I wonder if this question is posed with a bit of bias, perhaps from within a culture where same-sex affection is not mainstream?
Well everyone needs to love and respect who they cuddle with.
@nurturingman The behavior you are defending is called catfishing. Would you be so offended if a female pro thought she was meeting another female but it turned out to be a 6’2” male. There are so many reasons why it was wrong. This is not a trans issue; it is an honesty issue.
I am a straight male. I have zero desire to cuddle a male. plain and simple in my case. Nothing against those that cuddle same sex. if it makes you happy you gotta do it
@FunCartel From what @Morpheus wrote I didn’t get any sense that a 6'2" man showed up to his cuddle session. To quote the beginning of his comment:
I had a cuddle session with a pro that I found out later was transgender male to female. I didn’t know at the time of the session. I enjoyed the session.
Later he even wrote “she was cute.” Sounds like our friend enjoyed a cuddle session with a cute female pro, and later he found out she was born a he.
First of all, @ morpheus(and others); trans people dont owe you any information. None. Zero. I find it laughable that someone would be so transphobic that theyre bothered when they literally did not even know. Trans people get murdered, attacked, or doxxed for being trans, so i find your "feelings" here to be based in little more than privelege. Noone is required to tell you what genitals they have on a cuddling website. Obviously, you didnt deserve those cuddles in the first place and i wish that woman didn't have to put up with you. Get a grip.
@nurturingman if the option was there to select trans / non- identifying or other, would that person be lying or purposely deceiving if they didn’t choose one of those selections instead?
@samfiddle the issue tho is what you wrote. "Trans people get murdered, attacked, or doxxed for being trans" . There are people out there that will do this stuff sadly. I always find that being honest is the best option. But thats just me.
@samfiddle - Biologically, you are born either male or female and remain that way no matter what you want to be later in life. Saying that you're a woman when you're really a dude is being dishonest.
@samfiddle you're right no one needs to announce anything to the world or share any information as it is none of their business , but if you choose to engage with someone in an intimate nature (dating / cuddling) & knowing that they are under the impression that you’re biologically a female (or male for that matter), & especially knowing that they wouldn’t book you or pursue you otherwise, You do owe them that information - everything doesn’t have to be so confirming screw all that.
I believe the thread was created as a gentle inquiry as to why men prefer not to cuddle other men. Just to say "because that's how I like it!!" doesn't get to the underlying reasons, which may be important to some.
I'm a bit wary of men who refuse to cuddle other men without doing some soul-searching into why that is. Without any better explanation, I tend to make some assumptions such as: 1. it has something to do with attraction or sexual orientation. For platonic cuddling, I do not want the men that I'm cuddling with to be consciously or unconsciously entertaining romantic/sexual energy with me. 2. it has something to do with a fear that they will be hit on. Valid fear! Us women have that fear too... because it happens on a regular basis! So name it, so that we can bring that out of the shadows and deal with it head on (and so that we can stop shaming women with "not all men").
I like waffles more than spaghetti because I like how the little wells in waffles hold a good amount of syrup and butter, which I find yummy. I like the crispy texture mixed with the buttery sweetness that get soaked in some places. Spaghetti feels heavy in my belly, and sauces tend to slip off and pool in my plate.
I like cuddling both men and women for different reasons: 1. Men tend to be physically larger than I am, and generally like to be the holder. I like to be held, engulfed; it makes me feel warm and comforted. 2. Women tend to have better boundaries around sexuality and tend to be better communicators. This helps me feel more safe in an intimate and vulnerable experience.
These are generalizations. So when I find a human who is larger than me, generally prefers to be the holder, is a great communicator and has their sexual boundaries FIRMLY in place... it doesn't matter what gender they are. Because of this, gay men tend to be my favourite (in my experience).
@Mike403 what's interesting about the "biology" argument is that there are men who are biologically male but have two X chromosomes.
Biology has variance, so it's foolhardy to posit that gender is binary.
@nurturingman The 6’2” man was a part of an analogy pertaining to what if a woman was expecting a woman and that size man showed up. It would be dishonest, a safety concern and probably a breach of TOS. Likewise @Morpheus’ situation. If it bothers him it bothers him and he does not have to explain. I can’t explain why I like egg nog yet I feel a need of an IV drip of it this time of year. It just is. Let it go.
@Morpheus "My cuddle preference is females and always will be. I understand that people can choose to identify how they wish to identify but I felt that for something as intimate as a cuddle session, this information should have been revealed. "
Sorry that happened to you and I agree that you had the right to know, so you could make informed consent.
@samifddle "First of all, @ morpheus(and others); trans people dont owe you any information. None. Zero. I find it laughable that someone would be so transphobic that theyre bothered when they literally did not even know."
They absolutely do if they will enter my cuddle space or anyone's knowing that person is looking to cuddle cis gendered people. Or if they hide the fact that they are trans in order to get into said people's personal space like that.
"Trans people get murdered" isn't a justification to support or excuse a trans person lying to others to get in their personal space, thereby being unable to give informed consent.
PS. Flippantly throwing around "transphobia" or misusing it is a disservice to people facing actual transphobia. People speaking out against being violated or sharing their feeling so isn't transphobic.
I think I saw a thread pertaining to this subject earlier. Not sure where it went but to the OP of that thread, I think this thread might be of interest to you since it sounds like something that others have experienced on the site as well. Like @Mike403, @BoomerSpooner & @Lovelight wrote, I think informed consent is important.
The OP of the locked then deleted (or at least hidden) thread has deleted his account.
@JohnR1972 He must have deleted his account after he saw his thread was hidden. At least @Morpheus detailed his experience with this subject here.
Although it was different for @Morpheus since he was informed only after the session was done. Whereas I believe the OP of that other thread was informed before the session could begin, to which he declined but after having already paid the hotel.
I've told this story on another thread and I'll tell it here . I'm a champion and ally to all of my rainbow friends and family, and am a champion of their causes . I am also on the side of informed consent when it comes to sharing intimate activities. Might not seem like a big deal, but I do know of a woman on here who had bad trauma due to SA from a man so only wanted to cuddle women . She cuddled someone who was trans male to female and still with male parts without her knowledge. All was well until she ended up brushing up against an erection. This not only broke her trust , but it retraumatized her because, regardless of how the person identified , she equated a penis as an assault weapon. In this case, I agree that it was wrong to not give her the choice to not cuddle with someone who was anatomically male .
@everyone There's a reason it went away.
The other thread was hidden due to the number of flags (and at the OP’s request). There’s much more into that one that I am not going to get into. Threads on gender are allowed but they will be closed if it devolves into transphobic arguments.
From the forum rules:
We allow gender focused threads but disallow threads that intend to, or evolve to, prevent contribution based on gender.
Please note that it is expected for someone that identifies as trans to indicate it on their profile.
Edit: Also we don’t delete threads. When necessary we move them to a forum graveyard that is only viewable by the mods and admins.
You can support the trans communities right to exist, but it bothers me that some people here treat others like they're a bad person just because they don't want to cuddle with them. People should be allowed to have physical preferences when doing an intimate activity such as cuddling.
*I’m gonna save efforts of mods & self edit. Woozzahhh.
Stunning revelation.
Nope. I’m gonna say it.
Cuddling IS an intimate act. Very personal. Vulnerable. Requiring trust. Not faux trust or down with the struggle I’m woke trust but pure trust. There is no faking it. Frankly, I have my issues with this being a monetary exchange but that lengthy discussion shall be for another day.
In my short time on this site I’ve sensed there are many here who have any number of struggles that make cuddling particularly important, difficult, unique, part of healing, part of reclaiming, part of their zen. To enter into such a space with anything less than true, open & honorable intentions would do significant harm.
Again, cuddling IS intimate. Fractional approach, transactional approach, faux woke approach doesn’t cut it. This has to be treated as it should. Genuine. Pure. Real.
Are there levels? Absolutely. Just as there’s treading water in the shallows versus master divers going below 400 feet.
This casual insistence that a guy should blindly, selflessly allow/accept/welcome someone who would come into this situation with deception and guile? It’s a deep deep violation. The worst.
Would you expect anyone to have a favorable reaction to fraud? A deeply personal & intimate fraud? This isn’t somebody’s sleight of hand to poach somebody’s produce at the register or gas at the pump. This is violating to the core.
A lot of emphasis is placed on the regular on this site about guys respecting women. Rightfully so. Consent. Boundaries. Communication.
Don’t think for one second that somehow that all gets skipped for anyone else.
Why is it cold usually when it snows?
Because of various reasons!!! As the saying goes, it's never good to place all of your eggs in one basket. I welcome ALL who wants to reach out I have cuddled with guys in the past. Go with your ❤️❤️!!! I love being flexible!!
Because cishet normativity is a thing most people in our culture have not truly examined as an internal bias, let alone unlearned. Essentially, because we teach humans that cuddling is only acceptable between romantic/sexual partners past a certain age, and romantic/sexual partners are assumed to be of the opposite gender by default, most people never even consider cuddling people of the same sex. Add in internalized homophobia and it compounds the idea that cuddling non-family members of the same sex is somehow "wrong" even for people who otherwise consider themselves progressive.
This site is platonic but that only means non-sexual/romantic. There are no rules that states that a guy can't prefer to cuddle with women. I don't understand how the term 'homophobia' comes up in these discussions. Who they prefer to cuddle with has nothing to do with how they feel about gay people.
Speaking for myself:
I believe that the distinction between masculine and feminine energy is different from the distinction between male and female.
My preference to cuddle with women has more to do with the former. My energy leans toward the masculine, and is often brought into balance in the presence of feminine energy.
This preference is not motivated by the physical differences between men and women.