Will I cuddle you for free? Wait what?

RoxannneFoxanne

I hope this forum doesn’t come off as insensitive. I’m curious to know if any of my fellow professional cuddlers have ever ran into this scenario.

So you cuddle with a client and after 1-2 sessions they want to cuddle as “friends” the next time and for free.

Im never against future discounts for repeated clients. But for clients to ask if you’ll cuddle with them for free? I just don’t understand. I mean do you go to the hair salon and after 2-3 haircuts or hairdos, do you say, “hey we’re cool right, can I get the service for free next time?” Or do you go get a massage and then same scenario ask for free massages?

My thing is, even if we did become friends, I just do not cuddle with my friends. Again I don’t wanna sound insensitive because I know people go through financial hardships. Or some cannot afford the service. I guess I want to know, how does one handle this? Have you ever been on the client’s end where you want free services from a pro? Or are you a pro that comes across this often?

I also get a lot clients who will want to form personal relationships but use this site as “bait” per se. They make it seem like they really want a pro to cuddle with. But then will try to date or get sexual favors.

But hey maybe it’s just me! Lol

Nonetheless, I love what I do!! And I’m grateful for this platform ❤️

Sheena123

I’ve had a few that have expected (for some reason) free cuddles after a bit. I’ve always said if you respect my boundaries, we will most likely have a friendship connection. The few that have said “hey, I’d like to cuddle….as friends though”. I shut that down real quick. I’m not mean about it but I do let them know : “I understand with having a friendship, it might make it difficult to imagine paying for it but I need you to respect that it’s still my job.” After that, I usually will suggest for them to find other cuddlers. They all vehemently say no to that and still want to cuddle. I’ve left it in their court. If they can’t respect that this is my job, then we simply part ways.

I’ve had a few that will book an hour cuddle and after the cuddle, I’ll go out for karaoke or play pool or something for free but I do that of my own volition. Some have invited me to parties and functions but as friends. Same thing. This is my job. No matter how much I enjoy your company, if I’m not getting paid, I could be using that time to make money elsewhere or spend time with my family. For those that find that cold or mean, they just don’t respect your occupation. That’s on them, not you.

If I want to give you free time for cuddling or karaoke or give a heavily discounted charge, it needs to come from me offering. I don’t like when a cuddler just assumes “ hey, I’ve booked you 3 times. Let’s just hang out as friends now”. Not cool man. Nay Nay I say.

You will always get plenty of cuddlers that use this as a way to get sexual favours. That will never end unfortunately… just be strong. Don’t let anyone push your boundaries and make sure to spend a good amount of time vetting and ensuring they understand this is platonic. 🌸🌸

Morpheus

If this type of relationship happens organically and is mutually agreed upon, so be it. Otherwise all you have to do is decline.

Brandi

It’s happened to me quite a bit over the past several years, typically after politely declining, they move on to the next cuddler and can only assume they repeat that process, and who knows, maybe they do find a pro that will cuddle for free, I’m not here to speak on everyone’s behalf.
But To me it’s a lack of respect towards the professional aspect to even ask for such a thing, I have quite the busy schedule and i take a lot of time and effort to make my cuddle sessions feel very special and worth the money I charge, but I always keep in mind that they are human and always remain polite when declining. 🤷‍♀️

Welcome to being a professional in the arts and service industries.

Especially those that have an emotional component or personal connection.

And, of course, it doesn’t help that this particular industry is very new, has no entry barrier, and is fraught with comparison professions.

Getting your script together for polite refusals and firm, but friendly, redirections is all part of the gig.

cuddleversed

That’s very odd but I guess it can only happen in this type of business because of the intimate nature of it.
Personally I’d never think about doing that, for one I like to keep things profesional and leave the personal side out of it and if things are going well with a cuddler then why ruin it by asking for free cuddles, I don’t understand.
Im have been seeing a cuddler recently and I plan to continue seeing her because I like to cuddle with her, she lives in my area and that is difficult to find so I would never think of asking her for a free session, I think that would be the beginning of the end and I certainly don’t want that.

Sideon

Everyone. I'm not a fan of posts and threads that are hostile towards Professionals - and you'll see those shut down quickly. That said, I don't want to see posts that bash or pile on clients.

There's good advice here on this thread, so let's keep it positive and informative as far as strategies and conversations that can happen in these specifics kinds of scenarios listed above by @RoxannneFoxanne and @Sheena123 .

Thanks.

Melancholy

Regarding the first thing, you could take it as a compliment. It might mean you're just so good at pretending to care about them and enjoy their company that it isn't about the money. Not all pro cuddlers are good at that! Some make it blatantly obvious the money is foremost on their minds.
As for the ones who are not here for cuddling but want a relationship, that's awful and I'm tired of those people.
I see them in the non client/pro realm too. in fact, I would say more than 70% of the cuddle enthusiasts I met here wanted a relationship and only pretended to just want to platonic cuddle with me.

Morpheus

I have never asked a pro for a free session or free time but I have offered to feed them after the session off the clock and many have taken me up on my offer. I have also had pros ask me to hang out with them off the clock and I have taken them up on their offer. No pro is obligated to do anything off the clock and a simple no is all it takes. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I see pros with rates that I am unwilling to pay and I simply don’t engage with them. Just as a pro has no obligation to do anything off the clock, clients have no obligation to pay rates they aren’t willing to pay. I really think though that we all need to practice more understanding and forgiveness. If a pro has a client who treats her well and has a great rapport with them, him asking for a free session doesn’t make him a bad person. He may be an entitled jerk or he simply may be mislead by his emotions. I see threads all the time that speak badly about pros and threads that speak badly about clients. Many of the things that are bothering people are symptoms of a bigger problem. I could go on and on but I’ll leave it at that.

Babichev

One more reason to practice good professional boundaries.

cuddlerforu24

Didn’t I read somewhere in this forum that a pro or two or three wanted to cuddle for free and not charge ? And I believe the website approves this practice .And that’s only the few pros that posted . There’s probably a lot more doing free cuddling stealthily. So if a pro can propose free cuddling it shouldn’t be a problem if the client suggests.

CuddleDuncan

@cuddlerforu24

So if a pro can propose free cuddling it shouldn’t be a problem if the client suggests.

Firstly, that is a false equivalence so it is untrue as a matter of logic.
Secondly, it isn't true because we know clients asking is a problem - this thread demonstrates it.
Thirdly, it ignores the fact that the cuddle is in the professional's gift, not the client's.
Fourthly it ignores the problem of numbers - clients see only a handful of professionals at a time whereas the professional sees many.
Fifthly it ignores the question of respect.

I suspect the conversation you are referring to was a thread about professionals being able to act as enthusiasts as well. Mark commented that although this question does come up very occasionally, it is so rare that the site hasn't even planned out a protocol for it.

Sheena123

Yea, if a pro wants to give a free session, we have to go through moderators first. It’s not something that a pro should be passing out freely.
And it’s definitely out of disrespect for a client to ask for free time. There’s a difference if they ask if we would like to go for dinner or lunch before or after the cuddle. I don’t see an issue with that. But to send a text saying “hey, I feel I deserve a free cuddle”, that’s out of line. 100%.

cuddlerforu24

@CuddleDuncan et al ...

First . Yes there are many false equivalence s mentioned in the forum . One is pro cuddlers equaled with plumbers and lawyers , and the thread started compared her practice with a hair salon . I envision a hair salon as a brick and mortar establishment, staffed with liscensed cosmetologists . I cc pro can wake up one morning and declare themselves pro .... with the intention of pro cuddling as a side work for funzies and collect some chump change also .

Second , I don’t see a unanimous postings in this thread stating it’s a problem . It was started as a problem but it should be open for debate .

Third . No , not all client - pro cuddling is pro gifting to the client “ cuddling “. Yes there is a pre-conceived notion that the client is receiver and cuddler strictly giver , but that’s not always

Forth . That is not entirely true on the numbers . Many clients see way more pros on three different websites whearas on this website the majority of professionals here strictly feature themselves on this one and only site , and perhaps see one or two clients a year .

It’s very simple and has been mentioned by other posters in this thread , just say no .

Edit : I didn’t see your fifth until now ... I’m not sure what you mean by out of respect for the pro ( altho I can see disrespect if the client gets free cuddling on saturday and on Sunday he opens up his wallet for a differant pro )... out of the three categories of members ... enthusiasts- clients - pros ... is one category more senior then the other ? I think what you mean is every featured pro a dedicated professional depending on cuddling as predominant income ? Uh .. no

Mark

Didn’t I read somewhere in this forum that a pro or two or three wanted to cuddle for free and not charge ? And I believe the website approves this practice

https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/comment/105567/#Comment_105567

Babichev

@cuddlerforu24 , you sound like someone who is not in a profession where people feel free to ask you for fee services.

Pro cuddlers offer cuddling as a paid service. It’s completely inappropriate for a client to ask them to provide their service for free just as it’s inappropriate to ask any other person offering paid services for freebies.

If you think that comparing pro cuddlers to plumbers or other service providers is not a valid comparison then consider this: anyone can decide tomorrow that they are going to offer themselves as a dog walking service. It takes no special equipment, no storefront, no training is required. So you start a dog walking service and some of your clients tell you hey, you get along so well with my dog, my dog loves you, we love you, would you consider walking my dog for free? How about baby sitting? Should someone’s favorite baby sitter agree to do it for free because their kids love them so much they think of them as part of the family?

No, asking people to provide for free services for which they are paid is not okay.

cuddlerforu24

@Babichev I don’t think that paid cuddling was invented to become a business - industry. It’s unique that the payment part was thought of simply to compensate for the lack of endorphins the cuddler provider feels . And it took off .

In the example given by the thread starter , the idea was pitched by a client who thought he was creating these endorphins flowing in the provider . He simply got his signals confused . A well crafted no ( yea it’s as awkward as asking for the money) will or should keep the client booking .

Sheena123

The payment part wasn’t thought of to “compensate for lack of endorphins the provider feels”… I enjoy cuddling just as much as the next person if not more. It was started as a paid service when some people noticed others were not getting affection. The fact that the site started pro cuddling and added a small percentage fee to come from the pros shows that it certainly did start as a business idea. It didn’t start because someone was like “hmm, I’m cuddling this guy but I’m not really enjoying it. I’ll start charging him to make it worth my while”. That’s not the case at all.

Whether YOU think the client was confused and thought he was alright in asking for freebies, does not excuse the fact that him asking for it is disrespectful. It made her clearly uncomfortable and it’s not as simple as “crafting a simple “no””. It’s not right to ask for freebies. Period. That should come from the pro. They will be the ones to decide whether they want to add free time. This isn’t a “it goes both ways” scenario.

cuddlerforu24

I’m sorry but in all the trades examples given in this and other threads ... comparing pro cuddling to other paid professions or trades ... does there exist “ dog walking . com “ where non paid and paid persons are classified and go forth with paid services and non paid encounters ? No
Is there “ hair dressing .com” where non paid encounters and paid services are rendered ? No

And if so what would the skill level or entry barriers be ? ....

And I will predict that there will be a absense of pro cuddlers who might take the money out of cuddling posting in this thread because once made public their inbox will be overrun with clients offering paid auditions with a pretense of a freebie later .

CuddleDuncan

He simply got his signals confused .

That's ridiculous. There were no signals. He was disrespectful, possibly because he gets a kick out of being disrespectful to people who are trying to help him.

I don’t think that paid cuddling was invented to become a business

Well, then you are wrong. Professional cuddling is clearly a business as @Sheena123 has explained.

the lack of endorphins the cuddler provider feels

What lack of endorphins? The chemical reactions are involuntary, you can't control them. As for the emotional aspect ... if you seriously believe that the professional you are cuddling isn't feeling anything at all then I suggest you find yourself another professional.

cuddlerforu24

“He got his signals confused “
@ cuddle Duncan you say he was being disrespectful...
you were not involved in the sessions how do you know he was being disrespectful?
It’s possible such an idea can be respectfully and complimentary proposed for the pro to entertain that idea .

“ I don’t think pro cuddling was invented to be a business “

That’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it no matter what paid enthusiasts think

“ the lack of endorphins ( etc)

Your correct they are involuntary..... but they will flow provided there is stimulus . Yes ? No ?

“ if the pro cuddler is not feeling anything go find another professional “
I agree.... such advice is usually rendered to the clients who post “ dead fish cuddling”

Sheena123

@cuddlerforu24 he was being disrespectful BECAUSE he asked for freebies. That’s disrespectful. You can have opinions but they don’t override facts. If anything free is to be offered, it should come from the provider. It should not be asked from the one that is receiving. It’s disrespectful to ask for free time. In almost any profession, it’s disrespectful. Unless the provider says it’s cool, you don’t ask. It’s rude. 100%. Full stop.
The pro should not be pushed into a corner and entertain this “idea” of giving free time.

cuddlerforu24

@Sheena123 your saying my opinion doesn’t over ride facts . What is the fact in the example given ? All the thread starter said was he wanted to cuddle as friends , and for free . Let’s say the thread starter sent a reminder message to the client to schedule a session . He responds with “ no , that’s ok , I would rather cuddle as friends
, for free .” I don’t think that that is disrespectful. That is an offer . The offer might include gas money or a paid hotel room . We don’t know .

Sheena123

Sigh… if you aren’t able to see how disrespectful it is, I can’t encourage you to understand.

CuddleDuncan

how do you know he was being disrespectful?

Because his remark was intrinsically disrespectful.

It's not a compliment, it's an insult. He was saying that the service provided was worthless.

Sheena123

Or even if he thought the service provided was amazing, thinking he that it’s ok to ask for the service to be free, is insulting. For those that don’t understand that, I feel sorry for you.

cuddlerforu24

@CuddleDuncan re- read my entry into this discussion . I said “so if a pro can suggest free cuddling to an enthusiast it shouldn’t be a problem if the client suggests “.

Consider , if a pro cuddler on this site sends out of the blue an introductory message to an enthusiast on this site , describing availability and I’m in your area and or I’m running a special this week 10 percent off , my usual price and the enthusiast responds with “ no that’s ok , would rather cuddle for free , as friends “. That is the scenario I posted . You are saying that is being disrespectful. You can call it what you want . The cuddler made the first offer , the enthusiast made a counter offer . You are saying it is disrespectful . I’m saying the enthusiast needs to validate his worthiness as an enthusiast. He or she is not asking for money . They are simply seeking an encounter on an even exchange .

CuddleDuncan

What @Sheena123 said.

Babichev

@cuddlerforu24 , you can think whatever you want.

People who get paid to provide a service find it annoying and rude when people ask us to provide those services for free.

If you want to remain obtuse, that’s your choice.

cuddlerforu24

Great! Here’s a moderator attacking ( obtuse ) a forum compliant poster .

Letsholdeachoth

Yeah, but it's okay because she's a moderator. Not.