So this is a general topic. I'm not sure how many people deal with severe depression, anxiety or anything like that. For a lot of us on this site how did cuddling help you with those emotional rollercoasters?
Side note: I do deal with anxiety that does get tense and depression. But cuddling help with that big time. Surrounding myself with good people. Then it effected my everyday life and now I'm the happiest I've been in years. Of course every so often I have a episode but thats normal lol. I can sorta laugh at it now but still a sensitive topic for me depending on the question.
@ComfyEdtotheWin When I started here about three years ago, I was deeply depressed, recovering from a toxic marriage, touch-starved, and filled with self-loathing.
My first cuddle showed me that it was possible to receive focused and caring attention from another human being. It opened up my own sense of being able to show kindness to myself.
The physical touch has been a huge part of my healing, but the human contact has meant just as much.
I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to say. Apparently the forum's supposed to be an uplifting place full of only things that make people feel good (I've had comments and even a whole thread erased before).
Maybe if I'm vague enough I can get away with a bit of honesty on this subject. Maybe. Hmm....
I'm not a particularly happy person. Things happened to me literally from birth. The world was, shall we say, not a welcoming place for me. It had an effect on the development of my brain.
Cuddling hasn't changed this.
It feels good, and temporarily boosts my brain's production of certain mood-improving substances, yes. But that's all. I can get similar results from eating dark chocolate, working out, or running a reproductive equipment test.
So... cuddling is nice. But I suspect I will always be, uh... the sort of person whose most positive emotion is "contentment," shall we say?
Please let that have been indirect enough to not vanish.
@JoyfulHeart well I'm happy to read or hear that you found love and comfort again. It's great cuddling has that kind help for people 😊
@DaringSprinter believe it or not I have kinda the same mind set but only your mind set is unique. So what I'm trying to say is I hope cuddling can help you feel loved or fill that missing void. If not that's okay as well as long you find something that makes you happy or happiest during your journey 😊
@ComfyEdtotheWin: I do feel loved—but not because of cuddling. I don't feel as though any part of me is missing—probably because "contentment" has always been my most positive emotion. And I think it's a mistake to even suggest that physical contact with another human can cure clinical depression.
(Yes, I know I was less than vague about how my brain's actually structured just there. Sorry, mods.)
Cuddling is nice. Exercise is nice. Other things are nice. Very palliative. But treating the symptoms of a thing is exceedingly unlikely to ever treat the cause. I've seen too many people high on oxytocin assume cuddling is way more effective than it actually is.
It's nice—very nice! But it ain't magic.
"Cuddling hasn't changed this.
It feels good, and temporarily boosts my brain's production of certain mood-improving substances, yes. But that's all. I can get similar results from eating dark chocolate" This.
Having been about 5 months since my most recent cuddle, which I could describe as almost the best I've had, I'm left wondering if that even barely changed anything. Cause of how sporadic it has been and about decent at best.
Though those ocassional moments do seem to help keep me afloat. So that I'm not void of any remotely, potentially meaningful platonic contact. Like being offered a big glass of cold water, after wondering in the desert with barely any and constantly running into mirage. Hence for me, I think it's worth going for it and seems to help, however sometimes I feel the need to take a break from trying to find said connections. Which someday, I just might to better examine how I feel and sometimes I need to take a break from the search.
@DaringSprinter okay now I see more what your talking about. One thing I do want to clear up agree cuddling won't cure clinical depression but it's a start. And your right it's nice to have a cuddle session but I guess for me it's a little more meaningful only because the joy it brings at least for me it does. If you want to express what your trying to say without being vague you can always dm. I work retail I've heard seen a lot things. And that's if you want too 😊
@Lovelight in your specific situation I guess you can call it I can respect. Your taking your time and not wanting too get attached or needing something to make you feel good ( am I understanding what your saying correctly? ) Well either way the way your handling things is good for you and hopefully that glass of water is around the corner
@DaringSprinter I loved your "equipment" remark!
Depression, IBS, dysthymia* and anxiety here. Not the worst but pretty bad. I struggle with life a great deal.
We don't have a word for this and we need one: one notch below life changing. Cuddling hasn't actually changed my life, but it has improved it a very great deal.
*Look it up like I did.
@ComfyEdtotheWin
Wondering if the pros out weigh the cons for me and figuring out when/if a break is needed. Or wondering how much it actually helps vs depletes me at the rate I'm going. Given it feels like:
walking down a long dimly lit tunnel for who knows how long, with flying cockroaches here and there. And some other hostile critters thrown in.
Getting exhausted from all the at best mirage I encounter. Then for a few moments, finding a ray of hope. Til I have to do it all over again. So one sometimes wonders, all that... for sporadic platonic contact and how much if any, is it really helping me? Then I think whether I still have it in me to keep going or need a break.
Thanks, I hope for you too! 🌻
As someone with major depressive disorder who frequently experiences anhedonia and has an extreme dislike of being touched in most situations...cuddling is nice. It can be very nice, in fact. But it's not a game changer for me, or anything like that. Cuddling hasn't dramatically changed how my brain works.
I do count myself very lucky to get regular cuddles, however.
There are a lot of factors that will impact the overall effectiveness of cuddle therapy. 1. The emotional connection and energy exchange between both parties. We have all had uplifting and draining interactions. The more positive the emotional connection is the greater impact the session will have . 2. The frequency of the sessions, you cannot expect any significant improvement from any therapeutic modality in just one session. Consistency is key to any kind of progress. It also helps when you have an established relationship with the person you are cuddling with. 3. It depends on what your needs and goals are. Cuddle therapy isn’t for everyone and its not a cure all. Its good for certain situations and maybe it is just one part of someones personal growth journey. Some may also need the help of a mental health therapist and cuddling is just a complimentary therapy that makes their lives more bearable. 4. Everyone reacts to differently. Not everyone will respond the same way to cuddling, just like exercise and psych meds. Some people get an endorphin high from exercise, some get anxiety other just feel exhaustion. Some people notice their symptoms go away or improve on certain medications while others stay the same or feel even worse. I have had clients literally get high off of cuddling while others were bored and antsy. You will never know how your body and mind will react to cuddling until you try it .
Cuddling reduces symptoms of depression, anxiety stress and depression but it does not cure these conditions. Cuddling is good for someone who needs to feel better in the short term while they work towards better mental health in the long term.
I can relate to emotional rollercoasters and depression. I feel like my dad's death from cancer triggered those feelings. Feelings of loneliness started to invade my mind more and more and that is still the case today.
I wouldn't say that cuddling cures depression, but it treats it. In other words, it helps cope with it a lot and puts you at ease, most definitely.
human behaviour has evolutionary roots.
Those of our ancestors who maintained strong social bonds had a higher chance of survival. Our physiology is designed to respond positively to acrivites that build social cohesion.
Cuddling triggers that evolutionary mechanism.
However, to get the whole picture, you have to think holistically. Your subconscious is extremely intelligent and perceptive.
What our genetic programming desires is the long term, close social contact that we used to get when we lived in tribes. Cuddling, or platonic touch, was a natural part of the tribal ecosystem.
When you cuddle with a paid cuddler, you get the instantaneous brain reward, but your subconscious still knows that this isn't part of a long term tribal context, so it's not going to solve that long term evolutionary longing. You can momentarily trick your programming, but you can't fool it long term.
@xandriarain: This! Well said.
All my cuddles come from a person I associate with in a long term context—a member of my chosen tribe or found family, I guess you might say—but they're still not a solution.
I love this thread.... SO many great words and experiences that you are all willing to share. Thank you so much for posting @ComfyEdtotheWin and welcome to the site!!!
I am so thankful @DaringSprinter that you have a willingness to use a lot of descriptive words to explain your perspective. I know its not always easy to be vague and honest. Thank you for you!! 😊
Whatever we believe our background is and the specific needs of each human, I feel like cuddling is a beautiful PART of our whole. It can't possibly be the cure. It is one ingredient and like @JoyfulHeart it helped him on his path of figuring some stuff out but couldn't CURE things without his working on them specifically. Like, if we have an internal gas tank that is completely empty (whether it is our stomach or our brain or our heart or our acceptance of self) we can't really function to get to the other things that need to be addressed.
Cuddling, and specifically this platform of platonic meets and snuggles, seems like it gives people space to have some touch needs and then go on and figure out some of the rest of our issues. (It reminds me of babies that are in a neo natal unit.... they have touch and human contact through the arm holes but they wouldn't survive without the oxygen or food etc etc etc) It does seem to me like touch is one of those basic needs on some level. Hmmmm.... so many thoughts happening now.....
and @HogboblinZwei love this!!!
Cuddling hasn't dramatically changed how my brain works. I do count myself very lucky to get regular cuddles, however.
i think many men especially feel a pressure to be composed about their emotions, but the truth is crying is a healing RELEASE, and cuddling is comforting. I have moved grown men to tears with comfort, and i love that i can be a safe outlet for someone to release what they've been holding back emotionally. My heart breaks for what culture has done to our men. I think cuddling (with the right person) can show people connection they've forgotten or perhaps never even gotten to experience before, and a lot of times makes one realize what they've been holding emotionally is actually sooo heavy, but sometimes you don't even realize how heavy a burden you are holding until you are relieved of it. Everyone is different, and much like doctors and therapists, not everyone offering the service is necessarily skilled at healing, so i hope people don't let a bad experience knock the whole therapeutic aspect. But I think for a lot of people cuddling can definitely relieve cognitive and physical symptoms of depression and anxiety
a beautiful PART of our whole
Well stated, @sillysassy
As complex beings, we find that few of our needs will be met by simple one-step strategies.
My healing has also been promoted by the presence of true friends who have helped me to unlearn harmful things that I learned in childhood and in my marriage.
Therapy has played a role, as have meditation, traveling, and employment that has significant meaning for me.
When putting a puzzle together, the last piece can seem like the most important one, especially if you spend a half-hour looking under sofa cushions for it.
Robert Sapolsky says that other primates spend about 30% of their waking time engaging in either grooming or sitting close to each other. The grooming is not just for hygiene, it reinforces social bonding and counters the physiological effects of stress.
Cuddling obviously is not a substitute for proper treatment for anxiety, depression, or other mood disorders but it can provide some short term relief for some people. Short term relief does not provide long term solutions but it may help us get through a rough time or create a window of opportunity so we feel better able to pursue other activities that can help stabilize our mood such as engaging in exercise or other social activities. I find it a nice preventive measure, too.
@StarFairy
i think many men especially feel a pressure to be composed about their emotions,
It's not just a feeling, it's an actual thing. I've been barked at for crying. Only by women though, I've never been criticised for crying by a man (or my family).
It's great to see the few that are commenting on this post is giving there personal view, experience etc from what I said. I'm glad to see for the most part you all found comfort either through cuddling or through something you like doing bringing you joy
I’m just starting on this cuddle journey. I’ve struggled with feelings of self worth even with having loving friends and family and a supporting spiritual group. I found a psychiatrist and was put on medication. It seems to help gradually. Although I still felt like I was in a rut. Then I saw cuddle comfort and had my first session. It felt like something clicked for me in that moment. Seeing a stranger at peace in my presence put me at ease. Meditation music was played and my head cleared. The whole time I cuddled this person I thought how valuable people are and how much we are meant to be cherished. Now I appreciate cuddling a whole lot more and I’m convinced that cuddling can be a part of the healing cocktail of a journey as well.