Lets hear some Jokes 🤣🤣

Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
edited October 2021 in General

there was a dude smoking 2 cigarettes 🚬🚬 someone saw him and asked: why you smoking 2 cigarettes 🚬🚬  the dude said: 1 for me,1 for my friend in prison.
Next time he saw him with 1🚬cigarette  he said: congratulations did you friend come out of prison? He said: no i stopped smoking i smoke for him.

there were 4 dudes high and thier eyes become red 👮‍♂️👮‍♂️ police officers caught them, why you eyes are red? They said we all related .

There was a burglar in a resident's house. They heard a noise and said ? Who is there? The thief said meow 😼 cat voice.
next day he came and they heard the noise again and said ? whos over there? the thief got confused and said I'm the yesterday cat 😹

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Comments

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    The 1st one was funny (I stopped smoking, I’m smoking for him) 😅😂😂

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    @cuddles_ndream 🤣🤣 we need to lough sometimes no interesting topics these days 👍

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited October 2021

    there was a greedy dude never gives his money away. 1 time he had a dream that he gives money away then he banned sleeping .

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    a broke dude said mum pray for me🙏 : she prayed that he will have a shelter,free food,no bills,guards guard him day and night. then he went prison. mum prayer accepted 🙏

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    My friend said that she had considered buying a Delorean, but decided against it because she realized she'd just be driving it from time to time.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    @JoyfulHeart 🤣🤣 nice one 👌

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    Why don't crabs donate to charity? Because they are shellfish...

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    I always knock on the fridge door before opening it because there could be a salad dressing.

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    @Ahmedali999 🤣

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    @JoyfulHeart 🤣

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited October 2021

    @DimpleGirl 🤣🤣👌 there was a crazy man 🥴 stopped a taxi 🚕🚖. He told the driver 👨‍✈️ can you drop me from New York to Texas! The taxi driver was in a trouble! he has to deal with this crazy man and said: Ok The taxi driver was pretending that he's driving and making driving noises,but he wasn't. then told the crazy man we have arrived. the crazy man slapped 🖐 the driver and said: why were you speeding.

  • WriterGFWriterGF

    What do you call a cuddle with only one person?
    A cddle, because u weren't there

  • [Deleted User]creedhands (deleted user)

    Why doesn't Dracula play baseball? He always wants to be the bat!

    Did you hear about the books that got in the drinks last Halloween?
    Apparently there was Beetlejuice in the Haunted House.

  • SideonSideon

    A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    🤣🤣👌
    Jokes gone wrong

  • [Deleted User]sameyeam (deleted user)

    Hmmm, let me try one..... Why did the Karen cross the road?.......... Because she wanted to talk to the manager about how difficult it was to cross the road!

    I'm not a comedian, so don't hold it against me

  • Spud424Spud424

    A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says “What is this, a joke?”

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    🤣🤣🤣
    There were 2 stoned dudes . 1 of them listening to empty music player 💽 the other one said: when you finish record it for me 😉

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    A man was about to have dinner with his girlfriend and meet her parents. Earlier before he got to the house, he ate a can of beans. During the dinner with the girlfriends parents, he had to fart. He let one rip and the father said “Max!” The boyfriend thought “oh my god! He’s blaming the dog Max. So he let out another poof. The father once again yelled at the dog. So the boyfriend let out the biggest poof his booty could muster. The father yelled “Max! Get out of the way before he shits on you!!” 😂😂😂

  • SweetMeLLSweetMeLL

    why dont cannibals eat clowns?🤔

    because they taste funny!! 😹🤡

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan

    What do you have if you've got a large mothball in your left hand, and another large mothball in your right hand?

    The undivided attention of a very large moth.

  • BabichevBabichev
    edited October 2021

    A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar.
    The rabbit says, “I think I might be a typo.”

    ;)

    Schrodinger was driving a little too fast and got pulled over by a cop. The cop asks if he can look in the car and Schrodinger says, “Sure.” The cop peers into the back seat, doesn’t see anything unusual, then asks if Schrodinger if he’ll pop the trunk of the car, which he does. The cop looks around the trunk, shuts it, then asks Schrodinger, “Do you know you have a dead cat in your trunk?” Schrodinger answers, “I do now.”

    ;)

  • UKGuyUKGuy

    Joe Biden:

  • UKGuyUKGuy

    Joe Biden again, just in case the last one didn't crack you up:

  • CudzNsnugZCudzNsnugZ

    Too many to list but not HR friendly 🤭

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    Why was six afraid of seven?

    Because seven eight nine!

    So, why was eight afraid of ten?

    Because ten eleven twelve!

  • YourEmbraceMelYourEmbraceMel

    What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground beef

    What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
    Nacho cheese

    What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
    A can’t opener

    My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.

  • [Deleted User]creedhands (deleted user)

    Background: I was hired to a company because I can speak another language which most of the employees speak better than English. One day I realized how much I should have clarified in their native tongue.

    I asked an employee to go around front and paint two coats on the porch. He said ok and was off. 3 hours later he returned and said he was finished. Knowing the large size of the porch, I was amazed. "You're all done?"
    "Yes"
    "2 coats?"
    "Yes."
    "The whole porch?"
    "No. No is porch. Is BMW."

  • [Deleted User]arghdaddy (deleted user)

    @YourEmbraceMel , love the go home one! I wonder if it would work? 🤔

    1. How do pirates know that they are pirates?
      They think, therefore they ARRRR!

    2. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
      Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.

    3. How do you save a dying pirate?
      CP ARRRRR

  • [Deleted User]creedhands (deleted user)

    Background: I live in an Amish area. I was told this by an Amish man. "English" is what they call us non-Amish

    An English paint crew was painting stripes on the major highway in the area when an Amish man approached then, looking for a job. The foreman said they had all the help they need. The Amish man asked again, promising to outwork everyone else. The fireman agreed to try him out for a day. Everyone was impressed when the English workers painted 3 miles each that day while the Amishman painted 10. So the foreman agreed to have him help for the week.
    The second day, the English each finished 3 miles and the Amish did 8. Each day the English kept to their pace, but the Amish man kept getting slower. 5 miles on day 3, 2.5 on day 4, and only a halfmile on day 5. When the formal asked what happened, the Amishman replied:
    " I worked just as hard on day 5 as day 1. But each day the bucket got further and further away."

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