Giving Energy vs Receiving Energy.

jetblack

I often do healing work as a part of my profession, which requires me to expend an enormous amount of energy. One of the reasons that I like cuddling so much is that if often helps me to replenish energy. However, I am discovering that at times my cuddle sessions feel more draining than they do replenishing. I am wondering if anyone else has similar experiences. I am also wondering if anyone else has figured out what makes the difference for them in cuddle sessions where they feel that they give more energy versus those in which they receive more energy.

Chris04

Every time I see a Pro Cuddler. I always put them first. ( all most has if im the pro cuddler)
I've come from long way and what I learned...
If i want the best cuddle. It depends on the energy I bring in. Because the energy I bring in is the energy im going to receive back.

xandriarain

Cuddling is definitely an energy exchange, I think it’s fair to say that many human interactions are. For me a lot of it comes down to the individual I happen to be cuddling . Some people are really warm and friendly and just radiate positive energy and I often feel more energy leaving the session. Some people are in a dark place and need more support and others are just generally negative and can be a bit draining. Another thing I think that comes in to play is Newton’s first law of motion: “An object at rest stays at rest, an object in motion stays in motion.” When you are laying there for hours cuddling just being still for that long can be tiring even if you do a change up positions every so often. I often find myself coming home wanting to be lazy and watch TV after a cuddle session. Cuddling for hours doesn’t really make you want to go to the gym or clean the house it makes you want to relax, some may call that a calming effect others may call it an energy drain. Cuddling is really great for anxious, wound up, stressed out people who just need to slow down but it’s not great if you’re already feeling sluggish and tired and need help getting motivated to do things.

Babichev

This is something one commonly hears from massage therapists.

Speaking from the point of view of a massage therapist: When one is the professional, one is taking care of the needs of the client so yes, one is in the giving position. That doesn’t mean we can’t also get energized by our interaction but our primary focus is on giving.

I’ve been an MT for 30 years and I’ve never had a problem with massage being emotionally draining. It’s possible that it was because I came to it later in life so my sense of self was pretty firmly established and I’d also done a lot of psychotherapy around boundaries and attended CoDependents Anonymous meetings for several years. What I notice with massage therapists who become emotionally drained by doing massage is that they tend to be younger and also don’t have a great sense of emotional boundaries. They are not clear about what is their stuff and what is the client’s stuff and take on the client’s problems as their own. Besides being bad for the therapist, it’s not good for the client, either. It robs the client of their emotional experience and at the same time they end up having to take care of the therapist. The client can’t fully relax and let go if we can’t create a safe space for them. It’s up to us to maintain our composure and strength so we can be there for them. We can be compassionate and still maintain the detachment necessary to do our job.

As for the physical fatigue of doing the work - it’s important to get enough sleep, eat well, and generally take good care of ourselves on a physical, emotional, and social level. If those are lacking, our energy levels will become depleted and we’ll become fatigued by our work.

I’ve never accepted the term “healer” in my work. We do not heal. At best, we try to set the conditions for the client to heal themselves, whether that’s on a physical, emotional, or social level. Healing does, quite literally, come from within. Thinking of myself as a healer takes the locus of control away from the client. It is what we refer to as an operator model rather than an interactor model - that is, we think we are doing something to the person rather than recognize that we’re interacting with their nervous system. (And it always comes down to the nervous system.)

I don’t know if any of this is relevant to your situation or not but, as I said, this is a common discussion among massage therapists.

Babichev

@xandriarain - your point about the effects of cuddling for hours brings to mind my own struggle with working all day in a dimly lit room with soothing music and very little conversation. I started getting really spacey. In my case, my antidote was to make sure I was well fed (I tended to go too long without eating and let my blood sugar drop) and I would turn on bright lights or go outside in the daylight between clients, put on dance music, even dance around the room. (Once a client arrived early and caught me dancing with wild abandon.) A couple of chocolate covered coffee beans around 2 p.m. helped. Not sure what the pro cuddler’s version of this routine might be but yes, putting ourselves in an extremely relaxing situation for hours at a time can present challenges.

FelineCuddles

What a great topic! And I can only speak for myself while sharing what works for me

I choose to do pro-cuddling only once a day to make it very special every time ✨

I enjoy attuning to my clients hours before the meeting, during and long after the session. This is the way for me to be 100% present for my client at any moment during the session fully dedicated to their well-being.
I love showing up for my cuddle-bears care-free, focused and loaded with good and soothing vibes after meditating in nature weather in a forest or by the ocean. This way I am able to become a conductor that allows the energy flow easily from particle to particle as long as my client is willing to let it permeate their entire subtle energy body. Their breathing become deep and harmonious, they start smiling and exhibit content ✨

Another thing is that I allow myself to be fully engaged in cuddling and enjoy it for myself in the fullest. My clients see the effect they make on me with their presence and it feels very rewarding for them as well.

It’s always a two way street in the energy exchange, isn’t it? ☯️

Lovelight

My pillow says I give the best hugs, and don't get mad at it for not hugging me back. And that I'm so selfless for it. #truestory

On a serious note, I am not really that selfless. I usually need give and take. When someone comes to care about me and give to me, I strive to do the same for them. If someone comes at me with the energy of like "so watcha gonna do for me or do this for me" without even having invested in me, then I'm highly inclined to lose interest. Caring about my cuddle partners' needs and comfort and vice versa is highly beneficial.

From what I heard however, some people don't care about the other person's needs and just there to take. I think the best cuddles are the ones we advocate for our own needs, though we are also considerate of the people we cuddle with. And check-in with them.

robroo

I love to give as much or more than I receive. I believe that makes the cuddling so much better.

herby357

Consider a mind-set just "feeling" as opposed to "giving" or "receiving?"

I'm a giver even though I am the client, and have found my sessions to have an equal energy exchange even with my heavy issues. I tend to seek out those who consider themselves healers on some level. However, as @Babichev so aptly put it, we heal ourselves (but only with a partner that is in tune to the healing aspects of cuddling).

The more pleasant energy exchanges I've experienced have grown more intense as the sessions progressed. And I have been fortunate enough to have a few partners that helped me learn to just "feel" the energy as opposed to "giving" or "receiving" it.

Unfortunately, everyone will not, or can not allow themselves to be vulnerable enough to enjoy an authentic energy exchange.

Allowing myself to be vulnerable in my cuddles has taken the intimacy of many encounters to an intense level, but in an unromantic, platonic manner. This is the nuanced difference between intimacy and romance I speak to in my profile.
Transference can a real thing, particularly in cuddling.

sillysassy

@jetblack what a fabulous thread!!! Thank you!!!! I do really enjoy when things can be balanced between two enthusiasts. I know that the Pro route has a very different purpose and vibe and I am very grateful for that. I agree with what some are saying that when you have a consistent cuddle friend it is sometimes a little heavy on one side or the other but over time I think it does need to be a good balance of energy exchange. As for new snuggle buddies….. definitely look for equal exchanges. At least that is my hope. In my world, too many relationships/connections that wind up one-sided tend to bring about exhaustion instead of regeneration.

I appreciate your verbiage of “draining vs replenishing” I feel like sometimes there is a lot of good stuff built up in me and it winds up “sloshing” over on someone else and sometimes it is me that needs a bit of a refill. Balance. Did I say I need to be mindful of balance??? 😂😊

@Babichev so so so much goodness here. I love the idea of “working together with” You are such an absolute delight. Thank you for bringing your perspective and sharing it here. ❤️❤️❤️

@Lovelight thank you for your blend of silliness and seriousness!!

omgosh….. I am reminded of this completely off topic video made by a fun duo. They actually recorded it in reverse. They did some interesting stuff awhile ago “internettainers” 😂😂😂

@herby357 yes…… this.

Unfortunately, everyone will not, or can not allow themselves to be vulnerable enough to enjoy an authentic energy exchange.