unable to do so or are a bit unsuccessful at it - from your perspective?!…. Who would you choose, a brain surgeon who has an 89% success rate but is indifferent about the person they’re operating on, or a brain surgeon who joined the profession for the passionate care & making a difference in people’s lives & help, but has a 67% success rate

MCcuddles2

From a strictly human point of view, having to pay for touch is not ideal.

We would all much rather have it genuinely without having to pay somebody.

However, I think its important to note that nothing in this world is free, including cuddles.

To cuddle the natural way, you have to invest time and effort into meeting people and developing a relationship with them. You also have to invest in yourself, so you are physically mentally and emotionally a person who can attract people who would want to cuddle with you. All of this, this investment, is a form of payment.

When you pay someone to cuddle you, you are replacing one form of payment for another.

Of course having a person genuinely want to cuddle with you feels better, but things that are earned feel better than things that are just acquired. Also, there is the idea of long term bonding, which is also something we crave as humans, that is missing from the paid cuddle.

Still, I don't see it as a bad or weird thing. We pay people for their time all the time. We pay for massages, for chefs, for physical therapists and chiropractors. In this case we are paying for the reward our brain gives when a warm human is present with us, and sharing space and time.

For many reasons, cuddles are easier to acquire for women than for men, which brings us to the supply and demand dynamic of this website.

MCcuddles2

Adding to all this, I think the main point of the OP might be that they are wanting the connection, intimacy and feeling that comes from two humans connecting with each other over a long period of time. Something built from mutual admiration and shared experiences. Unfortunately that is not something you can purchase from this site

cuddles_ndream

@MCcuddles2 you bring up plenty of good points, i see what you’re saying …. & I know that if we could all get unpaid cuddles we all would, some because they rather not pay , some because they want to feel desired as a cuddling partner or both … my only issue (& this is not directed at the op at all) is that ive seen many on here blame - shame the pros after being unsuccessful at setting up cuddles with other enthusiats … & they try to turn their anger / frustration or resentment towards the pros …ive seen it wayyy too many times, the fact that such a place like cc even exists is such a blessing … most of us here (guys) would have never expected a cuddle sesh outside a relationship ever & cc gives us the opportunity or chance at doing so.

MCcuddles2

There is an addressed human need and the pros are providing a surface that helps meet part of that need. Take it for what it is, I think.

Lovelight

I think just about everything we do with others is mostly transactional. So it is about what you feel comfortable exchanging for and can afford to.

"Mutually satisfying cuddles, I scratch your back, you scratch mine."

Or "Take my money in exchange for your cuddles." Knowing that the time you spend together is mostly about you meeting your cuddle needs.

I can't really speak to the taking advantage part however. Though I wonder @Saysoh what do you mean by going from those we are in love with to professional cuddlers? Cause you seem to be talking about two extremes, leaving out those who cuddle for free.

MCcuddles2

This is whole idea of men being "victims" of pros is pretty weird and I have to wonder if this dude is trolling.

Like what is the alternative, women lining up on this site, giving their time for free, out of the goodness of their hearts to help out lonely men?

Babichev

@CharlesThePoet , do you feel that way about all interactions with professionals?

Does it degrade your experience when you eat out because the person preparing and serving your food are being compensated. Do you feel like they are serving the money and not you?

When you get a haircut, does it degrade the experience because that person is getting paid?

If you see a doctor, do you see them as treating your money and not you?

You admit your experience was terrible because you made it terrible. You don’t see the humanity of the cuddler, all you see is the $$.

@Saysoh - I’ll echo what others have said. Is the grocer taking advantage of your need for food? Is the doctor taking advantage of your need for health care? Is the restauranteur taking advantage of your desire to eat out?

The grocer is saving you the bother of having to grow your own food or seek out a farmer who is growing it. The doctor is saving you the bother of going to med school so you can treat yourself. The restauranteur is saving you the bother of having to shop, prepare, and cook your meal and then wash the dishes.

The pro cuddler is saving you the time and work it would take for you to find someone with whom you can build a relationship. They are allowing you to skip that process and have someone available to cuddle without you having to meet their needs.

If you prefer not to pay someone to do that, it’s your choice, just like you could grow all your own food and/or cook all your own meals, but don’t demonize the pro cuddler for your choice.

"The pro cuddler is saving you the time and work it would take for you to find someone with whom you can build a relationship. They are allowing you to skip that process and have someone available to cuddle without you having to meet their needs.

If you prefer not to pay someone to do that, it’s your choice, just like you could grow all your own food and/or cook all your own meals, but don’t demonize the pro cuddler for your choice."

This this this this... Thank you for wording this so well @Babichev . I can't understand why this "I need cuddles so pros are mean for charging to fill my need" keeps getting repeated over and over and over again. It's pretty simple. If you are not satisfied with the options here and you want to feel truly loved and/or want something more sensual, you need to be on a dating site and actually put in the time and effort to try to find a relationship.

CuddleWho

@MCcuddles2

Like what is the alternative, women lining up on this site, giving their time for free, out of the goodness of their hearts to help out lonely men?

The alternative would be that women overall would want the same level of physical affection from the opposite sex that men do, and that consequently there wouldn't be an epidemic of lonely men.

CuddleWho

The pro cuddler is saving you the time and work it would take for you to find someone with whom you can build a relationship. They are allowing you to skip that process and have someone available to cuddle without you having to meet their needs.

Many men would be perfectly willing to build such a relationship and meet someone else's needs, but cannot find any woman who wants to do so.

Mr_Cuddle_Bear

Why did you seek out cuddling?
I looked for a cuddling partner because I enjoy the feeling of hugging and caressing a woman. I'm married, but our schedules do not allow for much "alone time", and to be honest, she's just not a touchy feely person anyway.

Have you ever a with the session of this experience of not being the same as someone you were in love with?
Absolutely. I wouldn't want to feel the same way. The physical closeness is great, and if there is some emotional connection, that's great too, but I'm not looking to fall in love or do something non-platonic. If I did, I shouldn't be married.

Have regret spending the money?
Sure I regret spending the money. I also regret spending money when I drop $$ on a steak dinner.

Have you ever gone back to professional cuddling with disregard to the regret?
Absolutely. I'm also going back to the steakhouse for another great meal.

"Many men would be perfectly willing to build such a relationship and meet someone else's needs, but cannot find any woman who wants to do so."
@CuddleWho Most just really are not willing to though. If men could go through the experience that women go through, they would understand. Women are bombarded with propositions of sex no matter what platform we go on. Platonic or not. Making this a service and charging for it is one way to try to weed out some of those people but unfortunately that backfires and attracts more of them sometimes.

CuddleWho

@MaineCuddle

I don't understand the need to deny or deflect from men's experience which sometimes seems rampant on this forum. Back when I was actually interested in cuddling non-pros, I never propositioned anyone for sex, was perfectly willing to put in time and effort to build a relationship, and I basically couldn't find any woman on this site willing to even talk to me.

Why not just accept this? Why not just say, "Oh, you're right, this is something that really sucks for a lot of men."

@cuddlewho It's pretty simple
You couldn't find a woman to talk to because they have all gone through exactly what I described in my comment. I guess it goes both ways because men here don't seem to want to listen to women's experiences either. I'm literally explaining to you why men have a hard time finding non-transactional interactions with women here.

OhioMike

@CuddleWho i understand your challenges. I’ve been here a while and I visited your profile page which is great. You say you are /were willing to put in time and that’s key but a few months …joining in March during a pandemic on top of that , yeah it’s going to take extra effort. I do wish you and everyone the best here always. Just random thoughts 😊