Why all the fakes

bigguyhaley

Everyone wants to cuddle but picky and choosy who they want to cuddle with. For some of us that can't seem to find a significant other because of their disabilities, looks, status, etc. It kind of makes you more depressed than EVER. Is there NO ONE left in this World that are sensitive to the other who obviously needs TLC from someone? I've received some replies but they just want you to book them then chew you out when you ask questions. Some of us do have medical conditions that prevent things from happening other than that of just cuddling and if we wanted what you all assume we are looking for we wouldn't be paying to cuddle. Have some decency and sensitivity PLEASE.

Catloaf

I get your frustration and I’m sorry you feel like people are passing you up because of your disability or looks. Some pros are less kind than others but try not to throw us all under the bus. Not sure what is meant by this though:

Some of us do have medical conditions that prevent things from happening other than that of just cuddling and if we wanted what you all assume we are looking for we wouldn't be paying to cuddle.

But in your profile it implies you are up for “cuddling or more”. That’s sort of a red flag for me and probably would be for a lot of people.

Lev136

@bigguyhaley ,

My suggestion is to re-vanp your profile and gvie yourself a more positive image of yourself. I also agree with @catloaf that you talk about other activites than cuddling. That alone would turn off anyone who might be interested in cuddling with you.

adorable48

I have a physical disability and have had plenty of success on here. Lots of kind people. Not sure it can be blamed totally on a disability , but I do see your frustration somewhat , as I share it sometimes. Maybe refocus on your positive qualities .

Lovelight

@adorable48 I agree, it can't and it shouldn't all be blamed on our disabilities or looks, etc. Doing so is self sabotaging.

@bigguyhaley I'd suggest focusing on what you have control over improving, such as your profile, becoming more resilient, having a growth mindset and remember that sometimes nobody is to blame. Genuine attraction/interest can't be forced.

At the end of the day, all you can do is dust off, get back up and keep moving. After every disappointment, take the break and care you need. Then strive to get back out there. Continue to build your confidence and find that strength within you. I understand the connections we share with others can help build our confidence. Though we need to learn to be capable of building our own when needed, cause for better or worse it's pretty much yourself who is bound to always* be there for you. So find your way to become the best version of yourself and I understand how hard that can be when you feel the weight of the world is on you. If that's the case, consider reaching out to/making friends, seeing a therapist, etc. If feelings of defeat aren't processed properly and dealt with, it can be a vicious cycle because you wouldn't be your best self.

Cuddling is just one aspect of improving your life and I believe when you have the other aspects taken care of, this will be easier to handle.

NicoSnuggs

Plus @bigguyhaley there are a number of men on here who would be willing to have a platonic cuddle with you if they lived closer to you, including myself.

Your profile confuses me though, because up top, it states on your profile that “I like to cuddle with any/open;”

But then down below, where it says ‘Cuddles With’ :—> next to that it says “Women.”

So are you open to cuddle with anyone?
Or only with women?
It is hard to tell.

And if you are only willing with women, then that is fine and your preference, but it is important to make that clear.

Lovelight

@NicoSnuggs * his says * "I like to cuddle while Any/open" this means what the person likes to do while cuddling. Some like to watch a movie, listen to music, silence, or conversing, etc., so long as it's platonic.

Though I am glad you brought up the point about him just wanting to cuddle with women. Which there's nothing wrong with... however it is a filter. We all have our own filters. So we shouldn't get too upset just because someone else's filter happens to exclude us, while we ourselves have filters that exclude others. Thus expecting that others overlook ours while we can't overlook the filters we've set for ourselves will make us more upset than it should. Instead of being resilient and continuing to look for mutual connections.

@bigguyhaley while I am glad you mentioned your disabilities, I'd suggest that your health conditions aren't the bread and butter of your profile*. I am sure you are much more than a man getting treatment on what appears to be a hospital bed. So it will do you better to show your best image.

To add a short and sweet description with your health issues just in the background so to speak. Also your facts mention your relationship status and whether or not you've children. No need to put it in your About me or to make it the center of attention either.

I can't find it, though I am sure there is a post about how to create a good profile that can help you.

BelizeanQueen

Grand rising! I can empathize with how you feel to an extent. As a pro, I personally do NOT have a preference with who my clients are although each cuddler, whether they’re a pro or not, has their own preferences that they include in their profile. While reading your profile, it did give a red flag as you’ve stated that you like to cuddle “and more”. I think it’s best that you update your profile and stay positive. I’m wishing you the best of luck 💙✨

misternatureboy

I appreciate the honesty. If people are being choosy, they're sparing you from grief. You don't need them in your life. If you were nearby and didn't mind cuddling with men, I'd spend time with you. Finding the right person(s) takes time, so hang in there.

All that being said, there's a lot of good advice being offered here. Easier said than done if you're depressed (speaking from experience), but connections require some effort.

Wishing you the best.

timetocuddle07

Get your confidence up and your wallet to get results as a man to get someone to cuddle with you. Be honest confidence and charm will get you some free cuddles and whatever else outside of here. But if you really want cuddles off here you need to pay a pro. Getting a mutual off here is far few in between and takes making your profile outstanding, chatting, maybe some looks and agreeing to all their boundaries. Best advice sometimes for a man is another man when it comes to what you looking for.

cheeseboy

I'd switch your profile around. Only have one mention of the disability (to not hide it), and don't be so down on yourself. Negative energy radiates and turns people away. Focus on some positive things - any activities that you've enjoyed, favorite books, movies, or tv shows. Special talents. What was your favorite subject in school. What do you excel at. Etc.

Challenge yourself to 2 paragraphs of positive (and truthful) tidbits about yourself. A picture of you doing something you enjoy generally also conveys you as a happier person. Try for 4 pictures. Include pets (in the picture with you) if you have them.

And ditch the "and more" part - we're here to cuddle. Even if you might want more, leave it at the door and don't bring that mindset to a cuddle session. Everyone will be more comfortable without expectations on the table.

@timetocuddle07

… and agreeing to all their boundaries.”

Perhaps you simply worded this poorly, but I want to make sure we all get it right.

Boundaries are not “agreed” with, they are respected.

And respecting someone’s boundaries isn’t doing them some sort of favor.

It’s necessary human behavior.

Melomaniac9

@CharlesThePoet 🤩🤩🤩 tight hugs!!!

Lovelight

@CharlesThePoet thanks, well put. That rubbed me the wrong way too.

MaullySterling

If I don't want to hear someone wallow in self pity, or whine about how their needs aren't being met, it doesn't make me a fake.

If being around someone is going to be work, then I better get paid for it.

But!

If you're honest and clear in communication, respectful of personal safety issues, and reciprocal in your expectation and efforts, you should have no issue connecting with someone who passes your filters / fits your criteria

MaullySterling

High fives @CharlesThePoet

PaulAtt

To bigguyhaley, much respect for you, and for all you are going through. I used to have a little bit of success on this site, although it was very hard just like you outlined. Since the pandemic, no connections at all. That dynamic may come in to play a little bit with your difficulties in finding a cuddle partner

sunnysideup

@bigguyhaley There are a lot of cuddle "unprofessionals" on here, which mean they don't conduct their business in a professional, ethical way. There are also plenty of great professionals though, depending on your area. Lots of positive karma, a well-written profile, and clear pictures are signs that you're dealing with a true professional and they would be more than happy to help you. As long as you're respectful, this category of cuddler will most likely respond!

And sorry for your difficulties so far.

CuddleDuncan

@Lovelight you might be thinking of this one
https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/10731/how-i-found-happiness-on-cuddle-comfort#top

@bigguyhaley the cuddling world rewards patience, thoughtfulness, hard work, respect, and a commitment to learning and reflection. As you have already seen in this thread, there is much help and support for you (and everybody else who needs it) on this forum. What you need to to do, is use it.

I appreciate that might not be easy, but just do the right things as best you can and, assuming there are actually some good cuddlers within striking distance of you, it will come right in the end.

Lovelight

@CuddleDuncan Most likely, the one you posted seems to fit the bill like a glove.

Babichev

I’ll add to what others have said:

Ditch “and more.” That’s going to make a lot of women go running in the other direction. And if what you are looking for is “and more,” then you are in the wrong place.

Present yourself in a more positive light. You are not just your disabilities. Who are you? What is interesting about you? Why would I want to cuddle with you?

Take a nicer photo of yourself.

I second @Catloaf and @Lev136 that would be a red flag for me also. Maybe express exactly what you mean by more instead of saying 'more'. Happy cuddling 🤗