My experience that hasn’t sat well for me..

edited August 2021 in General

Under investigation [/Mark]

In the beginning of 2020, I went through an experience here that hasn’t sat well and I feel like the way professional cuddlers are viewed strongly needs to change. At that time I had been cuddling for over 2 years, and had a particular moderator interested in meeting with me, at the time I wasn’t sure if I should because I didn’t understand the purpose of us meeting, was I being interviewed or being watched? Why meet me if it wasn’t for my services? Since I don’t meet with people unless they’re interested in my services, since it was a mod wanting to meet, I figured ok, I didn’t think he was interested in cuddling, so that wasn’t on my mind at all. We went for dinner, had a good time, then he talks me into traveling with him to New York, I went because I had never been to New York and figured there’s my opportunity to go, he made it best that I would have to spend the night with him and he’d drive me in the morning, I was going along because I wanted to trust this guy, but I did not feel comfortable that I wasn’t given my space, my space to not be touched at all, he talked to me about how the owner of this website does not pay him, but does indeed send him free cuddles, I can’t help but to think “was I somehow forward to him for a free cuddle session that I never even consent to?” He had me sleep in the same bed, I didn’t think at the time we’d be cuddling but he held me, I felt confused because why was he holding me? I’ve been a victim of sexual abuse so I shut down, I wish I could have said no, he petted my stomach and talked about his cuddle experiences, affairs, other random things. But I felt strange the entire time. The next morning I wanted to immediately go so I booked something early, Afterwards I felt like he was watching my activity, he wanted to go to my hotel in New York, all this time he’s not saying exactly what does he want from me, (like if he’d been clear from the start he wanted to cuddle, I would have said no, even if he was paying for it because I take my business serious, it’s like asking your hairstylist friend for free haircuts or expecting free services because your what? Wanna feel special? But will rush, jump, practically shout from excitement to ban someone else for behaving inappropriately, but not once assume your behavior may be inappropriate as well?) anyways, He then offers to bring me food, which I figured ok sure, cause I hardly eat when I travel, he brings food, makes himself comfortable and jumps in my bed, I’m just thinking “it’s late I don’t want to cuddle him” being a professional cuddler , there’s always a fee, the website takes a cut of that fee, and here was this moderated expecting free cuddles and time with me, I didn’t feel like I owed him anything but why was he there? I don’t know. I sat on my bed quiet, uncomfortable, hours passed slowly and he fell asleep, I thought “is he going to spend the night? What is his plan?” I didn’t know anything but yet there we where, I woke him up and told him I couldn’t sleep with strangers in my bed, it was as nice as I could tell him to leave. He leaves and never again have I wanted to meet with him again. But why have I been so afraid to even speak about it? The thing is I should not be afraid to speak, I had no reason to be in that situation in the first place but as he demonstrated the amount of access he has to our profiles, it hasn’t sat well at all. I feel like I was watched long before he met me and figured I was kind enough to just go with it. But everything I witnessed and how he pushed to be around me, not once did I ever get an apology. And if I needed help for any problem I encountered on this website, who really can I trust? If we are being watched and used only to benefit the pleasures men seek, what is the point of us being here? I have respected everyone I encountered on this website, if I’m rude is because I have to be, but I have done my absolute best at being genuine, kind, respectful, and give others the comfort I could never have, but I feel like it’s too much to ask to be respected, and from personal experience any time I speak up against things I am against, it upsets people, I don’t wish to upset anyone, I just been through things that don’t sit well, how would anyone else have responded in my situation? Any advice to better move forward would help. I feel like I’m not good with putting things in words cause I’ll end up crying….

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Comments

  • 😦 This is disturbing. @mark is where you need to start. You do not owe anyone anything…touch, company or even a wave of a hand. If mark promised a mod free cuddles that in itself is a form of trafficking if it is non-consensual. Something tells me this particular person was lying about it all.

    I think you will find people will support and listen here and there will be a couple of guys come along in the morning who will write posts that are novels trying to fix you and the situation. You already seem to have an instinct as to how to heal yourself by talking about it. You have already done the hard part. It is just time to heal.

  • I’m so very sorry you had to go through this. I would have declined the offer to travel for sure. No matter what they said, I wouldn’t travel with someone I know nothing about. I truly hope you don’t ever have to go through anything like this again. If you ever need support, I am here for you.

  • I’m sooo glad you spoke your truth & let it out … im hoping you feel much better after doing so, & whoever this person is has alot of explaining to do with the site administration & should be held accountable.

  • @FunCartel Honestly that is exactly what it’s made me feel, like we pros have to cuddle if we are randomly chosen for the moderators? Like what? No. What I enjoy about cuddling is meeting people who genuinely want to meet with me, and we can have a good conversation, it is not in my means to willingly want to meet with people who watch my profile and conversations with other people and know me from how I respond to people, then pick me for whatever it is they wish to do. I don’t like to judge people, but it hasn’t sat well at all going through that, and carrying on, when I see him on threads, I get disgusted for how I was treated. For me to say this right now, it’s because it’s been on my mind for so long, and being in this business, with him around, any report I feel like I would have to make, may might as well be ignored if he’s in charge or looking because he did not make me feel like he genuinely cares about the comfort of us, if we are just there to cuddle him for free as a reward? It makes me feel like if more females where the ones behind that screen looking out for the pros maybe we’d be dealing with less people creeping on us because of how we look, or how many karmas we get, we still don’t owe anyone on particular our time, but at that time I felt like I had to. I didn’t have to though, and I’ve been mad at myself for being in that situation.

  • I find this to be very disturbing. I don't understand why someone would feel that it is ok to treat another human like that. I have very clear and strong beliefs when it comes to what is assault, and using your power or position to get free cuddles from someone crosses that boundary, and I am sorry, if someone did that one of my family or friends I would consider it a form of rape.
    That type of behavior is completely unacceptable and if the "free cuddles" thing is an actual benifit provided to admins, and the cuddler isn't informed how is that right? All parties involved need to be able to consent. What a messed up thing to do to another human being.

  • If I may, did this person mention (or insinuate) knowing how you are personality wise, based on your response to others in p.m.’s?

  • @Tranquilescape I wish I had said no, but all my life I’ve been exposed to strangers, that I try and use my best judgment, maybe it’s my depression that really fogs my judgment, but in the past I have tried to allow myself to assume what people say to me is genuine and is being done or said because they truly want to be helpful, I’ve had to learn the hard way that not everyone means well. And I have become so isolated because of how often I got hurt, but I don’t have many people in my life, that here, people I have met through cuddling have been here for me when people I called my friends where not, so it’s kept me here because I believe this community could be good, and those who have not many like me, can find people who they’ll feel like they truly enjoy my company.

  • This sounds entirely out of character for all our moderators so I don’t believe for one second that it was @Gary @reurbo @SoulcuddlerZ or @Sideon. I’m so sorry this happened. It’s disgusting, but I think you met someone who in fact was not ever a moderator, and you were being lied to. There are tons of bad eggs out there who do shady crap to get what they want, including impersonating other people.

    You need to report them and warn other pros of who this person is. I’ll send you a message.

  • @cuddles_ndream not when he showed interest in meeting with me, he mentioned that me being in Delaware was as close as I’ve ever being to him and how he wanted to drive out and grab something to eat with me… it wasn’t until after I visited his place in New Jersey that he kept commenting people who where messaging me and even banned a guy in front of me because he said it was his second time asking someone for a nude massage, but he clapped his hands and said “yes! I got him!” I just thought “ wow you love the power you have in this website “ and just wow how much access he had to mine and him mentioning he doesn’t get paid but every now and then the owner sends him a free cuddle, was the icing on the cake for me to never want to be around him again,

  • @Catloaf, unless you were there with them, casting public doubt is a disingenuous and risky thing to do. Let @mark do his investigation and take the appropriate actions. Just because you may know people in one context, does not mean they may not behave differently in another...

  • All I’m saying is that it sounds like someone is impersonating a moderator and lying, and it’s not the OP. I believe the OP went through what she went through. However, knowing what I know from my own experience, impersonation is not out of the realm for a lot of bad eggs and even previously banned individuals.

  • As true as it may be for someone to try to impersonate a mod... there is a clear tag on their profiles that cannot be faked, and the examples she gives could only be from someone who had access to her messages...

  • I’m soo sooo sorry !!! I can’t believe you had to deal with this & had to hold it inside for so long, this is so frustrating (speechless right now).

  • @Catloaf i know a cuddler who told me a moderator on here was constantly texting her multiple times a day. When they met with the moderator they only paid for part of the time. This went on for weeks until they focused their attention on a new cuddler.
    Even after the cuddler told them to stop bothering them.
    This cuddler was worried if they said something it wouldn’t stay up on the forum or no one would believe them.

  • If the experience op mentioned happened it is pretty slimy and horrific.

    I'm going to withhold judgement until we hear a response from cc. I don't want to jump to conclusions, especially with something this serious.

  • edited August 2021

    I agree with @MCcuddles2. This is very serious. There has to be a path of information that shows intent or not intent or nothing at all . CC is a business first and foremost . Attention like this has to be taken very seriously. When accusations in business occur today, things start happening. I don’t want to jump to conclusions either. This is a very serious matter and information needs gathered. This is very upsetting.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    Even though I can no longer be surprised by this sort of thing, I can certainly be angry, horrified, and deeply sorry it happened to @SitaRosee, and quite likely others.

  • edited August 2021

    It has been my experience that where their is one victim, their are others. I would be interested to see if @SitaRosee's bravery paves the way for more victims to come forward. I also hope her experience serves as a warning to others.

  • @SitaRosee Beyond the abusive and manipulative behavior that you encountered, what may have led to choosing you for this treatment? Was it that your correspondences through CC were open to him?

  • @UCpaaHVg6u0 the only reason I agreed to meeting with him is because he’s a moderator and I didn’t know I could say no to a moderator, I had 40+ karmas at the time, and he’d been watching me, I’m reaching out to Mark and asking him to please at least remove soulcuddlez from admin so he doesn’t longer use his power as admin to boss his way into cuddling with pros, and claiming he gets sent free cuddler for his “hard work” I don’t want to be chosen and I don’t want other girls chosen like “well she seems very kind and friendly, you can probably talk your way into some free cuddles” I am nice but it shouldn’t be used as a weakness against me.

  • @UCpaaHVg6u0 A moderator would have had access to her messages, yes. And her opening post does imply that this would have had to be the case, since she was asked about if said person could come to her hotel.

    I have to say, at this moment, I'm feeling very hurt for OP and others while re-reading this thread, and I retract my previous comment. This behaviour is not okay, makes me uncomfortable with staying on the platform, and it's time we hear from site administration, pronto.

  • edited August 2021

    the only reason I agreed to meeting with him is because he’s a moderator and I didn’t know I could say no to a moderator

    You didn't know you could say no to a moderator? Huh?

    Flagged, reviewed. It shouldn't have to be explained that there's a power imbalance at play in a situation like this. Please do not comment again in this thread. Thanks. -squeakytoy

  • @Catloaf I am also re-reading this thread and feeling very hurt for OP. A MOD now has been named and we are almost 2 1/2 hours into discussion and no mods or admin etc responding. I agree we need some sort of feedback from site quickly.

  • @SitaRosee I believe you 100%

  • Thank you for sharing your experience with us @SitaRosee.

    Perhaps there could be some place on this website, or in these discussion forums, where it can be more specifically highlighted why people have been banned from this site in the past, so that all current and future cuddle pros and enthusiasts (and moderators too) are made more aware of what is unacceptable when it comes to cuddling and this website.

    Perhaps also we need to have more discussion about boundaries in addition to this thread?

    I know that Cuddle Sanctuary has a small training course for $8 all about boundaries. I have taken that course before and it has been helpful in making me more aware and in helping me to learn more as an enthusiast:

    http://cuddlesanctuary.com/train-with-us/

  • Also, have we had before, or do we have now, any female moderators?
    And if not, how come?
    Are we lacking in female volunteers to moderate this site alongside the current moderators?

  • edited August 2021

    @CuddleWho this is not the time for that kind of thought. Life has taught all of us people in position of power and influence can be persuasive and aggressive to where saying no is not an option.

    @NicoSnuggs , yes we have a female Moderator.

  • @CuddleWho WTF is your problem man, she obviously felt pressured since the person is a part of the admin side, why does everything needs to be spelled out for you guys, no wonder people don’t wanna speak out in certain situations

  • I know this particular Cuddler (the OP). She is nothing less than a sweetheart and honest soul. She had over 30 karma—count me as one and then she deleted her account. Makes me wonder if this incident was the cause of her action. She was blissful in our session. This really pisses me off.

  • edited August 2021

    @NicoSnuggs @squeakytoy is a female mod and is very responsive to complaints. Please remember guys our mods are volunteering, let's exercise a little patience. The issue will undoubtedly be addressed.

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