@dave31415 , I hate to tell you this but there are a lot of creepy older guys who try to prey on young women. As a result, a lot of young women don’t want to have anything to do with older men. Unfortunate but true. I see it in our dance scenes all the time. It’s an unfortunate fact of life for younger women.
Yea, unfortunately, if she’s been burned by too many of the same group, she’s going to obviously feel uncomfortable with it. Nothing on you. She’s just doing what she feels is safe to avoid that from happening again.
Thank you everyone for replying!! It means a lot to me I'm glad to hear that having a preference is okay
And to partially explain why i have a preference, (for those who wonder) I have had a few very uncomfortable situations with older men and have PTSD from it. So it isn't a personal attack on you guys, I promise. I still have to heal and it will take lots of time. Especially when cuddling is so up close. Being a person who was AFAB, (assigned female at birth) it can be terrifying to open up that way to people. Especially when I have before and got hurt by it. So by having a preference, it'll be good for both parties. I'm sure you dont want to cuddle someone who is moments away from having a panic attack or seems very on edge. It makes it very awkward. So that leaves you more spaces for people who are comfortable around your age, and that saves people like me from panicking from being uncomfy.
Thank you for all sides responding, i'm glad i got to hear all different views!! ^-^ Happy Holidays everyone, stay warm and cuddly!
(If you have an opinion on the topic still, please voice it )
Happy holidays 🌸🌸🌸
🙏
There are just as many creepy younger men. Age isn’t a factor in whether you are going to be sexually aggressive with women.
@Babichev That’s called a generalization and is generally frowned upon. Would you be fine saying the same thing about an ethnic group?
And not that you should discriminate against any age group but if you wanted to minimize your chance of being sexually assaulted, you’d actually want to avoid men under 35. Data here. https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Age-Distribution-of-Sexual-Offenders_fig1_258152749
I just hit 61. It doesn't bother me at all that a 20 or 30 something would prefer someone considerably younger. If you're feeling a little guilty, don't let me be the source of that guilt to any degree. Personally, I'm perfectly fine with your preferences. Haven't seen it yet, but I don't recall seeing any 80 somethings here, and right or wrong, can't say I'd be comfortable with a session with someone of that age.
I’m not saying that you need to see older men. If you aren’t comfortable, then don’t. I also see that you’re not a professional. If you were it would probably be considered age discrimination and might even be illegal. For example, if you said the same thing about black people, you probably would be violating the Civil Rights Act. I’m not a lawyer but that’s my understanding. If you’re charging money, technically you’re a business.
Some more info I found on this. Again, this probably only applies to cuddlers charging money.
Under federal anti-discrimination laws, businesses can refuse service to any person for any reason, unless the business is discriminating against a protected class.
At the national level, protected classes include:
Race or color National origin or citizenship status Religion or creed Sex Age Disability, pregnancy, or genetic information Veteran status Some states, like California, have more protected classes than the federal baseline. In addition to the above factors, California adds:
Marital status Sexual orientation or gender identity Medical condition, or AIDS/HIV status Military or veteran status Political affiliations or activities Status as a victim of domestic violence, assault, or stalking
I don’t recommend cuddling with older men except for me. Just my two cents.
@dave31415 i agree with you Usually younger men under 35 commit crimes more than older men especially 18- 25
@xandriarain Honestly, its weird to hear people say things like that. What happens when youre older in your 40's or so and youre not....able to charge for what most people is a full days labour? for an hour of holding someone? Do you believe you're just entitled to that for the entirety of your life? Its just really weird to me to complain about someday having to do the things others have to for money, or complain about being worried after a few decades you might be in a position the rest of us have always been in. Dont get me wrong, everyone should have their basic needs met, but until weve organized to make that happen, do you really believe that youre entitled to the days wages of others simply because you have a female body? if your argument is that you "deserve it because people are willing to pay" than by that logic youll have nothing to complain about if people ever become unwilling. Idk, as someone who has to do unpleasant things for many hours to receive the pay you do for an hour of holding someone, your position seems like an ivory tower so bright it could burn the retinas.
You do realize that, for the rest of us, being able to pay rent on a decent place for only 6 hours worth of holding someone a month is an unattainable pipe dream?
@samfiddle I’m getting a bit of a bitter, judgy vibe from that. Everyone is entitled to feel the way she does regardless of their job. I know this job seems easy but it’s not a walk in the park. And I’m also not saying that our job costs more labour than yours but I just think if you come across that way to someone who has a gripe about their job, you aren’t validating her feelings. Someone who doesn’t work AS hard as you is still allowed to feel tired or have insecurities to think about the future. If you don’t agree with her way of thinking, maybe just step back and focus on you.
And I don’t think she was saying she’s entitled. I think she’s just worried about the future of a job that she loves and feels destined to do.
@dave31415 - we’re not talking about businesses. We’re talking about an individual (the OP is NOT a pro) making personal choices about with whom they want to put themselves into an intimate situation. And we’re not talking about the kind of assault that ends up being reported to the police and ends up in the statistics, we’re talking about men being creepy. I’m not going to argue with you. I know from 30 years in various dance communities that there is a persistent problem with older men targeting young women who behave in creepy ways - hovering too close, letting their hands slip where they don’t belong, holding them too close or too tight. If you doubt me, ask anyone who organizes partner dances.
You say there are just as many creepy young men. Exactly what is your source for that claim? Since it’s not your lived experience, how would you know? When someone your own age is coming off as a jerk, there is not the same power differential as when some guy old enough to be your father, who is not going to be as clumsy as an inexperienced young guy, starts getting just a little too close, starts breathing in your ear, and goes about it in an entirely different way that a young woman who hasn’t yet learned how to assert herself feels comfortable about confronting.
I think this is one of those times when men should listen to what women have to say about their lived experience and not try to contradict it because, frankly, you don’t know what our experience is like.
@samfiddle - before you start making accusations about what pros are able to earn, first point out to us the real life pro who can pay their rent on 6 hours of work a month.
No one said they were entitled so you can forget about that straw man argument. If someone’s devoting time and attention to a profession and then has to drop out of it just around the time they accumulate significant experience, that profession is going to go nowhere. AND while a pro may be charging, say, $100 to cuddle with a client for an hour, it’s highly unlikely they are going to have a full and efficient schedule. The client may pay for an hour but it may take up a minimum of 90 minutes of the pro’s time and that’s if they are seeing clients at home back to back. They still need time between clients. If they have to drive to the client’s location, there’s unpaid time getting there and back unless they are traveling a significant distance and getting some compensation for the drive. If they are booking through the site, that’s 15% (I believe, someone correct me if I’m wrong) off the top to the site (other sites charge 30% - 40%) and then there is self-employment tax, another 15% off the top. So now that $100 is $70 for the actual cuddle time. Add in whatever down time you have and the fact that probably for most pros they don’t have completely full books and work weird hours. How many hours are they managing to work? Get the picture? With an employer, you have a full schedule and only pay 7.5% Social Security.
If you think it’s an easy way to make a living, try it. Get back to us and let us know how that works out for you.
If you want to be envious of someone else’s income, there are people making a helluva lot more dough than cuddle pros. I’ve had clients who paid more money in income tax in one year than I grossed in three years. What does that tell you about what they are making? And you know rich folks know how to avoid taxes.
But I think we’re getting off topic.
@jacki202021 You haven't looked far enough. I'm an 80 year old man, and while I can understand why a woman might very well prefer to cuddle with someone closer to her age, I really can't tell for sure.
So far, I haven't asked anyone to cuddle. That's not because I haven't found anybody in the area who I would like to cuddle with. It's because after attempting to start conversations by sending messages to over 40 women in the area, I have receiver all two replies. One was "Hi I am looking for someone a little younger thanks." The other was "How are you?" but nothing after that. At least one woman had the courtesy to tell me that she wants someone younger. To the others, I might just as well not exist.
@GreatHornedOwl - what a shame. You seem like such an interesting guy. Perhaps we’ll end up crossing paths.
@Babichev There is no way to interpret what you’re saying other than it being ageism, generalizations and discrimination against people of a certain age. It’s not different from saying that you’ve had bad experiences with black men and so you’re only going to cuddle white men. You could do that. That’s your prerogative. But it would still need to be called out as a racial discrimination. And yes, it’s not illegal as long as you’re not a professional but it’s still something that most people would frown on. It’s not a generally approved point of view in current American society. That is all.
This thread is really annoying so I'm not even going to acknowledge all the nonsense that's been said but I might be in your area in January @AlexIsRose and would love to cuddle with you (free-of-charge!)
If you're ever in my area instead that offer also stands so feel free to reach out! I do have a background in understanding trauma-informed touch.
Good luck in your search!
It's ok to have an age preference. It would be better if more people stated their preference up front. I contacted one person who had no stated age preference who responded in an extremely rude manner simply because I was not in her preferred age range. Had I known that up front, I would not have contacted her in the first place.
I’m fine with people having an age preference. Just not OK with people calling older people “creepy” or insinuating that they are looking for “more than a cuddle”. That’s just plain prejudice and wrong.
@dave31415 If you're defending the feelings of older men present, not all of us feel the need to be defended. I was not at all offended by anything the OP said, as she was merely sharing based on her own experience.
I think it's important to remember that we're almost all here because we're thinking in an out-of-the-box kind of way, and being extra considerate of each other's preferences should just be part of the process, especially because people here are open enough to be specific as to what they want, need, or are willing to offer. Just stay safe, be honest, polite and respect each other's time and openness to help, as well as those who part with hard earned funds that are often from less than pleasant day jobs. We're all human, and we're all just finding our way as we go, often times more than we realize. Of all places, being extra patient and understanding with each other's preferences should be a priority here.
@Ben08 👍✍️✍️✍️
Not rude, just be civil when communicating.
Anyone who has an issue with any preferences you set is the one being rude/entitled. You aren't selling a pizza to them. You are inviting them into your personal space to be intimate with. You are not obligated to get that close to anybody you don't feel comfortable with.