@FunCartel
In short, I was suffering from imposter syndrome. While putting others on a pedestal and putting myself 'less than', I felt that others were on another level. It's easy to understand and live by the phrase "nobody's perfect". It was difficult to put it into practice, especially when my only perception of them was of their success. I didn't think they were perfect, just much further along in life than myself.
I think social media actually had the opposite effect towards exposing us. Our digital presence is highly curated, and the parts of our lives we tend to share are the happy ones. It can be depressive to view people through their curated online persona, everything seems so happy and perfect.
@Big_Chris If you believe the world doesn’t expose more now than it used to you have not lived long enough to remember when reporters didn’t report on personal lives, criminals could thrive without leaving a trace, etc. etc. Yes, individuals can present a persona but their texts and personal information are out there for the taking. You are naive if you think what people present is all they are. I mean think about it…do you put the worst parts of you on your profile? Of course not, or else you probably wouldn’t get many bites if any. But we all have a side of us that isn’t pretty that we conceal—there are different degrees of ugliness—but it is there despite anyone’s vehement denials.
I think you are overthinking people instead of soaking in the person you are with at the moment. Just get of your head and listen to them.
@FunCartel I certainly don't believe that online personas are truth presented. I recognize that their online lives are curated, and that fact of online life leaves me with a sense of less connection despite more communication. If you think that the barrage of seemingly perfect online personas does not affect the personal image of young people, then you have lived too long to relate to people growing up in the information and post-information age. Exposure to social media at a young age has consequences, and we're only recently seeing them come to pass.
"But we all have a side of us that isn’t pretty that we conceal" This is the heart of my original argument. That concealment is fake. Online personas are a mask that we wear to hide our ugliness. Of course, it doesn't need to be online.
@Big_Chris You are conflating issues now. What young people encounter is not what I was discussing. But now that you bring it up you just proved my point. EVERYTHING is out there now. I could be myself as a kid because we had to deal with issues face-to-face. What has happened are people’s personal thoughts, beliefs, prejudices, and hatred are blasted out. Are you overweight? You can now tease that person from the comfort of home. At least bullies had to have the guts to say it to your face before the digital age. In addition, they no longer teach much in the way of critical thinking, civics and other subjects and more households have latchkey kids than there once were, so yes, their realities are warped. But you are missing the point—the fact that it was an epiphany to be discover that they have weaknesses and you let the success they presented to you as you stated a couple of posts above means two things—you bought into their success and you felt inadequate and that prior to the “revelation” you only saw the success and never really pondered that this was just a person. That demonstrates a lack of critically thinking about what you see and are presented with. I am not singling you out because if you need proof just look at all the regurgitated misinformation many people take at face value regarding politics, money and medicine. If ever we needed critical thinking taught more to young people it is now, because the illusionists are running the world with a wink, a smile, a hefty bank account, and a metaphorical gun.
As far as ugliness being concealed—that is where it should stay in many instances. Are you going to keep it real by going into a job interview and say “hi I am Chris and I have low self-esteem and put others on a pedestal”? No, because that is self-sabotage and as an employer they know people are putting their best foot forward. Social situations provide context and concealment is not always bad. It is not always good. It is just a compromise because everyone is different.
Finally, concealment is a survival mechanism as well. Are you willing to tell everyone on this board every bad thing and thought you have ever had? No. Because many people, who, like you did with past cuddlers, would only conceive of you as a bad person while many of us would think…hey he just dwells on his worst moments and he surely has good traits as well. This is not a case of faking it or concealment being bad; it is just doing what you need to do to navigate the social world.
So please, my main message to you is stop putting anyone on a pedestal because they will disappoint you; nor should you see anyone as beneath you. Just connect without any preconceived notions. That is the hardest thing to do but it is possible. And I understand you are younger—I was your age once and I used to be susceptible to doing the same thing. But I am telling you it is toxic and only serves to make you feel worse. You are great and you should believe that; but the greatness becomes greater if you simply engage people rather than perceiving them.
@Saysoh , the timing was coincidence. Sarcasm is generally not my style. More like whimsical thinking.
@Big_Chris - I can agree with having aha moments when you realize everyone is flawed, including the people you thought had it together. I had one of those moments decades ago when I went to a first CoDependents Anonymous meeting. The people in that room were an exceptional group of people. I came to the realization that either I wasn’t as screwed up as I thought I was or else I was as screwed up as I thought I was but so was everyone else.
In AA they say “Fake it til you make it” and in that sense the faking is not to deceive others but for ourselves to adopt an attitude of confidence and competence even when we are not yet convinced we are that.
In my life I strive for authenticity and honesty even though I know I’m going to fail at times. Within that framework, I think there is room for figuring it out as I go along.
@Big_Chris
I'm happy you've found the humility in realizing we're all just human. The ego tells us we're immortal and often justifies we can sit back and judge people, but the reality, we're all going to die. We're all on a journey. When you think about success, it's often categorized as financial success, right? But, what if success is just waking up, before you have your coffee and saying to yourself, "I really love my life?" Or just simply, "I love life." For me, I'm grateful every morning when I start my day for everything I have in my life including the experiences that people often call, "struggles."