How I found happiness on Cuddle Comfort

edited May 2021 in General

It isn't really true that I have found happiness on Cuddle Comfort. But it is true that I have found a more acceptable form of misery, not least because it has a lot more cuddles in it.

Somebody posted a thread recently, "Ugh feeling depressed and lonely. I'm so tired of trying". I have felt like that for most of the last several (many?) years. Cuddle Comfort has helped me, it really has. I've been thinking for a while about how and why it helped. I have made a couple of real internet friends; a number of good internet acquintances; established great relationships with some cuddle professionals, one of whom has turned into a friend; and found several cuddle buddies who I cuddle regularly. The whole thing has been a roaring success. Not without moments of difficulty, but overall it's made my life better.

So what are the essentials of my story? How did I go from thinking, "This is a stupid waste of time, nobody ever replies and if they do it's two messages then nothing" to "I must write a post on how this has been such a success". The truth is, it's not that hard providing you live somewhere that has a reasonable supply of cuddlers.

This advice is obviously based heavily on my own experience and is very much written from and for a male perspective, but tempered by my knowledge of cuddling from both within Cuddle Comfort and outside.

1) Photos. You must have a good set, including several of your face. Ideally, at least one for each of: full body; selfie; not selfie; smiling; and being affectionate to a some mammal who clearly isn't a partner. 5 - 7 in total.

2) Profile. Several paragraphs. Show something of yourself, I mean really something.

3) Forum. Join in. Be nice. It's ok to PM people as long as you are polite, friendly, and have something worth saying. If you are too scared to join in the forum .... do it anyway.

4) Read all of @respectful's excellent posts at the top of the Frequently Asked Questions thread, at least two or three times over the course of a few days.

5) Arrange your first cuddle with a professional. Choose carefully, focussing on Karma and profile text. Ignore looks and other irrelevant factors. This is not necessarily a smooth process, but there is plenty of advice scattered around the forum. Treat the professional somewhat as you would a friendly aunt who you adore and admire and respect enormously.

Read these two excellent posts by @xandriarain:

Ten things your professional cuddler wants you to know

How to save money on professional cuddling

After the session, politely ask if the professional would consider exchanging feedback with you. It is their right to say no without explaining. (Some people prefer not to use Karma, for all sorts of reasons.) If they are willing, then post something true and nice about them within 24 hours. Do not mislead people who may rely on that Karma. Do not 'trade' Karma: you leaving Karma for them, and them leaving Karma for you, are two totally separate things.

6) Assuming the first session went well, arrange a second session. In any event, arrange a session with a different professional.

7) Along the way, both from the forum and professionals, collect Friends. Always ask first: again, people use the Friends function in different ways.

8) Take your time. Let the benefits of touch and cuddling start to come through. Use that benefit to improve your diet, exercise, access to sunlight, or something. Try and get a virtuous circle going.

9) If there are no suitable professionals near you, book online sessions with people further away. Yes there is such a thing as a virtual cuddle. Again, do your homework and choose carefully. Some professionals tour: watch for them coming to your area.

10) Keep exploring the professional cuddling world until you have established relationships with two or three professionals. By that I mean you have cuddled each one at least twice and you have mutually agreed to meet again.

Steps 1 - 10 will take at least several weeks, and more likely several months.

If it's not working, the problem is you. Put a sock in it, and reflect on your own ignorance, prejudice and assumptions.

Remember that professional cuddling is stupidly cheap. Most people are simply not capable of doing the job that professionals do, and most of those that could would be horrified at how little money they would make from it once you account for all the factors. If you are the client of a good professional you are a lucky, lucky person.

If it's a lot of money for you - and it is for many people - that's something to do with you, not the professional. I discovered professional cuddlers a couple of years before I found Cuddle Comfort. The price I paid was £65 for an hour. (Think US$65.) In those days it took me about three months to save up such a fortune, To this day the longest professional session I've ever had is ninety minutes.

So, let us assume that you now have some forum friends, and some good professional cuddling relationships, and you have spent some time thinking about what cuddling is, and what it means, and how your own prejudices relate to it. You have read every word of advice the site has to offer, and thought about it. You have learned how to behave in a professional cuddling environment.

11) Now, and only now, are you ready to write to potential enthusiast cuddle buddies. Identify two or three suitable people, and draft first messages to them. Be brief, polite and friendly. The messages should be unique to the recipients. Do not suggest meeting or cuddling - you are just trying to open a conversation. Even at a dating event you wouldn't go up to somebody and ask them for sex or marriage: you would simply introduce yourself and ask a conventional question.

Do not send these messages. Show them to somebody, preferably of the gender you are writing to - friend, family or forum pal. Ask their advice and listen to it. Sleep on it if needs be, and revise the messages.

Do not send the revised messages. Use what you have learned to write to less likely cuddle buddies - further away, or haven't logged on for three weeks, or somebody who seems not especially compatible for you. You are practising. Once you have practised, and learnt, then you can write to the people you really want to write to.

If one person in twenty writes back, you're doing fine. At this stage all you are trying to do is have a conversation. Remember the basic rule of conversation: say something interesting about yourself, and then ask them a relevant question. If it's going well after a few messages, then say something like "Would you like to talk about meeting up?"

The etiquette for the first meeting I'll leave for another post.

Remember, the cuddling community and this website rewards patience, effort, thoughtfulness, self-awareness and respectfulness.

Good luck!

TL:DR

Learn what cuddling is and how it works

Have a great profile

Book some professional cuddles first

Be respectful

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]Chris55555 (deleted user)

    Thank you for this post.
    My favourite two suggestions are
    1. Pictures. I prefer if they offer a smile picture first before asking for mine (even if they aren’t comfortable posting one publicly).
    2. They don’t mention “when can we cuddle” at all in the first few messages. If we hit it off I’m sure it will come up naturally.
    I am simply an enthusiast...I hate being treated as a commodity, and those two things make me feel that way.

  • @CuddleDuncan I don’t have much time to respond due to work but I just want to drop in and say I appreciate you. Your way of thinking, your willingness to share for the hopeful betterment of CC, and for being so open to growth of emotional maturity.

    Have all the cookies.

  • Thanks for this post @CuddleDuncan, hopefully it helps some touch starved folks out there. It's so depressing that the "Ten things your professional cuddler wants you to know" post isn't common sense, so depressing.

    Of course there is more than one successful way to do anything, but I do like how your guide encourages a different route rather than to jump into messaging enthusiasts, as the lack of responses would probably result in a new member giving up and leaving the site, getting depressed, or in immature people, getting bitter (men towards women).

    I, personally, jumped right into messaging enthusiasts when I was a new member, which didn't work out so well and was pretty demoralizing.

    I've taken a break from messaging enthusiasts until I can get better photos, but there are some long distance people that I still like messaging every now and again.

  • @CuddleDuncan Thanks for taking the time to share the results of your experience. I always appreciate your contributions to this forum.

  • Very informative. Thank you for sharing this!

  • @CuddleDuncan, , link I really respect what you've said in this post. However, I feel I should point out a couple things which may apply to people like me more than others. First, I'm almost totally blind. As such, I have difficulty working a cammera. this makes having a lot of pictures difficult. I'm not sure how vurtual cuddling would work, given the above mentioned vision. Also, I'm on a dissability income which pays bills, but doesn't leave a lot left over. I'm not saying this can't be worked around, but it is much more challenging.

  • edited May 2021

    @hifigeorge you are quite right. I was actually thinking of the visually impaired people on the forum before I posted. I also thought about the gay people, and all the others to whom one part or other of the post couldn't or wouldn't apply. That was the point at which I added the bit about it being based heavily on my experience. I should have been more explicit about what I really meant by that.

    I've made several big posts in the last few days - I've been clearing out my drafts folder. A number of people have been kind enough to make constructively critical posts like yours. It is now clear that I have been too focussed on speaking to my target audience for each post, without thinking hard enough about those who might find such posts useful but without being in the specific group I'm really writing for. Sorry about that.

    Sadly, I've just missed the 24 hour editing window, otherwise I would change it.

  • Not to worry. I only mentioned those concerns because they're not often obvious to the general public, and hopefully they can help some one else. I can tell you've put a great deal of thought in to this post and I've found it quite helpful.

  • Good! :) Thank you.

  • Bumping since there are some folk asking about this stuff.

  • @CuddleDuncan
    Thanks Duncan I also find happiness in cuddle therapy,my biggest problem is I'm super antisocial I hate some people who are arrogant,users,unhelpful, I will try your steps Maira told me a lot good things about you are wise person

  • @Ahmedali999 thank you, that's very kind.

  • edited July 2021

    I'd add make sure your username is appropriate. Nothing sexually suggestive, or inappropriate in any other way.

    Edit: If you chose a username you regret, you've as of now the chance to change it once a year.

  • This is incredible!

  • @CuddleDuncan ,

    All great suggestions. One more thing. If goign to a professiional, make sure they are assured that you will be able to pay them.

    Alan (LEV 136)

  • Awesome post. Thank you. What I particularly appreciate about it is the attitude of preparing yourself, taking yourself and cuddling seriously, not being in a hurry. Not having the expectation that you are going to message someone and they are just going to fall right into cuddling with you. All that cultivates respect for the cuddle partner.

  • Great post! Every once in a while I come across a client like you. It's lovely when that happens.

  • Thanks @CuddleDuncan ! Great suggestions! I’ve forwarded the link to this thread to some people that are slightly ambivalent about cuddling. It’s a great resource to share with newbies!

  • Cuddles means life to me, no life without cuddles. when I experienced it last year, I loved life,I never expected I would love life . I had plans and intentions to get rid of this self,I was hopeless and had many failures but ☝️ religion was a wall and stopped me because of going to hell ,I'm already in hell, how can I go to another a permanent hell. Going to hell something not normal,very scary 🤔 you think 100s times before you go to it .I was confused about ,life,God ect I was lost in confusion,not alive or dead.
    Cuddles completely changed my mind,I forgot about hell,healed and reliefed from pains and depression with an amazing pro,she is a carer who was supportive and showed me affection and compassion, I was enjoying cuddleing and call it paradise, when session finishes I release I'm going back to hell ☝️☝️☝️ no no no i don't go back to hell which is life i want stay in heaven add me another 1/2 or an hour🤣🤣 it was a beautiful refuge., also fall in her because I see her as a saviour. and motivated me to choose life.

  • edited March 2022

    I seem to be giving the same advice over and over again recently, so I thought I'd dig this up. This is particularly relevant for men who haven't been able to find a cuddle yet.

    Scroll Up And Read The First Post In The Thread!

    Then go to

  • Really good advice @CuddleDuncan iv definitely had a lot more success as iv been on here longer!

  • @CuddleDuncan— Brilliant and cuddly🥰🤗💛 You’re a gem!

  • Wow! I just wanted to say that as a new cuddler, this was an EXTREMELY helpful read. Thank you so much for taking the time to provide your suggestions through your own experiences! VERY useful.

  • I'll bump this thread back up. What delightful and thoughtful advice. I would totally highlight #3 I think joining the forum is super important and there are several people I totally want to cuddle with just from regularly seeing them in conversations and reading their beautiful thoughts. I remember reading once that the biggest factor in whether two people will become friends or even date was not good looks, fancy cars, good jobs, it was proximity and familiarity. If you notice someone regularly they feel safer just because they are familiar and you will feel more comfortable naturally having a conversation with them. For us, that place we become familiar with each other is on the forum.

  • The Cuddle GOAT.

  • edited July 2022

    Since it's not given explicitly in the first post, here is how to write an opening message. (I wrote this in another thread and I'm copying it in here with minor edits.)

    The ideal opening message [is]

    • Written in correct English, without abbreviations or textspeak
    • Polite and respectful
    • Probably about five to ten short sentences in length
    • Includes a photo if you do not have public photos in your profile
    • Individual to the recipient
    • Refers to their profile (if possible) in an interesting and appropriate way
    • At least as much about them as it is about you
    • Seeks only to open a conversation and nothing more

    Doing all of that guarantees that your message will be in the top 2% of opening messages and significantly increases your chances of a reply.

    Note that opening messages to professional cuddlers should be noticeably different from the above.

  • I'm glad this got bumped up, it's very helpful. I'll be sure to think about it all. My main issue is with #9 since I live in the middle of nowhere haha, so Thanks!

  • Take GOAT notes yall. 🐐🐐

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