@arghdaddy what's a pirate's favorite letter? You would think it's AARRR! But his true love is the sea!
Why can’t you hear when a psychiatrist go to the bathroom……??
Because the p is silent
Why did the lawyer kick a freestyle ??….
Because he wanted to represent …
I was going to make a belt out of herbs, but I didn’t have the thyme. 😂😂😂😂
@Tranquilescape
One day that was bright, clear, and sunny, A sous chef was cooking a bunny. His boss, who was nice, Said, "Don't overspice: Remember that thyme, sir, is money."
@JoyfulHeart LOL
Did you hear about the grape that got squeezed too hard during a cuddle?
He let out a little wine!
John and Tom we're good friends, and one year they decided to take a vacation hiking together. They were an interesting Duo because John measured at just about 8 ft tall, and Tom barely reached 4 ft. As they begin their adventure together, Tom remarked, " this vacation has been a long time coming. I feel like you've always overextended yourself and our friendship, and that I could barely stand up to your integrity." He snickered at his own humor, but John just looked over with a grunt. "Hrumph."
Toward the end of the day, as the sun was setting, Tom noticed, "You know, in this poor light, and you wearing camouflage, I can barely tell you apart from the trees!" Again, Tom laughed at his brilliant poke at his friends height. John's response, however, was a less than enthusiastic "Mmm-hmmm."
They both enjoyed their sleep under the clear sky that night, and in the morning Tom woke to John making eggs for breakfast. He asked john, " did you bring those from home, or did you just reach up into the nests and pick them out?" This time, Tom let out a good belly laugh. He thought John would surely appreciate his humor now. But john, in his usual stoic stance, just nodded to Tom and pushed his breakfast in front of him. Tom was beginning to wonder if his sense of humor was lost on his friend. Maybe he didn't know John as well as he thought he did... This exchange went on for the next 6 days. Tom's quick wit and pun humor making of his friends stature was only appreciated by tom. John never budged. Nor did he indicate a fence at the humor.
Finally, on the last day when they were packing up their vehicles, Tom wondered allowed to his friend that he had nicknamed Long John. "Long John, all week I have enjoyed poking fun at your height. But you have always responded neutrally. I wonder why you haven't responded in kind?"
I guess I just don't know any short jokes.
Hahahaha!!!! These are PRICELESS!!! I'M STEALING THEM!!!! Okay... What do you call a guy with no arms or legs, floating in a pool? Bob What do you call a guy with no arms or legs, hanging around the front door? Matt What do you call TWO guys " " " ", over your windows? Curt and Rod What do you call " " ", sitting in a cup? Phil What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef What do mothballs smell like? After someone describes the smell, you ask: "How did you get his little legs apart???" lol I'm sorry...That one just KILLS me!!! lol Or, as one person answered, "I didn't even know moths HAD balls!" I died!!!!!! lololol
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here." 😂😂😂
Knock knock
@creedhands who's there?
Once a zoo owner got worried about the gorilla not having a male gorilla to mate with. So he asked the zookeeper if he'd consider mating with her. The zookeeper said, "Let me think about it."
The zoo owner said "Okay. But just remember while you're thinking it over that $10,000 is a lot of money." The zookeeper agreed to consider it.
The next day the zookeeper said "Okay, I'll do it. But on three conditions. One, I don't want any kissing on the lips. If that happens the deals off. Two, if there's any offspring I want them raised Catholic, and three, it's going to take me a couple of months to come up with the $10,000."
@JoyfulHeart ...Impatient Cow..,
@JoyfulHeart ...MOOOO!!
What goes;
Clip Clop, Clip Clop BANG Clip Clop Clip Clop?
An Amish drive bye.
@admirer97_ thanks, Doc E_ _ _ (I think you know who I mean.)
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have little antibodies.
A blonde crashed a helicopter… When the police officer asked why, she said, "It got chilly in here, so I turned off the fan."
What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing? Castrated.
Thanks ladies and gentlemen 🤡 A dude first time he got stoned,he got paranoid and lost, he lost his way home,then went to the police station and said: 🤔 do you know where do I live? Police 👮♂️👮♀️ welcome my friend long time we been looking for you 😉
I could respond with some music puns but when I start with the puns I have trouble stopping, and I wouldn't want to harp on about it. Also don't want to blow my own trumpet so I'll also admit the puns are pretty one note.
I’m now successfully a stock market millionaire … my journey began 8 years ago, & after borrowing $750,000k from my dad & conquering trades, my portfolio is now worth $1.1 million! I never gave up! We’re all gonna make it, just believe in yourselves.
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@cuddles_ndream amazing keep going
@dontremember still is a joke. There's a dude lost his donkey 🐴 and was happy praising the lord🙏🙏 People asked him why you happy about your lost donkey? He said: if i was riding it ,I was going to be lost with him.
I just came back from a very emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.
Haven't read them all so forgive me if this one is in here...
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into his courtroom?
"Odor in the Court!, Odor in the Court!!"
Time & again we were reminded, there's no PDA allowed in school. Though I never understood the rule.
When would I ever expect there to be Penguins Dancing Around?
Why did the enthusiast cross the road? ........Because the pro was hosting on other side.😂
How many pros does it take to screw in a light bulb? ....... one, c'mon man! they are pros!🤣