A safe space to give and receive honest feedback.

xandriarain

One of the biggest challenges I have faced as a professional cuddler is not knowing all of my weaknesses. I rarely receive criticism from clients I just don’t hear back from them again or don’t receive a Karma. Sometimes I feel like I’m not getting any better because I just don’t know what areas to focus on. I know that the karma system is always going to be a little bit corrupt because it’s public and people don’t want to receive revenge Karmas nor do they want to ruin someones reputation over minor issues. I wish there was a safer way in this community for people to get honest feedback for professional, clients and enthusiasts alike. There is a lot of pressure to get along in a cuddle session and it doesn’t always leave space for constructive criticism. I would love to hear any ideas you might have on how to handle this issue.

ernesto_2

Actually, I think that a rating system where instead of stars (objective and broad), cuddlers could pick the top 3 or 5 characteristics that best describe the cuddling experience. Still allowing clients to message with specific improvements or gratitudes, but without wrapping it all up in a very simplified star rating system.

That said, I've made it an effort to end any session with a "what was good, what did you like/not like, what should I do differently or not do, etc" which provides me much more useful feedback.

I guess I look at Karma as a referral rating, not a performance review.

Maybe people would feel more comfortable giving honest feedback if the karma was actually anonymous (to the recipient). But not anonymous to admin (don't want people just running around willy-nilly giving people bad ratings like naughty karma elves.) Maybe if there was a list of standards to be met and people could respond to a set of questions, kind of like when you fill out a review after paying on the kiosk at Olive Garden.

stormydaycuddle

Maybe send a personal after cuddle questionnaire to invite the conversation?

Lovelight

As a general feedback I'd say:

that your about me is a bit - somewhat too long to me. It got me thinking about how you may be able to make it more concise. Generally the less others need to read and scroll through to get the information the need, the better. If you need some help you can message me and maybe we can figure that out together. Personally I strive to make what I write, especially on my profile, concise. Although it's currently pretty concise and well written, I ocassionally look back on it to see what I can improve.

As for clients not coming back:

I think a lot of the time it isn't about you. You seem to me like an awesome lady and any trivial thing that might have happened, they can overlook. Or bring it to your attention if it bothers them enough to. If they don't and cut contact instead, their loss. There's no perfection and they will likely come to know of it sooner or later.

When it comes to not leaving karma:

it can be for the reasons you said. Though also possibly other reasons, some people may just not be a fan of karmas. Or don't want to be seen having been with a particular person, such as booking a pro, someone of a certain sex, age, etc. So people are gonna feel how they're gonna feel.

It may at times also be because they are waiting for you to leave them one first.

Or they wanted to try booking with a pro and find that they don't feel the same as they would if they were with an enthusiast. Maybe their finances doesn't allow them or they want to get acquainted with other pros to find the one or two they are most happy doing business with. All in all if you strive to be hygienic, polite, punctual, respectful, and there to provide the platonic comfort they seek: it is more than like not about you.

Jkay

@xandriarain I love that you brought up this conversation because I also an very interested in honest feedback and improving the experience for the people I have the honor of cuddling.

The thing with cuddling is that it is very specific to each person (preferences and desires are individual). I’ve considered asking those who I never hear from if they’d kindly share what they liked and what could have made their experience better.

It could also be in the form of a google form questionnaire which may help folks who don’t feel like writing paragraphs. They could check of boxes of what went well/ what did not instead.

These are some things I have thought through as I’ve considered ways to improve.

Looking forward to reading more ideas as they come up on this thread.

NicoSnuggs

Since we haven’t met in person yet, I only have one real constructive criticism for you @xandriarain

That we haven’t cuddled yet. We should cuddle sometime (if you’re interested).

Babichev

People don't necessarily give honest feedback. This is a dilemma. They don't understand that it helps us improve our service.

I once sent an email to my clients providing a link to an anonymous survey. There were yes/no types of quick answers but also room for comments. Since I could email many of them at once, the timing of their response would not reveal who they were. I got some very valuable feedback and adjusted some of the ways I did my practice.

I think if we frame it as asking clients to help us improve our service it lets them see they are doing us a favor and they are on our team, so to speak. Ask what they like. Ask if there's anything they did not like. What would make the experience better? Did they feel listened to? That their needs were addressed? Did they feel able to express their needs, their preferences? Was the room too warm? Too cold? Too dark? Too light? Were there any distracting scents that bothered them? Was the environment physically comfortable? How was ease of booking? Of paying? I don't know what else you would ask about.

I think it's great that you want honest input from clients. Let us know how it works out for you.

I agree with stormydaycuddle. A survey can be sent via DM. Or even just a DM asking for feedback.

herby357

@xandriarain Thanks for broaching this subject. I think it's important that we feel as if it's okay to scrutinize one another, as well as disclose our experiences.

As a client, I can tell you that we feel pressure regarding karmas too. I've asked for honest feedback, but mostly from people I've cuddled with on multiple occasions. Having a relaxed conversation/critique on what is/was good and bad about the the cuddle before and after (and sometimes during when I felt the energy change in a negative way from something I thought I may have initated) was key. Being an artist I'm used to hearing both positive and negative feedback, so applying that experience to a cuddle scenario wasn't a stretch for me.

Thankfully, my repeat-partners felt I could "handle" the honest truth. The most useful feedback I have received was to not necessarily feel like I had to give or receive during a session, but simply feel the organic energy exchange between partners. In full disclosure that piece of information helped me to relax, be less gropey, and much more patient in the process if you will.

Another piece of feedback I received - was that it is okay for aesthetic attraction to be my primary type of attraction. I always felt that it made me vapid or shallow on some level to feel that way, so I never really disclosed that piece of information. Although it may not seem like a big thing to most, it truly freed me from a huge negative in my thought process to know that my feelings aren't a bad thing.

Lastly, I usually cuddle quietly in bed with soft music for 90 minutes to 2 hours, so my encounters are all about an energy transfer through connection (even when we fall asleep). That energy exchange helps me to heal myself on a holistic level both physically and mentally.

I imagine that the energy and connection is totally different (less intense) watching a movie while cuddling, during a public cuddle, or a group cuddle. None of which interests me. This community has taught me that there are many styles and motivations to cuddle.

Thanks again for broaching the subject.

entwine

Feedback loop is a problem with humans in general. But can see more so in a profession that is about customer service.

My guess is, providing feedback can cause confrontation, which some of us, more than others, avoid at all costs.
Or people are afraid to hear the answer.

I think starting a session with everyone involved stating their expectations, can help a lot.
Then by end of session, give feedback on if expectations were met. Or even if before the start, the pro can let the client know if their expectations are even valid for this particular session.
Feedback may not necessarily help if didn't even know what each other wanted or was able to provide.

But agree, great topic that we all can learn from and get better at practicing.

Lovelight

Maybe a "How do you think another session with me could improve" rather than basically something that could come off as "Did I do something wrong" approach could help. Perhaps not by much, though to some degree. And I think no matter what you try, there will always be some or a few people who will not leave a review or be honest about it.

Ahmedali999

Only grateful people leave review, there are many people no matter how good you are or what you do for them, ungrateful

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cuddlerforu24

@xandriarain perhaps you could hire a professional male cuddler to critique your cuddling effectiveness/ style/ methods. The average cuddling client can’t identify deficiencies, altho , he might recognize that you either have “ it “ , or you don’t . (“It” = cuddling prowess)

Some or most cuddling clients hire you for a “ one and done” session. Even if you send them a feedback form filling it out doesn’t do anything for them .

CuddleDuncan

In my experience of life in general and cuddling in particular there are two kinds of people. (Yes, of course there are exceptions but broadly speaking.)

1. People who will never meaningfully listen to feedback

2. People who don't need meaningful feedback because they already think about this stuff

People who genuinely and honestly ask for serious feedback rarely need it.

Spud424

This is an excellent topic. I agree that having Karma ratings essentially be all or nothing can leave no room for areas of concern. For me personally I have no problem discussing things that may need improvement - but it took me a while to get to that point. Previously in past relationships I was so afraid that saying anything negative would result in the other person rejecting me. Now I realize that sometimes constructive criticism can be helpful…and the fact that the other person respects your opinion is a good thing.

Interesting discussion…thanks @xandriarain !